Roots crew. Questlove gobble, gobble steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much, everybody thank you very, ve mh. Lause ] and weom the tonight show, ladies and gentlemen. This is it. [ cheers anduse ] you came to the right place. I want to wish i want to wish everyone a happy thanksgiving right now. [ cheers and applause ] by applause, how many of you told your relatives you were going to the bathroom, then came here instead . I mean [ cheers and applause ] thats what i figured. Of course, today was the macys thanksgiving day parade. And i read that [ cheers ] i read that 50 Million People watched it on tv. 50 Million People at home were saying, i wish i were there. And three million were packed on sixth avenue, saying, i wish we were home. [ laughter and applause ] well, they had some new floats this year, including a a 35foottall jolly green giant. Yeah. Or as the statue of liberty put it, how you doin . [ laughter and applause ] a little bit of history here. During the early days of the parade, they let the balloons fly away with the return address on it. [ light laughter ] and whoever would find them would win a prize from macys. Audience wow jimmy or be crushed by a a giant balloon. [ laughter and applause ] but either way, its steve winwin. Jimmy either way its a a memory. Get this, i saw that the clowns in the macys thanksgiving day parade took a clown oath to not drink, smoke, or do anything inappropriate. That story again, its harder to be a clown than a a United States senator. [ laughter and applause ] steve heyo jimmy and tomorrow is black friday, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] thats right. Over 100 million americans will go to the mall, find something they like, see the line and decide to buy it on amazon. And] and thats a beautiful thing. Actually, i read that the toy company hasbro, is in talks to buy its rival, mattel. Now, both of these Companies Make some iconic toys. If they end up merging, this could create some very interesting crossovers. But im not sure theyre gonna sell that well, though. Yeah. Let me show you what i mean. For example, hasbro has hulk. Mattel has barbie. Theyre going to combine to release, roid rage ken. Steve wow. [ laughter ] roid rage . Who would buy that . Jimmy next, hasbro has bop it. Steve yeah. Jimmy mattel has skipbo. Theyre going to combine to release skopbipbapipborp. [ laughter and applause ] kid has no idea how to play it. Steve yeah, kids dont know. Jimmy skopbipbapipborp. He has no idea. Steve i dont pipborp it. Jimmy and finally, hasbro has hungry hungry hippos. Mattel has American Girl dolls. [ light laughter ] theyre combining to release has anyone seen samantha . Steve oh, my gosh [ laughter and applause ] jimmy im not sure steve why would you buy that . Jimmy im not sure theyre gonna sell that one. Steve that box was empty jimmy earlier tonight was the big thanksgiving day game between the new york giants and the washington redskins. Now, as you know, at the end of the season sure, give it up. [ cheers and applause ] why not . Were in new york. Now, as you know, at the end of the season, they give out most valuable player award. You know . But they also give out other awards during the season, sort of like the ones in the high school yearbooks. Like the most likely to succeed, class clown, stuff like that. So with that in mind, its time for tonight show superlatives. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] tonight show superlatives jimmy first up for the new york giants is cornerback janoris jenkins. He was voted most likely to be both 510 and 74. Steve wow. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy how tall is he . Next, from new york, we have john greco. [ light laughter ] he was voted most likely to get an endorsement from head and giant shoulders. [ laughter and applause ] steve thats giant jimmy next from new york, we have damon harrison. He was voted most likely to hand you a burned cd called sexy love jams 17. [ applause ] aww, yeah. [ laughter ] next up for washington, is colt mccoy. He was voted elfest on the shelfest. [ laughter and applause ] hes watching you. Hes watching you. Next up for new york is starting quarterback eli manning. He was voted most likely to hold the world record for saying, no, im the other one. [ laughter and applause ] next up for new york is dalvin tomlinson. He was voted human emoji. Oh, interesting. [ laughter ] steve wow. [ applause ] jimmy heres Washington Center chase roullier. He was voted most likely to play buzz in the offbroadway version of home alone. [ laughter and applause ] i love that movie kevin youre in trouble kevin [ light laughter ] up next for the giants is d. J. Fluker. He was voted worst deejay name. [ laughter ] yo yo yo, im deejay fluker [ applause ] [ rap airhorn ] steve d. J. Jimmy next up from new york, we have rhett ellison. He was voted most likely to hear the song dream weaver whenever he looks at a turkey thigh. Ooh, dreamweaver i believe you can get me through the night jimmy and finally, from washington, we have morgan moses. He was voted shaqa claus. [ laughter and applause ] there you go, guys. Those are nfl superlatives. Lets give it up for the roots lets do this [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy goodness thank you, roots happy thanksgiving, everybody have fun [ cheers and applause ] steve hey come on jimmy what a show good to see you, higgins. Happy thanksgiving steve happy thanksgiving jimmy what a fantastic