It’s been said your life changes the moment you have a baby, which might be the most obvious under-statement since “it hurts when you fall from a 70-story building”. Where once your life’s pronoun dynamic was a duality – “you and I” – a baby makes it a trio – “you, me and
the baby”. It sounds so ominous and important, it almost needs to be capitalized, like a deity: The Baby! The little critter becomes the still center of the turning wheel of your life for the next two decades, as omnipresent as idiots on Twitter or Charlotte Flair on WWE programming. This tiny, fragile, completely dependent human being in your life that you made isn’t going anywhere, not anytime soon. Never mind that it also functions as a living countdown of your own mortality. On the other hand, it’s also a reminder of that one time your wife wore the sexy Pebbles Flintstone costume and asked for the piledriver position out of nowhere.