Jason bateman; Stevie Wonder; and triumph the insult comic dog. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, its the best in late show retrospectacular endof year wrapupabration stephen welcome to the late show. Im your host, stephen colbert. Im so excited to be here tonight with you guys. cheers and applause its an amazing crowd tonight. cheers and applause even better even better than the crowd last night. I hosted the Kennedy Center honors last night, its going to broadcast when . December 28th, right . Something like that. Check your local listings. laughter but only cbs. Going to be on cbs. And its a huge honor to be there. You know, because youre there with all these artists. They have got the rainbow ribbons around their neck, the Kennedy Center thing, and the president and the first lady are there. These legends, because its legends honoring legends. And last night i got to meet ringo starr cheers and applause yeah thats exactly what i said when i saw him and do you know what ringo starr says to everybody he sees, whether its, like, an individual or, like, a crowd . He says this laughter jon two deuces stephen exactly, he does this to everybody. And youre, like, okay, peace and love. So, im right next to him and im, like, ive got to introduce myself to ringo starr. So i turned to him and i said, hey, ringo, i just wanted to say what an honor it is. Im hosting tonight. And he goes, oh, look, what do we have here, its stephen colbert. He knew my name he knew my name. I couldnt believe it cheers and applause a beatle a beat k and he goes, whats it been, like 20 years . laughter and i said, yeah, yeah, its been about 20 years. And we have never met. laughter but in my moment of glory, i didnt want to contradict ringo starr. Jon yeah, 20 years, yeah. Stephen and when we were on stage later together at the end of show, they were honoring the eagles. So the show ends we can say this, right . It ends with life in the fast lane, they tear down the house, all the guys are on stage, steve vai is out there, bob seger is there. cheers and applause bob seger, i believe were all ready for the resegerence. I mean, it is im a huge seger fan. So seger is out there just ripping his way through life in the fast lane, you know, just screaming his way through it, and ringo doesnt have a tambourine, i dont think he has a mic, hes dancing on the stage doing this but everybodys so happy to be on stage with ringo, that im just going to back to him, hey whats going on . Whoo cheers and applause thank you. Anyway, the point of my story, is that after last night, i think im the fifth beatle. cheers and applause i might be. Whats he say . Lets see, what else . Other than me meeting ringo, whats the big story today . Oh, the big story this weekend was that donald trump created an international oopsydaisy by getting on the phone with taiwan president tsai ingwen. Now, whats wrong with that . Whats wrong with that . Hey, tsai, its donald. Hey donald, how you doing . Hey, what are you wearing . Thats inappropriate laughter now, heres the thing, the u. S. Doesnt recogniziw being an independent nation because china views taiwan as a renegade province. Basically, its like if cheers refused to acknowledge that frasier had become its own show. laughter and, for a variety of applause big frasier fans . Thats not you, right . Okay. And for a variety of military and economic reasons, the United States has gone along with this since 1979. Now, since they both speak chinese, maybe trump wasnt sure which nation was which. So heres an easy way for donald trump to remember which china we talk to. Sir, its the one where they make your ties. cheers and applause thats easy. Jon oh stephen hey did you like it . Made in america. So its kind of a big deal. In fact, the exchange touched chinas Foreign Policy. Well, no surprise. Donald trump has a long history of sensitive spottouching. cheers and applause piano riff and, when this all blew up this weekend, trump explained it away, tweeting yeah, she called him but how are all these rogue World Leaders getting his private number . Has he posted flyers all over the world promising to teach you guitar . laughter hes apparently i dont know whats going on, but he apparently will take any congratulatory call, and it doesnt matter who its from. Mr. Trump, we have a couple of wellwishers on the phone, its robert mugabe, joran sloot, and the guy who shot harambe. laughter put him through. Put him through. Put him through. Good guy. Jon whoa. Stephen really . Harambe, thats where you draw the line . laughter really . Harambe . Now, china is giving trump the benefit of the doubt, with the Chinese Foreign minister calling it, a shenanigan by the taiwan side. Now, i dont know about you i have never heard of a single shenanigan. laughter its usual more than one. They usually travel in pairs. Its shenanigans. Theyre like breeding pairs, thats how you get more than one shenanigan. But if its just one shenanigan, i hope it doesnt escalate into a hijink. laughter cheers