Im jon stewart. We put a show together for you tonight. One of our favorites is going to be joining us from the movie prisoners, Jake Gyllenhaal will be joining us. [cheers and applause] he has the beard that im missing. [laughter] whoa is friend. So in the absence of breaking news, cable news channels rely on a variety of one tactic, to hold the viewers attention, concise informative reporting. [laughter] its actually this. Can i finish no you wanted me you are lying. Im not lying. Dont call me a liar. Go back to 1996. Yes, i am. Do you know what i think,. Let me finish. You want to know what american [laughter] jon now now now good simultaneous points everybody. But that took so long to watch. Can we still cable news down to its crunchy center. [laughter] jon when i said lets have a baboon, thats amazing. [laughter] i didnt think we could find that. [laughter] wow. We have the best Research Staff in the country. [laughter] but of course thats just 24 hour cable. Still slow news they