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I was convinced that I could handle it all including healing myself. On the eve of Malaysia’s first lockdown last year, a dull ache pulsed on the left side of my neck like an omen. The discomfort soon bloomed from the base of my skull to my shoulder blade, before slowly coursing its way through my arm. But I muffled my unease by focusing on a world under viral assault. The pandemic made it easier to quiet my own issues, both to myself and to everyone else. Edging toward breaking point, and the accompanying frustration at a body that lets me down, has become a recurring event in my pandemic year. The most alarming sensation was a loss of feeling in my left arm, which began one night while reading before bed. Two months after that first hint of pain, it was only the shadowy fear of paralysis or nerve damage that compelled me to see a doctor. My reluctance relied on the prickly belief that our anatomies and minds can withstand whatever we want to put them through. But they can’t.

Aisha hassanUniversity of oxfordMedia guildColumbia universityBazaar malaysiaBarren magazineEnglish languageஆயிஷா ஹாசன்பல்கலைக்கழகம் ஆஃப் ஆக்ஸ்ஃபர்ட்கொலம்பியா பல்கலைக்கழகம்பஜார் மலேசியாதரிசு பத்திரிகைஆங்கிலம் மொழி