and applause now, some reporters say this wasnt a random phone call that trump took, upsetting our nuclear rival. Some say it was planned for months in advance. So if you were worried that trump might accidentally start world war iii, cheer up he might be doing it on purpose. laughter meanwhile, back here in the homeland, all right, trump continues to make cabinet appointments by accepting facebook friend requests. laughter today applause its a system. A system. The point is, a system is in place. Theres a process. Click today, trump named former neurosurgeon and current coma patient ben carson laughter cheers and applause he appointed ben carson to be secretary of housing and urban development. This is surprising because, just a few weeks ago, carson made it a federal agency, but today carsons spokesman explained that he is perfect for housing and urban development because he did spend part of his childhood in public housing. Yes audience reacts so get ready for our next surgeon general, someone who has been to the doctor. cheers and applause and last week, at the first of his victory rallies, trump teased the crowd with another major cabinet announcement. I dont want to tell you this because i want to save the suspense for next week. Dont let it outside of this room, do you promise . Raise your hand, promise. Stephen oh, i promise. Cross my heart, and hope to die. applause now, trump did eventually get around to making the announcement, and it was worth the wait. We are going to appoint mad dog mattis as our secretary of defense. cheers and applause stephen okay. A secretary of defense with the nickname mad dog does not automatically make me feel safer. laughter youve got a president with no experience at Foreign Policy with his finger on the button, and the other person in the room is a guy named mad dog. laughter thats not a secretary of defense, thats the sidekick on a morning zoo crew. laughter i dont want a secretary of defense mad dog mattis, or secretary of state hair trigger harrison. I want c. I. A. Director cool cat covington, and joint chief of staff ger project American Power but surprisingly rational about it robinson. cheers and applause and mad dog certainly earned his nickname. Listen to some of his advice this quote and more can be found in mattis selfhelp book, how to win friends and murder them. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Jason bateman is here. cheers and applause try theraflu expressmax,nd flu hold you back now in new caplets. Its the only cold flu caplet that has a maximum strength formula with a unique warming sensation you instantly feel. Theraflu. For a powerful comeback. New expressmax caplets. An ovenbaked digiorno . Or waiting for delivery . Did you have that beard when we ordered . A hot, freshbaked crust . Or . Did we order extra soggy . Dont settle for delivery. Rise to the occasion. Its not delivery. Its digiorno. You could wear them a second day. Charmin ultra strong. Its 4 times stronger, and you can use less enjoy the go with charmin. cheers and applause applause stephen welcome back, everybody you m roles in the blockbusters guardians of the galaxy and jurassic world. cheering his new movie is the magnificent seven. How about we take em over into that mine there . Uh whoa. This is as good as place as any. Easy. Gentlemen, allow me a moment to show you something quite miraculous. You show us our money pick a card. laughs is this your card . Stephen please welcome the delightful and talented chris pratt band playing cheers and applause what a beautiful theater. Stephen theyre very nice audiences we have every night. They dont always give standing ovations. Oh, really . cheers and applause what a beautiful theater. Stephen isnt a gorgeous theater . Gorgeous. Stephen the last time we saw each other was 2003. Yup. Stephen when we were doing a movie called strangers with candy. Thats right. laughter stephen and thats exactly right. Thats called a cult hit. laughter now, you played the Love Interest for amy sedaris in that. Thats correct. Stephen i dont know what this clip is, but i think they have a clip of you in the movie right now. Hey, whos that . Oh, thats just a greaser. Wow, check out the bleep on that arm cheers and applause 13 years ago. Did you know that movie cost me 3,000 to be in . Stephen what do you mean . We paid you, right . Well, no well, yes, you did. But this is a testament to how much we love doing what we do, that we would pay to do it. It was something called a local hireonly role, so they only want to pay someone from new york or new jersey to do to the role. They didnt want to pay to put somebody up. Stephen you were from los angeles. And i was from los angeles, so i literally flew myself here, pretended i lived here, stayed in a hotel and slept on peoples couches. And it would have broke about even, but in the middle i had to fly home for one weekend. So that all stephen to los angeles . To los angeles, yeah. Stephen yeah. Yeah, well, no, actually, i was doing a tv show called everwood