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Breaking: Lawnparties headliners are NOT the real Chainsmokers, but impersonators

Breaking: Lawnparties headliners are NOT the real Chainsmokers, but impersonators
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Guyot Hall dinosaur to switch major to COS

HUMOR: “I mean I’ll be more employable than … what do you even call them? Ecologyists? Evolutionarists? Geoscientists? Those all sound like made up jobs, I mean, I stand around them all day, and I’ve never once heard any of them talk about anything that seemed important. Just ‘conservation’ this and ‘natural disasters’ that,” Arnold the Allosaurus said.

Student with lowest GPA also to speak at graduation

HUMOR: While the salutatorian address is traditionally given in Latin, the defictorian delivers a speech in pig latin. Lachey first gained proficiency in this language in third grade, and has been practicing his pig latin throughout his time at Princeton, to the chagrin of his professors.

After 200+ internship rejections, student to spend summer researching how to land internship

HUMOR: “I'm just trying to keep up with my friends who get internships through their family connections,” Jobs said. “I know some people might think it's a waste of time, but I've got a growth mindset, and I'm not going to stop until I get that offer.”

Who does Maria Ressa think she is? : Students react to pre-read announcement

HUMOR: “She co-founded Rappler? Well, I write a lifestyle blog about the barbaric politics of Brooklyn private high schools. Who the f*** does she think she is?”

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