show tonight. This guy is the best. He is one of the greatest standups of alltime. The creator of seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld is on the show [ cheers and applause ] comedians in cars getting coffee everything he does, i just love the guy so much. Jerry seinfeld. Jerry and i are going to talk and then were going headtohead in a standup battle. Steve ooh. [ audience oohs ] jimmy first time ever. You dont want to miss it. I really think i have a chance. [ light laughter ] plus, all the way from australia zoo, 13yearold animal expert, robert irwin is here. [ cheers and applause ] with some great animals to show us. It will be really interesting. Youll love that. Guys, today is thanksgiving, its all about giving thanks. So i thought, what a better day to write out my weekly thank you notes. If thats okay with you. Do you guys mind . [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please . [ light laughter ] steve wow. Hes really thankful. Jimmy thank you, pumpkin pie, for basically being like baby food for adults. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] i like pumpkin pie. Steve i love it. Jimmy thank you, nfl games on thanksgiving, for being the only time my whole family is yelling in the same direction. Oh, yeah. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] thank you, gravy boats, for being genie lamps that have the power to give me heart disease. [ laughter and applause ] did you get some of that . Steve im rubbin it. Jimmy thank you, backtoback episodes of jeopardy and wheel of fortune for making me feel like an idiot and a genius in the span of an hour. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] war of 18 war of 1812 uh, Peanut Butter sandwich [ light laughter ] steve can i buy a vowel . Jimmy i dont need a vowel i know the answer its paw patrol [ light laughter ] thank you, thanksgiving eve, for giving me the chance to go to my hometown bar and drink with all of the people ive unfriended on facebook. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] oh, youre married . Oh, cool. Thank you, canned cranberry sauce, for literally looking like a can made out of cranberry sauce. [ applause ] takes the shape. Thats my favorite cranberry sauce. Steve you love that. Thats the only kind you eat. Jimmy oh, i love it. Thank you, electric carving knife, for making me bring a a tiny chainsaw to a table full of drunk relatives. [ applause ] [ mimicking chainsaw ] thank you, sweet potatoes, for just being regular potatoes with a bad spray tan. There you guys have it those are my thank you notes [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with Jerry Seinfeld come on back, everybody [ cheers and applause ] hi, im paul, the guy who switched to sprint. Guess what . They Just Announced that their unlimited plan now comes with hulu. I get unlimited access to hulu originals, thousands of hit shows, movies, next day tv, its crazy i get hulu included in my unlimited plan and streaming in hd. I can watch at home, at work, even when im just taking a break. 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[ cheers and applause ] why why do you say these things . Jimmy why do i do what . Superlatives. You never use superlatives when youre introducing a comedian, never jimmy what what you said whatever you said at the beginning, greatest something or other. Jimmy yeah. Theres no greatest anything, first of all. And theres no greatest comedian. Jimmy no, i was hinting at it. Yeah, i know jimmy the idea of maybe you being one of the greats. No. Jimmy doesnt that make you feel good . No, no. Jimmy yeah, youre youre on the top 200 list. [ light laughter ] that would be better. This guy is definitely in the top 200. [ laughter ] that thats a nice jimmy you want me to that would be the intro for you . You always undersell a a comedian. Jimmy yeah, because if you say like, youre going to be blown away with this magic trick. Right. Jimmy and the guy doesnt first of all, nobody is really that funny. Were all comedy is just like food. Its like, i like this, you like that. Nobody theres no one comedian that everybody likes. There is no such thing. Jimmy i think tonight you are the person that everyone likes. Okay, stop it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats how you do. Theyre not going to like me now. Now they wont like me. Jimmy jerry, they are going to like you. First of all, happy thanksgiving. Happy thanksgiving. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy can we start that . Happy thanksgiving. I love thanksgiving. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy no, do you really . I do. I love it. Jimmy you love thanksgiving . I love well, first of all, the idea of it is nice. You know, its just a a general [ laughter ] what is funny about that . Maybe i am one of the greatest of alltime. I cant believe that got a a laugh. [ laughter ] jimmy got a laugh already. No, but it is i guess i love the idea of giving thanks. Its like that should be your life. Gratitude should be the attitude. [ light laughter ] jimmy now youre like in the like Bumper Sticker business. You sit around how is the family doing . Oh, theyre great. Theyre great. Jimmy three teenagers, right, now . Well, not really, i have a two teens and one younger than that. Jimmy yeah. But its great, three kids jimmy and they like thanksgiving too . Oh, yeah, Everybody Loves thanks who doesnt love thanksgiving . You eat, you get together, you know, you kind of pretend you all