bogota, and that was it. i got a cab and i went to central park in the middle of the city. walked and sat on a bench. i had more questions sitting on that bench than i did when i left. there had been people killed, and maybe it was our fault. whether or not the paramilitaries would have gone into panama without us is up for argument, but i felt responsible for what happened. even years later, i still think about it. i still think about the choices i made to take that trip. i had gotten this idea in my head that i would personally pay any cost to cross the daurian, but in the end, i didn t have to pay it, really. other people paid for it.