Okay, this is besides the point, but, dude, youre from queens. [ laughter ] i would say you should go back and fix it, but i dont think any of the trains are running. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said today she will introduce a resolution condemning president trumps racist attacks on minority lawmakers man, nancy pelosi counterattacks from a president the way a normal person handles bad service at starbucks [ laughter ] go back to where they came from oh, you bet, ill be filling out a comment card [ laughter ] i am very dissatisfied. [ light laughter ] new york city suffered a major t blackout on saturdayt left over 70,000 people in manhattan without power. Of course, in manhattan, 70,000 people is two starbucks and a jamba juice. [ laughter ] california congressman Eric Swalwell has announced he is dropping out of the democratic president ial racewe swal made the decision after realizing that he didnt know which one he was, either [ laughter and applause president ial hopeful s to orourke revealed thi weekend that both he and his wife recently learned that their ancestors owned slaves even weirder, how they announced it [ laughter ] can i get you a piece . I dont think so, no. A mobile Shopping Company has created a hyper realistic actif figure oazon ceo jeff bezos. Then again, it might just be a vibrator [ laughter ] [ audience oohs [ cheers and applause in a new interview, the ceo of ecigarette company juul apologized to e parents of children whove become addicted to vaping. Well, technically whate said was, im sorry your kids are so cool. [ laughter ] according to a recent survey, 21 is the average age at which people meet their best friends,l 31 is the age they realize they havent seen them in 6 years. Laughter ] the coast guard released a video over the weekend of service memberseizing 232 million worth of cocaine from a homemade submarine. Wow, how could someone have the energy to build their own subma oh, right right, right, right. [ laughter ] right, the cocaine the cocaine. [ applause ] and finally, the womens worlden cup d last week. Here with the highlights of the tournament, please welcome one of our writers, jenny hagel, everybody. [ cheers and applause hey, everybody the world cup wrapped up last week, and it wasncredible. First, some teams played each other and some qualified and some didnt. Yada, yada but the ole thing really kicked off when u. S. Player Megan Rapinoe had this exchange with reporter. Reporter are you excited about going to the white house im not going to the [ bleep ] white house. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause yeah. When that happened, lesbians were like, i love her. And straight women were like, am i straight [ laughter ] then the team beat thailand and spain and then Megan Rapinoe sat out a game and everyone in erica was like, oh [ bleep ], is my girlfriend okay . [ laughter ] seth sorry, jenny, this is great, but i thought you were going to go over the highlights of the world cupet s im a lesbian these are the highlights [ laughter ]we then the president ed, megan should win first before she talks. Finish the job. And en rapinoe scored two goals against france and ran to the sidelines and did this and then you know what the president said then . [ cheers and applause yeah, you know what the president said then . Seth what . Ee jack [ bl] because thats the dopest comeback ever yeahughter ] last night i tried to buy milk at a bodega and they were like, we dont take debit cards and i was like i have exact change, bitch [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause then the u. S. Beat england andth the lands and became the world champs for the second time in a row and not only that, Megan Rapinoe is here tonight to celebrate [ cheers and applause it was a great ending for straight fans. For lesbians, it was just the beginning. Because then things got very ga player kelley ohara ran into the stands and kissed her girlfriend, even though she wasnt even officially out what a badass way to come out. I me out in my apartment b whispering to my straight roommate, i think i like girls. Ai and then she s okay and then we just went back to watching dawsons creek. [ laughter ] then goalkeeper Ashlyn Harris wearing thisture of herself look at that outfit. [ cheers and applause its like shes the ceo of a company that makes lesbians. [ laughter ] and then rapinoe rolled up to an interview with Rachel Maddow looking like some kind of sexy m burton character [ light laughter ] its like jack the pumpkin king had a hot gay sister [ laughter ] but dont worry, Rachel Maddow is a professional. And she meets highprofile people all the time. So you can totally count on her to keep her cool youre really good at talking im still so nervous [ laughter ] look how flustered she got. Thats how other lesbians act when they meet Rachel Maddow [ light laughter ] it was truly the gayest week america has ever seen. Now, i just want to say i know the u. S. Womens National Team is not just made up of lesbians and every team members contributions to the wor cup re incredible. But it was a big deal this week to watch the gay members of the team be so outnd proud and unapologetic about who they are and for the whole country to be so onboard with it for once, americans were into lesbians but not in a creepy way. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause w im a lesbian, im aan, and im also hispanic. So there hasnt been a lot of great news for me lately but watching america go in just a few years from this, to this, that makes me proud to be an american [ cheers and applause seth jenny hagel, everybody [ cheers and applause we got a great show for you tonight. Shes the star of the hit Series Big Little Lies currently in its Second Season on hbo laura dern is back, everybody. [ cheers and applause en as jenny moned, world cup champion Megan Rapinoe will be joining us and we have a very funny comedian who will be performing at the Edinburgh Fringe festival in august. Catherine cohen is here. [ cheers and applause so its a great show before we get to any of that, the president mounted an appallingly racist attack on four Democratic Women of color in congress. Mo for on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth its been obvious from the very first moment he stepped onto the political stage that donald trump is a rast and that racism is at the core of his political ideology. Its not a side dish s the main course every day he serves up a steaming hot entree of racism thd then washes it down wi side of mcdonalds, wendys and burger king, with some pizza. [ laughter and applause seth trump launched his political career by questioning legitimacy of the first black president , began his campaign by claiming mexico is sendingcr inals and rapists to the u. S. And said a judge who was overseeing a lawsuit against hi ouldnt be allowed to oversee the case because of his ethnicity. Now, this judge is of mexican herige im building a wall. Okay im building a wall. But youre invoking his race when talking about whether or jake, im building wall okay im building a wall. If you are saying he cant do his job cause of his race, is that not the definition of racism no, i dont think so at all no . No. s proud of his heritage i respect him for that youre saying he cant do his job because of that. Look, hes proud of his heritage okay im building a wall. This judge is giving us unfair rulings. Now i say why. Well, i wanna im building a wall seth okay. Ll but why wont you tes what youre building . [ laughter ] he keeps saying it over and over like hes wearing a wire and calling for backup im building a wall im building a wall. Wall, steve, get me out of here [ laughter ] so trump launched a racist attack on a judge by calling him unqualified to rule in a case ci because of their eth, and by the way, in case youre somehow still curious about Donald Trumps legal bona fides, heres what he h to say on iday about special counsel Robert Muellers report which listed ten possible instances of obstruction of justice remeer ten ten. Somehow, everyones forgotten about that, because it was like 50 scandals ago. We all have such scandal fatigue, at this point trump could streak naked across the white house lawn with his head stuck in a kfc bucket screaming, i did it, i broke all the laws. [ light laughter ] and two days later wed all be scratching our heads going, oh, yeah, rit, that happened. [ light laughter ] so trump was asked about the Mueller Report on friday, and he tried to claim that article 2 of te constitution gives him power to basically do whatever he wants now, remember, this is the same guy who said a judge wasnt qualified to rule on a case ca bee of that judges ethnicity. By comparison, heres trump talking about article two of the constitution of the United States n ber one, theres no crime. And how do you obstruct when theres no crime also, take a look at one other thing. Its a thing called article two. Nobody ever mentions article two. It gives me all of these rights at a level that nobody has ever seen before. We dont even talk about aicle two. Seth what do you mean nobody has ever seen before [ laughter ] w it written over 200 years ago. Just because youve never seen it before [ laughter ] doesnt mean nobys ever seen it before. I just saw this great little independent film, no ones ever seen it before, called the lion king. its about a good guy named scar but oh, hes got a real [ bleep nephew who tries to backstab him. [ light laughter ] but i like scar i havent finished it. Its two hours long. Thats too long. Ch but i like scars ces. I think i think its going to end well for scar. [ laughter ] also his interpretation of article two is obviously wrong which is not surprising since he apparently jt discovered it. Heres another thing i just learned. Did you know we had a president who was 100 feet tall . [ light laughter ] made of stone. [ laughter ] what we saw in that interview was the core of trumps racist worldview. And we saw it yet again on sunday when trump launched a stunningly racist attack on fouf progressive women olor in congress the president of the United States told progressive Democratic Women of color in congress to go back to the crimeinfested places from which they came. Trump writing this, so interesting to see progressive democrat congresswomen whoor inally came from countries whose governments are a complete and total catastrophe. Wo the t, most corrupt, and inept, anywhere in the world, if they even have a functioning government at all, now loudly and viciously telling the people of the United States, the greatest and most powerful nation on earth, how o government is to be run. Why dont they go back and help fix the totally broken and crimeinfested places from which they came . Then ce back and show us how it is done these places need your help badly. Ca yot leave fast enough. Im sure that nancy pelosi would be very happy to quickly work ra out free tl arrangements. Seth okay. First of all, theres no acceptable word for this other than racist. Period not racially charged or racially tinged or as the New York Times put it, trumps raciallyinfused politics, like its some kind of fancy drink at a williamsburg cocktail bar. [ laughter ] oh, honey, their cosmo is racially infused. [ laughter ] second, this is beside the congresswomen youre ang were born here and theyre all american citizens. So if youre asking them to fix the totally brokenov crimeinfestednments of their home countries, theyre trying [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause third, it doesnt matterth doesnt matter whe they were born here or not, theyre americans. This is their country, and theyre treating it with a lot mo respect and devotion th the racist gargoyle who sits around tweeting from the back nine of his chintzy golf course. That looks like a scule someone would build to make fun of donald trump. [ laughter ] i call this one the melting racist. Li and then today trump reeled off yet another racist tirade at a white house event called the made in america product rst he took questions from reporters and defended his tweets when asked if they were racist not at all. Do you think that those ademocratic congresswomen not american somebody has a problem with our country if somebody doesnt want to be in our country, they should leave. Seth i think its veryg fittinthat hes standing next to a boat because he always looks like he just fell off the side of a booze cruise and got dragged back onto deck by a lifeguard. [ light laughter ] then trump moved over to the podi where he continued his tirade and doubled down on those racist tweets. If youre not happy in the u. S. , if youre complaining all e time, very simply, you can leave. Le you can ave right now. Come back if you want. Dont come back. Its okay, too but if youre not happy, you can leave. Seth im sorry, youre accusing someone else of com all you do is compla you spent the eight years of obamas presidency lying and complaining about everythi in fact, at one point you actually bragged about the fact you were greatt whining. I am the mo fabulous whiner i do whine, because i want to win. And im not happy if im not winning. Are whiners winners and im a whiner. And im a whiner and i keep whining and whining until i win. Seth that is a terrible dr. Seuss book [ laughter ] i keep whining and whining until im a winner and then i go home and have pizza for dinner. [ laughter ] now trumps attack on four progressive women of color wasnt just blatantly and appallingly racist, its also a classic racist trope its the kind of taunt or insult peop of color have been subjected to for years as senator Kamala Harris explained. It is absolutely racist and unamerican. T and it is an oldpe, go back to where you came from, that, you know, you might hear it on the street, but you shouar never hehat from the president of the United States. Seth and shes right trump shouldnt be president at best he suld be on the streets selling fake rolexes in times square [ light laughter ] and yelling at tourists for not buying them. Oh, what . Youve never heard of a polex . [ laughter ] what were seeing now, once again, is the core of trumps racist ideology and his policy agenda his administration is inflicting cruelty on migrants through inhumane detention centers, family separation and he spent his career questioning theev legitimacy of yone from the first black president to judges to members of congress what more do you need to impeach this guy congress suld just say to hi you can leave you can leave right now. Seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause you guys, we have a great show tonight. And were happy youre with us, but i want to saa few quick words about some sad news that happened over hiatus last week, we lost a beloved member of the ate night team family, tommy weil tommy was a member of