yeah, having to sit through chemotherapy, for example, is almost a zen experience of bo boredom. you re watching poison going into your arm. people say you should be struggling, battling cancer. you re not battling. you couldn t be living a more passive moment than that. you feel as if you re drowning in powerlessness. in a moment of doubt, isn t there i don t know. i find it fascinating that even when you re alone and no one else is watching, that there might be a moment where you, you know, want to hedge your bets. if that comes, it will be when i m very ill. when i m half demented, either by drugs or pain where i wouldn t have control over what i say. i mention this in case you ever hear a rumor later on. these things happen and the faithful love to spread these rumors. on his death bed he finally i can t say that the entity by then wouldn t be me wouldn t do such a pathetic thing, but not while i m lucid, no.