like each other. [ light laughter ] its fun, its nice. Jimmy but do they still like you as teenagers . Do they still like dad . Yeah, yeah, i havent had that teenage experience that everybody talks about. Jimmy yeah, everyone tells me that. No, no, i have not had that. What they do is, they have their words that they use, you know, little weapon words. Chill is a weapon word that kids [ laughter ] have you experienced this . You say to your kid, how you doing . And they go, chill, dad, chill. [ laughter ] i just said, how you doing . Jimmy yeah. Just chill. Jimmy just chill, man. Chi jyou me in a little too hot. Theyre very condescending yeah, coming in too hot. [ laughter ] jimmy coming in too hot with that how you doing . Yeah. Jimmy its so embarrassing. Just chill, yeah. Jimmy oh, im sorry come down, im cool. Come down to my level. [ laughter ] jimmy do you watch the same things they watch on tv . Like do you relate to those things . No, i dont watch the shows. I know everybody gots to have their show, you know what i mean . You got your show. [ laughter ] do you have a show . Are you watching a show . Jimmy yeah, i watch yeah, i watch the yeah, i watch the show the challenge on mtv is my show. [ cheers ] oh, right. I dont have a show. I dont have a show. I know jimmy you dont watch a a show on tv . You dont have a show . No, i dont know how people watch these shows, its so too long. Jimmy Stranger Things 2 . No. [ cheers ]s a show. Yeah, i know, i know. Jimmy thats a show i know thats a show. I know its a great show. Jimmy you got to get a a show. Yeah. [ laughter ] i know people, they Wander Around their workplace just trying to jimmy you dont have one show . No. Jimmy you never did like game of thrones . Nothing, you never got into them . Im sure its great. Jimmy i know. [ light laughter ] i dont i dont have ninety hours with nothing to do. I dont know how people do it. Jimmy you dont have one thing you know what, that kind of okay, ill tell you my favorite show. The flex seal infomercial late at night. [ laughter ] flex seal if you dont know what flex seal is, it is a can of black goo for 14. 99. If you have a leak, if you have a drip, if you have a hole in your roof, you just get it, okay . [ laughter ] just get flex seal. There is nothing that this product cannot do. They have a spokesman, phil swift, who is so has so much energy. Jimmy how do you know phil swift . I wish i knew him. I just watch him on tv. [ laughter ] jimmy i know this guys crazy, hes like he has like a bowie knife and a bucket yeah, yeah, he attacks the bucket. Jimmy attacking the bucket and hes like hes grunting and hes laughing about it. Yeah, yeah. Hes got a weight problem, so hes very believable and relatable. [ laughter ] and he comes on and its the greatest. Now theres two theres two different flex seals. Theres a thirty second and prime and then theres a a thirty is a half hour one late at night, which is way better. [ laughter and applause ] cause that one jimmy you got me to watch your show. Oh, thats the one. Jimmy thats the one. Yeah, a lot more demonstration, theres a lot i dont have anything leaking, anywhere. [ light laughter ] jimmy you dont have a a leak . No, i have no leak. And ive looked everywhere, everything [ light laughter ] because i want to be part of what theyre doing. Jimmy yeah, you want to be able to seal something. I want to get it, i want to seal something. Jimmy yeah. So i daydream i daydream i fantasize that i accidentally bought a boat that has a screen door in the bottom. I dont know why. [ laughter ] i dont know why i bought it. Jimmy the whole thing this is a nightmare. This is my dream. Jimmy what would you do . I dont know why they built a boat like that. I dont know how i didnt notice it. Jimmy how did you i bought it. I bought this boat. Its got a screen door. Jimmy that would be one of the first things theyd bring up. You would think. Jimmy yeah. And then what do you do . But i got flex seal. Then i get flex seal. Jimmy oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then i seal it. Jimmy keep applying and then im zipping across the everglades. [ laughter ] where im going to hang out with phil swift later on. [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah. I want to talk about your Netflix Documentary i saw. I dont know why you call it its not really a a documentary, but okay. [ laughter ] why is it a documentary . Jimmy i think it just came out. Yeah i know, but its its an hour long. Its fiftyfive minutes of standup. Okay. So jimmy yeah, but theyre like old photos or something. Okay. Its a couple of old photos. Jimmy documentary. [ laughter ] all right. All right, documentary, whatever jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. Its a special. Yeah. Jimmy but it has old footage and stuff in there. Yeah, its about jimmy pictures of your house where you grew up and stuff . Yeah, yeah. Jimmy documentary. [ laughter ] okay. Jimmy very, very close. It rides the line. Rides the line. Old house documentary. Jimmy old house documentary. [ light laughter ] all right. Jimmy i saw i loved it so much, i watched it twice, thats how much thank you. Really . Jimmy yeah. Wow. Jimmy im a big fan. Maybe i am as good as you say. [ laughter ] jimmy no, no, im saying no, i didnt have a show at the time. Thats really nice. Jimmy at the time i didnt have a show, i didnt have flex seal. Right. Jimmy so this was my flex seal. Right. Jimmy but im watching it and i love it and this thing really got me. I dont know why, but this is this is you sitting in front of a window on a Street Corner on 57th and maybe fifth maybe is it . Madison. 