And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 667, maryland steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, welcome, welcome. Enjoy yourself. Welcome, welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to the tonight show, baby this is it. [ cheers and applause ] youre here watching it. You made it. Thank you very much for being here. Welcome. Heres what people are talking about, a bit of a scandal here. Melania trumps twitter account liked a tweet suggesting she doesnt like her husband. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] but melania claimed she didnt mean to like it, she meant to retweet it. And you go, well thats worse [ laughter and applause ] apparently the tweet said the only wall trump has built is the one between him and melania. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] trump was like, at this point, ill take credit for any wall getting built. [ laughter and applause ] i did it. [ applause ] of course, yesterday trump had a big phone call with Vladimir Putin where they agreed to Work Together on handling kim jongun. You know a leader is unstable when trump and putin are like, we gotta keep an eye on that guy. [ laughter and applause ] hes trouble. I mean, seriously, trump and putin fixing north korea. Thats like Chris Christie and Newt Gingrich guarding a a wedding cake. You know, its like [ cheers and applause ] why . [ grunting ] [ laughter ] this is kind of interesting here. I read that director oliver stone has been spending time with putin for a a documentary. And, yeah, apparently the two of them sat down and watched the classic movie, dr. Strangelove together. [ laughter ] it turns out putin loves classic movies. He even wrote up some reviews. Steve did he really . Jimmy yeah, check these out. We got them. They sent them here to the tonight show. Steve did they really . [ light laughter ] Vladimir Putin sent you these reviews . Thats great. Jimmy let me show you some of these reviews Vladimir Putin wrote. For the movie, its a wonderful life, putin wrote, a wonderful life . Why, he must have potato. [ laughter and applause ] that, to him is a wonderful life. Steve thats his whole review. Wow. Jimmy next, for the wizard of oz, putin wrote i love man running things from behind curtain. Its like me during u. S. Election er, um, i mean, nothing. [ cheers and applause ] steve okay, thats telling. Jimmy he wrote that. Steve he wrote that. Vladimir putin wrote that in english. Jimmy he wrote, er, um, steve dot, dot, dot. [ laughter ] who knows. Jimmy and finally, for finding nemo, putin wrote bad example for children. When someone disappears, you will never find them. Trust me. [ laughter and applause ] and you go, come on, man. Steve rude. Jimmy thats a pixar film. Steve rude. Jimmy hey, this was pretty big today. Fbi director james comey testified before congress. And he referred to wikileaks as intelligence porn. [ light laughter ] mike pence was like, you had me at intelligence, and you lost me at porn. [ laughter ] while trump was like, you lost me at intelligence and won me back at porn. [ laughter and applause ] oh, okay. Steve what . Jimmy and ivanka trump has a new book out where she says that she was so busy during the campaign, she didnt even have time for a massage. Steve oh. [ audience aws ] [ light laughter ] wow. Jimmy and people in syria said, yeah, never mind us, we should be helping you. I mean, really . [ applause ] no massage at all . Steve oh. Jimmyat said she went into survival mode and couldnt find time for a massage. Pretty rough. In fact, its already inspired a new tv series. Take look at this. On the next episode of survivor trump family edition. Ivanka only has time for a mani and not a pedi. Don jr. Is forced to drink champagne served at room temperature. Eric buys an armani suit off the rack. And they will do it all while living in a hotel with only four stars. Survivor trump family edition. Who will survive . All of them, easily. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy yeah. [ cheers and applause ] i would watch that. I would watch. Hey, lets get to sports here. The nba playoffs are under way, and the Golden State Warriors [ cheers and applause ] they said that they are a a little disappointed that they have to play the utah jazz because theres no night life in Salt Lake City. [ light laughter ] well, when utahs tourism board heard that, they put out oh commercial to show off the hot spots for people to visit in utah. Take a look at this. Hey, folks. Salt lake city is sitting pretty. Our night life is heating up like a hot potato. Check out all our nifty establishments like mitts milk bar. [ laughter ] hooters, utahs premier owl conservatory. [ laughter ] and of course, lady lux. Where the girls start with their clothes on and end up with their coats on [ laughter ] remember, what happens in Salt Lake City is fine to tell everyone. Jimmy yeah, see . Thats nice. Thats some hot spots. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy a little tv news here. I saw that jeopardy was just renewed for two more years [ cheers ] which will take it to the 35th season. I think alex trebek might be a a little tired of hosting though. Just look at the this category from todays episode. Number of fs i give. Steve oh, come on. [ laughter and applause ] what . What . Thats rude. Jimmy and finally, this is pretty amazing. I saw that amazons alexa can now whisper, change the pitch of its voice and spell words correctly. [ audience oohs ] so, if yourke united states, zero. [ cheers and applause ] there we you go. We have a great show tonight give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, guys thank you, roots. Thank you, higgins. We have a great show tonight. From the Big Bang Theory, kaley cuoco is on the show tonight steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, we love her we love her. Plus, this guy is one of my favorite human beings on the planet. He stars in the new nbc show, great news. My pal, horatio sanz is here. Steve yeah, horatio [ cheers and applause ] jimmy very funny, very funny individual. We have a lot of good memories together, me and horatio. And we have great music. Oh, my goodness. Lp is on the show tonight steve woah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, you know what . Me recently. Steve whats that . Jimmy American Kids are ranked 30th in the world in terms of math skills. Steve what . Jimmy yeah, and nobody seems to know how to turn this thing around. I think the problem is todays kids just cant relate to oldfashioned things like numbers. Steve wow. [ light laughter ] jimmy so weve updated math to make the equations more about stuff modern kids can relate to, in a segment called, popular mathematics. Here we go. Popular mathematics mathematics [ cheers and applause ] jimmy lets take a look at our first equation, here. If you take Harry Connick jr. Steve uhhuh. Jimmy you multiply him by two. Steve sure. Jimmy it equals the property brothers. Steve oh. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, thats the way thats the way you understand how that works . Steve thats how you get kids. Jimmy yeah. Steve kids love the property brothers. Jimmy let me give you let me give you another example. Steve give me another example cause im confused. Jimmy yeah, here heres another. The quaker oats guy. Steve got it. Jimmy plus super cuts. Steve sure. Jimmy equals mike pence. [ laughter and applause ] do you see what im saying . [ cheers and applause ] do you understand . Steve not yet. Jimmy my jam . Steve i know the things. But its not gellin in my brain. Jimmy all right, good. Let me give you another. Steve please do. Jimmy let me give you another possible example. Know him, love him. Jimmy plus a tight rope artist. Steve uhhuh. Jimmy it equals luke skywalker. Do you hear what im saying . [ laughter and applause ] do you get it . Steve no. One more. Give me one more. Jimmy let me give you another example. Steve give me a xampie. Jimmy heres another one. Steve martin. Steve steve martin, i love him. Jimmy plus a hearty sneeze. Steve sure. Jimmy equals Steve Mnuchin. [ laughter and applause ] Steve Mnuchin jimmy mnuchin steve gesundheit jimmy danke steve ya. Still not getting it. One, two, three. [ counting in german ] [ smacks ] oh [ laughter ] jimmy guys, if you take alfred e. Neuman. Steve got it. Jimmy plus face apps old filter, you get jeff sessions. Steve wow. [ applause ] jimmy yeah, you see, its popular math steve its popmatics for the kids. Jimmy if you take overnight delivery. Steve yes. Jimmy you add sylvester stallone. Steve right. [ light laughter ] jimmy it equals asap rocky. You see what im saying . [ laughter and applause ] steve oh. Jimmy you get it . Steve i get it. If you could just give me one more example, just one more, thats all i ask. One final example. I have had the penultimate one, now i need the ultimate xamp. [ light laughter ] just one more example. Jimmy could you do some sound effects . Steve sure. Jimmy me drinking, and then me using windex. Steve okay. Jimmy and then, squeegeeing it off. Steve okay. Youre going to, like, clean something . Jimmy ill drink first. Then ill sneeze on something, then ill windex, and then clean it. Steve got it. [ light laughter ] jimmy okay, well, here you go. [ drinking ] [ popping ] [ laughter ] [ gulps ] [ sneezing sound ] [ sprayer sound ] [ laughter and applause ] jimmy he can do a windex bottle steve yeah jimmy thats fantastic. Steve and my brother dave. Jimmy who can do a windex bottle . Thats great. Steve oh my gosh. Jimmy no one else can do an impression of windex. Thats great. Steve my he taught me. Jimmy your brother dave. Finally, if you take a nuclear weapon, plus the boss baby, it equals kim jongun. Steve yeah jimmy there we go, everybody thats all we have time for popular mathematics. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with a a great, audience suggestion box. Well be back stick around come on back. [ cheers and applause ] [car engine failing to start] [wind blows] yo wh ah he [gas pouring] [slurps loudly] [engine starting] [loud slurping continues] what twisted ankle . Ask what muscle strain . Advil makes pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. Welcome to maxx you. You are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. We see what makes you unique. So we have something for everyone, at a price thats just right for you. Maxx you. Maxx life. T. J. Maxx the toothpaste that helps new parodontax. Prevent bleeding gums. If you spit blood when you brush or floss you may have gum problems and could be on the journey to much worse. Help stop the journey of gum disease. Try new parodontax toothpaste. I have to tell you something. Dad, one second i was driving and then the next. They just didnt stop and then. Im really sorry. I wrecked the subaru. I wrecked it. Youre ok. Thats all that matters. vo a lifetime commitment to getting them home safely. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. This is a snack. This is another snack. Ohhhh, is that hersheys chocolate . Theyre all snack brothers from the same snack mother. Its hersheys snack mix filled with pretzels, almonds, and, hersheys chocolate. Boomsnackalaka. Hersheys and reeses snack mix snacks on snacks on snacks. Have you tried the tissue test . Question, are my teeth yellow . Boomsnackalaka. Crest 3d whitestrips whiten. 25 times better than a leading whitening toothpaste i passed the tissue test. Oh yeah. Crest whitestrips are the way to whiten [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, we have such a a great show tonight. Kaley cuoco is on the program. Guys, as you know, we are always striving to get better here at the tonight show. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. [ applause ] so before every show we put out a suggestion box for the audience just to get some feedback about what you guys think of the show, things youd like to see us do. That kind of stuff. So tonight, lets look inside the audience suggestion box. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] look into the box the suggestion box jimmy this is one of my favorite bits. I love this so much. This one it really is. This ones from lisa klienman. It says, hey, jimmy, have you on your phone . Its pretty crazy. You should do one. We just talked about it earlier. Its pretty interesting. You take a selfie and the app has different filters that make you look old, young, male, female, whatever. So heres a picture of me. [ light laughter ] dont laugh. Thats just a picture of me. [ laughter ] im in the right business. [ laughter ] heres a picture of me using the old filter. Ooh. [ applause ] now lets try one doing of james there. James . Heres the regular photo of [ laughter ] regular photo of james. Heres a photo of james with the bonk filter. [ bonk noise ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] this ones from alex paraya. Tomorrow is may fourth and may the fourth be with you. [ cheers ] i love star wars. i also love the song all star by smash mouth, which got me thinking, could you show all of the stars of star wars singing all star . That sounds fun. Here it is. Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me i aint the sharpest tool in the shed she was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an l on her forehead well the years start coming and they dont stop coming fed to the rules and hit the ground running didnt make sense not to live for fun your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb so much to do so much to see so whats wrong with taking the back streets youll never know if you dont go youll never shine if you dont glow hey now youre a get your game on go play m hey now youre a rock star get the show on get paid and all that glitters is gold only shooting stars break the [ screaming ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on. Thats fantastic. Thank you, buddy. Heres another one here. This is from lamar loylaylee. It says, hey, jimmy, Cinco De Mayo is coming up [ cheers ] and i really want to know how to make a margarita. Any way you could help me . Actually, yeah, i think i could. Tariq jimmy, please. Or should i say, por favor . [ cheers ] ive got this. Jimmy youve got what . Tariq thanks, buddy. Now, if youre looking for a a margarita that will make you say ay caramba, youre going to want to try one of my special tariqitas margaritas made with my patented tariqitas margaritas maker. But watch out. Too many sips of this spicy drinko and youll be hunched over your bathroom sinko [ light laughter ] de mayo. [ light laughter ] thats the name of the game. You know what im saying . [ laughter ] jimmy i think we do. Anyway, thank you for the tips, tariq. Ill make sure tariq all you need to do to make this is use some fresh lime, triple sec, premium white tequila, and youve got to have the salt. But [ laughter ] you want to get real loco, which i know you do jimbo. I like to add a little cayenne pepper. Mmmmmmmm now, thats what i call caliente. So this Cinco De Mayo, take it from tareezy keep it easy, but never cheesy with my margareasy. