COVID has been hard on the local film industry, with a lot of filmmakers unable to operate safe sets to continue their craft. However, at least one has managed to release something so rampagingly puerile and obscene that it can’t help but be admired. That man is Jeremy Sumrall (
Pickaxe), who has finally put out the fake trailer,
Cannibal Call Girls From Hell. It had a debut at the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin over the past weekend.
The project was originally for a mock trailer contest at Texas Frightmare, though he has since begun crafting it into a full feature script that is looking for funding. The story involves a raucous bachelor party full of strippers that turns into a blood-soaked massacre when the man’s nervous fiancée casts a black magic spell to make sure that he remains faithful. The trailer features many of the Houston horror scene mainstays such as Chaney Moore and Aaron Walden.
Critical Rating: AAAA 1/2
“She’s bad, she’s mean, she’s a lovin’ machine.” And she’s out for revenge. Ricky Greenwood takes us back to the beloved grindhouse realm of
Super Fly and
Dolemite, but with a twist: it’s all-girl.
First, Misty Stone, with a new braided look, and younger gal pal Sizi Sev, celebrate an infusion of cash from drug runner Sweet Sally Mae (Ana Foxxx). Misty takes the top role and loves Sizi’s sweet ass and lovingly licks her pussy, making her cum and then some.
Sally Mae confronts drug queenpin Miss Jane (Valentina Nappi) about the death of her stepsister. Knocked out and tied to a bed, she flashes back to a lesson with her karate sensei (Isiah Maxwell). “I can teach you how to protect yourself.” Ana gets beat up by Kira Noir, Miss Jane’s muscle gal. But Kira takes time for some finger-fucking and clit-licking with her plaything Noemi Bilas.
Photo: Frazer Harrison (Getty Images)
Close your eyes and picture yourself in a movie theater (while also reading this article). There’s a trailer playing on the screen, one of those old-fashioned ones where it’s just exciting words and phrases flying at the screen. Each word is more exciting than the last, and by the end of the imaginary trailer you’re practically throwing your popcorn in the air in excitement. As for the words flying at the screen, here you go:
Phil Lord. Chris Miller. Elizabeth Banks. Cocaine. A bear.
Cocaine Bear. Coming to a theater near you.
look at me. sure. look at me. i m the captain now. the director paul greengrass also made two of the jason bourn movies and you can see his skill hereby, too. the los angeles times reviewer loved the tense drama, top acting topical relevance and realism. and director greengrass makes the pirates sympathetic but never does it to the point of justifying their actions. i m on. powerful actor. look at me. i m the captain now. i m the captain now. the next movie, machete kills different kind of adventure from robert rodriguez, spun off from the fake trailer in a movie he made with quentin tarantino. grindhouse. states recruits machete to take a down a crazy revolutionary arms dealer who wants to spread chaos around the world.