and gentlemen. distinguished guests. family friends. and esteemed members of the kennedy center mark twain prize committee. i come before you tonight to state in complete honesty. and sincerity. you re making a terrible, terrible mistake. good god in heaven. kennedy center. what have you done? no award has screwed up this badly since the macarthur genius grant was given to vin diesel. seriously. people have not been this shock since they won a latin grammy. it was 2019 look it up. shakira and i was killed it. i ll grant you. a lot of amazing amazing people have flown to d. c to say nice things about adam sandler. but if you ask yourself why so many of adam s friends were available to speak tonight. i ll tell you
it goes multi platinum, and it s become a holiday radio staple that my daughter forces us all to listen to. after we light the candles every year. that adam magic i bet if a different famous jewish comedic actor wrote away into your song about let s say young kipper. his representatives would call it embarrassing and beg him not to release it, even if they heard that killer opening line. it s time to atone. so let s get in the zone. i got my dick caught in my zipper. and now it is young kipper. you know what? it s adam. you can t let it bother you, right? i mean the same way. i m never bothered when people come up to me on the
home. are you too good for your home? can do this if i set my mind to it, you ain t cool unless you pee your pants. parenting hey, thanks. you, my therapist, take a walk. stick there. somebody should move it your sense of humor. funny every 30 bit of it. i think she s starting to remember who i am. do you take care of everybody like to insult people? never worry about yourself my own horn. smell it does take it goodhearted guy who we think is a weirdo because he doesn t share our sense of ironic detachment like vicki and she likes me back and she showed me a boobies, and i liked them too. i have so much strength in me. you have no idea. i have a love
funniest joke in the world. i m like i m laughing so hard. and i was like, god it! this guy is good. and right away all that jealousy and hate and whatever, just like washed away. it was just like ok, and he comes off stage. we meet this first time we met. then he watches my set. and i did okay. and then the greatest thing in the world to the guy who no one wanted to play with. adam goes. hey we re going over to my dorm. you wanna hang and he s been letting me hang ever since. and i love the guy because he you know jews gotta gotta love it. go. that s my guy. that study has been my god, i ve known this guy for 30 years and you know your kids are here. the oscars are you know they re. and they don t want to
okay? thank you. that was this is a nice feeling, and thank you. i love you. and i appreciate it. so here we go. hello. my name is adam s handler. and i am 28 23. mark twain humor prayers award recipient for greatness in american funny and bringing the thunderous belly laughter this week. people of planet earth can i get a hell yeah. to all my amazing buddies who spoke earlier tonight. thank you from the deepest part of my heart. the whole time i was listening to you. i was filled with gratitude that the original people that kennedy center asked to come couldn t make it. you can see in half been pacino all had prior dinner reservation. that they could not canceled.