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Thank you, tariq. Is there anything else you want to say . Tariq oh, yeah. This is just a blender with my picture on it. [ light laughter ] jimmy perfect, all right. Lets do [ cheers and applause ] i knew that. I knew that. Lets do one more suggestion. This is from joanne munchauer. Hey, jimmy, you should tell more knockknock jokes on your show. Yeah, i dont know if people find them that funny, but i can give it a try if you guys are up for it. [ cheers and applause ] knock knock. Audience whos there . Jimmy gorilla. Audience gorilla who . Jimmy gorilla me a a hamburger, im hungry. [ laughter ] ha ha ha ha ha we know that joke was good ha ha ha ha ha we like th joke you told [ cheers and applause ] jimmy im sorry. Who are you guys . Were two members of the early 80s new wave band, spandau ballet. [ light laughter ] here is a photo of us. [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah, very good. Yes, and were deeply sorry if that threw you off. Thats just how we laugh. [ light laughter ] jimmy thats how you laugh . Yes. We are deeply, deeply sorry. Jimmy no problem. Dont be deeply sorry. Do you guys mind if i read another knockknock joke . Of course. Please go ahead. Jimmy knock, knock. Audience whos there . Ha ha ha ha ha we know that joke was good jimmy guys, guys, guys, stop. Guys, stop, stop, stop. To get to the joke there. Sorry. My older brother tickled me. [ laughter ] jimmy you guys are brothers . Yes. Im martin kemp and hes gary kemp. Its true. Google it. [ light laughter ] jimmy ill take your word for it. Ive got to say, though, for brothers you guys look pretty different. I would say youre brothers from a different mother. Ha ha ha ha ha we know that joke was good jimmy i know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha we like that joke you told jimmy you guys, it seems like sorry. It just seems like you guys are just now starting to laugh. I mean, why werent you laughing earlier in the show if thats how you laugh . [ light laughter ] honey, i think you just answered your own question. [ audience oohs ] show. Jimmy, wait. Hold on. Listen, ive got an idea to make it up to you. We live in crazy times right now. I mean, there are some real weirdos out there. Real freaks. Theyre not even normal like us. [ laughter ] so why not you, us, and everyone in our great audience laugh the way we laugh . What do you say, everybody . Do you want to do it . Yes, you do. [ cheers and applause ] yes, you do. Lets do it, everybody. Two, three, four. Ha ha ha ha ha we know that joke was good ha ha ha ha ha we like that joke you told jimmy martin and gary kemp, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] thats beautiful. Thats all the time we have for the audience suggestion box. Stick around. Well be right back with kaley cuoco. [ cheers and applause ] chevythree years in a row. Car company really. Lets see how quickly you can read through all their awards. 2017 motor trend car of the year. Kelly blue book 2016 best resale value. U. S. News best cars for the money 10 best blah blah blah only about 90 more to go 2017 iihs. Top safety. 2017 north american car of the year thats a lot of awards get 20 below msrp on all malibu lt models. Thats 5,200 on this chevy malibu. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Shsale this weekend family and take an extra 20 off sale prices on a great gift for mom like diamond earrings for only 39. 99 take an extra 20 off a ninja coffee bar and new sandals are just 11. 99. Youll get kohls cash too kohls. Mathat are 100 from dennys. Rs starting at 6. 99, which is 100 awesome. 100 seriously. Ball park franks got their right here in the ballpark. They soon became a summer tradition, passed from one generation to the next. With the taste of 100 angus beef, ball park franks bring on summer. A mihappy birthday, sweetie oh, millies. Trick or treat were so glad to have you here. What if we treated great female scientists like they were stars . Yasss queen what if millie dresselhaus, the first woman to win the National Medal of science in engineering, were as famous as any celebrity . [millie dresselhaus was seen having lunch today. ] [. Rumors of the new discovery. ] what if we lived in a world like that . crowd applauding we know a place [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, welcome back, everybody. Our first guest stars on one of the biggest shows on television, the Big Bang Theory which airs thursdays [ cheers