57th and madison. Jimmy thats you there. Yeah. Jimmy and this is the spot when you decided you sat on there and you eat your lunch there. Yeah, i was working at a a place, sledge hammering walls for 25 a day. I was 21yearsold and they we would go out for an hour lunch. I would get a sandwich and i would sit on that ledge. And jimmy its so sad to me. Yeah. Well, im 21, you know . Jimmy oh, you got to sit somewhere. Yeah. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] i mean you sat right in the middle of a window, but its like yeah. Jimmy maybe you really wanted the attention. [ laughter ] no its jimmy you you could have sat here. No, it was heres the cool thing is that the ledge is still there. I mean were talking 1975 jimmy thats why i loved it. I loved it. And the ledge is still there and i was sitting there and i just went, you know what . I want to be a comedian and i dont even know if im funny. But i want to do this and im just going to do it. Jimmy thats my favorite part of the movie i think. Yeah. Jimmy i loved it so much cause its so real. [ cheers and applause ] it was great and it has a happy ending its got a great ending yeah, yeah. Jimmy i love that i was trying to think back when i was i decided to be a a comedian and you have those moments like that. But that was its one of those moments like that. I didnt have a corner, but i love that that corners there. [ light laughter ] and you can visit it, 57th and madison. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy and probably be part of the seinfeld tour. Yeah, probably be. So, i took all the material that i did, like my first five years. That got me from just being a a kid in my room jimmy yeah. To sitting next to johnny carson, in five years. Jimmy yeah, its so actually, it was four four years actually. Jimmy wow, you anyway, yeah, it was so jimmy theres one scene too theres one so here i am. Yeah, show them that part. Jimmy this is kind of unbelievable. This is me so we took the material and we glued it to the street, down in the village, minetta lane. And thats all the this there. Jimmy thats all yours everything ive ever written, there on a street. So it was just like, you know people dont realize i think how obsessed you have to be with something crazy like this to do it. You got to be out of your mind. Jimmy thats a you know . Jimmy yeah, i know. So thats how out of my mind [ laughter ] thats how much i wanted to be a comedian that i that i would just write and write and write. Jimmy you have all this material . Yeah, all these are the bits that worked. Now, theres probably ten times that stuff that didnt work and i couldnt do all of it on the special. There was no way i could get it all in 60 minutes. So i just picked a bunch of stuff that was still, i thought was still pretty good. Jimmy yeah, i loved it. And you actually brought some bits i brought some of the other bits with me. Jimmy yeah, tonight. Tonight. Jimmy yeah. [ cheers and applause ] because i thought cause i know you like to impersonate me. You like to do your imitation of me. And which i enjoy, but i thought why dont we take why dont we take some of this material. Jimmy uhhuh. And why dont we see who really can do me better . [ cheers and applause ] me or you. Jimmy Jerry Seinfeld and i are having the first ever tonight show standup battle after the break. Stick around. Im not going to [ cheers and applause ] we started designing popup cards in our basement. Whats cool is, today, we have 400 people working across the globe. With office 365, we can all stay connected, from vietnam, to boston, to new york. Now with whiteboard, we can all Work Together at the same time. 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Jimmy welcome back, everybody we are here with the one and only Jerry Seinfeld [ cheers and applause ] i should mention, the new comedians in cars getting coffee on netflix, this new season. Now youre on netflix. Now im on netflix. Everything is on netflix. Jimmy everything from well, not the tv series from the 90s, but all of my other stuff. Jimmy yes, yeah. Comedians in cars. Yeah, comedians in cars. Yeah. Jimmy you have Dave Chappelle this season. Yeah. Yeah. Jimmy one of the funniest ever. Kate mckinnon, and we had jerry lewis. Jimmy i i think what is jerry lewis final interview. It was his final interview, yeah, we were so thrilled to be able to see him. Jimmy hes one of my all time one of the alltime legends. Now that is a now hes a legend. [ cheers and applause ] hes a legend. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy now how did you how did you intro him . How did you intro him . As a legend. Yeah. Jimmy you did. Yeah. Yeah, never say this is the funniest guy. You know that from your standup years. Jimmy i know. You go in the toilet after that. Jimmy i know, but its an entertaining show, and people know who you are, and i think youve kind of proven your point. [ light laughter ] all right, yeah. Well well see whos jimmy lets see whos the yeah. Well, right now were about to go headtohead in the firstever tonight show standup battle. [ cheers and applause ] now heres how this works. This is the standup generator, and well each take turns hitting this button right here, which will randomly select the name of a short standup routine written by you, Jerry Seinfeld. This was some of my stuff. Yeah. Jimmy yes. Now