at the time. cheers thank you. Stephen sure. And i had to go to court because i had a warrant out for my arrest, which is pretty awesome to say. Stephen wow yeah, pretty hardcore guy. Stephen yeah. It was, like, for an i never paid, and, you know, so i flew home and did this thing and i came back and, yeah, it cost me 3,000. But it was totally worth it. I worked with you, and i worked with paul, and amy and Phillip Seymour hoffman was in the movie. It was like all these legends. Stephen yeah. I was just hungry, i wanted to be with stephen well i just remember you as i thought, that guys really nice. I hope he works. You know . And then i didnt see anything for a few years, and then parks and rec as andy. Yeah. cheers and applause stephen i will say this. I know youre a big action star now and you talk about getting in shape, but i kind of miss fat pratt. Do you miss him at all . Yes, yeah. My wife does, too. She likes to cook and i dont get to eat as much of her cooking as i used to. Stephen mmhmm. Yeah, i miss it. Hes not gone re laughter hes just on vacation for a couple of years, but hes coming back. Stephen now, chris, youre a big star now, but as we were saying like go on, be more specific. laughter stephen youre a global superstar . Oh no, sorry. Stephen but when you were in your 20s, you werent. Do you think if you would have gotten famous young, it would have messed with you . Oh, yeah. Yeah, i think so, probably. It messes with you regardless, probably. But, yeah i feel bad for kids who get famous really young because its important to make your mistakes in relative obscurity, you know what i mean . Like, so you can say, wow, shouldnt have done that. Going to distance myself from that, move on and become a better person. But you can really be defined by the mistakes you make and, also, you know. And also, im married to anna farr farris, the lovely cheers and applause and weve been together for about nine years. And, you know, no one i was a working actor, but nobody really knew who i was. And she was a big movie star, and people knew her. It was nice for me to see how people treated her, that were in her life. That was a good lesson for me, coming into the last couple years of my life because you start to realize that you can be surrounded by people who are going to be, you know, there going to be deferential and kind of be yes men, and, you know. It taught me some important lessons and i was able to see that, you know, youve got to really nurture the relationships with people that you have, who will call you on your bull bleep , and the people who would have you over to dinner if you were if i was still a coupon salesman or a waiter or struggling actor. Tephen you were a coupon salesman . Yeah, i was a coupon salesman. Stephen how do you sell coupons . You give them away for free . laughter how do you sell a coupon . You know, it was i was a doortodoor salesman for like, about two years, and it was really more promotions. It was 20 bucks and you could go and get an oil change for your car. Four oil changes. Stephen give me your approach. Give me your approach. Hey, how you doing . Stephen im okay. Please dont yeah, the kids are in the bath. What do you need . Fantastic. Listen im over from meineke, they sent us over, were supposed to give these oil changes out to people. Here you go. Stephen okay. Um yeah, its four oil changes, 20 bucks. You just fill this out, keep it in your glove box. Stephen okay, ill let you know. No, youve got to do it i only have about 20 of these to give out, so you just fill this card out. We settle the 20 today. Cash, check, credit card. Stephen im going to call the police if you dont get off my porch. laughter oh, do it call some police, because they have cars and we would be happy to service their cars, too cheers and applause laughter stephen ill do it ill do it laughs were you good at it . I was pretty good. I was pretty good. It was one of these multilevel marketing pyramid schemes where if you work really hard, you could open your own office. Stephen if you work really lord, someone else would get a yeah, i made somebody very rich. And then i opened my own office at 19, and stephen at 19 . So youre doing this as a teenager . Yup. And then i got a minivan, and i opened my office in colorado. I ended up losing my ass, getting an insurance ticket that i never could pay or show up for, hence the arrest warrant later. laughter but i lost my ass and my mom had to fly me home, but for a while there i was riding high, yeah. laughter applause stephen does it feel good that now you can be nice to those people who bailed you out . Oh, yeah, totally. And im always nice to sales people. Like, if someone comes up and theyre ill just buy it. Whatever youre selling kid, you got it. Ill buy three. Stephen dont say weve got to cut that out because youre going to be youre doomed, chris pratt laughter dont care, totally fine. Stephen well, its lovely to see you again. Lets not make it another 13 years id like that. cheers and applause stephen