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Third-Year Blames Freshers For Illness, Not Week of Binge Drinking
Logan, a third year student studying geography, has come to the conclusion the Fresher Flu, spread by first-years, is to blame for his current cough and runny nose. He has been on a bender for five days but he insists that this is unrelated to his current illness.
“My immune system is allgood, aye, I ate an apple on Tuesday,” said Logan. “It’s definitely the Freshers, they do this every year. They should have to wear face masks or something.” Logan describes his illness as “no good.” He plans to treat his cough by continuing to drink, saying that “the alcohol will kill the bugs aye haha.”
In Search of Precedent in Unprecedented Times
Image Credits: Wikimedia Commons
The first essay I wrote in Cambridge was on the Black Death. As I trawled through the fourteenth-century chroniclers, suffering from a dreadful bout of Freshers’ Flu, I couldn’t help but find descriptions of my symptoms wherever I looked. ‘For several days they spend most of each day asleep, weighed down by drowsiness’, wrote the anonymous author of a German treatise on the plague. That certainly rang true. The bishop of Rochester, Thomas Brinton, insinuated in a sermon of 1375 that my affliction was a punishment for being ‘drowsy, lazy, and sluggish’, in which case, fair enough. My suspicions were supported by a violent cough: the blood and buboes were surely only a matter of time. Like any good late-medieval peasant, I lunged for my bedside