[laughter] >> we might have been there at the same time. craig: no, i would have remembered. that's lovely. do you spend any time in france now? >> i do now. i have shrugged off the bad memories and now i like it. craig: what do you eat when you're there? >> i eat steak treat every night. i steak frites. craig: steak and fries. you can't say fries. you can't say chips. it is france. all the fries are france. >> remember, they became freedom price to. -- fries? remember that? you could not say french fries? craig: i was once in a truck stop bathroom. don't ask. it was during all the time when the anti-french feeling was very high. there was a condom machine that sold condoms and also other pleasurable items, right? in a truck stop bathroom. oh, yeah, great. but there were instead of french ticklers, it had freedom ticklers. >> it did? [laughter] craig: i would not use a freedom tickler. i don't know if i would use a french tickler. >> what if you had deja vu and you cannot be french about it. it already happened. craig: it just happened right there. what would you do if you were having a deja vu and it already happened? tell me about the play that you're doing. do you get naked? [laughter] >> i do actually. i have to change on stage. craig: naked? >> i don't really -- i change on stage. that's as close to naked as i come. craig: right down to your underroos? >> almost. craig: your outer underwear? that is pretty conservative right there. i changed down my trousers. >> just down stage. it's a little embarrassing. that lovely french actor gilles marini was in it lovely man. he walks by as i'm changing. there is a lot of pretending not to notice that other people are getting undressed as you walk on stage. craig: i'm terrible about that. i stop and stare and then drool. >> then you would be late for your entrance. craig: i hate being late for my entrance. [laughter] >> yep, my mum came to see the play last week. she is a teacher from london. craig: she is english too? >> she is english too. a little bit irish. she likes a quiet theater. about 20 minutes into the play i hear a very loud shushing going on. my mom is shushing the audience. i was mortified. craig: do you think you should get her to come here? [laughter] i would quite like them shushed. that is not code. it is just -- we're out time. >> we are? craig: yes. so it is mouth organ, touch my glittery ball or awkward pause. don't do glittery ball. i'm not really sure what it is. >> do we each have a glittery ball? craig: sure, we can try. i have got a pair of kangaroo testicles but i don't know where they fit in at all. i have two glittery balls and these two things here. and the -- [laughter] >> we have to go with these ones, do we? craig: yeah, one is slightly lower than the other, but that is perfectly normal i'm told. i don't know what to do. i mean we could have an awkward pause -- >> we can have an awkward pause and the glittery ball. let's do that. craig: the thing is, though, this is too exciting. i'll turn it off. there. [laughter] craig: john goodman was here the other week. he is very good at the awkward pause. >> he is? craig: oh, yeah. you're better looking, though. [laughter] >> i'm not good at it because you make me laugh. craig: i like making you laugh. [laughter] it makes me feel like this. [laughter] saffron burrows, everybody! in baby voice ] who's daddy's little pee-wee? [ cellphone plays song ] holla... [ buddy ] g-dogg. what's up? you know me, right now i'm just kickin' it. tell me you caught the game last night? huh... yeah... yeah i caught the game. how 'bout that third quarter call? are you kidding me? yeah, come on, that was ridiculous...ly awesome! oh, and that hit on williams? did you see that? yeah, he's done for the season. ahh...i gotta bounce. [ baby coos ] i got this. [ male announcer ] only at&t's network lets your iphone talk and surf at the same time. at&t. you carry them around everywhere. yes i do, because cravings are everywhere. would you take a craving for me, cartwright? how would i -- exactly. [ male announcer ] nicorette mini goes wherever you go, to help make quitting suck less. well, it's not going to clean itself. want me to get dad? no thank you. viva's all i need. look at that! still in one piece. yeah, so's the towel. [ female announcer ] grab a roll and try it on your toughest mess. bad news: men use soap that can really dry their skin. fear not, dove men plus care is here. it's the bar with one quarter moisturizing cream, so it cleans and leaves skin feeling moisturized. dove men + care. [ male announcer ] the stella artois chalice celebrates the beer. and now the new can... celebrates the chalice. the new stella artois chalice can. why did you buy my husband a falcon? thanks for the falcon. i didn't buy anyone a falcon. sure, you did. you saved us a lot of money on auto insurance. i used that money to buy a falcon. ergo, you bought me a falcon. i should've got a falcon. most people who switch to state farm save on average about $480. what they do with it, well, that's their business. oh, that explains a lot, actually. [ chuckles ] [ male announcer ] another reason people switch to state farm. aw, i could've gotten a falcon. [ male announcer ] get to a better state. [ falcon screeches ] ♪what did we learn on the show tonight, craig? [farts] [laughter] craig: i would just like to apologize on behalf of everybody here, the show -- you join us tomorrow night, the