Timothy, whats wrong . Its happened, ive cracked up. You have . You look all right to me. I just saw myself, jonathan, i just looked into my own face. It was incredible. Whats wrong with it . You have a perfectly acceptable face. Some people might even consider it handsome. Yes, but it was on somebody else. Your face . Yes. I opened that door and there it was, my own face, through a cloud of swirling mist. Swirling mist. Yes, i just saw myself in that room not 30 seconds ago. Inside this room . Its empty. Naturally. But whats that medicinal smell . What smell . First i see things, now i smell things. Jonathan, i have finally gone over the edge. I wouldnt worry about it, timothy. Its been a difficult year and youre a little upset. Good nights sleep and youll feel fine. Sleep, i wouldnt dare close my eyes. Id see that thing again, that face, my face. Now dont panic, thats the worst thing you could do. I am not panicking. Im resigning. Well, you cant resign, not until after the graduation anyway. Oh, yes, i resign before the graduation otherwise id crack up. Why . Its just an ordinary graduation. It isnt ordinary, jonathan. Believe me, there are certain things i cant tell you, but the strain would be terrible. And obviously im in no condition to undergo even a small strain at this point. Do me one little favor, timothy. Before you resign, whats his name . Dr. Neary. Dr. Neary. All right. But i warn you, i fully intend to resign before the days out. Give me dr. Neary. If he resigns publicly before the graduation, our plan is useless. Dont worry. Hell be out of circulation very soon. Hell just have to take his place a little earlier than wed planned, thats all. Dr. Neary . Jonathan trumbull here. Dean dwight is on his way over to see you. He is . Good. I havent seen him since this morning. I want you to keep him at your place until you hear from me again. Sick, timothy . Why he was fine when i saw him this morning. If i say hes sick, neary, he is sick. Of course he is sick. And shall i call a doctor . Oh, no. Just make sure he doesnt get away. But if he is sick, mr. Trumbull, and of course he is, shouldnt he be treated . Sychology Department Next month, neary. I had intended to recommend you for the job. Eh, but detaining dean dwight without his consent, it would be unethical. And i had not intended to mention that little indiscretion of yours with that blond graduate student. I suppose i could keep him here for a while, considering its for his own good. Good day. Take care of him later. Meanwhile, to all intents and purposes, i am dwight. I dont like replacing him this soon. Ill have to face that daughter of his. Either you replace him or he resigns. All right. You keep dwight under wraps, ill take care of the brat. I still dont think you should come here, sir. You could give any number of excuses. That i leave there alive. Yes, sir. Now as far as dean dwight is concerned, i can assure you hes beyond suspicion. But it is possible that he might have told someone about our being here, inadvertently. Yes, its possible. Why dont you ask him . Yes, sir, thats exactly what were planning to do. Myi dont like it, trumbull, i dont like it at all. Just for one night. No, i suppose not, though it is a nice idea. Come in. Ah, mr. Kuryakin and mr. Solo, how nice to see you. I hope you gentlemen will stay for dinner. No thank you, we have to get back to the campus to make preparations for tomorrow. We wanted to ask you if you might have mentioned our presence here to anyone. Youre speaking to the dean of this university, mr. Solo, not to one of its crackbrained coeds. Forgive us. Illya. Oh, hello, dear. Hello daddy. How were classes . Daddy, i didnt have any classes today. Now you know that. Oh, of course, sometimes i feel more like a dean than a daddy. Its an occupational hazard. Dont worry about that because you are doing just fine in the daddy department. Thank you, dear. You know mr. Solo, my daughter minerva. Minerva, how are you . Hello, mr. Solo. Illya, what are you doing here . Oh, oh, i know. It has something to do with that business in the dorm, doesnt it . Something like that. Im sure everything will work out. I hope so. Ill walk you to the car. Im worried about daddy. Why . Um, nothing specific. Well, its just that hes been acting peculiar. How peculiar . Very. His oldest friend is silas neary. Hes a psychology professor. Bye, illya. Bye. Shes suspicious. So are they. If we give them enough time. The times already run out. K the moment has arrived for you and daddy to have a little talk about the facts of life. Howd he seem to you . Like an absentminded dean. Mr. Waverly says hes all right, hes probably all right. Wouldnt do any harm to talk to his friend dr. Neary. All that year, i was terrible frustrated. Pressures, anxieties, you know, and then the next year when i entered seventh grade, it was even worse. My father wanted me to make good marks me to go out on the baseball team. I suppose its just typical problem, but. Dr. Neary. Yes . Wed like to talk to you about dean dwight. When did you get here . Oh, a long time ago. And im up to the seventh grade already. So we meet at last, dean dwight, face to face. Please, mr. Solo, no fireworks, there are ladies in the audience. Daddy touching. Very touching. I take pleasure in such happy reunions. Lets skip the flourishes and get rid of them. We have a lot of arrangements to make before tomorrow morning. Spoken like a true philistine, trumbull. You have no appreciation of the art. My business killings are always quick and clean, but this is a pleasure killing, after all, man has to have some relaxation. Interesting, these communicators. I