was an alcoholic. and that was very much related to the health problems that led to his death at a3. and you describe how once he died, you felt terrible, that you at times had not been understanding about his illness. yeah, i mean, anyone who s lived with an addict will know what that s like, i think. and at first, when his addiction began to shape our life very dramatically, all i could think of is, why are you doing this? why are you raising that glass to your lips? you don t have to do that. and when you do that, you destroy yourself and me and everything that s good in our lives. you were angry? furious. yeah, absolutely. the other thing about it is that alcohol produces unreason. and if you re trying to work out how you re going to solve a problem, if the person you re trying to negotiate with is incapable of negotiation because they re not, they re not reasonable, that for me is a sort of kafkaesque scenario. awful. and i was so angry with david
moments of crisis. and i imagine you would have seen situations like that in otherfamilies. you had been in hospital bedside situations, you d been counselling families in the most difficult situations. and yet, i guess, you also felt, this is me. yeah. and i was powerless. and david, who was also ordained, but he was a medic before that, he d worked in a&e. so these were scenarios that we both had encountered professionally, but i couldn t do anything about it. so i thought, what can i do about this? and i thought, well, i love him and i m going to make sure that ijust locate, i d centre myself in that. when i did that, life got a lot better. he didn t stop drinking, though, but life got a lot better. there s so much that is very raw in this account of yours, and it is gripping to read, but it s also very difficult to read in a way. why have you done it? well, i thought if i m going to do this, i m going to do this. so i thought, full, there s never full disclosure, but i thought as
i learnt this with david, actually. we ve had a very, you know, you bruise. you knock bits off. it s not always sweetness and light. and that, i think, needs to be part of the telling of the story. the anger that we referred to that you felt at times within your loving relationship has other layers to it, and i want to explore those. anger with the church, of which you were an important part. and david was, too, because he was also a vicar. yeah. here, the two of you living in a loving relationship and your own church would not recognise, fully recognise your relationship. indeed, you had to promise the church, as i understand it, that you would be celibate within your live in partnership. you couldn t have a blessing of your civil partnership inside the church. why did you stay in that church?
writing about somebody s son, somebody s brother. yeah, so i got their permission to do it. and partly it was because. ..i wanted to tell the story, actually, and partly because i thought it might be good for other people who were going through the same thing. and also, actually, writers write, it s what i do. is that ever exploitative? oh, yeah. yes, of course it is. this is the thing people say about the chip of ice, don t they, in the writer s heart. and there are elements, i think, when you re dealing with stuff which is extremely painful for other people, and you re editing and selecting because you have a story to tell and there are rules of narrative and you want to, you want people to read it. but that s a trade off, i think. is this a project that has integrity and honesty? is it valuable? well, if you think so, yes, then you do. the other thing is, you know, you bump into people in life. i learnt this with david, actually. we ve had a very, you know, you bruise.
i got permission from david s family. i was going to say, because, you know, you re writing about your husband, your life partner, but you re also writing about somebody s son, somebody s brother. yeah. so i got their permission to do it. and partly it was because. ..i wanted to tell the story, actually, and partly because i thought it might be good for other people who were going through the same thing. and also, actually, writers write, it s what i do. is that ever exploitative? oh, yeah. yes, of course it is. this is the thing people say about the chip of ice, don t they, in the writer s heart. and there are elements, i think, when you re dealing with stuff which is extremely painful for other people, and you re editing and selecting because you have a story to tell and there are rules of narrative and you want to, you want people to read it. but that s a trade off, i think. is this a project that has integrity and honesty? is it valuable? well, if you think so, yes, then you do. th