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Eh…You Get The Picture, Says Biden, Ending State Of The Union 45 Seconds Into Speech

WASHINGTON President Joe Biden ended Tuesday night’s State of the Union address 45 seconds after he began it, limiting the annual speech to a few muttered phrases before he told the joint session of Congress and millions watching at home that he was sure everyone got the general idea. “Yeah, so, I just want to quickly…

Republicans React To Biden s State Of The Union Address

Biden’s second State of the Union has already generated a fair share of controversy, covering hot-button issues like inflation, police brutality, and rising tensions with China. The Onion asked Republicans what they thought of the address, and this is what they said.

President Biden To End Covid-19 Emergencies May 11

President Joe Biden informed Congress on Monday that he will end the twin national emergencies for addressing Covid-19 on May 11, as most of the world has returned closer to normality nearly three years after they were first declared. What do you think?

Biden Secures Nation Extra Trash Can

WASHINGTON Touting his administration’s commitment to improving the nation’s rapidly deteriorating infrastructure, President Joe Biden announced Monday that he had officially secured the United States of America an extra trash can. “After extensive negotiations with congressional leaders, I’m pleased to report we have…

U S Officials Announce Plans To Continue Pretending Brutal State-Sponsored Violence Not Supposed To Happen

WASHINGTON Feigning shock and surprise over gruesome details about the murder of Tyre Nichols by Memphis Police, U.S. officials announced plans Friday to continue pretending brutal state-sponsored violence was not supposed to happen. “Today, as we deal with the fallout from the death of Tyre Nichols, myself and the…

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