you know this is all set up. This is not real. [ laughter ] no, its real. Its real. [ laughter ] no, they are going to decide, right . Jimmy yes, theyre going to decide, yeah. [ laughter ] [ cow bell ] well perform it as best we can. At the end, well decide once and for all who is the better Jerry Seinfeld. Me or Jerry Seinfeld. [ applause ] okay. Jimmy jerry, since you wrote the all these bits, why dont you go first. Well start the generator. Okay, all right, start the generator. Jimmy yeah, here we go. Wow. Jimmy you press the thin it really works. Hey. Those are really my bits on there. Jimmy those are your bits. Wait up. Wait up. Jimmy all right. Now, this bit is called wait up. Its on cue cards. Do you remember this . I do, i remember this one. This is actually part of a a halloween routine. This is a good bit. [ light laughter ] jimmy okay. Youre going to lets see you follow this. [ cheers and applause ] all right. So one of the things thats different about being a kid is kids dont want other kids to wait. They want them to wait up. Would you wait up . Everything with kids is up. Wait up, hold up, shut up [ light laughter ] mama, clean up. Just let me stay up with parents, its the opposite. Everything is down. Calm down. Slow down. Come down here. Sit down. Put that down [ laughter ] all right. Youre grounded, and keep it down in there [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that is almost a a perfect seinfeld impersonation. [ laughter ] thank you. Jimmy that is a good bit. Yeah. Jimmy i like that bit. Jimmy my turn. Lets start the standup generator of Jerry Seinfeld roles. [ beeping ] [ cheers and applause ] star wars. Jimmy interesting. Star wars. This is your take on star wars. This is a little bit i have on star wars. This was a bit it was a a pretty good bit. It didnt quite make it into my set, but i always liked it, thought it was funny. Jimmy okay, im going to do it right now. Here we go. Its on cue cards. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. Thank you. [ laughter ] okay. [ laughter ] okay, people. [ laughter and applause ] i watched a lot of star wars with my kids, dont care for it personally. I can say that publicly, because they were never going to put me in star wars anyway. [ light laughter ] im wrong for the tone. You dont want a character in star wars that says things like, you know [ laughter ] i dont think we need all the backflipping, and the lightsaber duels, not really a a very effective combat technique. Doesnt hurt your opponent in any way. The cart wheels, the splits, the hand springs, no one is scared of someone that can do these things, and if you want to go to a different platform, just step down to it. Somebody is trying to kill you you need to focus [ cheers and applause ] the platform. Step down to the platform. That was really good. Jimmy i had to do i did the high voice at the end. Yeah, the exasperated [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah, exasperated get to the platform, you focus, that was your only flipping with the thing okay. All right. Jimmy jerry, lets start the generator here. [ beeping ] pizza hut. Pizza hut. Jimmy love pizza hut. You love pizza. Oh, this is good. This is a [ cheers and applause ] okay. So thanksgiving is over now. Weve all eaten a lot. Feeling a little full. Feeling a little heavy. We all want to lose weight. Every person in america would like to lose a little bit of weight. Not one person has ever lost one ounce ever. [ light laughter ] do you think a possible explanation might be that we are still trying to figure out more ways to get cheese into a a piece of pizza . [ cheers and applause ] okay . Were hollowing out the crust. Were Injection Molding that with cheese. [ light laughter ] now theyre double layering the foundation with another layer of cheese beneath the main layer. The whole goddamned thing is cheese to begin with, folks its pizza now, i hear pizza hut is coming out with a new thing. They will actually bake your head right into a block of cheese. Theres no pizza. Its just cheese coming in every orifice of your skull. Maybe that will be enough cheese for us. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you put a little seinfeld spin on that, even saying the word pizza is not how you say pizza. No . Jimmy no, you said pizza. Which is not how you say pizza. Thats funny. [ laughter ] lets see whats up next. Here we go. Start it up. [ beeping ] rubber dividers . Oh, the rubber dividers in the supermarket. Yeah. Jimmy okay, all right, rubber divide. Alright, rubber dividers, i know that. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you, thank you [ laughter ] okay. Okay, people. [ laughter ] i like those little rubber dividers. Im sorry. Im just you got to pace it up. Pace it up. Jimmy im reading off the cue cards, so im just trying to sure ive got the i like i like those little rubber dividers they give you at the supermarket checkout, because you want your items, and you want a little property there too. [ light laughter ] like a little rubber fence. You dont want other peoples items fraternizing with your items, could be a bad influence. Now, there are two ways to use the rubber divider. You can either put it down on the Conveyor Belt like most people do. Sometimes i just hold it in my hand. Hey your potato chips. Kind of creeping up on my box of doughnuts there, pal. [ laughter ] may want to back it off a a little, okay . A little too close for comfort huh, are you listening to me are