our security team. He was a retired nypd detective. A warmhearted guy who had a smile for everybody, who will be missed one of the great things about sh working with this is the people we get to spend our time with and he was such a perfect example of that. So on behalf of everyone here, i want to send our cdolences to tommys family well be right back with more late night. [ala beeping] {tires screeching} {truck honking} avo life doesnt give you many secobut a subaru can. dad you guys ok . You alright . Wow. avo eyesigbr with precollision ing. Standard on the subaru ascent. The threerow subaru ascent. Love. Its what makes a subaru a subaru. At their reddest, ripest, they make everything better. Like our strawberry poppyseed lad and new strawberry summer caprese salad. 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K pretty disappointed. Buckle up. There he is. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause also this is so, so exciting sitting in with us this week, hes a 14yearold up and coming drummer from new jersey who starred in the tonynominated school of rock on broadway his videos have garnered millions of views, so be sure to check them out on instagram. Raghav mehrotra is here. How are you, raghav . [ cheers and applause thank you everybody seth so glad youre here true story true storyhayou to be 16yearsold to be in our audience raghav, life hack right there. [ ght laughter ] he came in, they saw him at thee door, they were liwe need i. D. And he just took out the sticks. He was like, these are my i. D. [ light laughter ] thank you so much for being here im thrilledee and applause our first guest tonight is an emmy winning and Academy Award nominated actress you know from films ch as jurassic park, wild and star wars the last jedi. Shes currently starring in the Second Season of Big Little Lies. L lets take ak. How come im not at school . Sweetie, i told you ziggy and max and josh are their moms, and i thought,ith well, wait a minute lets us have a mother daughter day. T it isncause we are broke isnt . Av and we he to move . No amabella, its because i wanted to spend the day with you. Sweetie, everything isnt about money. Wellit is, but it isnt. Seth please welcome back to the show laura der everyone. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back. Thank you, so happy to be here seth were you i hope you had a chance backstage to meet Megan Rapinoe. Did you get a chance to say hi so excited. Beside myself. Seth you watched the final at an airport. You were traveling i didd. I when everyone was so td l. A. X that their flights were delayed. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. Thats a rare opportunity. Le its incred and as we all know, what a sense of community we feel when we have this collective, shared, experience of bliss watching that winning game and watching her. Seth it almost never happens at an airport. No. [ light laughter ] seth shared bliss. Shared bliss never happens but it did that day. And it was amazing as i said to her, watching this tribe of 6yearold boys, these boys imitating this female athletes with her moves and, yoo know, you just wait for a paradigm shift where women are honored and celebrated for their genius and their art a their loud, fierce, voices and its very cool [ cheers and applause seth very cool you certainly you certainly are part of this Incredible Community with your show this is, obviously, a femaledriven show, a femaleprodud show im so sorry nobody watches it or talks about it. Maybe eventually [ light laughter ] but thank you for having me anywayea seth you will brthrough. You will break through okay, thank you seth you have i feel like so one of the luxuries you have on the sh is you have the best oneliners on the show. Do you feel that i do really enjoy what i get away with. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] lets just put it that way. It is amazing. Ee and its bamazing as people are watching having people come up to you, and im starting to realize i think its because weve all been theree wevl had this moment, but weve, i guess, thankfully, never said what renata says. Seth yeah. But we walk away in deep regret having not said that thing seth right s to the individual whoust infuriated us. So its quite delicious. Seth its very cathartic t watch renata do and say the things she does. Are you jealous of it that youre not a renata in real life you know, im troubled. Seth yeah. Because im not jealous and at times wn i run into people, i dont know if i should accept a compliment, apologize. I sometimes i see melf going, shes a lot, i know. Sorry. [ laughter ] as though shes my sister and not a character i playi but so realize that theyll say to me, i mean, boy, shesra really gone off the s this time, can you believe when she and thats something i did when we were improvising, which means its in my psyche. Seth right [ light laughter ] to, you know seth so there is a little renata in there. Ar i