and applause ] oh, absolutely. Thursdays at 8 00 p. M. On cbs. Everyone please welcome kaley cuoco [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats how you do it entrance. Thats how you make an entrance, baby hi jimmy thank you for coming back to the show. Thank you. Jimmy you look gorgeous. Thank you. Jimmy i love that. Thats beautiful. Thank you so much. Jimmy they love you, obviously. [ cheers and applause ] i love having you here because i have a lot of questions for you. I always do because i heard that you did this thing called canyon swinging . Yes. Jimmy now, explain to me what it is. cause i dont have any idea. It sounds dirty. Yeah. Yeah, no, it does. [ laughter ] no, so okay so my boyfriends family took me on a vacation to new zealand for new years, which is the nicest most amazing thing in the world. Jimmy yeah, and how long have you been dating . Can i get personal . Almost a year at that point. Jimmy okay, good. Yeah, so it was good it was a good point. So we go on this vacation and theyre like dare devils. My boyfriend is a dare devil loves to do all this stuff. So he told me, were so excited midweek were going to go on a a canyon swing. And im like well, that sounds like fun. I like to i like a swing. Thats fine. [ light laughter ] like a park swing. Jimmy sure. So im like well, this could be fun. So then, hes kind of talking about it, preparing, buying clothes for it. It and im like, honey, this looks like a bungee jump. He said, no, no, no, no. Its a canyon swing. Am im looking im seeing these death defying videos and people posting like, dont do it [ laughter ] like freaking out. Im like, why are people so afraid of this swing. Like this seems no babe, its going to be fun. Youre going to love it. Its just a swing. You just swing. Its really relaxing. Jimmy and a harness. Exactly. So we get there. You have to hike up this mountainside to get to the swing. Jimmy okay. So im like the swing is going to be kind of high. Like, is there like like im confused as to whats happening. Jimmy i kind of get it. You swing over a canyon . Yes. You get up there. They start you on a zip line. Im not like dare devily person. Jimmy i already have yeah. Im done. Jimmy i dont want to zip line anywhere. Heres the problem, im with his family, i felt like i was on the bachelor. Like i had to like like are you ready to take this . Can you jump off with him . This is the next step in your relationship. And im like, am i going to get the rose out of this . [ laughter and applause ] i didnt know what was going to happen. Jimmy youve gotta get the rose i gotta get the rose. Jimmy you go for the jump so i go on they take you on a zip line to get to the swing. So i think the zip line is all were doing. So i get on the zipline. Theyre like, okay you made it. Now we are going to walk up to the swing. Jimmy who is this in the photo . So we get up to the swing these are the guys that helped us. This is the jump. Its a bungee jump. If my boyfriend calls it a a swing one more time, i swear im going to kill him. [ laughter ] its a bungee jump. So they hook you up. And let me and my boyfriend go together. Carl and i. They hooked us together and they said, okay. Jump when youre ready. This is what it looked like. Jimmy this is your boyfriend here. Everyone else is happy but you. Look at this. Look at that. [ laughter ] does that look like a swing to you . No. [ laughter ] jimmy wait, so youre on the edge of that the edge youre supposed to just walk off. Its a sixsecond freefall and then you swing for ten minutes so after we get to the edge jimmy you dangle really. You dangle. [ laughter ] jimmy its a canyon dangle. And you hope youre going to see your family again. Like its so jimmy did you just scream. Go nuts. I jumped off so i i so we jump off. And because of the because youre freefalling it takes away your voice. I start to jump off and i go [ laughter ] and you cant get any more sound out. Jimmy it was just kind of a a murp. You know that it came out. I thought i was screaming the whole way down. It was horrible. So horrible. But it really was. I got the rose. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats what its all about. Thats what its all about. We love you. We love you on the Big Bang Theory. Thank you. Jimmy i mean, the whole cast is great. But gosh, we just we love you. Now, its going to the season we just finished season 10. Jimmy wow. I know. [ cheers and applause ] i know. Its been a wild ride. Jimmy its over 220 like 200 and some episodes. Yes. About 230 yes. Exactly. Its a lot. Jimmy thats a lot of television. We have had a lot of fun this season. Jimmy you have given a lot to america. Weve tried. Jimmy thank you very much. Thank you. Jimmy we appreciate it. A lot of your time you have given to make us laugh. Oh my god. Its really cute. Writer assistants actually asked if she could start take behindthescenes photos to kind