jon: that s our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. they had the hungry muppet, the starving muppet. you look out there. we have medicaid, a record number of people on food stamp. we have s-chip. we have w.i.c.c. there s all these programs out there to take care of hungry kids. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) stephen: thank you! welcome to the report, in here out there, around the world. (crowd chanting stephen ) folks. thank you so much for joining us! (cheers and applause) folks, i ve got to tell you, you did not have to chant my name! (laughter) but if you didn t, i would have had to start the show over. (laughter) something i m sure none of us want to go through. (laughter) nation. (laughter) despite my best efforts to ignore them, things are happening in other parts of the world. f
greatest nine words ever spoken by an american politician. i believe these words came from the pokemon movie. ( cheers and applause ) jon: go on. life can be a challenge. life can seem impossible. it s never easy when there s so much on the line. jon: i m going to miss him so. of course, mr. cain performed that almost as well as its original performer donna summer. life can be a challenge life can seem impossible it s never easy when so much is on the line ( cheers and applause ) jon: that s right. herman cain s farewell address, words of wisdom to his followers and supporters, the final moments of his campaign are from the closing credits of the pokemon movie. the thing they play to get you the (beep) out of the theater. if i may quote from titanic: near. far. wherever you are. my heart will go on. ( cheers and applause ) you know, this guy. first of all ( cheers and applause ) . i can t even. first of all it s not even the most inspirational quote from the
- of the world - i hate you, coach. i hate you. - my friends and we ll keep on fighting til the end - thank you, dad. - i m proud of you, boy. - we are the champions no time for losers cause we are the champions. of the world - red wings! red wings! red wings! red wings! - no hope. no hope. [flatline tone] - red wings! red wings! red wings! red wings! - yeah! captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com december 5, 2011. from comedy central s world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we have a good one for you today. war photographer ben lowy will be joining us tonight. we have a nice one. war photographer ben lowy will be joining us tonight. a courageous and fine individual. and i am not. that will be the general dynamic for tonight. let s begin tonight with the big news from the weekend. on saturd
news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we have a good one for you today. war photographer ben lowy will be joining us tonight. we have a nice one. war photographer ben lowy will be joining us tonight. a courageous and fine individual. and i am not. that will be the general dynamic for tonight. let s begin tonight with the big news from the weekend. on saturday pizza mogul and alleged lady fondler herman cain told the press he d be making a big announcement about the fate of his campaign. cain is a man who believes it s appropriate to refer to a former satellite as uzbekistan- stan and has never met a question he couldn t answer with 9-9-9. i host a comedy program and don t like working hard. so we belong together. when i look at him i don t see a presidential candidate, i see. (laughing) all right. let s get to it. i would
a courageous and fine individual. and i am not. that will be the general dynamic for tonight. let s begin tonight with the big news from the weekend. on saturday pizza mogul and alleged lady fondler herman cain told the press he d be making a big announcement about the fate of his campaign. cain is a man who believes it s appropriate to refer to a former satellite as uzbekistan- stan and has never met a question he couldn t answer with 9-9-9. i host a comedy program and don t like working hard. so we belong together. when i look at him i don t see a presidential candidate, i see. (laughing) all right. let s get to it. i would ask that you give a very enthusiastic welcome to my good friend and professional do-er, mr. herman cain. ( applause ) jon: who does that? there s a herman cain you don t know if they planned this or if he was late. (beep) they just said my name! gas it. seriously who plans something like that. like, hey, i ve got an idea. you introduce me. i won t