mean, cle seth yeah. Clearly, guys, there is some renata seth i feel like the thing the way you get to be ta is t you dont actually have to in your life deal with the fallout which is really thats the joy of it, i guesse i mean, you ht. I havent yet had the experience where a man is looking at me across the restaurant. Hes like oh yeah Big Little Lies is noppening. Seth you guys last time you were here you talked about the group text of everybody on the show. Is t group text still going strong its going strong seth thats great. Its been renamed from five different area codes and i never know why a group of people are constantly texting each other because we cant recogni it, but now theyve given us a name. Seth oh, wow this season, which was the monterey fe. So now our group texts can have a title. Seth thats wonderful. But then this other woman twants to, like, join thet. Seth oh, no. Thats so irritating meryl, okay [ laughter ] we have our own group text seth i think thats very important. Its you know, its a little rude. Seth lets be honest she has plenty i would say i would say. Seth right but then, of course, she writes the most genius thing everinspires us all to be better people. Im like, okay, you can be in our text. Seth is it when you are on a group text with that many talented people, do you have like like do you really, when youre about to text something,u do yind of, like, read it a few times to be like, is this worthy of the text chain . Sadly, thats gone away and i think it should come back for me. [ laughter ] i should start to educate myself on what to say or not say ca e you do realize Extraordinary People youre speaking to and periodically il asking them about,e, the best mint or, you know, like whats a good snack when you el exhausted on set . But then theyll come, you know, nicole taught me about apple with cinnamon. Seth really . So and its changed my life seth wow it was a game changer, guys seth thats you know thea al say that shes, like she gets a lot of attention and rightfully so, praise for her acting but shes great with snacks no, its true seth yeah. Laughter ] its true yeah seth they say like one of the foremost snack experts in hollywood. Yeah [ laughter ] seth this is cool because renata is involved in the tech industry, and when you took on this role you met with a lot of people a lot of women in tech, which, course, there are a lot fewer than men and that sort of led you to sort of independently on your own help out with grants in that sector well, you know, youre helping out. Were all helping out together because i dont know if you guys knew, but america is a community. H, seth yt is a big old community. Built on extraordinary to make this an amazinace were get to be together in. And as we look for diversity and gender parity in companies and the workplace, it was amazing to learn that tech has got a lot to work to do so i was very happy through playing renata to learn about their mbers and help hopefully support more women in tech and get grant and scholarships in universities for them to be able to not only be in the boardroom but take over. [ chee and applause seth excellent well, let tell you, its always just such a delight to have you here. Thank you seth thank you so much, laura. Thank you seth please come back soon thank you for letting me seth give it up everybody. Ee laura dern [ ch and applause the finale of Big Little Lies, airs next sunday at 9 00 pm on hbo. Well be right back with Megan Rapinoe. [ cheers and applause letgo these new highrise aslim straights are it. Take that jane fineberg. Take what . Jane i see youre still a weirdo. Made a whole career of it babe. Shop up 50 off jeans. Thats up to 50 off. Now, at old navy. Yof your daily routine. Lf so whyffreat your mouth any dierently . Listine® completes the job by preventing plaque, early gum disease, and killing up to 99. 9 of germs. Y sterine® and for onthego, try listerine® ready tabs™ become a golden opportunity . When the power of 472horses and an inspired race car design come together at the Perfect Moment. Dont miss your Perfect Moment to experience thrilling performance with our most exceptional offers. Th experience amazing at your lexus dealer. Now, at e lexus golden opportunity sales event. With this one little nexgard chew comethe confidence, youre doing whats right, to protect your dog from fleas and tickson for a full mth. Its the 1 vet recommended protectionr and its safppies. Nexgard. What one little chew can do. We are sisters. And we just moved in together. Why alissa and aleah chose fios. We stream so much. A lot of times alissa is watching tv on her laptop using her phone, also using her tablet. I am really good at multitasking cause im awesome. A ttle. Get the internet your family needs at a price youll love. Plus, the first month of youtube tv on us when you switch now. Only on fios. [ cheers and applause seth our next guest is a professional soccer player, olympic Gold Medalist