of keep memories up of the show. And i was like that is such a a sweet idea. So it started like this beginning of the season. Just take randoms like were in the action like live show night, when were in the writers circle jimmy behindthescenes. Behindthescenes. So she has been sp she proceeded to send me hundreds of pictures. Every picture i somehow am smiling directly into the camera. [ laughter ] not working at all. Like not focusing on whats going on. Like, midshow. Eating. I dont even know how she got half of this footage. Jimmy we got our hands on three of them. There are so many. I was shocked. Jimmy its really cute. It makes me laugh. This is the first one. See if you can find spot kaley in this one. [ laughter ] thats a serious writers circle thats like during the taping. This is during the show. Jimmy i love that. Like what am i doing . Jimmy thats one random one. And heres another one, here. [ laughter ] i mean, chuck lorre is over what am i im not even facing the right way. Thats our director. [ laughter ] im not even looking at our director. Jimmy not paying attention to any other human there. Hi hi i dont know what i have been doing for nine seasons to be honest. [ laughter ] jimmy something great. Because we love you. You do a scene, you and johnny galecki, right . Yes. Jimmy during when youre changing sets, or changing a a scene youll take questions from the audience. Yes. Jimmy i think thats the coolest thing its pretty cool. Jimmy we have the best audience in new york city. [ cheers and applause ] look at how goodlooking. Ha ha ha ha ha we like that joke you told [ laughter ] theyre cleaning your dressing room . Jimmy they feather dusting the door . What were they doing . Oh, hi, guys. Theyre dusting each other. We thought it would be fun if you and i took questions from the audience tonight. I love that. Jimmy and see how that goes. Sure. Jimmy is that cool . That would be really fun. Jimmy who has a question . We have a page going around with a mic. Right there, blue shirt. Blue shirt. Hows it going . Jimmy hey, whats your name . Trey from tampa. Hey. Jimmy welcome. Whats your question . My question is jimmy for me or for kaley. Yes. Who is the last person you texted . The last person i texted . My mom texted me before i came out here saying, good luck on the show. [ audience aws ] [ applause ] jimmy aw, come one. Thats a good question. Thats really sweet. Jimmy is there anyone on that side . Is there anyone on that side who has a question . Okay. There you go. Thats perfect. Question for jimmy. Jimmy thank you. Hey, jimmy. Jimmy i was wondering if i was going to get one. My name is leslie from jamaica, queens. Jimmy hey, queens jamaica, queens welcome. My question for you, jimmy, is who is the most interesting guest you have ever had on the show besides justin timberlake. [ laughter ] jimmy kaley cuoco what are you talking about . Hello . Good question. But honestly, kaley. That was an obvious answer. I mean, obvious. Jimmy we have time for one more question. Right there. Yeah, sure. White shirt . Hi. My questions for kaley. Do you know the lyrics to the Big Bang Theory theme song . Jimmy after 200something episodes, do you . I think i do. Jimmy would you sing it could you sing it for everybody . [ cheers and applause ] yeah. I could try. Jimmy me, me, me. Our whole universe was in a hot dense state then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started wait the earth began to cool the autotrophes began to drool neanderthals developed tools we built a wall we built the pyramids math science history unraveling the mystery that all started with a big bang bang [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh kaley cuoco. The Big Bang Theory aires thursdays at 8 00 pm on cbs. Well be right back with horatio sanz, everybody [ cheers and applause ] you never know whatll inspire you. But i take it all with me, and give it all back. Experience more as a member. The marriott portfolo has 30 brands in over 110 countries we, the device loving people want more than just unlimited data. We want unlimited entertainment. So we can stream unlimited action. Watch unlimited robots. Watch unlimited romance. If you are into that. But we also want more like. Unlimited hbo. Can i stop dying now mark . No cant do mi amigo. Its unlimited. Besides you are really good at it james. Dont settle for any unlimited data plan. Only the at t unlimited plus plan digiorno . Rise to the occasion. Its not delivery. Its digiorno. Um, i cant have happen what happened t time. Ahem. Heres my card. Im sure you know your profits are down 8 . So, just let me know if you want to change that. I believe in you break through , break through what if technology gave us the power to turn this enemy into an ally . Microsoft and its partners are using smart traps to capture mosquitoes and sequence their dna to fight disease. There are over 100 million pieces of dna in every sample. With the microsoft cloud, we can analyze the data faster than ever before. If we can detect new viruses before they spread, we may someday prevent outbreaks before they begin. Fios is not cable. Were wired differently. Maybe thats why weve been ranked highest in Customer Satisfaction by jd power 4 years in a row. And now you can love fios too. Get 150 meg internet, tv and phone. All for 79. 