normal standard of professionalism will apply and all this -- [laughter] geoff: oh, man. that was good. craig: see you tomorrow, everybody. good night. now, "entertainment tonight," the most watched entertainment news magazine in the world. >> when they offered me the job, i was like whoa! ♪ man man man man manly man >> ashton, angus and john, nancy's interview with the "two and a half men." >> i can see this is working out really well. >> new set secrets and ashton on taking charlie sheen's spot. >> i was kind of in shock. george clooney and stacey keibler take their romance public in toronto. jon hamm and angelina jolie. >> jackie kennedy, what her life was really like with jfk. >> once i asked if he could have one wish, what would it be? he said i wish i had more good time. kirstie alley getting skinnier and getting ready to hit the catwalk at new york's fashion week. get ready to dance. >> chaz's dancing rehearsal. >> the body hurts a lot. >> i'm first inside. >> will cher come out and see you? >> in depth on the biggest entertainment stories from around the world. >> hi, everybody and welcome to "entertainment tonight." i'm nancy o'dell. >> and i'm mark steines. >> ashton kutcher and "two and a half men." everybody knows the star has pretty big shoes to fill. but is ashton worried? don't bet on it. ♪ man man man man manly man >> what did you think when you were first approached about the job? >> i was kind of in shock. i offhandedly mentioned to a friend, i said if i was offered that job i would take it in a minute. i sort of flippantly had thrown it out there. and when they offered me the job, i was like whoa! wait a second. wow! >> the new cast of "two and a half men," and me, ashton revealing set secrets and what's it like taking over for charlie sheen. charlie's character dies in the first episode. can you reveal that much? >> it doesn't hurt. >> he's no longer with us. >> there you go. thank you. >> that would be obvious. unless he pops up and says "winning." >> we're not ruling anything out. >> there's so much pressure that's got to be on you. do you feel the pressure? >> i don't think there was a lot of pressure. this show has been enormously successful for a long time. there's a reason why so many people watch it and so many people love it and appreciate it, because it's written really well. it's acted really well. there's a massive crew, 200 some people that are here every friday night that actually make it and give it the value that it has. i'm fulfilling a piece of that puzzle. >> i remind him what a tiny part of this big machine he is. that helps. >> john belittles me every day. >> occasionally physically. >> makes fun of my patchy field. >> i can see this is working out really well. the chemistry. >> the chemistry will be on debut when ashton makes his debut on september 19th. it's a day some people thought would never come. >> when charlie was fired, was there ever a moment where you thought maybe the show wouldn't continue on? >> i certainly had a moment. it was longer than a moment where i thought well, i guess we're done. i did not see any of the whole situation coming. certainly how angus and i got all of our information was the internet. i heard charlie wasn't going to be on the show anymore. i thought okay, we had a great run and i loved doing the show. things happened because issues were coming to a head, but that being said, it all, i think, got a little more out of hand than everybody expected. >> either way, i had to finish school. i'm still in high school. i was just kind of going along with every day. >> doing homework. >> either i'll do the tv show or go to prom. >> let me see. >> both. >> ashton, who is now the highest paid sitcom actor on tv, plays hard heartbroken billionaire wheldon schmitt? is he deserving of his paycheck? ask the audience. >> when ashton is first introduced as a character, the audience went nuts for like 25 seconds, which is nice. there was an awkward pause. >> there was an awkward pause, because we have to stand there like, it's not natural for us to stand here frozen like this for 25 seconds. >> and everybody was cheering. >> yes, i would say that. then when he finished the scene, that's when he got the standing ovation. >> you got a standing 0 from the very first taping? >> i didn't do anything yet. >> i like those three together. ashton is making a lot of money for "two and a half men." 17-year-old angus isn't doing too bad either. he is tv's highest paid young star at reportedly $250,000 an episode. just like you, right? >> pretty good for a high school senior, don't you think? "e.t." was first to show you pictures of george clooney together with stacey keibler. they've taken their romance public. the talk of toronto. they were spotted together holding hands. at the toronto international film festival, the premier of george's film, stacey posing on the red carpet, george looked presidential. the film opens october 7th, co-starring ryan gosling. >> you have a boyfriend. >> george tells christina mclarty about the difference between politics and acting. >> you guys are like politicians, you show up, campaign for a movie. you smile and wave. very similar, the parallels. >> except people don't die when we screw up. >> you can have skeletons in your closet. >> i can. >> at brad pitt's premier, angelina showed up in handcuffs. angie you changed to her gold clutch. the couple mobbed as the movie opens