you listening to me . You need to police those checkout lines sometimes. Hey 13 items there, buddy boy. Come over, count them up. [ laughter and applause ] read the sign. Hit the road there, hey i said, move it. Come on, go, go 13 items or less. [ cheers and applause ] you are keeping up. Jimmy im keeping up . Yeah, i think its a tie at this point. Jimmy i think i would love maybe i should go on tour as seinfeld 2, and ill just do all of your material, and we could go both go on tour at the same time. Yeah. Jimmy or maybe, oh, ive got a great idea. This is actually an idea. Why dont we do a big concert where different comedians come out, and they do ten minutes of their favorite comedians bits. So you come out and do ten minutes of favorite bits, and then all goes it all goes to charity. Yeah. Itd have to go to charity, because thats going to be a a horrible show. [ laughter ] all right. Jimmy well, you thought about it. [ laughter ] why dont you bring it home with one last set. Start the generator okay, last bit. Jimmy here we go. Last bit. [ beeping ] birthday clown, okay. Oh, birthday clown. Okay. Jimmy okay, oh birthday clown. All right. [ applause ] jimmy oh, birthday clowns. What . Whats funny about that . Jimmy it just makes me laugh. You go, oh birthday clown. Oh, birthday clown. Well, so, you know, i have kids now, so i got to go to these little a lot of kids birthday parties. I used to, anyway, and i dont really like them. I dont like the Birthday Party clown always corners me, and wants some advice on his comedy career. [ laughter ] i dont know what to tell him. You know, how could i help him get his own tv show. I go, dude, i just went from having my own show to these parties myself. I dont know how to do it in reverse. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy thats exactly perfect. [ cheers and applause ] that is a perfect [ cheers and applause ] thats a perfect seinfeld. Its official Jerry Seinfeld is the better Jerry Seinfeld [ cheers and applause ] and the winner of our firstever tonight show standup battle. Thank you, my friend. Jimmy come on back after the break. Our animal expert robert irwin will be joining us. Stick around, everybody [ cheers and applause ] you wont believe how much is new at red lobster. That is, until you taste our new menu. Discover more ways to enjoy seafood with new tasting plates small plates, with big flavor like yucatan shrimp covered in chililime butter and caramelized pineapple. And if you like hot, buttery maine lobster, get your hands on this petite red lobster roll. For new entrees, explore globallyinspired dishes like dragon shrimp with a spicy soyginger sauce. 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Their prov formula is like a multivitamin. Making your hair 2x stronger see the difference when you add 3 minute miracle daily conditioner. Weve made you all diets dear januand cleanses. Rry. Thing is, food isnt a resolution. Its fuel for our resolutions. Fuel to power us, made for us. Its whole grains, fruit and iron. Protein, almonds and quinoa. Food that keeps us strong. January. You deserve better. Youre not a bad month. Youre our beginning. Special k. ,000 deaths in america last year. We need to stand up and say enough. The only way this problem is going to be solved is if we raise our voices. Choose help over helplessness, hope over hopelessness. Make sure that the lives weve lost will not have been lost in vain. Addiction is a disease. When you ask for help, help is there for you. Before we start, i just want to say if anyone still doesnt have fios, please stay out of the way so your lag doesnt get us all killed, ben. Whats so good about fios anyway . Uh. Whats so great about a 100 fiberoptic network that makes your gaming system actually work awesomely . Hey. Did you take out the trash . Haha, garbage boy dad, i already took out ben. Its not funny. Gaming is best on a 100 fiberoptic network. So get fios. Now, just 79. 99 per month with a 2year price guarantee with a 2year agreement. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is a a 13yearold animal expert from the australia zoo. Please welcome back to the show, robert irwin, everybody [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. Jimmy welcome back. Its always great to see you, buddy. By crikey, im so excited to be back. Its going to be awesome. Jimmy do you celebrate thanksgiving in australia . Back home in australia, we dont celebrate it. So thats why im so excited to be here with family, you know, giving thanks. Its really, really nice. Its going to be great. [ audience aws ] yeah. And its an excuse to eat a lot of food, as well. So its good. [ light laughter ] jimmy have you celebrated thanksgiving before here . I have, yeah. My moms family actually still lives here in america. So, yeah, its really nice. Jimmy oh, thats fantastic. All right, good, im glad youre here and im glad youre celebrating thanksgiving. You have kind of exciting news, i thought. You guys you are coming back to animal planet. Yeah, exactly. Were so excited its going to be great. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. So next next year. Jimmy your family has not been on since your father passed. Yeah. Yeah, but thats where mom and dad first started, was on Discovery Channel with animal planet. So were really, really thrilled to be back. Definitely going to be a lot of animals on the show. So it will be really nice. [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah, and your mom, as well . And bindi, as well . Yeah, my whole family. It will be great. And everyone at the australia zoo, hopefully, as well, so jimmy you you brought some animals were going to look at after the break. What do you what are the names or these well, weve got sid, weve got usain, weve got attila, peanut, and a really special one. Weve got the amazing butterscotch. She is so cute. Jimmy oh, cute. Butterscotch. All right, you guys, stick around. Robert irwin is going to show us some animals when we come back. [ cheers and applause ] butterscotch butterscotch resolution 1 binge more. Join the uncarrier, and get four unlimited lines for only forty bucks each. Plus, netflix for the whole family. On us. So, they get their shows. Lets go, girl youre gonna love this bit and you get yours. Watch however you want. On your phone, tablet, or tv. For just forty bucks per line. With no extra charges. Lets rock this joint all on americas best unlimited network, tmobile. But when we brought our daughter home, that was it. Now i have nicoderm cq. The nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release Technology Helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. 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Oh, im so excited. Its going to be great. So first up, we have sid. And sid is a very unusual animal. [ audience aws ] sid is a tamandua. Hey, sid jimmy hes a tamandua . Tamandua. Really interesting. Jimmy tamandua. Theyre also known as the lesser anteaters, and you can see theyve got that wildlooking head. Theyve got a tongue thats 16 inches long, and thats what helps them eat. Jimmy hes got a very interesting smell. He does, yeah, and thats actually sometimes, hell use that as a bit of a defense mechanism out in the wild. Hell use that smell to [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. Okay, hes going for the orange. Hes going for the orange. [ laughter ] what do you reckon mate . You like that orange. Jimmy hes got it. Hes looking at it. Jimmy yeah, i dont know what to do here. Robert, i dont know how to help you here. Oh, there he is. There we go. Jimmy there we go. Oh no. We got it. Hes got your hair. Jimmy ow, ow. All right, that one, ow. All right. I think hes alright, alright, alright. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Youre good. Youre good. Youre good. Jimmy hes itching me. Okay. Jimmy hes itching me, hes scratching me. Alright, let him get him out of here. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] hes got big claws. Jimmy i love him, i love him, i love him. [ cheers and applause ] get him yeah. You got him . [ light laughter ] isnt that awesome . Jimmy yeah, i guess it was awesome. Yeah, i mean [ laughter ] hes still here. [ applause ] woo theyve got a strong grip. Dont they . [ laughter ] jimmy they got a good little theyre climbers. Thats why theyre so strong. Jimmy yeah, is that right man . Yeah. Wow, wow, wow. [ light laughter ] you did well. You held your ground. Im impressed. Jimmy i did not do well, but ill tell you later. All right, who else do we have . That was not butterscotch . So next no. [ laughter ] that wasnt butterscotch, no. Jimmy okay. So for this next one, i want you to come around to the front here, and what were going to do jimmy oh, my gosh [ laughter ] were going to try something a little different now. Jimmy okay. What were going to do jimmy alright buddy. All the way down, were going to lay on your stomach, cause these are jimmy oh man. Alright, here we go. Jimmy hey, man. So these animals really need to get to know you first. So were going to bring out usain and atilla. So come on out, guys. [ audience aws ] so this is usain, and there is atilla right behind you. There he is. Hey, guys. So these are leopard cubs. Jimmy these are leopards . So these are little baby leopards. Arent they amazing . [ laughter ] hey, guys theyre so cute, arent they . Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh hes wandering. Jimmy im still theyre small, but im still i mean, that anteater almost got me so im worried about the leopard. Oh, theyre going all over the place. If you want to stand up. Jimmy yeah, no problem. This is fine. You can stand up now. Youre good. Jimmy okay. I dont want to i dont need to have the leopard yeah, okay, good. [ audience aws ] jimmy oh, wow. These guys are only a few months old. Jimmy hi guys. Oh, really . Theyll grow to get quite large, and the leopards are actually pound for pound the most powerful cat. Isnt that incredible . Theyre really powerful. They have been known to drag dead animals that they have killed here we go. Dead animals that they have killed up a tree. Theyre that strong. Isnt that incredible . Jimmy that is just awesome. [ laughter ] but theyre very playful, as well. Jimmy okay good. Thats perfect. I love them so much. Arent they awesome. Jimmy did you bring any little birds or anything . Any like fun like something is there anything like a a tiny little no, all right. Do you have the other guy . Youre good, all right. Here we go. Okay, so this next one, were going to come down here. Jimmy okay. This is a very exciting one. So follow me. Here we go, and this really interesting animal, this is the prehensile tailed porcupine. Really amazing, so what im going to do, im gonna give you some peanuts, and this is from the wonderful turtleback zoo. So what youll do is if you give her a little peanut her name is actually peanut. So she loves them. So you give her that peanut. There you go, and if you put