congratulations the magnificent seven opens this friday. Chris pratt, everybody cheers and applause and thanks to target, i got to the after party this nice little outfit just in time using order pickup. Stay fresh get last minute gifts with order pickup at target. My new beer, stella artois, hey cois finished. The people will love it. Originally brewed for the holidays. Enjoyed ever since. vo its the holidays at verizon, and the best deals are on the best network. With no surprise overages, you can use your data worry free and even carry over the data you dont use. And right now get four lines and 20 gigs for only 40 per line. Youll even get the Samsung Galaxy s7, the pixel, phone by google, or the motoz droid free. Hurry, these offers end soon. Get the best deals and the best network, only on verizon. Snowmen with buttons, snowflakes with icing candy corn feathers, sure look enticing Rice Krispies treats, the fun doesnt stop how many ways can you snap, crackle, pop . Make the holidays a treat with kelloggs Rice Krispies. School lunch can be difficult. Cafeteria chaos. One little struggle. Can lead to one monumental mishap. Not with ziploc easy open tabs. Because life needs ziploc. Hey, need fast try cool mint zantac. It releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. Zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. Nexium can take 24 hours. Try cool mint zantac. No pill relieves heartburn faster. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody my first guest tonight is a golden globewinning actor, and he is damn funny. He now stars in Office Christmas party. Now, you can leave the santa suit in the attic. Why . Because im an adult and dressing up as santa claus would be embarrassing. Hey, unless, you know, youre doing it for charity. Then its then its um sorry tell dad that i love oh lucky. Put me dowr n fofive bucks, okay . Stephen please welcome Jason Bateman cheers and applause band playing whoo they do that for every guest. They do that for every single guest. Stephen they do not. There is not a standing o for everybody. Thats hot. Theres hot seats. Stephen a little shock. A little buzzer and up you go. Stephen we had a little moment there. That was very nice. We shook hands, felt it, went in for the hug. I saw it in your eyes. Im not going to run from it. Stephen a lot of people said i have very needy eyes. Theyre huggy eyes, to me. Stephen well, hey, Merry Christmas. Wait a second. Can we do Merry Christmas . Whats today . Stephen its december something. Is it the 25th . Stephen no. But were in advent. Were on our way. Were on the glide path to christmas right now. Youre promoting a movie called Office Christmas party. Office Christmas Party. Stephen you brought the jingle bells with you. Got the december release. cheers and applause stephen you got the Office Christmas party movie and managed to get a december release. That is key. Yeah. Stephen doesnt play as well in february. No, it doesnt. But, yeah, no, its a very good movie. Go see it. Got that out of the way. Stephen well get to it. Well get to it . Lets run a clip laughter stephen do we have another clip . Theres a good one of me with santa claus. Stephen thats a really good one. Hey, i havent seen the movie and i love it. Obviously im going to see it. You dont get b. S. On the show. Stephen i wont blow the no, you dont. I like the firsthand up my ass. laughter stephen really . I find the second hand is a little more filter, its a little smoother. Sure. Stephen but the guy you swipe the card on the santa claus there, is that hijinks or shenanigans . Single shenanigan. Stephen does that santa then take your number and go on a rampage . No, he doesnt, but thats a good idea for the sequel. The mazel tov march. laughter stephen one of the things that Christmas Parties do you go to Christmas Parties, by the way, in your business . I have been. They are holiday parties out in los angeles. Stephen oh. You cant say christmas out there. Stephen Christmas Parties back east, my friend. Yeah. cheering nothing but you have a very godfearing audience right there. I love this. Stephen were getting ready for the trump presidency. Its going to be Merry Christmas 365 days of the year. Always christmas in the trump presidency, my friend. applause do you guys have a holiday mixer here . Stephen do we have a Christmas Party . Do we call it a Christmas Party . We have a winter festival. laughter but we have a Christmas Party coming up a week from thursday. Youre going to get sued by somebody jewish. Stephen what . It needs to be a Holiday Party, otherwise they stephen oh, we also have a Hanukkah Party. Oh, well, that sounds expensive, to have two parties. I love my Holiday Party. Stephen do we have a Hanukkah Party . We dont have one . Im being told im lying. laughter okay, so, but they can cause trouble, holiday parties. Have you had trouble at a Holiday Party . Have you had a little too much there was a section of my life when i drank into a lot of trouble, which one can do. Stephen you