september 23rd. brad admitted he wasn't a baseball fan before making this film. >> it's shameful how little i knew about baseball, but they gave me a good schooling. jon hamm and jennifer west at the premier of kids. it is jon directing the first episode of the new season of "mad men." >> hopefully it's okay. we'll see. >> "glee's" lea michele spent the weekend working in new york. she's doing reshoots for her movie, new year's eve. "contagion" was number one with over $23 million. now matt damon's new movie. he decides his family needs a new home and fresh start. what's so complicated about this place? >> it's a zoo. >> yay! >> i'm going to live here. >> welcome to your zoo. >> this is what you want. >> it's not what i want. >> you don't need special knowledge to run a zoo. what you need is a lot of heart. >> you are going to love your new enclosure. >> we need somebody who can take charge of this place or else we and all these animals are gone. >> i'm trying to give the kids an authentic, american experience. >> stop before zebras get involved. >> there's two zebras, there's 47 animal species. >> scarlett johannsson co-stars with matt damon in "we bought a zoo." opening december 23rd. >> i think you're incredibly pretty. take offense if i don't hit on you. >> i would be offended if you did. >> all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, and i promise you, something great will come of it. >> are you coming? >> opening this friday. >> there's five men's guns outside. >> they're not coming out. >> we have to get in. >> in "straw dogs" unaware of her romantic past. he hires her disturbed old flame. >> this whole film, i've been terrified. >> if that ain't right, i don't know what right is. >> you're a coward. >> obsession turns violence. >> don't be scared. tonight, the premier of sarah jessica parker's new film "i don't know how she does it." coming up in just a minute, i am first inside chaz bono's "dancing with the stars" rehearsal where he tells me how much weight he already lost getting ready for the big premier. >> jacqueline kennedy talking about her life in the white house with jfk. >> we're going to new york for that story when "e.t." returns. >> katy perry, the most searched for female online. lady gaga, the most followers on the 63rd prime time emmys is six days away. gwyneth paltrow is one of the big winners. she was honored this weekend. gwyneth paltrow for "glee." she wins her first emmy for the singing guest spot on "glee." justin timberlake showed off his pipes on "snl" and won two emmys for the effort. ♪ not going to do that thing where my voice goes high ♪ >> including for singing this co-writing monologue. perhaps the most emotional winner, loretta devine. >> i can't stop crying. >> she can hardly contain herself after winning for her guest spot on "grey's anatomy." >> i was blown away when they called my name. >> neil patrick harris has all the moves with colby smolders next monday on cbs. there's a little latin ball room, some '70s, freestyle, on the premier of "how i met your mother." >> popping and locking too. pauley perret takes on a new look for the "watch magazine" on stands september 22nd. >> i'm so much a sneakers and jeans person. >> on this day, it's vintage, shot at new york's historic st. regis hotel, the fashion of the 40s, new world for her. >> i don't normally walk around in gowns. premiering september 21st on abc. >> someone has to pay. >> "revenge" set in the hamptons where high society mixes with murder. >> i think that makes her really juicy, fun television. >> emily vancamp seeks revenge on the people who falsely put her father in prison. >> it's a pleasure, sometimes it's a guilty pleasure. charlie sheen may have wanted revenge, but he was more the victim at his roast this weekend. it airs next monday on comedy central. we were with charlie on the red carpet. you can check out the craziness by going to our website "e.t." online.com. still ahead, kirstie alley is about to walk the catwalk at new york's fashion week. we are there as she gets ready. jackie kennedy in her own words talking about jfk months after he was assassinated. chaz bono and the controversy on his casting of "dancing with the stars." i'm inside his rehearsal when "e.t." rolls on. >> closed captioning sponsored by -- it is the most controversial season yet for "dancing with the stars." >> it sure is. right in the middle of the storm, chaz bono and lacey schwimmer. i was first inside chaz's rehearsal when we talked about some of the unkind comments that are being hurled at him. chaz's mind is on his footwork and not the negative remarks that have been posted on the abc.com message board. >> how does that impact you? >> it doesn't for the most part impact me. every once in awhile it will [ bleep ] me. it makes me wonder what is the mentality of a person who spends their time saying mean things about people they don't even know. >> at his first look at the rehearsals chaz is about a week into preparing for the september 19th debut. >> how's the body holding up? >> the body hurts a lot. >> yeah? >> it does. >> he has double knee braces. he has gel inserts for his feet. >> he has lost seven pounds. >> it's a good by-product of doing the show. >> 42-year-old chaz and 23-year-old lacey are working hard to close their generation gap. >> we know the chemistry has to be there as well as the good feet and the knees and all that. >> that we have in