Transcripts For WPVI Jimmy Kimmel Live 20160623

Welcome to los angeles, home of the lakers, home of the clippers, neither of whom won the nba championship this year which is why we didnt have a parade today. Theres a big parade in cleveland today to celebrate the first major title in, like, 800 years, and a weird thing happened. Nobody showed up. It was just jr. Smith on top of a pickup truck. Maybe they didnt know they were supposed to have a parade. Its quite the opposite. More than a million fans celebrated. The last time there was this much excitement in the streets of cleveland was when lebron james left cleveland and more than a million fans gathered in the streets to burn his jersey. But all is forgiven. Lebron scored 33 points, 12 assists. He cant help himself. The media was out in full force. Everyone was there. Todays award for excellence in reporting goes for whomever runs the aud yes for Sports Center on espn. Take a look. Everyone loves a parade. And thats never been more true than in cleveland today. Tell us about the scene today. What do you see . [ silence ] apparently dave cant hear us. But he is nodding that the scene is electric. Jimmy maybe he was electrocuted. I dont know. Why is he nodding . What is he nodding at . Well never know, i guess. This is an exciting time for cleveland. First the nba championship and next month the Republican National convention. Donald trump is getting ready. Hes been stepping up his attacks on Hillary Clinton. He Just Launched a new website called lying, crooked hillary. Com. Which i tried to go on like five times today. Every time i only got a blank page. I told them not to hire the guys who set up the obama care s website. He didnt listen. Yesterday donald trump had a meeting with religious leaders, and he questioned Hillary Clinton and obamas faith. Trump is very christian. He likes his testament the way he likes his wives, new. But as for hillary, trump said he warned these guys, he said the public doesnt know anything about her in terms of her religion, whereas we do know that he is a man of deep faith. In fact, his faith is so deep you can barely see any sign of it. His faith is like one of these see through fish at the very, very bottom of the ocean. You know the ones that are invisible because no light ever touches their bodys . Thats how deep Donald Trumps faith is. Hes like a clean shaven jesus with beautiful hair. Trump will be in scotland on friday to visit his newly renovated golf course. In the middle of his campaign. Hes Something Else. Its hard to keep up with him and what hes doing and saying. Weve been slowing him down to half speed to give us a chance to catch up. Its very helpful. [ slow speed ] americans, americans, the people we love, americans. America first. Make our country great again. Americans. [ applause ] jimmy meanwhile Hillary Clintons campaign is getting a boost from her former rival, president obama. Obama is giving her his email list. This is the list of donors that he used during his campaigns in 2008 and 2012. Hes turning that all over to her. What a great idea. Shes had amazing luck with emails in the past. This should work out perfectly. [ laughter ] jimmy you know the dirty superheros we have in the street . [ applause ] jimmy they lure you into taking a photo and then they ask you for a tip. They have them in new york too, in times square. Theyve been having a lot of problem. Theres been violence and qui fights. A new rule went into effect. They now have to stand inside a color coded rectangle in designated costume zones. City Transportation Department started painting zones. Its meant to limit the area with costume characters with pose for pictures. Come can by dawson asked us to take a picture of him and lady liberty, but he wasnt expecting to pay. Did you ask him for money to take the picture . He gave me one dollar. Is that okay with you . Its okay. I work for money. I have to pay for parking. I pay taxes. Jimmy the statue of liberty has to pay for parking. Thats not right. The characters dont like it. They say it makes them feel like theyre in jail, which may most likely look sooner or later. This is good practice. For now theyre in a rectangle. Eventually theyre be confined to a manhole on 42nd. This is not from new york, far from it. A woman from alabama shot some video of a snake well, youll see. Hi, mr. Snake. Youre a long boy. Thats the snake skin we saw. It was yours. Huh . Im going to touch you on the tail and see what you do. Whoa. Youre mean. Youre a bad snake. He bit at my phone. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy every person in this room knew how that was going to end, and, yet, we were still surprised. Guillermo, you did something kind of scary today, didnt you . Guillermo very scary. Jimmy guillermo, theres a new attraction opening here in l. A. On saturday. Its called oueue sky scraper. Theres a glad slide. Its on the side of this building. Its like youre in the middle of the air. You slide down this thing. Its on the 70th floor. They offered me one of the First Official rides, so i said yes, guillermo would love to do that. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy im not going up there. Are you afraid of heights . Guillermo yeah. Jimmy as a favor to guillermo, i gave him the opportunity to face one of his fears today on the sky slide. Guillermo hi, its me guillermo. Im here at oue sky space l. A. Theres a sky slide. Im going to go on top of the building and then go outside and then im going to slide. Its a terrible idea super idea. But im going to do it. Well, im going to try it. Thank you, jimmy kimmel. Im going to go get a drink first. [ bleep ] you, jimmy kimmel. Its coffee beer. What floor are we going to, guys . 54. Guillermo 54. Now we go to another elevator. What floor are we going to again . 70. Guillermo 70 . Oh, my. Okay. Here we are on the 70th floor. I still think this is one of the dumbest idea we ever done on the show. For sure two things are going to happen. One, im going to close my eyes. Second, im going to [ bleep ] my pants. [ applause ] guillermo its too high. And how thick is the glass . The glass is three ply and its about an inch and a quarter thick in total. Guillermo john, i want to ask you a private question. If this is a white man idea . Ill have to say that, um, there were many of us involved with creating this. Good luck. Jimmy will you go with me . Unfortunately, no. Youre going to come over here and have a seat on the mat. Put your feet forward and then ill give you the instructions. Come on. Dont be afraid. Guillermo you sure . Yeah. Its only 1,000 feet above l. A. Guillermo oh, [ bleep ]. Dont tell me that again. I hope this thing is like sex, real fast. I promise youll be fine. [ applause ] guillermo okay. All right. Im going to close my eyes. Okay. Okay. [ bleep ]. You have to keep all the way on the rug. Guillermo yeah. Wait. Where are you going . Guillermo oh, my. You know, this is a stupid idea, but [ bleep ]. Im going to use the restroom first. [ laughter ] guillermo tell my wife and my son that i love them, and if you see beyonce too, tell her i love her. Ill be sure to tell her. All right. Enjoy. [ cheers ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. I hope we got it. Im not doing it again. Guillermo there you go. I hope you got it. Im done. Ready for a beer. Jimmy see that . You did a good job. Was it fun . Guillermo it was okay. Jimmy would you like to do it again tomorrow . Guillermo no way. Jimmy thank you, guillermo. When we come back, we have some Amazing Technology to show you. A professor from stanford came up with a facial transforming software that you have to see to believe, and you will see it. Stick around. Well be right back. Its here, but its going by fast. The opportunity of the year is back the mercedesbenz summer event. Get to your dealer today for incredible onceaseason offers, and start firing up those grilles. Lease the cla250 for 299 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Jay knows how to keep nice shorts, dad. G. This is what the pros wear. Uhhh. Thats why he starts his day with those two scoops in heart healthy kelloggs raisin bran. Ready to eat my dust . Too bad i already filled up on raisins. Kelloggs raisin bran. Deliciously heart healthy. Come on come on. P g. Proud sponsor of moms. Hey there, can i help you with anything . Hey siri, whats at ts latest offer . Oh, i dont think that siri can. Right now, switch to at t for an iphone and get one free. Wow, is that right . Yeah, its basically. Yes. That is the current offer from at t. Okay siri, you dont know everything. Well, i know you asked me to call you the at t hostess with the mostest. Okay, shut her down. Turn it off. Right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. Jits betterforyou and sadelicious. M subway. Sure it is. Would i lie to you . Frank, were used car salesman. Touche. At subway, our all new premium chicken is raised without antibiotics. Subway. Fresh is what we do. Alright guys, weve brought you to this construction trailer to talk about trucks today. Which truck brand offers engines with best in class v8 towing or fuel economy . Are we moving . Where we going . Its the answer to the question baby silverado. Oooh thats cool. Its truck month. Qualified buyers get 0 financing for 60 months. Plus, find your tag and get 8,250 total value on this silverado all star. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer jimmy tonight on the show, music from dnce. From lady dynamite, Maria Bamford is here. First im joined by a visiting assistant professor from Stanford University working on a project called face 2 face. This is collaboration between whom . Who is collaborating on this . Theres the university in german, and another one in german and Stanford University. Thats where im from. Jimmy youve been working on this how long . Approximately half a year with a full team of five people. Jimmy i saw your video on youtube and asked you to come here. You were kind enough to come down and do this. Before we explain how this works not that well understand it. Lets show people whats going on. You look in the camera, and youre going to show something right now. Jimmy okay. Looking in the camera. And now i am hello, everybody, im the heavy weight champion of the world. Mr. Mike tyson. My eyebrows work and everything. Look at that. So i can become mike tyson. Maybe you know me from my feature film, the hangover . Or perhaps you know me better as the man who bit another mans ears off his head. [ applause ] this is a dream come true for me. Jimmy ive never felt more physically invinigerated than right now. [ applause ] jimmy you do a little scan. This would cause a lot of problems for mike tyson personally. Why is he mimicking everything i say in hi, mike. Wow, thats unbelievable. You can put my face on anybodys head . Pretty much. We need a Youtube Video of 20 seconds or so, approximately, when the person is talking in an interr interview, and then well show whats going on on a different one. Jimmy very good. Lets see what we got. This takes just a couple seconds. Whats happening is were loading the video right now, and what we do is reconstruct a 3d mesh of yours and the other. And we compute the difference between your facial expossessre and his facial expressions. We run the video and edit it in realtime. Jimmy are you the most handsome professor in the world . [ applause ] jimmy going to get you on the bachelor. Put you on the bachelor, oh, my god. [ applause ] jimmy you wouldnt need 25 girls. You could just make them in your laboratory. All right, all right, all right. Jimmy all right. Okay. Thats me . Thats you. What were going to do right now is reconstruct your face. Jimmy good. On one side you see the original video. We take three pictures of you. The first one, look a little bit to the right. A little to the left. Now in the background whats going on right now, we reconstruct your face and figure out your beard. Thats important to us. It looks great, by the way. Jimmy thank you. All the other guys, i should ask you to shave your period. Jimmy no. I will shave my body but never my beard. [ cheers and applause ] all right. Now on the other side right here you see essentially a synthetic face of yourself, and you can see that right now we can overlay stuff on it. We track your face as you move it around. Jimmy im playing myself right now . You are. Jimmy whats that on my face . Thats where we submit the cool stuff. Jimmy okay. Wow. Look at that. All right. Okay. So now we do the next thing. And if you hold still for a moment. Jimmy okay. Just look at the side of the camera and lets see what weve got right now. All right. Jimmy hello, this is karl malone from the utah jazz. Hey, everybody. Whats up . Whats happening . Whats your name . Scientist dude . Where are you from . Whats that accent . Wheres that from . Im talking to you. Me . [ laughter ] hes a great guy. I really like him. Jimmy you know him . Not personally. Jimmy well, karl malone love you do. Thats right. I love brat wurs. Why they call it bratwurst . It should be called brat good. Lets go on the street and see if we can find someone who wants to talk to karl malone. Guillermo, ask him if he wants to talk to karl malone. I do. Jimmy whats your name . Joey. Jimmy where are you from . Texas. Jimmy karl malone play your spurs many times. There were good battles. Karl malone got his elbows up in tim duncans head. Whats your question for karl malone, joey . My question is, what type of women are you into . Jimmy oh, karl malone like all kind of women. Karl malone like black women, white women, women from all countries all over the world, women with one leg. [ laughter ] jimmy thats right. Karl malone call them hoppy women. Karl malone love all kind of women. This is whiting talking to karl