lubricated the way of the trouble. I dont know if you guys have experimented with alcohol, but a lot of mistakes can happen. Gatorade. laughter is it in you . Is that new tonight . Have you used that before . Stephen no, never before. That is good. Were all going to take that into our lives. The devils gatorade. cheers and applause we have to give stephen credit for that stephen youre welcome Merry Christmas, happy holidays. applause so ive lost my privileges. Stephen so you dont go to holiday parties . No, i do, i just go and drink this stuff, this water stuff. Stephen sure. Okay. Im actually much better at conversation that way, so i hear. Stephen okay. You dont remember the next morning. I throw up a lot less on peoples jackets. Stephen okay, thats nice. And, boy, a bunch of really bad jokes come to mind. Dirty jokes, but im not going to do them. But its, yes, i go stephen cbs. Cbs. I go to he said it, not me. I go to as many parties as i get invited to. Stephen do you want to come to our Christmas Party . Do you want to come to ours . A week from thursday, do you want to come . Yes, please. cheers and applause stephen well, great, then we wont start the party till you get there, jason. Do you give a gift to your crew . Do you give crew gifts . Stephen yeah, everybody. I get everybody a gift, yeah. Are they good gifts, guys . Stephen are they good gifts . light applause yeah. Stephen wow. laughter wow i mean, its only year two of the show im ramping up im ramping up maybe just a card. Stephen ive got to get way better gifts now how about a nice card . Stephen ive got to go to target right now. Everybody gets a car . No, im saying a nice card. Stephen oh, a nice card. Why dont you get them a nice card . Stephen sure, one of those things that has jingle bells when you open it up, or Something Like that . That would work, they would appreciate that, right . Guys, you would like that. Stephen do you have family you have kids, right . I do, i have two little girls, ten and about to be five. Stephen oh thats christmas is perfect for you. Christmas is perfect, yeah. Stephen do you have holiday traditions with the youngun just trying to get them the right gift so i dont get any nonsense from them that i missed the mark. Stephen what do they want . Well, you never know. Its a moving target with those two. Stephen do you do the letter to santa . Do you do that, like we do the letter to santa. Theyre still you dont have a lot of tenyearolds who watch the show, or younger, do you . Stephen i do. I have the mental state of a tenyearold, so well, then ill ask you. Are you aware of santa and his legitimacy . laughter stephen yes, i understand that there are forces of darkness in the world who question his legitimacy. laughter okay. applause well stephen but yes, Jason Bateman, there is a santa claus, okay . cheers and applause there is. Stephen so, lets imagine for a moment, lets imagine for a moment that you had to explain so, so santas got a good size on him, right . Santas famously stephen hes a hefty guy. Bigboned. Well, lets be kind. Yes, yes, hes warm. Stephen zaftig. Travels in the north, got to keep it big. So this notion that he comes down the chimney, right stephen yeah. Starts to kind of strain the laws of physics for a ten yearold. Nineyearolds are going to buy that. laughter eightyearolds are going to buy that. Tenyearolds, if youve got them in a Decent School laughter stephen right. Are going to cheers and applause theyre going to start to work with a look of betrayal when they look at their parents. Stephen or if you live in an apartment, lets say. At an apartment thats right how do they do that there . Stephen comes through the ventilation. Thats how it works. laughter so its all, its a handshake with the doorman in the city here, right . Stephen oh, yeah, in the city, santa greases the doormans hand, you know what i mean . Its like he gives him a finner and then he goes so out in los angeles, theres a whole bunch of chimney b. S. So frannie, whos the tenyear old, shes not dumb and shes starting to look at me like this is straining the limits of what shes willing to buy. So we got her a bike a couple of years ago, and i thought, well, for some reason, she might buy a big fat guy coming down the chimney, maybe he brings lubricant or whatever hes got to do laughter i dont know right . Hang on laughter hes got to get stephen im afraid were almost out of time here, jason. I dont i did mention cbs, right . I mentioned cbs at one point in this conversation. Dude, to get down the chimney stephen i understand laughter i understand. So we got her a bike and, you know, it does come with its own grease, but its still not going to come down the chimney. So what i did is i put it outside, because i figured she would call b. S. On that. Stephen yeah. So i put it outside. And then this doesnt have a very funny ending, so get ready. laughter stephen oh, i heard this story. Its fantastic. No, no, no. Stephen this is a great story, i love how this one ends. So i put it outside. And