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It just fell together as i went along. I think one thing that struck me very dramatically was my decision to leave vietnam and to see how seductive war is. And i knew i didnt want to be someone who went from one war to the next and be kind of a war groupie, because i couldnt make a life. I wrote once that i wanted roots that went down to the source of water. And at the time, when i was in vietnam, i wasnt sure what that would have meant, and i was too young to be thinking about that, but when i went back to vietnam in 1989, it was the first time and i traveled with a small group from hanoi all the way through the country, and i was in saigon and did the memory walk of the places i had lived. And i realized, there was a moment when it just hit me. I thought of my daughter who was then 8. And i wanted to go home. And i miss the life that i had created. And i think that was when i really realized that i had, i had done that, that i had somehow chosen or life had chosen me. I didnt want to

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