Ia and that is why gentlemen my government together with all the other peace loving governments throughout the entire world denounce the east and west alike wer the level of your voice. it is too much bluster. If youre to upset the disarmament conference your tone must be more vital, and much more threatening. Aw, your criticism is most useful, my nupchick. [applause] man on radio and that is why gentlemen that my government together with all the other peace loving and thats laslo kurasov, gentlemen a ruthless and dangerous war monger. hiding under the cloak of diplomacy. One part molatov, one part von ribbentrop salt with genghis khan and garlic with machiavelli. This magazine puts it well. Though his nation is only a spit in the balkans kurasovs power is awesome. And Old Revolutionary comrade of his premier the ambassador also speaks for those who are eager for a war between east and west. Ion 1s decision. Be your job, mr. Solo, along with mr. Kuryakin here to see that kurasov is removed from the international scene. Permanently . Yes. But not by any means thatll make him a cause c . L . Bre. He must be reduced to complete nonentity. Absolutely useless to his government. An ally disrupt to the world peace. Would you have any idea how we might accomplish that, sir . Im sure you two are capable of concocting some diabolical scheme. man 1 what is this . i must see the ambassador. Hat up to the state department. This man is badly wounded he needs medical aid immediately. Wait, stop, you cannot go up there. [groaning] strigas yl893. What is the explanation of this . He got in argument with another man just outside the embassy. the other man stabbed him and ran. wait, he cannot be moved without the ambassadors consent. His pulse is weak. We got to get him to a hospital immediately. Our government does not wish an incident, take him away. Vladek, check it. Ah, checkcheck what, excellency . Check what, you fool, find out if strigas yl893 has any significance. Splendid job, gentlemen. Thanks, charlie. My compliments to section 3. Thats a relief. Yes, ive got that. Good. Thank you. Luxury view motel, must be a big job. Well, hope so. The continental Exterminator Company will be exterminated by its creditors. Patience, mrs. Donfield, patience. Well soon be out of the red and into a White Cottage in suburbia complete with rose bushes and a built in barbeque. And children. And a automatic washer and drier andand a built in oven. And children. [knocking] and creditors. Come in. Good morning. Well, that depends. Known as the u. N. C. L. E. Well, we havent received your bill. Well, quite the contrary. We are here to eliminate bills. As a matter of fact a very rich uncle just came to life and hes gonna take care of all your debts. Its funny, i dont remember entering any contests. I know all his relatives, no rich uncles. i didnt marry him for his money. youre mrs. Anne donfield, formerly mrs. Anne courtney. graduate of benington, 1960. uate of the mit, 1958. chemical engineering. one of the top men in your class. Mr. Donfield. I need a man and i need him quickly. But he mustve right background and he must be legitimate. Because a Certain Party is gonna check him out quite thoroughly. You suit all of these qualifications to a tee. Most importantly, youve just made rather a peculiar move you mean, like giving up a 35000 a year job with a large firm for all of this . I just wanna have a business of my own. Wouldwould you mind, excuse me. Would you mind. Please, get out of here unless you want some pests eliminated. Ah, yes, we do want to eliminate one very large pest. But more importantly we want to preserve world peace. We want you to accept a position with a nonexistent Corporation Manufacturing a nonexistent product. What are you doing . Installing a telephone. Oh, thats very nice of you but we already have a telephone. Not like this one, you dont. I maybe out of shape, but i can still toss you two out of here. Mr. Donfield, im sure you can toss us both outta here. But perhaps wont be necessary after you hear me out. And if you still feel the same way, we will leave quietly. Mrs. Donfield, you look beautiful. Everything is very beautiful. But im not so sure were doing the right thing. Your chauffeured limousine is waiting for you. When does it turn into a pumpkin . I can assure you that it wont. Youll be the governments guest at an international ball. Now, one final briefing. In an hour, ambassador kurasov and his aids are going to discover that yl893 is the code designation a man who runs an unsuccessful pest control business which is really a front for strigas headquarters. and then later at the party he will discover that michael is a very bright but cautious young man. and also that he has two vulnerable spots. he adores beautiful women and he loves strong martinis. do you think you can convince him of that . Well, i can try. [knocking] come in. The man who was taken from the embassy died in the hospital. His identity was obliterated by us army intelligence. And what do our agents report about strigas yl893 . Yl893, is a michael donfield. He was one of americas most promising chemical engineers. Last year he resigned from a large firm to open a small exterminating company on staten island. For some other activity. Strigas. Youre very clever, excellency. No, youre stupid. None of our agents have ever encountered the name strigas either published or in secret file. So, dont come with anymore of your insipid conclusions. Yes, sir. I might however, suggest that you send one of our agents to pay a visit to continental Exterminator Company. To see what he can see. I do it myself, excellency. The one on the right is mr. Donfield. On the left his wife. Entertain mr. Donfield, my dear. Very well, darling. Who is the other one . Napoleon solo. Agent with the u. N. C. L. E. U. N. C. L. E, ah . Obviously, assigned to protect to mr. Donfield. A little too obvious, i think. Security organization be assigned to cover an american project . Interesting question, excellency. Yes, and you might trouble yourself to find out if our friend has returned from his exploration with an interesting answer. Yes, sir. Thank you. Do not drink the champagne. Merely dip your finger in and taste it. Sass. Cyanide. it will be the first of many attempts on your life. im not naive, sir, it is possible that you might have put the poison into the drink . Perhaps this will help convince you that i did not. Colonel mikolavich donjev, eh . How long been assigned to supervising diplomatic personnel abroad . Five years. State secret police much longer. That is not generally known. Were still indebted to you, your excellency for heading the