99 per month online, for the first year with a twoyear agreement. Its the only internet with equal upload and download speeds. Cable only offers upload speeds that are a fraction of their download speeds. Plus get hbo for a year and free multiroom dvr service for two years. And Verizon Wireless customers can stream tv on the fios mobile app, datafree. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest, i love him. Hes a very funny and talented actor who stars in the new show great news which airs tuesday nights at 9 00 p. M. Right here on nbc. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome horatio sanz [ cheers and applause ] jimmy horatio sanz. I love you so much. Great news. This is created by our pal, tina fey. Robert carlock who did 30 rock. Yeah, theyre these little writers. Maybe you have heard of them. Jimmy no, yeah. They did. Yeah. Jimmy tina used to be on update with jimmy. No, but it really is like old home week. Jimmy do you remember when we started out, we started out together. We were rookies here. We were babies. We were rookies. And everybody else was older and they were kind of established. You know, will and molly, and everybody. So we came in as the young weirdos. Jimmy we got in a lot trouble too. Do you remember the writers table, the Writers Party . It was the last Writers Party. I dont think they are allowed to have them anymore. I dont think you can party on 17 anymore because of what happened. What you did. Jimmy me . You broke a rib. I broke a rib. But do you know why . [ light laughter ] jimmy i think so. Okay, lets explain what we were doing up there. We were letting off a little work steam. Jimmy yeah. Because it was the last week of the show. Right . I dont know if they still do. They used to. Jimmy yeah. And so it was just us and a a few friends. And then we just get really drunk. Even tina got drunk who doesnt really drink. Jimmy no, yeah. And it got to the point where, and piedmont made this punch. Jimmy a giant punch. He had a big punch bowl on the writers table. We were just scooping punch, cranking music. So they were throwing the punch on the table and beer. We then had these we had pizza. Then we used the pizza boxes as like sleds, like toboggans, and we bellyflopped on the pizza box and would slide down the writers table. [ light laughter ] we were getting such good speed on it that, jimmy or i were spotting each other to make sure we wouldnt fly out the window. Jimmy we go towards the window. Yeah, youre like from the table to the window was three feet. Jimmy and everybody was like, ooh, ooh, ooh. And you run and dive. You would slip and slide on the table toward the window on the 17th floor. [ laughter ] there was someone there to catch you. You really didnt want to mess that one up. I got a photo of that night. I dont know if you remember it. I think mary ellen must have taken this photo. This is a photo. I want you to see this. Oh, my god. [ cheers and applause ] look at your legs in the air. Jimmy im getting air. Youre getting air, dude. Jimmy thats how you broke a rib . Right, so see, theres liquid there, some type of punch, many, many cups thrown there. Jimmy yeah. You get a nice light surface. By the time i got on here, this is all dry. So i just went like you got me . I was like, here we go jimmy no, no, no. And you just landed there. No jimmy get him to a a hospital. Get him to the hospital. I think i fractured my rib. Jimmy you did. Yeah. I fractured my rib. Jimmy do you remember a a character called lucky chavez at all . Y jimmy do you remember what he did to me . He was very mean to me. He didnt like you. Jimmy yeah. It was your character lucky chavez. Do you remember him . Yeah, i do. Do you have a picture or something . [ light laughter ] jimmy no, i have a special present for you. Because i dont they dont make these anymore. Oh, wow jimmy i had these made for you, dude. Im very excited. This is going to be excellent. Jimmy they dont sell these anymore. Horatio would do this to me, alright . This is real in real life. Lets test them. Lets test them. Jimmy yep. Can we dim the lights just a a little tiny bit . So will would Say Something will would Say Something kind of funny and i would be like, oh, yeah. Ha, ha, ha. And then id be like whats up jimmy. How you doing, man . Jimmy how you doing . Good to see you, lucky. Whats up . You doing something fun . Anything funny going on . Jimmy you think . Im having a fun party. [ laughter ] the middle of weekend