and member of the u. S. Womens soccer team, which as you might have heard tonight just won the world cup please welcome to the show Megan Rapinoe, erybody [ cheers and applause seth thank you so much for being here ah, but of course i was saying backstagetfit thank you seth i was worried you were going to run out of awesome no, no, no. Seth but its really good. I like this week, because i feel like for a long time i sort of only knew you from your soccer kit. And now im getting to see yeah. Seth were all getting to see your fashion yeah. No, carla welch is hooking me up seth okay, good. Yeah, i have someone on my side for sure. Seth all right very good. Yeah. Seth now, i feel like the difference between me and the way i approached sports as a kid in the way professional athletec your level appro different seth a little different. Tiny, yes seth every time i walked on the field, ihought to myself, oh, god, i hope this isnt a disaster. [ light laughter ] this could go horribly wrong. Seth this could go horribly wrong. So, i think you obviously go into it wi confidence. With that said, was this result beyond expectation i mean, i knew you obviously went in thinking were going to win this thing but, you know, six goals and the golden ball and the golden boot. And when you look back on youre like, man, that couldnt have gone any better. Its how i drew it up, right . Seth yeah. Of course, i was like, im going to win everything. La [ light hter ] im going to plant this quote, a couple months ago to be release to get everyones attention who wasnt watching. Seth yeah. Then were just going to really blow it out of the water. Yeah no, i mean, im just, like, i cant believe im sitting here i cant believe that all happened seth was this your third world cup . Third world cup yeah, yeah seth third iorld cup idnt do as well in the others ones as i did this one. Seth personally of course, you won two now. Yes, yes. Seth and do you feel o having gone out,iously, you have the pressure is off of you. Youre always going to be a world cup winner coming to this one. At the same time, is it just as exciting to go through it when youre at that level playing at the top of your sport . Yeah. It is. And this o even more i feel like we had so much more riding on it with equal pay and just with whats happening at home and, you know, maybe this hopefully not, but potentially im not getting any younger. But just felt, like, god, we really have to win this. Seth yeah. If we dont win this, this sucks. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] this is like this sucks. Seth i feel like i you ow, ive been fairly invested the last two times i never felt that before ive wanted you to w and thought, if you win, it will be awesome but i agree with you, this time is the first time i thought, if you lose, it will suck. Was like we needed to win seth yeah. And im so glad it worked out. C and ofrse, you had your parade is the parade as much fun as it los . Yes seth yeah. [ laughter you certainly looked like you wereaving fun. It truly is seth this is here youre pouring ampagne down one of your teammates [ laughter ] you have to stay hydrated seth you have to stay hydrated you prably didnt notice there was a camera there oh. People are filming that . Seth yea that were filming that whole thing was on people saw that seth how did you feel the next morning how were youuys doing . H. [ laughter ] it was, you know just get right back on it, dont you . Seth yeah. Highcaliber athletes can bounce back from that probably a little bit better were in tip top physical shape. Seth tip top [ laughter ] so we can handle a lot. Seth you mentioned equal pay. I do think it was great that it was brought up beforehand. Uhhuh. Seth so its something that fans were thinking about fans who were watching on the c field thinking, howld they be paid anything less than anyone else who does this for a living . You had fans chanting it after the game, chanting at the parade do you feel as though fifa as an organization riticized from all sides, fairly yeah. Seth not known for beingck very quio adjust and fix things yeah. Seth do you feel hopeful or optimistic that there will be a move toward equal pay . I do. Very much so fifa will be a much longer game. Theyre archaic in every single sense. U. S. Soccer while not super nimble and quick to change, theyre not in great spot right now with their fight against us seth yeah, the optics are pretty bad for them right now. Its not great. Its not great [ laughter ] its not great im just like, you know what, leverage us. Seth yeah. This could be so much better for everyone why dont we just tag am seth yeah. It would be amazing [ laughter ] seth right were having so much fun. Like, you guys arent allowed to have as much fun as us, because, like, nobody wants to see you celebrate. Dont get on this parade you know what im saying nobody wants to see you with the players. Seth i know that must have been so were they even allowed