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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131213

Occasionally we chist yens have absorbed other seasonal tradition into our own. For example, giftgiving was donted from a roman festival. Christmas trees came from the ancient egyptian custom worshipping the god ra with a palm rush and santa is based on a war lord cringe els the unjolly who laid waste to his enemies in coal fire. He nose like a cheree from the blood of the vanquished whose bodies he buried. So i say, we should stop these atheists by absorbing their festivus tradition like some sort of yuletide borg. It will be easy, after all, jesus was the original cheree. Think about t he was a single guy, hanging out with a couple of guys. And one woman. And hes always foiled by his nemesis, hello, juddas. And folks, every time president obama goes overseas he embarrasses our country and he has done it again. This time at yesterdays memorial for nelson pan della. On his way to the podium the president shook hands with other World Leaders including the cuban leader raul castro. Our p

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131212

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause welcome to the report, good to have with us. Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen,step en stephen thank you ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you so much. Folks, lets get right to our top story tonight. Ive got an incoming news flash. I believe in god. And frankly, i have had it up to here with atheists, theyre so smug and annoying. And if they are created in your image, then you are a jerk. laughter because theyre always attack our sacred holidays. I mean baby jesus ask in so much danger this year that protect his identity we have to call his birthday xmass. This is the blitzkrieg on grinchitude. cheers and applause folks the secular progressives out there are once again coming after our christmas displays displays. I cant even put up a reindeer without some guy telling me to get off the roof of temple beth elohim. And for the latest attack we go to the gretch who

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131212

Jon thats our show. Join us tomorrow at 11 00. Here it is your moment of zen. Theres a bit of controversial of the Memorial Service. Its about the sign captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause welcome to the report, good to have with us. Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen,step en stephen thank you ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you so much. Folks, lets get right to our top story tonight. Ive got an incoming news flash. I believe in god. And frankly, i have had it up to here with atheists, theyre so smug and annoying. And if they are created in your image, then you are a jerk. laughter because theyre always attack our sacred holidays. I mean baby jesus ask in so much danger this year that protect his identity we have to call his birthday xmass. This is the blitzkrieg on grinchitude. cheers and applause folks the secular progressives out there are once again coming after our christmas displays displays.

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131212

Jon thats our show. Join us tomorrow at 11 00. Here it is your moment of zen. Theres a bit of controversial of the Memorial Service. Its about the sign captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause welcome to the report, good to have with us. Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen,step en stephen thank you ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you so much. Folks, lets get right to our top story tonight. Ive got an incoming news flash. I believe in god. And frankly, i have had it up to here with atheists, theyre so smug and annoying. And if they are created in your image, then you are a jerk. laughter because theyre always attack our sacred holidays. I mean baby jesus ask in so much danger this year that protect his identity we have to call his birthday xmass. This is the blitzkrieg on grinchitude. cheers and applause folks the secular progressives out there are once again coming after our christmas displays displays.

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20131217

Tallfestivus poll made of empty beer cans about to go up to the Florida State capitol,. Thats right, in addition to the nativity scene, the Florida State capitol has a festivus pole, a menorah and a monument to the aztec snake goode governor rick scott. Surely, surely applause stephen surely i am not the only one, i am not the only one who is so outraged by this. I am so outraged by this. Why do i have to drive around with my kids to look for nativity scenes and be like oh, yeah, kids, look, theres baby jesus behind thefestivus pole made out of beer cans. Its nuts. And im allergic. You should not have to look the a pile of bother cans when youre just trying to show your kids positive images like leaving a baby outside in the middle of the winter. But that wane even the most outrageous part of gretchens hour of outrage. Wait a minute, christianity stole the season from the solstice. That a new headline for me, that somehow christians stole christmas from the that is ridiculous. What is

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