i went outside, and i had to get some firewood for the fireplace because santas done with his lube job on it. laughter applause and im, like and i said, hey, theres a bike out here santa clearly couldnt you cant get a bike down a chimney, honey, so he left it out here, look at this. And thats where it really kind of sunk in for her, this must be true, because obviously you couldnt bring a bike down there, but old greasy santa could slide down there stephen and this is why i believe in santa because that makes total sense to me thank you for reinforcing all of our belief in st. Nicholas. cheers and applause see what kind of terrible father i am . Stephen no, youre a wonderful father. cheers youre also a lovely guest. Office Christmas Party is in theaters nationwide this friday im going to go see it Jason Bateman, everybody cheers and applause yep, got the exact doll she wanted. No, no, no, be right home. squirrel screeching, birds chirping squirrel chittering hey hey tires screeching hey is this yours . Yes. Thank you happy holidays. vo the real magic of the holidays is when we all give a little more. man thank you hey, evan. So, youre stuck at a work thing. With directv and at t you can stream all your favorite shows without using your data. That makes you more powerful than a table for 60. Wednesdays are the new thursdays or the mandatory after party. Youre not going anywhere. Im not going anywhere. Its your tv, take it with you. Watch all your live directv channels, on at t, data free. When are they leaving . Grilled cheese and campbells tomato soup go together like grandchildren and chaos. Made for real, real life. This is pezero sugar. Gar. ooooh zero calories. ooooo but max pepsi taste. wow applause pepsi zero sugar. And let roomba from irobot help with your everyday messes. Roomba navigates your entire home. Cleaning up pet hair and debris for up to 2 hours. Which means your floors are always clean. You and roomba, from irobot. Better. Together. cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back, everybody. My next guest tonight is an old friend and a veteran of the campaign trail, a true mandarin of this business, and a toy rottweiler. Please welcome triumph the insult comic dog. cheers and applause triumph, nice to see you again. Thank you, its great to be here. Sexy kitty laughs stephen you do a very sexy kitty cat. Thank you. Stephen does it feel good . It feels better. It feels better. One more thing. Okay, okay. Now, im good. Now, im really good. Stephen now, triumph. Yes. Stephen youve got your you are here in support of the triumph election watch 2016. Yes. Stephen your coverage emmynominated. Stephen emmynominated campaign. Are you going to win . Im going to win no, no, it already happened. The emmys. Stephen oh, okay. Sorry. Youre just pretending it didnt happen, are you . Stephen if im not nominated, i do not care. Exactly. Stephen all right. So its on hulu, right . Its on hulu. And look how big i am. I made the cover of the New York Times today. Stephen you are on the cover of the New York Times today. We have it right here. Take a look at this there it is. Triumph triumph right there cheers and applause stephen thats thats thats really about trump, you know. No, look stephen and its soaking, wet, triumph. Dont mind the peepee. Dont mind the peepee. Thats not directed towards trump. Thats, i just wanted to pee on the New York Times before trump knocks it out of business. laughter stephen okay, now, youve been covering politics for years. Very absorbent. Stephen right . Yes. Stephen why did the people coming . Like yourself, the elitists. Stephen okay, yeah. Its the elitists that didnt see it. You underestimated trump. Folks, it turns out donald trump, only donald trump was in touch with the american people. Though, most of them against their will. rim shot laughter applause stephen so, youre saying we didnt understand we under you underestimated the trump. You underestimated the voters. You know, people are blaming the election on voters being stupid. Which i think is very unfair to the racists. rim shot laughter you elitists, you need to go out, go out and see the real america. I hear the meth is amazing laughter stephen so i mean, it has to be. Look who they voted for cheers and applause stephen so, but all the pollsters, okay but it wasnt just it wasnt just pundits. It was like, t w oh, my god, ugh. Listen, i dont know what happened with nate silver. I dont want to say fivethirtyeights election forecast is flawed, but right now they have hillarys chances at 34 . rim shot laughter but dont worry. Stephen do you think theyll be able to improve their model next time . Fivethirtyeight will improve from this mistake. Yes, theyve come up with a plan to fix their problem. Theyre upping their margin of error to 100 . rim shot stephen okay, so, why so why did clinton lose, specifically . Do you have any idea why she lost . Because hillary, its the people talk about her the sound of her voice. Its not that. Hillary didnt have an issue. She ran on