[cheers and applause] thank you, thank you for receiving us with open arms. even if they are covered with black sabbath tattoos and number 77 sunscreen. let s cover some news before we go to the monologue. an american who was trapped in ukraine for eight months says he evaded russian troops by prevpretending to be irish. in other words, he was drunk. comedian gallagher sadly has passed away at age 76. his family scheduled a private ceremony. followed by smashing him with a giant hammer. [laughs] laura: we had to show the picture of the watermelon. amazon s jeff bezos and ncb giving his fortune to charity, earning praise for hunter biden who gave most of his fortune to charity a month and the other girl dancing wednesday night shift. [dracula sanctuary city of philadelphia.- [cheers and applause] sparking outrage from migrants who packed for martha s vineyard. this isn t what i signed up for, said one refugee named beto o rourke. the department of energy is projecting he
conservatives or adults who can actually do things in front of the camera, we need to start teaching these liberals how to speak. i m running out of these ideas but we gave kabbalah the kamala the bongos.joe, sit back. but she can t talk either. she has a thing with her hand where she tries to push her way through the stop. and then they are going to leave for florida and they are going to go. which tells me that she doesn t even believe the old [bleep] she sank it i think it secret sign languages say take me with you. they cannot believe that anyone who has been in new york lately is like, wow, this is great. this is awesome. unless of course you are a criminal who just got arrested and the cop says, what would you like us to drop you off? greg: the only way you stop a criminal looting and running is if they step in human poop