malone, aint it . Yes. Jimmy its exciting for karl malone to talk to joey too. You keep going. I will. Jimmy give guillermo a kiss on the cheek for me. There we go. Thats good. [ applause ] jimmy thats awesome. Maybe we should let bill hader try it. He actually knows how to do impersonations. [ applause ] jimmy tonights show we have music from dnce, from lady dynamite, Maria Bamford is here. And well be right back with bill hader. Stick around. All the other guys are talking about these days is how good their coverage is. But only one network is giving you more than just great coverage. Tmobile only tmobiles lets you stream video and music for free not only that, but we doubled our lte coverage in the last year. Thats right our coverage now stacks up with anybody. Including verizon and at t. So now you can get rid of the other guys and get great coverage from tmobile. We got you covered. And we wont stop ba da ba ba ba man wow. male offscreen announcer whats it feel like to win 100,000 home makeover, with top prizes of a hundred grand . man whoa. Its amazing. Yes male offscreen announcer with instant games from the pennsylvania lottery, the instant you play could be the instant you win. Keep on scratchin. Okawhoa ady . [ explosion ] nothing should get in the way of the things you love. Get americas fastest internet. Only from xfinity. Jimmy tonight, from lady dynamite on netflix, Maria Bamford is here. Then, this is their latest e. P. Its called sway, dnce from the samsung outdoor stage. Tomorrow night, kevin nealon will be here. D. J. Khaled will join us. And well have music from christina aguilera. Jimmy its been said that haders are gonna hate, hate, hate, but our first guest brings nothing but joy and frivolity wherever he goes. His new movie comes from Steven Spielberg. Disneys the bfg opens july 1st. Please say hello to bill hader. [ applause ] thank you. A nice group of people. Jimmy they are nice. Theyve been vetted, and they are nice. Theyre very nice. Jimmy youre nice for being here too. I assumed youd be in cleveland with your best friend lebron james at the parade. No. Im not a sports fan. Jimmy not at all . Not at all. Apparently people were on twitter when lebron got hurt and were like someone get bill hader in there. I was getting texts like are you seeing this . I was at home watching a documentary about a bass player from the Weather Report. I was like is everyone as big of a Weather Report fan as i am . Yeah, this is crazy. What an insane life. Jimmy youve not kept in close touch with lebron since shooting the film . No. Jimmy how about that . Thats disappointing. Just to bum everyone out. Im not a doctor, either. Jimmy youre not . I was going to ask you to look at something. [ laughter ] jimmy do people, when they see you in public, do they want you to do your characters . Do they start doing your characters to you . Yeah. Yeah. Thats weird. Jimmy you dont like it . I get that a lot, people coming up to me. But the one i get i usually get mistaken for other people. Jimmy really . Ive had so many people come up and go i love last man on earth. I love that show. Im like thats not me. Ill let them know. And i still get its dwight from the office. Im not dwight. Jimmy you arent . Who else arent you . The weirdest one was a guy who came up and said yo, i love the stand. I was like do you think im steven king . Hes like youre not . Im like hes, like, 70 years old, and i went home and told my wife and shes like hes 70 years old and creepy looking. [ laughter ] jimmy there he is. Yeah. Hey, guys. Jimmy probably because you do something people so well. Think of it that way. I think this is a crazy thing. Id love to know the story behind this. You got a credit in scstar war as a voice consultant to bb 8 . Yeah. The little guy. Jj abrams called me and said, hey, do you want to do a voice in star wars. I said sure, yeah. Oh my gosh. I came over and he didnt tell me its basically the new r2d2 character. I came in and he started playing the movie for me. It was cool. I started trying things to do picture, and id not seen the movie. First time ive ever seen it and im in a booth going oh, my god, Harrison Ford is back, oh, my god. [ laughter ] and then. [ making noises ] how did you get them all back . Jj . This is so cool. We cant use any of that. But it ended up being i did a bunch of bad voices, and then it ended all being an ipad that jj had hooked up to the peter frampto talk box like a tube. Hes going [ making noises ] and i am, and we watched the whole thing. Jimmy is your voice in there at all . No. Im a consultant. Jimmy oh. Well, thats