spades. >> i don't know what that means but i'm sure it's a good thing. >> there's so many things i say she has no idea what i'm saying. >> he calls a backpack a nap sack. >> of course. >> that's the craziest thing ever, right? >> what the hell is a nap sack? >> it's a backpack. >> i've just surrendered to the fact that my life is being run by a 23-year-old and that's okay. >> are you ready for the glitter, the spandex? >> you know what, we're going to do cat suits week one. >> gold lame cat suits. >> >> head dresses, right? >> feathers. >> like mother, like son, no word yet if cher will be coming to watch chaz dance. but he will have moral support from dancing veteran kirstie alley. >> i love chaz bono, he's very brave. he's also just a nice guy, you know. he's a really nice guy. i hope he can dance. kirstie will be trying something new. at 60 she will become a model, hitting the catwalk at new york tomorrow. they showed us what she will be wearing, a sapphire gown with an imperial coat entrusted with crystals. >> i've never done this. >> she's counting on another dancing vet to help her. >> i've been practicing my model walk with petra. who better to teach me how to walk than petra? >> she can do it all. kirstie looks fantastic. how much weight has she lost? tomorrow i have an exclusive interview with kirstie and she will tell you how many pounds she has dropped. you will be amazed. that is tomorrow. right now, we are taking you to new york city for the jackie kennedy audio tapes. christina mclarty has this story. >> jackie o lived much of her life in manhattan. diane sawyer has a revealing interview you've never heard before. >> once i asked him, if he could have one wish, what would it be? he said i wish i could have more good time. >> 34-year-old jackie, months after her husband was assassinated, with heart break in her voice, she gives a deeply personal account of her life with jfk and her two children. >> he would get up at quarter of 8:00, reading 50 morning papers. i always said it was so funny for people who used his bathroom, men could use after dinner, because along his tub were all these little floating animals, ducks, pink pigs and things. errored in 1964, the tapes are an oral history that were kept under seal by the kennedy library. tomorrow night on abc, diane hosts a two hour special, "jack weline kennedy in her own words." >> the hair, the pearls. she was not your typical political wife, but a style icon who many thought would hurt kennedy's campaign for the presidency. jackie reveals on tape she never changed. jackie reveals on tape that she never changed. >> i was never any different than i was before. suddenly everything that had been a liability before, the hair, that you spoke french that you didn't just adore to campaign and you didn't bake bread with flour up to your arms. when we got in the white house, all the things i had always done suddenly became wonderful. i was so happy for jack, that he could be proud of me then. >> this day has special significance in kennedy history. jacqueline married john 57 years ago. >> thanks. tomorrow we will begin our special investigation into the abuse that occurred behind closed doors of one beverly hills housewife. it starts with these heart breaking photos of taylor armstrong that she wanted "entertainment tonight" to show the world. >> the bruises, the black eyes, the broken bones. the shocking beverly hills housewives abuse photos you've never seen. taylor armstrong, in the hospital, getting surgery. >> the injury around her eye, what would cause something like that? >> maybe a fist to the eye. somebody taking her head from the back and, you know, forcing her into something. >> the exclusive shots taken by a friend. >> that's really serious physical assault. >> were these injuries at the hands of her husband? >> she tried to document the evidence. >> do the other housewives know? are these new clues to russell's suicide. what really happened behind their closed mansion doors? a special "e.t." investigation tomorrow only on "entertainment tonight." you may be wondering why taylor would be willing to show these photographs. she think it's important because hiding the abuse makes it worse. >> i think what taylor is doing is very brave. stick around. we'll be right back. in tonight's "entertainment tonight" birthday, which "sex and the city" star once worked in a fast food restaurant? is it kristin davis, jennifer hudson or chris noth? your answers next in the "e.t." birthdays. >> travel consideration provided by -- in tonight's "entertainment tonight" birthdays, sugarland's jennifer nettles turns 37. which "sex and the city" star worked in a fast food restaurant? that's jennifer hudson who turns 30. we'll bring you up to date on how reese witherspoon is doing after being hit by a car. photos from the scene. >> we're glad she's doing well. you have to see these pictures. >> very scary. we'll have that for you and more tomorrow. take care, everybody. good night. >> good night. experts from a leading consumer publication recently tested stain treatments. they rated resolve laundry number one. beating shout. try resolve laundry for amazing stain removal. satisfaction guaranteed, or your money back. it's nice 'n easy colorblend foam! permanent color with tones and highlights. now in a delightful foam. just three shakes, foam it, love it! it's foamtastic! 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