Jon thats our show. Join us next week at 11 00. Here it is your moment of zen. Do the harlem shake captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing [eagle caw] [crowd chanting stephen] stephen welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us [cheers and applause] folks, i have to tell you, these folks [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] folks, when you do that, you make me want to shake. [cheers and applause] nation, before we begin, i want to wish everyone a happy valentines day. [cheers and applause] i hope youre spending it with someone you love. And if youre watching my show, you are. [laughter] of course, when it comes to holidays, im an originalist. On christmas, its not santa claus, its sinterklaas. You leave out your shoes for him to fill with nuts and dried fruit, or, if youve been naughty, youre kidnapped by his moorish elfin sidekick black peter. [laughter] ho, ho, ho. [laughter] and i have the same rigorous standards for saint valentines day. I focus on what
Last week i made a huge mistake. I got caught up in the moment and i encouraged you guys to go to our Wikipedia Page and write anything you wanted. [laughter] i had not idea the direction you would take it. I feel terrible about it and the great people over at wikipedia were forced to lock our page due to the vulgar rampant vandalism. [laughter] now im going to read some of your rude remarks, but im not rewarding you for your bad behavior. [laughter] someone wrote tosh. 0 is pronounced smegma. [laughter] okay, thats not even close to how you say it. Would you do that to the Encyclopedia Britannica . I dont think so. Someone wrote that im currently being tested for hep c. [laughter] that seems personal. [laughter] and i certainly wasnt, born in the year boner. Although i dont really know the chinese calendar. [laughter] they said, the running time of tosh. 0 was 21 minutes, approximately 2 minutes of actual comedy. [laughter] thats actually a real entry. [laughter] this is where someone
Jon thats our show. Join us next week at 11 00. Here it is your moment of zen. Do the harlem shake captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing [eagle caw] [crowd chanting stephen] stephen welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us [cheers and applause] folks, i have to tell you, these folks [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] folks, when you do that, you make me want to shake. [cheers and applause] nation, before we begin, i want to wish everyone a happy valentines day. [cheers and applause] i hope youre spending it with someone you love. And if youre watching my show, you are. [laughter] of course, when it comes to holidays, im an originalist. On christmas, its not santa claus, its sinterklaas. You leave out your shoes for him to fill with nuts and dried fruit, or, if youve been naughty, youre kidnapped by his moorish elfin sidekick black peter. [laughter] ho, ho, ho. [laughter] and i have the same rigorous standards for saint valentines day. I focus on what
Jon thats our show. Join us next week at 11 00. Here it is your moment of zen. Do the harlem shake captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing [eagle caw] [crowd chanting stephen] stephen welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us [cheers and applause] folks, i have to tell you, these folks [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] folks, when you do that, you make me want to shake. [cheers and applause] nation, before we begin, i want to wish everyone a happy valentines day. [cheers and applause] i hope youre spending it with someone you love. And if youre watching my show, you are. [laughter] of course, when it comes to holidays, im an originalist. On christmas, its not santa claus, its sinterklaas. You leave out your shoes for him to fill with nuts and dried fruit, or, if youve been naughty, youre kidnapped by his moorish elfin sidekick black peter. [laughter] ho, ho, ho. [laughter] and i have the same rigorous standards for saint valentines day. I focus on what
Jon thats our show. Join us next week at 11 00. Here it is your moment of zen. Do the harlem shake captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing [eagle caw] [crowd chanting stephen] stephen welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us [cheers and applause] folks, i have to tell you, these folks [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] folks, when you do that, you make me want to shake. [cheers and applause] nation, before we begin, i want to wish everyone a happy valentines day. [cheers and applause] i hope youre spending it with someone you love. And if youre watching my show, you are. [laughter] of course, when it comes to holidays, im an originalist. On christmas, its not santa claus, its sinterklaas. You leave out your shoes for him to fill with nuts and dried fruit, or, if youve been naughty, youre kidnapped by his moorish elfin sidekick black peter. [laughter] ho, ho, ho. [laughter] and i have the same rigorous standards for saint valentines day. I focus on what