nice. Its nice. Hes just a nice person just to give me a credit. I think hes just, like, jj abrams is the nicest guy. It was the giant surprise. I didnt know about it. I was watching the movie and my name came up. Now i could have my own booth at come kon. Jimmy you could. Jj abrams, you worked with. But Steven Spielberg is a guy you work with in this movie which were going to see a clip from the movie when we come back. Its mind boggling to me that this its even more impressive than the technology that turned me into karl malone. I dont know. Same thing, a super hot german dude onset. Everybody was like oh, boy. [ laughter ] jimmy hes a professor. When we come back, well see a clip from the bfg. Well be right back with that. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by odd mom out. Watch new episodes every monday and catch up ondemand now. Only by bravo. The new ford escape. Life is a sport. 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In stores now. Only at starbucks. So you have 20 more bags. My Yoga Instructor calls it the death spiral. I call it living the dream. American express presents the blue cash everyday card with cash back on purchases and no annual fee. Get cash back with american express. With cash back on purchases and no annual fee. Heyyyyy its the Little Things that make life rich. Ritz. Buy an eligible galaxy device and get a free gear vr Virtual Reality headset. Let the boy sleep in the. Well, hes all awake now. We might as well oh, frolic. Yeah, we might as well frolic. Frolic. Frolic. Whats really funny, you know, like, oh, yeah, right. Jimmy that is bill hader as a giant. His movie opens july 1st. Thats pretty crazy looking. I think we take this for granted how unbelievable that looks. I know. Its unreal, and we all have these weird suits with poke adots on it. Sounds like we were all in your jammies. I was trained by this guy, terry. We all went to giant school. Jimmy for real . Yeah. We learned to walk like giants. Jimmy why does terry know how to walk like giants . I dont know. Its like we got terry. Ill teach you how to walk like giants, all right . Jimmy how do you walk like a giant . You have to, like, basically like you have a bad back. Basically like john elway. [ laughter ] jimmy thats a good reference for a mononsports fan. Boom. My dad is like here at home. Jimmy did you work with Steven Spielberg. Was he on the set . Yeah. That was crazy. Im a huge film nerd. Jimmy did you pepper him with questions. People were like be cool. Im like lets start from the beginning. Denn dennis wefr. Weave re. What was it like . Jimmy wed like to do another transformation if we could. They set up Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thats an impression you do. Yeah. Used to be a guy i worked for. I was a pa on a show called collateral damage. And i was Arnold Schwarzenegg schwarzeneggers pa. Jimmy and you got along with him . Yes. [ laughter ] jimmy all right. Well, is there anything special bill has to do to prepare for this. Look into the camera . A little bit to the right. This is really hot, matias. Jimmy you got him . Its reconstructing. Jimmy youve been captured. All right. Lets put Arnold Schwarzenegger up. Okay, and now we should try to talk a little bit. Jimmy okay. Hey. Jimmy wow. Im bill. Remember me . Its me. Remember . Jimmy wow. You used to work for me. Thats scary. In that movie, his catch phrase was open up the door. Theres a bomb in there. Jimmy that was his catch phrase . [ applause ] i opened up the door [ laughter ] jimmy why would you open the door if theres a bomb in there . Why dont you just say, guys, theres a bomb in there. Say open up the door. Well, you didnt say open the door. [ laughter ] jimmy open up the door theres a bomb in there. Someone wrote that. Arnold, we got your line. What is it . And this is the dinner they had. We had a dinner with arnold to tell him his line. What is it . Is it open up the door theres a bomb in there . You want to hear a joke . I used to be the governor of california. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy bill hader, everyone. The bfg opens in theaters july 1st. Well be right back with Maria Bamford. Officials are reporting, this new doritos mix is responsible for the worldwide bold outbreak. Woo hoo over you to you tom things have gone totally around the bend. Cmmon boys rarin to go because of new doritos mix, there is boldness everywhere. [robotic voice doritos ] i quit has the world gone completely bold . New doritos mix. Four snacks in one. Is soh, she better not be. Ld . Our claim runs straight down to the glutn free stuffin. Its gluten. Theres gold in them thar shells. Liquid gold. Versus the lube strip. With a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40 less friction. Its designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. Sorry, lube strip. Schick hydro®. Free your skin®. Jay knows how to keep nice shorts, dad. G. This is what the pros wear. Uhhh. Thats why he starts his day with those two scoops in heart healthy kelloggs raisin bran. Ready to eat my dust . Too bad i already filled up on raisins. Kelloggs raisin bran. Deliciously heart healthy. Yes, dear . Hey, honey . Youre washing that bakedon alfredo by hand,right . Yes, dear. Dish issues . Cascade platinum. Powers. Through. Your toughest stuckon food. So let your dishwasher be the dishwasher. This turned out great. Cascade. At our Retirement Plan today. Not now im cleaning the oven yeah, im cleaning the gutters washing the dog washing the cat well im learning snapchamp chat. Chat changing the oil. vo its surprising what people would rather do than deal with retirement. Pressurewashing the. Roses. Aerating the lawn vo but with nationwide its no big deal. Okay, your Retirement Plan is all set. Nationwide . Awesome. Nice neighborhood. Nationwide is on your side and we just couldnt say thno to that face. Ns then we wanted more of that local flavor so betty says. Oh yeah, thats betty. Youre going to want to do this alligator thing. And betty didnt lead us wrong. A little later we passed some dancing. And who doesnt like dancing . Especially when its followed by fireworks everyones nola is different. Follow yours. Hey there, can i help you with anything . Hey siri, whats at ts latest offer . Oh, i dont think that siri can. Right now, switch to at t for an iphone and get one free. Wow, is that right . Yeah, its basically. Yes. That is the current offer from at t. Okay siri, you dont know everything. Well, i know you asked me to call you the at t hostess with the mostest. Okay, shut her down. Turn it off. Right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. Hmmmmm. [ dreams by beck ] hmmmmm. The turbocharged dream machine. The Volkswagen Golf gti. Named one of car and drivers 10best, 10 years in a row. Jimmy like so many popular shows these days, our next guest plays a bipolar woman who returns home to l. A. After six months in a facility, and its a comedy. Its called lady dynamite. It is streaming on netflix now. Please welcome Maria Bamford. [ applause ] jimmy how you doing . Good. Jimmy your show is very funny. I watched, i think four or five episodes of it last weekend with my wife, and we enjoyed it. Its very strange, but breezy and fun, and part that i wonder about, and i want to ask you about, supposedly its based on your real life, but it doesnt seem like it could be based on anyones real life. Yes, theres a surreal aspect to it. Some parts of it are completely real, like the psychiatric facilities, i tried to make them more depressing. Psych wards are like an art director came in and said lets take pieces of the puzzles out of all the puzzles and put a line of six people waiting for a little sack of grkram graham cr. Jimmy theres a real situation . Thats the real situation. Its more cheerful, i think. Jimmy and i think the audience is a little uncomfortable now, but its true. [ laughter ] im so sorry. Jimmy dont be sorry. Youre the one that had to go in there. I know. Jimmy we should be more supportive. Yes. [ applause ] and i didnt want to go in myself. Because i was so worried what if somebody finds out, and this is what happens if somebody finds out. I was in the psych ward. A woman came up to me and said, i actually know you not personally but from comedy, and i want to let you know, this is totally confidential, and i would never tell i would never tell anyone um, i won a county stamped gown and gripper socks that werent my own. You tell whoever you want. All is lost. Jimmy you definitely made lemonade out of the situation with this television show. Its called lady dynamite. Why is it called lady dynamite . I think its a joke on the fact that i do not have very much energy now that im properly medicated, and laughter ]. Jimmy your parents on the show are played by mary kate place and ed baggily junior. Who great actors. Were your real parents happy to be played by them . My dad thought he should have the role. He felt like at least he should have gotten an audition, and my mom was just grateful that the mom was so thin. My mom is a lifelong Weight Watchers member, and is constantly obsessed with points. Shes so enraged over that mcdonalds Ice Cream Cone that once it was one point and now