to come to the parade . Did day have to come they were a couple of them, yeah, were allowed i think carlos was actually on our float. He was getting right in there. Iv he was lg his best life. And i was like, see carlos . [ laughter ] seth this is a lot of fun. This is what your future could be seth yeah, if you like parades, were a good oup of people to hang out with. Yes yeah seth so that you mentioned there was because, of course, we all sathe quote about you not wanting to go to the white house right at the beginning but that was press you were doing months in advance uhhuh. Seth ere you taken aback by the fact that all of a sudden that was out there and everybody knew that and the leadup or dia you have a sense it s coming i did not kw it was coming. Headsup would have been nice on that [ light laughter ] yeahne and i think everhought i said it, like, you know, that was, like, a pregame right in the locker room. Which, it wasnt but i dnt mind it at all. Seth yeah. I said it i stand by it. Im not going seth yeah. [ laughter ] to the white house. Ill say that again. [ cheers and applause per my moms request, ive dropped the f word seth you have dropped the f word yeah. Seth oh, thats that was her only request yeah. Seth okay. That was her only request seth i think thats a very parental piece of advice on something. I know. Seth i will im not going to read them all but you know, there was he tweeted a lot about you. [ laughter ] yeah. Seth thats a three tweets i felt bad because i got a full three tweeter. Seth full three tweeter. Crazy seth i didnt reen i only got thlines. Yeah. But you got a lowkey complint here seth yeah. Whats my lowkey compliment almost almost no ] [ laughter i noticed that right away i didnt get a lowkey compliment seth you know what yeah here i am here i am taking this as an insult this is a man who just said, i got a little bit of talent. Yes you sure did he must have been off his game [ applause ] off higame seth you know what you have to remember, i just wanto point out the date that was 2014. He w a much nicer guy in 201 he got to sleep in his own bed the office has changed. Yeah seth yeah. Yeah, hes seth you were at the epsys which bas, we were talking stage, can be a fun night. It was. Seth who were some of the people i think the best part of that night is maybe meeting people in fferent sports or not even in sports at all. Who did you get to rub elbows with oh, my goodness well, i get to sit next to my beautiful girlfriend all the time sue bird seth sue bird. So shes seth backstage as well [ cheers and applause ve shes othere. Hi so thats really the highlight seth you guys look fantastic by the way yeah. Seth yeah. Thank you thank you. Took a tequila shot with Sandra Bullock seth wow [ audience reacts tequila shot with Sandra Bullock thats no thats a real thing right there. That was seth yeah. Yeah. I was like, if anybody who knows me knows, im terrible at taking shots. Al especi tequila i was, like seth really . Now see thats everythings fine thank god its small normally, they come, like, theyre that big seth yeah, im so happy that we finally figured out something im better at. Yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, there you go. Yeah h seth e were right, coming right to the end of the interview, im feeling pretty bad about myself here we go. Yeah a little talent. Seth well, thats exally ting and now i think one of the things that is also good to point out is you guys have theres a professional Soccer League here in the states. Yes seth youre going to go back you play for seattlebe and it will eally nice, i think, for the fans who enjoyed and appreciated the level of soccer you guys are playing thats happening ight here inthe country. They can come watch us everywhere theres teams all over the country. I play for the reign come watch us play come in every city come watch the National Team too. But shoutout nwsl, shout out reign fc i expect tsee everybody there. Seth and youre very good with faces [ cheers and applause yes seth youre very good. Ill remember all of you. [ cheers and applaus and you. Seth thank you so much for making the time. It was really a blast to watch you. [ cheers and applause Megan Rapinoe, everybody well be right back with catherine cohen. [ cheers and applause Wireless Network cims are so confusing. Americas most reliable network. The nations largest and most reliable network. St the beetwork is even better . Best, fastest, best. Enough. T sprints dngs differently. 