your face right up to her nose, thats how they greet one another. So thats jimmy well, thats how they greet one another, but im not one of these [ laughter ] so i put your face right up to it. Jimmy i dont know, man. Look, she loves you. [ laughter ] jimmy ooh, oh. Yo, yo yo yo [ laughter ] yeah, i dont know if i like this at all. Youre good. Youre good. Jimmy im good, right . You do this. So what well do. Jimmy alright, so yeah. So what well do so you put your face up there. Jimmy robert, be careful. Goodness. [ audience aws ] aw, hello. So you see those amazing quills that they have . Jimmy yes. Thats their defense mechanism. So if an animal were to try and grab them, theyre so sharp, and theyre really, really long and pointy, and thats a really good way to kind of make those make those predators definitely not want to eat them. Oop. Jimmy but they dont spread they dont shoot uhoh. They dont shoot their quills, do they . Theyre just going to go explore. No she doesnt jimmy here, look ive got a peanut. Hey look, its a peanut. And see that tail . This is a prehensile tail which helps them climb. Jimmy oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh come here. Peanut peanut, look. Jimmy peanut . There you go. Jimmy there you go. Have some peanuts. Oh jimmy yeah, very nice. Wow, thats a beautiful how cute is she. Jimmy beautiful animal. Shes gorgeous. Jimmy oh my gosh. [ light laughter ] shes gone. Shes done. Jimmy let her go backstage to the crew back there. I think you might want to get her. Just make sure shes okay. I dont want. Yeah, yeah. I think shes going to try, and eat the curtains. [ audience aws ] jimmy yeah, wow, that is amazing. Isnt she incredible . That prehensile tail is amazing, isnt it . [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] jimmy now okay. Jimmy are we down to butterscotch . Yes, next is butterscotch. So what were going to do lets move over here a bit. Lets head over this way, and i want some of the roots to come down and help us with this. Jimmy yes [ cheers and applause ] come on. Jimmy here we go come on, man [ cheers and applause ] yeah. Jimmy come on, quest. Come on, you can do it. You guys come around here. Jimmy tariq, youll do it. So, what well do is well all line up just like this. What you want to do is, if you kind of go around that way, because ill get the head end, and what were going to do . Questlove the head end . Wait, what what is butterscotch . [ laughter ] youll see. So you remember last time that little bird that we had, that little toucan, thats so cute. Jimmy yeah. This animal i think is even cuter. This is the cutest animal on earth. This is butterscotch. So, ready . Lets put out our hands. Okay, come on out, butterscotch. [ cheers and applause ] oh, isnt she gorgeous . Hey, mate oh so butterscotch is a burmese python. How incredible is she . Hey, mate jimmy that is insane. Oh. Hi and its amazing, because this burmese python, its albino. Jimmy you feel that . Questlove yeah. [ laughter ] so theyve got that beautiful kind of yellow coloration. Theyre normally kind of a dark brown. But this one is really beautiful yellow, and theyre found all throughout southeast asia. Jimmy how big is this python . Well this one they actually do get quite a a bit bigger. Theyll get up over 20 feet in length. Isnt that amazing . Theyre the thirdlargest snake ever. How cool is that . Jimmy im just thinking about just running away right now. [ laughter ] isnt that awesome . And theyre really nice and smooth. Theyre beautiful animals. Jimmy you can just feel all that muscle. Its just all questlove yeah. Theyre so muscular, and thats cause theyre jimmy oh, man. Look at that. Do you want to say hi. Hey [ laughter ] jimmy no, were more email buddies. Yeah. Okay. Jimmy we dont really like seeing that in person. Thats all right. Jimmy dude, i love you, and thank you so much for bringing all these great animals. Oh, no worries. Jimmy its always so much fun. Happy thanksgiving. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Jimmy robert irwin, everybody more of tonight show after the break. Stick around [ cheers and applause ] before we start, i just want to say if anyone still doesnt have fios, please stay out of the way so your lag doesnt get us all killed, ben. Whats so good about fios anyway . Uh. Whats so great about a 100 fiberoptic network that makes your gaming system actually work awesomely . Hey. Did you take out the trash . Haha, garbage boy dad, i already took out ben. Its not funny. Gaming is best on a 100 fiberoptic network. So get fios. Now, just 79. 99 per month with a 2year price guarantee with a 2year agreement. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hes the best. My thanks so Jerry Seinfeld, of course. [ cheers and applause ] robert irwin and the roots right there hey, roots [ cheers and applause ] we had a fun day. We had a fun day today. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching. Have a great night. Hope to see you next week. Happy thanksgiving, everybody byebye [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers, tonight, icet, from search party writer and director michael showalter, music from midland, featuring the 8g band with leo gorcey jr. [ cheers and applause ] ladies andentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening, everybody, im seth meyers. Its late night. How is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] in that case lets get to the news
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