update. Wed be doing the real thing, tina me and tina fey. Tina you would stand next to the wall with the cue card guy and you would go sit next to wally, and i could see your face. So you did that to your face. And thats what im seeing. It reflects, and tina would tell a joke. So blah, blah, blah bill clinton. Then it was time for my joke on weekend update, and i go, blah, blah, blah, bill clinton. [ laughter and applause ] lucky chavez. Jimmy lucky chavez. This is amazing. Jimmy they dont make them anymore. No. Jimmy we have to make those. I love you so much, man. You know that. That used to make me laugh. I would cry laughing. It was off camera so i couldnt say what i was laughing at. Oh so i have to say, great news you play an editor in the show. Its super funny. I know, back to why youre here. [ laughter ] i want to show a clip of the very funny horatio sanz and take a look at this. Finally i get my opportunity to write a song to show a a different side of myself to the world and im blowing it. Wow, chuck. I didnt know you were that into music. Well, you know how the old saying goes, all news anchors want to be rock stars and all rock stars want to be news anchors. You know, im actually in a a band myself. Okay. Well, see you. [ laughter ] jimmy horatio sanz i love this dude. [ cheers and applause ] great news airs tuesdays at 9 00 p. M. , right here on nbc. 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Get the new galaxy s8. Plus get 2 lines of unlimted data for a hundred bucks. Taxes and fees included. Only at tmobile. Ou ever had a snack within a snack within a snack . Three levels of snack time at the same time. Reeses snack mix is pretzels, nuts, reeses pieces and reeses Peanut Butter cups. Snackasnackawhat . Hersheys and reeses snack mix. Snacks on snacks on snacks. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you guys, horatio and i just talked with the audience for over 20 minutes, but we cant show it on our show because we just ran out of time. But we are gonna put it on youtube, so look for that. And youll see an extra 25 minutes of us in the crowd here in new york city. Guys, she is an acclaimed singer songwriter whose current single has amassed over 115 million views on youtube. [ cheers and applause ] i love this. Performing lost on you, the tile track to her new album out this friday, please welcome lp [ cheers and applause ] when you get older plainer saner will you remember all the danger we came from burning like embers falling tender longing for the days of no surrender years ago and will you know so smoke em if you got em cause its going down all i ever wanted was you ill never get toea cause i dont know how lets raise a glass or two to all the things ive lost on you oh oh tell me are they lost on you oh oh just that you could cut me loose oh oh after everything ive lost on you is that lost on you i wish that i could see the machinations understand the toil of expectations in your mind hold me like you never lost your patience tell me that you love me more than hate me all the time and youre still mine so smoke em if you got em cause its going down lets take a drink of heaven this can turn around lets raise a glass or two to all the things ive lost on you oh oh tell me are they lost on you oh oh just that you could cut me loose oh oh after everything ive lost on you is that lost on you oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh baby is that lost on you is that lost on you oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh whoa whoa whoa oh oh oh oh lets raise a glass or two to all the things ive lost on you oh oh tell me are they lost on you oh oh just that you could cut me loose oh oh after everything ive lost on you is that lost on you is that lost on you [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on come on thats how you do it thats how you do it lp [ cheers and applause ] that is how you do it catch her on tour beginning may 11th. 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[ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to kaley cuoco, horatio sanz, lp once again [ cheers and applause ] my name is jimmy fallon, and thats the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for late night with seth meyers thank you for watching have a great night. I hope to see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight chris pratt. Star of 2 broke girls actress and author beth behrs. Founder and ceo of vice media, shane smith. Featuring the 8g band with josh dion. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening, everybody im seth meyers. This is late night. How we all doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. Thats great to hear, in that case, lets get to the news. President trump will return to new york city tomorrow for the First Time Since taking office. Said melania, oh, thats so crazy, im flying to d. C. Tomorrow. [ laughter ]