department of deviationists. You may tell general kolodin, i dont require watching by the running dogs of his secret police. I have nothing to do with general kolodin. You may read the microdot at your convenience. If youre still doubtful, youll see that the message is in the premiers own handwriting. why did the premier send you . The premier wishes you to know as an old and loyal comrade your position is in danger. Your word disrupting the disarmament conference was good. Youre being spoken of as next in line. Those who have ambitions for the succession are working for your elimination. Kolodin . Eventually, either he or i will succeed to the first secretariat. Unless, you can achieve a personal political coup. Then, your position would become so impregnable. No one would dare to denounce you publicly. mr. Donfield never tired, mrs. Kurasov. youre most beautiful woman ive ever met. Oops im terribly sorry. Whooo what have got here . Looklooklook, look at this. Ive a poem for you. Why we should drink. Good wine, a friend. Or being dry. Unless, we should be by and by. Hmm. or any other reason why. excuse me, madam. Dont you think you have enough to drink, we should be leaving. Pardon me, madam, im a married man. Now, thats just about all i can stand. Please, see that he gets home, im taking a cab. Yes, if you wish. Wait, ill excuse me. Pardon me, im terribly sorry. Is there some trouble . Yes, my friend is over drunk. Its calvin coolidge. How are you cal . Baby, you wanna taste my i think you had enough. Let me see you home, alright. Thats democratic spirit. Democratic spirit, bless you all, bless you, you, you, you. Have you ever heard the word strigas . Yeah. General koladin discounts its importance. There is to be no answer. The message is to be destroyed after reading. Trust no one. Well, what did you find out . Our agent inspected continental exterminating company. Yes, i know he inspected it but did he find anything suspicious . A secret phone, the direct line i never should have let him out of my sight i should have known better. Im sorry, it was just awful, youveyouve no. Whats our next move . I know, how you feel, anne. [knocking] kurasov insisted i spend the night at the embassy. how did your part go . fine. The more i counseled caution, the more intrigued he became. Hes now concerned that his enemy general kolodin is secretly trying to get strigas in order to enhance his own position. Sounds good. Theres one possible danger. That aid vladeck is very jealous of his position. He suspects that i maybe trying to replace him. [phone ringing] hello. mr. Donfield . yes. Ith a certain lady, you indicated some interest in selling your. Business. might we arrange you to meet with a prospective purchaser . [softly] when . When . monday, 3 p. M. that busy orange colored hotdog stand, off 2nd avenue. if youll hold two hotdogs, as though one were for a friend. ive a problem, im under complete surveillance every time i leave the hotel. if youll walk past the news stand further down that street, say at 2 50 p. M. your problem will be given special attention. why a busy hotdog stand . Initial contacts are always better in public or safer. Everything must be complicated nothing too easy, either for them or for us. otherwise, kurasov might become suspicious. what about the news stand . Allow me. Thank you very ohhh im terribly sorry. Please, forgive me. Thats quite alright. Oh, dear. Whats wrong . I think, i just had my 11 oclock feeding. Taxi its the lovely nursemaid over there, either she confused us or she is a bad shot with a tranquilizing fluid ill risk with the appointment myself. Take him back. What happened . Hes a nice guy. Hes got a little drinking problem. He just had to be burped. [dramatic music] is one of those a spare . No, its for a friend. Im friendly, mr. Donfield. By the way, im mr. Smith. Y much. Donfield, what formula do you use for your pesticides . Well, its kind of a secret besides, i dont really think your friend could afford it. Is it strigas . Well, could be. How much is he willing to pay to find out . Oh, well. That all depends on what strigas is. Its something developed by the pentagon and one of the a hundred thousand dollars. Ridiculous, id say two million would be more in my taste. Out of question. Not for someone who realizes the penalty for selling military secrets is death. I. I might be able to arrange for half that amount if. If i could tell my friend exactly what strigas is. Its an invisible substance manufactured underground ing else itll cost you 100,000 in advance. Now. If youll be at this address, between 1 and 2 with this torn cereal box top there will someone with the other half and he will continue the negotiations. Thank you. Goodbye, mr. Donfield. Gh with you. Et. What am i to do during this appointment . You pray that mr. Smith doesnt realize that she did business with the wrong man. The others would recognize napoleon so he cant continue with the deception. solo its 12 30, mike, here. Honey. Goodbye. Mike, please be careful. Oh. Oh, i will. Mr. Donfield. Yes. My name is linkwood, sir, at your service. How do you do . This way, please. My secretary tells me, that you would be interested in taking out a group policy of your employees. Yes, for the continental exterminating company. Sit down, please. Well, alright. Now, if youll bare with me, while i fill out these forms. How many employees did you say were in your firm . Did you say, two, sir . My wife and i. Your wife and you . I see. Mr. Donfield, im afraid youre in the wrong department. Group policies are handled here, family insurance plans on the next floor. well, if its references you want. References . You dont know, what i mean. Do you . Well. May i . Now, what about strigas . What about it . Your down payment, 100,000. What is strigas . The chemical formula that will donfield on radio revolutionize modern warfare. even more than einsteins e mc2. well, mike. How nice to see you. Mr. Smith, im delighted to see you. What are you doing . Just passing by here or what . No. Ii was in the neighborhood and thought id investigate some insurance possibilities. Continue, donfield. Thats all for now. linkwood youve been photographed and recorded selling out your country. i see. Ill need all your data immediately. directives, locations, production costs, formula. ill need time. Youve until tomorrow night at 10 00 pm. Lets get down to it, shall we . If we cant complete the transaction by the next contact. Forget it. Patience, darling. Im sure the doctor will give you your final examination at your next appointment. [chuckles] [suspires] i dont like it. Oh, come, come. Youre at home always in tune with the gentle