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Brew the coffee, strike out the amphetamines and the matchsticks for the eyes, discard the cilice (watch the spikes don’t blind the dog) – it’s the night of exquisite and prolonged torture for dedicated film-worshippers throughout the world. It’s the Oscars, topped and tailed by hours of ersatz fawning by people who, behind the smiles and designer masks, hate the talent and wish they had the wherewithal to be them. This one is going to be different, of course. It’s been “pandemicised” although the organisers aren’t coughing (Covid nudge, nudge) about the details of how it will unfold. Although, for sure, it will be at length.