its three points. Oh, how terrible. [ laughter ] jimmy they changed the recipe . No. I think its just the unfairness of life sometimes. Jimmy you got married recently as well . Yes. Yes. Jimmy congratulations. [ applause ] jimmy what is your husbands name . Scott. Hes a painter. He has a show this weekend at a college. Hes a delight. We met on okay cupid. Jimmy for real . I didnt know people still went there. I know. I was an older bride. What is, is it a specter from the attic . We met about three years ago. Im sure theres Something Else people use now as a technology. Jimmy you hear about match. Com. I dont know if people go on eharmo eharmony. Tinder is one of them. I did eharmony. Pricey, and a lot of christians. Thats all im going to say. Nothing against christianity, but come on now. [ laughter ] jimmy what did you your profiles matched up . We had a 98 similarity rate, and i think the kicker was that i changed my profile name. I initially had something more vague. I had funny, thoughtful, and that cast too wide a net, and so i changed it to hog book. [ laughter ] which, i love words, and i like those two words together. I dont like the idea of writing a book about a hog, but just calling it a a hog book, one guy. Jimmy one guy . He loves a good hog book. Have you determined the 2 difference . I think its the part where i like to tear open packages of food and leave caps off beverages and leave them around, and hes said kindly and sweetly many times, why, and i explain im a raccoon. I need to get in there, get whats good, be on my way. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy well, the show is very, very funny. Thank you so much. Jimmy congratulations on that and the hog book and the marriage and really everything. Maria bamford, her show lady dynamite is on netflix. Well be right back with dnce. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by samsung. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by samsung. Jimmy id like to thank my bill hader, Maria Bamford, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. Nightline is next. But first, their e. P. Is called sway, here with the song toothbrush dnce baby you dont have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place we dont need to keep it hush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place stuck in a limbo half hypnotized each time i let you stay the night stay the night up in the morning tangled in sheets we play the moment on repeat on repeat when youre standing there in your underwear and my tshirt from the night before with your messed up hair and your feet still bare would you mind closing the bedroom door baby you dont have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place we dont need to keep it hush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place cause i just i just cant let you go give me something i never know so baby you dont have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place no need to question next time we meet i know youre coming home with me home with me sweat like a sauna break out the ice i know youre gonna stay the night stay the night when youre standing there in your underwear and my tshirt from the night before with your messed up hair and your feet still bare would you mind closing the bedroom door baby you dont have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place we dont need to keep it hush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place cause i just i just cant let you go give me something i never know so baby you dont have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place i dont want this to end and theres no need to play pretend if you stay with me again would you mind closing the bedroom door baby you dont have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place we dont need to keep it hush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place cause i just i just cant let you go give me something i never know so baby you dont have to rush you can leave a toothbrush at my place at my place this is nightline. Tonight, crooks cleaning up. With apparent counterfeit products, fake tide, downy and much more. When what you see isnt what you get. The big Business Crime on the rise. Tonight were with investigators checking in on dodgy derer the gent and putting it to the test. Plus sequels like indepdendence day resurgence. Are these global special effects enough to save a summer block buster . You were too young to see the original movie . To make the big screen box office sizzle again, turning back time, but wheres will . Wait until i get another play. But rs