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And even stainless steel. To dislve kitchen grease on ctry new clean freak from mr. Clean. [ cheers and applause eth our next guest is a very funny comedian who you can see regularly at joes pub and club cumming here in new york al s at the Edinburgh Fringe festival next month. Tonight, shes here to perform a song from her cabaret ac please welcome to the show catherine cohen, everyone. [ cheers and applause hello oh, my god. [ light laughter ]voice. When i was a little gir gazing out my window looking at the world e wishing timwould just g on and on and on and take me to a new pla where id sing a song and meet a fresh fac hey how do we find our w llin we know where we belong if we harbor enough resentment in our teen we can write a catchy and funny song woo boys never wanted to kiss me so now i do comedy [ light laughter ] boys never wanted to kiss me so i neeall of you to look at me look at me look at m look at me oh oh look at m look at me look at me look at m oh oh oh look at me look at m look at me look at me please please please look at me look at m look at me look at me oh oh o oh when i was a tweenage gir at the Big School Dance playfully grabbed andrews hatnc and away i praed it was a flirty thing id seen som of the skinny hot girls do but andrew was just like, give me my hat back. [ light laughter ]he i criedhole way hom i thought stealing someones hat was sexy but now i sing in dimly lit bars andrew voted for trump and has a car i dont have one. Boys never wanted to kiss me so now i do comedy i dont have a car. Boys never wanted to kiss me so i need all of you to look at me seriously, pleaseoo lat m look at me look at me look at m oh rompe look at me look at m look at me look at me oh oh o foot pop look at me loomeat m look a look at me please please pleas look at me look at me look at m look at me oh oh oh go oh, m you look at me, you think, okay, she has it all. [ light laughter ] and its true. I do im young, oh. Im gorgeous oh but just this morng, i had one sip of cold brew and ruined my only butthole. Laughter ] thats right stars, theyre just like us. [ laughter ] okay, the rumors are true. Im single okay jaws are on the floor at this point. I went through a breakup recently breakups are cool. Because its like you have a best friend, and then they die [ laughter ] t its okay. I didnt like having a boyfriend. I feel like the kind of girls who are always like, boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, are the same kind of girls who are like, theres actually too much sugar in fruit. [ laughter ] so for me, its a dessert. [ laughter ]ck but im getting ba out there im in the mix im dating i love sex, cause it famously has no consequences. Ug [ laer ] i was hoing up with a guy recently and mid moment, he goes, oh, yeah, i love that fat, fat ass. And i was like, hmm, maybe one fat was enough. [ laughter ] i do bravely want to be thin because of society yeah, she went there she went there on latenight tv. Youre obsessed. Youre obsessed. D. Youre obses that guy who i hooked up with, i met him at a bar and he was like, i live close to the bar i can bike us back to my place you can ride on my pegs. I was like, absolutely not. He was like, no, no, its okay. It can hold 0 pounds. I was like, okay, you dont know what math is. You arent my type. La hter ] i just think its, like, every chubby girls nightmare to be, like, carried in a playful way [ light laughter ] like, im pretty sure when i was born, the nurse, like, picked me up and handed me to my mom and i was like, its okay you can put me down. [ laughter ] said, help. This is healthy what im doing is health this is a good way to work [ bleep ] out yeard for the re met boy who want to kiss some even want to put their [ bleep ] in my mout but its never enough elp spin boys never wanted to kiss me so now i do comedy lunge ow, help boys never wanted to kiss me so i need all of you to look at please please please pleas look at me look at m look at me look at me oh oh look at me look at me look at m look at me oh oh oh im shy look at m look at me look at me look at m please please please look a me ook at m look at me look at me oh oh o big finish, okay . 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Announcer for more late night, go to latenightseth. Com. Follow us on instagram and twitter latenightseth d be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook head over to itunes and subscribe to the late nightye with seth me podcast. Youll get a closer look and more downloaded right to your phone. We are here to discuss jessies online time. And out of respect, we will let you make the first offer. Irty minutes. Sh wait, what . One hour. Out of the question. One hour with the tablet, and my client will walk the dog. Sweeten the deal by doing the dishes. One hour with the tablet, we got a deal. The dolations. O the dishes. Ra only xfinity xfi lets you take control of your familys online time. A now lets taut getting our ears pierced. No way. Why . Please. Thats simple, easy, awesome. Switch to xfinity and get this great offer. A ick, call or visit store today. [ cheers and applause seth my thanks to laura dern, Megan Rapinoe, catherine cohen, everybody raghav mehrotra, and of course, the band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause carson good evening. This is nbc. Its 1 30 in the morning, whh means it is time for last ll