nothing. But, meanwhile, donald trump had a clear message. I have a hat. laughter wont you join me and my hat . laughter stephen okay, okay. Its a red hat for gods sake, its a red hat stephen ok what can we expect . Here, open your mouth, i got you know who i feel bad for . Stephen who . I feel bad for poor tim kaine. You know, all summer hes been forced to talk in spanish. laughter so much during the campaign, you know, its a fact. He can no longer speak until someone presses the number 2 on their phone. laughter rim shot stephen okay, what can we expect, from your vantage point, what do we expect from a President Trump . Oh, this is exciting. President trump. You know, i want to be optimistic, stephen. I mean, dont you think he can do what he promised and return us to a better time . Like yesterday afternoon . rim shot cheers and applause no, its going to be exciting stephen really . Its going to be exciting . Yes stephen in what way . How is it going to be exciting . Because we will finally get to see donalds plan to destroy isis. Which i assume is to buy it and run like one of his casinos. rim shot laughter and applause stephen can you but you really think he can be trusted as commander in chief . Oh, please all this everyone worried. Hes a mad man hes donald trump, and you know what . If theres any consolation, folks, the finger on the button is going to be really, really tiny. laughter so he might miss it. Hell miss it or have to press it so many times hell just give up, you know . Oh, this button, screw it stephen what about cabinet rumors . People are trying to figure out who will fill his cabinet. Yes, big cabinet rumors. No word yet about chris christie, if he will have a job. But trump did announce the creation of a new cabinet position called secretary of are you going to finish that . rim shot laughter i think christie is going to either be a highranking cabinet member, or hell be the wall. laughter applause stephen trius watch 2016 is available on hulu. Hulu stephen triumph, everybody well be right back. band playing cheers and applause an ovenbaked digiorno . Or waiting for delivery . Did you have that beard when we ordered . A hot, freshbaked crust . Or . Did we order extra soggy . Dont settle for delivery. Rise to the occasion. Its not delivery. Its digiorno. But when we brought our daughter home, i have nicoderm cq. The nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release Technology Helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. Every great why needs a great how. But so we dont have tormin wad to get clean. Charmin ultra soft gets you clean without the wasteful wadding. It has comfort cushions you can see that are softer. And more absorbent, and you can use up to 4 times less. Enjoy the go with charmin. These as wamy. Its been years oh, you smell the same. Meet my wife and my kids. Oh you guys are so goodlooking. And impeccably dressed. Thanks. Its all old navy. You sending off some last minute gifts . I miss us. You know . You should go to old navy. The entire store is up to 75 off right now. Ing idea. Okay, i think ill go there. Get out of here. I dont know what that is. Im just scratching my eyes. band playing cheers and applause snowmen with buttons, snowflakes with icing candy corn feathers, sure look enticing Rice Krispies treats, the fun doesnt stop how many ways can you snap, crackle, pop . Make the holidays a treat with kelloggs Rice Krispies. My new beer, stella artois, hey cois finished. The people will love it. Originally brewed for the holidays. Enjoyed ever since. Stella artois. 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Everybodys got a thing but some dont know how to handle it always reachin out in vain just taking the things not worth having but dont you worry bout a thing dont you worrybo mama cause ill be standing on the side when you check it out they say your style of lifes a drag and that you must go other places but just dont you feel too bad when you get fooled by Smiling Faces but dont you worry bout a thing dont you worry bout a thing, mama cause ill be standing on the side when you check it out. Everybody dont you worry bout a thing. Dont you worry bout a thing hey, Everybody Needs a change a chance to check out the new youre the only one who sees the changes you take yourself through but dont you worry bout a thing dont you worry bout a thing, pretty mama cause ill be standing on the side when you check it out oh, yes dont you worry bout a thing ba ba ba la ba ba la ba ba ba ba ba ba la la la ba ba ba ba ba stephen well folks, thats it for my special week of late show highlights. Thank you for a great 2016. Though, i think we all know, 2016 could have been better. But im sure you did your best. You know wait whats that . I hear something on the roof its either santa or a burglar. Im not taking any chances. Merry christmas, everybody good night gunshots hold still captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from wallum, australia, give it up for your host, the one, the only james