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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141106

Colbert. So you can watch it, you can be in the theatre and it happens simultaneously in smellvision. Youll be able to smell it. Theres the website if youre interested, check it out. Things are getting excited. Im getting excited for you guys to see it. Anyway, here it is. Do you want to vote. Yes. Do you want to vote by yourself. Yeah. You know there are people out there that could vote but just dont. Ciioning sponsored by Comedy Central stephen tonight, i profile one of Congress Last remaining democrats. Ill ask her how she plans to repopulate the species. Then big changes come to the senate. Now its run by a totally different old white guy. laughter and my guest tonight is democratic new york senator Kirsten Gillibrand. Ill ask her what its like to pander to the greatest people in america cheers and applause a new york doctor infected with ebola is reportedly now well enough to play the banjo. People immediately stopped wishing him a speedy recovery. laughter this is the colbert rep

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141106

Story, last nights midterm elections. Huge night for the republicans across the country. They won everything its senate majority, the bigger house majority, tight governors races and a giraffe from one of those claw machines. laughter i mean, they were on fire. I dont know why democrats didnt turn out to vote yesterday. What with all the inspiring fundraising emails the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee sent out, like all hope is lost. laughter applause and sure, as a conservative it is tempting to gloat, but im going to be humble about this for two reasons. One, because i am amazing at being humble, okay. laughter fantastic. And, two, i want to be sensitive to all my liberal viewers. I have been told some liberals do watch the show. I dont know why. Its a free country. As happy as i am that america is now headed in the right direction, im not going to spike the metaphorical football or even the literal football i had made with obamas face on it right there, okay. laughter ap

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141106

Kirsten gillibrand. Ill ask her what its like to pander to the greatest people in america cheers and applause a new york doctor infected with ebola is reportedly now well enough to play the banjo. People immediately stopped wishing him a speedy recovery. laughter this is the colbert report. cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Its good to have you with us. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for being here. Good to have you with us in here, out there, all around. I have to tell you after a greeting like that i would not kick you out of bed for eating crackers, folks. Lets get right to the big story, last nights midterm elections. Huge night for the republicans across the country. They won everything its senate majority, the bigger house majority, tight governors races and a giraffe from one of those

Transcripts For WUSA CBS This Morning 20141031

He was found in an abandoned aircraft hangar last ghnit. Frein accused of killing one state trooper and seriously injuring another will now face the Death Penalty. Officials in maine may go to court to try to force nurse hickox in quarantine. Hickox refused to stay in her home yesterday. Look, this is a small airplane crashed into the wichita airport. The pilot reportedly losing power in one of two engines just after takeoff. Just in time for halloween, we have a big change in the weather. Were talking about a major cooldown. Number 23 lebron james first game in his return to cleveland. This is like a holiday in northeast ohio. Didnt go as planned. It was great but im also glad its over. Theio natgunal ard called out in hawaii at the,000degree lava flow blazes a path through a small village. Comes inches from piercing the top of a subway car. All that lereased photo of kim jungun sitting in a fighter jet. But kim, i was standing. The saints get it done on the road. And all that matters

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141107

Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for being here. Good to have you with us in here, out there, all around. I have to tell you after a greeting like that i would not kick you out of bed for eating crackers, folks. Lets get right to the big story, last nights midterm elections. Huge night for the republicans across the country. They won everything its senate majority, the bigger house majority, tight governors races and a giraffe from one of those claw machines. laughter i mean, they were on fire. I dont know why democrats didnt turn out to vote yesterday. What with all the inspiring fundraising emails the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee sent out, like all hope is lost. laughter applause and sure, as a conservative it is tempting to gloat, but im going to be humble about this for two reasons. One, because i am am

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