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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140313

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central thank you so much. Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming. With that kind of chanting, i feel, i feel no wall can stand before the colbert nation. I am joshua and they are my trumpets. cheers and applause folks, i like to have fun. Im a fungi. Just ask my staff, jimmy m i fun. Yes, sir, youre very fun. Stephen damn straight. But even a fungi like me knows theres a time and a place for fun. And one of those places is not with your finger on the button. National hockey league,s whoee there. Nobody. We were all killed in a nuclear war while you were too busy yuking it up with your hollywood buddies. Heres the deal. Been watching the tv, you know it but here it, no one has signed up for obamacare give or take 4. 2 Million People. Our president has gotten so desperate that he appeared on this web site

Transcripts For CNBC Squawk Box 20140314

In russia, though, the benchmark micex index fell by more than 3 at the open. Right now, its down by just over 2. 3 . The u. S. Futures at this point are hanging in there. Theyre showing a slight rebound after yesterdays selloff in wall street. You saw that decline when the dow was down by 230 points. Also saw the s p and the nasdaq down significantly. We will have a deeper market discussion with our panel in just a few minutes, plus a live report from kiev. Secretary of state john kerry gets ready to meet with his russian counterpart in london. Coming up at the bottom of the hour, Michelle Caruso sa brar ra caught up with ukraines Prime Minister who was here. There was a question that he wouldnt answer. In fact, he walked away from the camera. Thats coming up at 6 30. About bitcoin . No, not just bitcoin. It wasnt whether he was the that was the guy that we pegged as the person that looked like no, that was not the question. Because andrew said the guy didnt look like the actual guy.

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140313

Gentlemen. Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central thank you so much. Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming. With that kind of chanting, i feel, i feel no wall can stand before the colbert nation. I am joshua and they are my trumpets. cheers and applause folks, i like to have fun. Im a fungi. Just ask my staff, jimmy m i fun. Yes, sir, youre very fun. Stephen damn straight. But even a fungi like me knows theres a time and a place for fun. And one of those places is not with your finger on the button. National hockey league,s whoee there. Nobody. We were all killed in a nuclear war while you were too busy yuking it up with your hollywood buddies. Heres the deal. Been watching the tv, you know it but here it, no one has signed up for obamacare give or take 4. 2 Million People. Our president has gotten so desperate that he appeared on this web site funny or die. By the

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20140402

The christie suntimespicayune. I havent seen the report. What does it say . This report has come out. It exonerates you completely. Do you feel exonerated. Jon i better. It cost me 1 million bleep dollars and by me i mean you if you are a new jersey taxpayer. Anyway. Stronger than the storm christie 2012. Seriously governor you feel exonerated . Yeah, i do but i always knew that this is where it would end. Jon we know. You aint nostradamus. I visited an oracle who killed a goat, read the entrails and saw a vision that my hand picked legal team would write a report exonerating me from all wrongdoing. Who is responsible . The internal review heaped all the blame for shutting down lanes on David Wildstein and Bridget Kelly. She seemed emotional. She was concerned about how she was perceived by by the governor. A boyfriend ended the relationship displaying her as weeping frequently and depending on men for stability. Jon thats why the report was titled bitches me crazy, right . [laughter]

Transcripts For CNBC Power Lunch 20140404

Qs which track are in negative territory. The big weight, one of the big weights is netflix. Down 25 in the past month. Its one of those stocks that move on no news, they move because they move. Today investors are paying a price. Sheila dharmarajan is at the nasdaq and is down the composite is down 3. 2 . Sheila . Ugly day here at the nasdaq. The composite and the 100 down by more than 2 . We just bounced off the session lows but keep in mind we are on track for one of the worst days we have seen at the nasdaq in two months. Heres whats amazing. This is a really broadbased selloff, not just biotechs or momentum names. It is weakness across the board here. If you take a look at the nasdaq 100, more than 90 of its members are in the red right now. So everyone is pushing the sell button on seemingly everything. Some particular pockets of weakness, though, got to talk about the biotech names. This is one of the groups that led the nasdaq up. Now today, the nasdaq biotech index is down by

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