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Dear Editor, I’m excited for the opportunity to contribute to the Portland Mercury’s Valentine’s Day issue! I have a ton of incredible article ideas, and you can totally trust what I have to say, as I am something of an “expert” on love. You remember those rock trolls from Frozen? Yeah, those mossy fuckers have nothing on me. That’s why they call me Dr. Jones—I’m a PhD in love, and that stands for PASSION, HEARTS,.