ceremony. this program contains language some may find offensive. ladies and gentlemen, andy borowitz. [applause] thank you very much, and ladies and gentlemen before we begin, let s have a warm round of applause for all the nominees for the 2009 national book award. we can do much better than that. [applause] i believe it was george bernard who wrote what a cluster, and i believe that sums up very well. ladies and gentlemen, i have got to tell you when i first heard the national book awards wanted me to host this evening i was like i would be so honored i would like do it for free, and it turned out they had the exact same idea. [laughter] but i think that is in the spirit of the evening because that is what publishing is all about. [laughter] a lot of hard work and then nothing. so let s hear it for publishing. we are all on this sinking ship together. yes. [applause] now i have to confess and this is true that when the letter came in the mail that said nationa