painful it is and our desire not to talk about it with our need to make exactly the plans christina was talking about? well, i like the say that saying to your friends take me out into a field and shoot me if i get like that is not an end-of-life plan. and that if you don t have an end-of-life plan, you will be subject to someone else s end-of-life plan and it may not be what you want, especially as we ve said three-quarters of people want to die at home, you know, around a quarter do. so it s so important. and i think these narratives the whole range of these narratives that people are writing about their parents deaths from terrible suffering to more idealized, they re very important, especially the cautionary tales. a friend of mine, her father suffered a $323,000 ten-day icu death. he was 88 and he was already in assisted living with dementia. they had never had any meaningful conversation. it would have been a or nor had the doctors had a meaningful conversation with her to