think, though, itd be inadvisable that you keep them. Uh, youll find the chairs are bolted to the floor. Now class, youre ready for your final exam to be administered by this electronic teaching machine, which is reputed to work wonders with slow learners. A recorded voice will ask you a question and give you two possible answers. If you choose the correct answer by pressing the appropriate button, mr. Solo, a bell will ring. This will be followed by the next question. If you choose the wrong answer or fail to answer within the 15 second time limit, a buzzer will sound. This buzzer is connected to a cylinder of poison gas. When the buzzer sounds, the gas is released. So you see, my friends, your first mistake to ensure your privacy, we have sealed off all the ventilators. There will be no proctors. We operate here on the honors system. Seal it. Question one. European history in what year did Napoleon Bonaparte die . Answer b 1821. Come on, napoleon, you should know that. I was named after him, i wasnt at his funeral. I. Lunked history the same year i flunked latin. Doctor neary . Im afraid its not my field, mr. Solo. I think its 1823, but im not sure. Question 309, Natural Science the Horseshoe Crab belongs to which genus . Answer a genus armonidae. Answer b genus rehxillia. Armonidae. Alex. Hello, timothy. Its been too long. This is jonathan trumbull, chairman of our board of regents. Mr. Trumbull. Alex waverly. Well, timothy, youre looking well, i must say. And looking forward to the next hour more than i can tell you, alex. Mr. Solo and mr. Kuryakin, arent they here . Why no, i havent seen them since last night. Oh, thats curious. But everythings in order, my friend. Indeed, everythings just fine. Oh, i dont know, gentlemen. I dont think the Younger Generation is difficult, perhaps, but not hopeless. You could kill him now just as easily. No, i want to wait until theyre all seated and hes in the middle of his speech. I want it to be absolutely clear hes been killed by dean timothy dwight. Killed in front of the entire graduating class. Consider whatll happen, trumbull. The groves of academe will be shaken to the very roots. The scandal will lead to so many investigations, u. N. C. L. E. Will be finished, and thrush will move into the vacuum. Excuse me, this way, gentlemen, please. Open channel d, please. Mr. Solo . Mr. Kuryakin . Either of you, come in, please. Were ready, mr. Waverly. Oh, coming, coming. Alexander waverly hardly needs an introduction. His reputation is well known by all of you, and on this day when you are about to leave the cloistered halls of ivy, no man is more qualified to give you a few words of wise advice as you are about to. The sun . Answer a 416. Answer b 394. Daddy . Dad. Dy, wake up. This is 394. Four sixteen. Three ninetyfour, i said. I would be derelict in my duty if i did not give you a few words of parting advice of my own. Geography. Mount whitney. Napoleon, thats closedcircuit television. Answer a 14,495. Answer b. I can only say we of the older generation look to you for new solutions to our old problems. Four ninetyfive. How do you know . I climbed it. Help, if theres anybody can see us, help us. Help help, help, anybody finally, i can give you no better advice than this heed well the words of the man who is about to speak to you, alexander waverly. Gentlemen of the faculty, parents, and members of the graduating class. Question 340, mathematics what is the numerical value of pi . Answer a 3. 14159. Answer b 3. 14158. Answer b. Answer b. This is a historic occasion, its the first time you both agreed on something. Thats impossible, it must be answer b. The machine is wrong. Save your breath, professor. Youre gonna need every bit of it. Hey kids, trouble, i need your help, come on and as i look out over this sea of young faces, i cannot believe those. Those prophets of doom its poison, hold your breath, hold your breath dont breathe and then it will be your task to Carry Forward the torch. I must admit the world you inherit from us run into any of these thrush men, youre liable to get yourself killed, all right . Oh, i doubt that. Trumbull, its him shoot him, trumbull. No, trumbull, its him ah shoot him daddy no daddy darling, you saved my life. How could you tell us apart . I thought you were building your superman plans around illya. I was, but he told me that insanity ran in his family. Well, i couldnt very well expose my future children to that kind of risk. Why, he even told me that he was a little. Off. Mm, crazy like a fox. Do they still print these things on sheep skin, timothy . Im ashamed to say this to you, alex, but thats ordinary paper. Economy has replaced tradition. Things have changed since you and i were in college. Uh, mr. Kuryakin . Yes, miss darling . Please, patricia. Can i call you illya . Please do. You know, mr. Solo told me how smart you are, i mean getting all those answers well, point is, im not. So i thought that maybe you might tutor me in the evenings . Mm, hed do a wonderful job. You know theres insanity in my family. Oh well, that makes it even more interesting. You will, wont you . Why not . Hey pardon, miss dwight . Well, it just dawned on me. Since were friends with u. N. C. L. E. , who do we demonstrate against next . Oh, now really, minerva, please. Dont worry, timothy. So long as there are students, therell be protests. . . Narrator heres adventure . . Heres romance heres o. Henrys famous robin hood of the old west, the cisco kid . . Hey, cisco, you just come back in time. This chicken was getting cold without no clothes on. Youre not ready anyway. What you need is a good bed of hot coals