Totally rigged by the mainstream tweedia. Oh, thats good. And tweet kellyanne, why wont my phone tweet . Thats not a phone, donald. Its a bar of soap. Of course its a phone. It says dial right on it. Announcer tits late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, stephen welcomes don cheadle Stevie Wonder and katherine featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause . Captioning sponsored by cbs thank you very much. audience chanting stephen thank you, chris, thank you, paul, thank you, matt thank you, gentlemen. Good to see you wow not too bad you can feel it you can feel it cheers and applause you got the jumper thank you so much. Welcome to the late show. Im Stephen Colbert. And we are live tonight from new york. cheers and applause piano riff stephen thats not too shall by. Meanwhile, in philadelphia, Hillary Clinton held a huge rally in front of independence warming and trade policy. Hillary, as always, closed with thunder road. Trump, on the other tiny hand spoke in New Hampshire and had a big announcement. Tom brady, he called today, and he said, donald, i support you, youre my friend and i voted for you. Stephen no surprise brady is a trump fan, because donald appears to be underinflated. cheering to get a good grip. laughter and last night trump had the Bruce Springsteen of insane bowhunters, ted nugent, and the nuge did not disappoint. I got your blue state right here baby stephen what is he even saying . laughter i dont i dont understand. Is his crotch actually blue . You guys, ive said it before, if your genitals resemble the electoral map at all, consult a doctor immediately. laughter applause and the craze is we learned all this about trump from the news, unfortunately, not from the man himself because, this weekend, aides to donald trump have finally wrested away his twitter account. What . you cant take away trumps twitter account thats like taking away batmans utility belt laughter all youve got left is a billionaire with anger issues. laughter applause hes got none of his tools cheering trump based his whole campaign on that twitter account. Whats he going to do now . Write messages in bronzer on bedsheets and hang them out the window of trump tower . laughter applause twitter is trumps lifeline to the world, especially since it turns out that donald trump does not use a computer. No computer at all. He even files his taxes the old fash laughter applause as far as we know. We dont know. We dont know we have no idea piano riff applause now, if trump doesnt have a computer, and theyre taking away his twitter, i think i know whats happening if he loses tomorrow, his staff isnt going to tell him. laughter dont turn on the tv hey, were also going to need to take away your belt and shoelaces. No reason, mr. President. Of course, the major story this weekend was f. B. I. Director and soon to be former f. B. I. Director james comey delivering what may be the most infuriating takiebacksie in american history. Ten days ago comey upended the campaign with a vague letter to congress saying hed found new Clinton Emails to investigate. Yesterday, he told congress that these emails warrant no new action against Hillary Clinton. This is the psycheout since god told abraham, slit your sons throat. Just kidding but seriously, take a chunk off of his penis. laughter psych for nine Straight Days the Trump Campaign has been hammering hillary with this story. This is the biggest political scandal since watergate stephen sorry, donald. Turns out its not even the biggest scandal since waterworld. But if youre waiting on a correction from trumps camp, get comfortable. Because even though comey says there was nothing in the emails, theyve got a new line of attack. No one believes that the federal government is capable of taking 650,000 emails and reviewing them in eight days. Stephen yes. How could you possibly review 650,000 emails in eight days . You need a computer that can do that. laughter applause but how are you going to get emails onto a computer . I mean, i dont understand would take weeks laughter as i said, when he first talked about these emails, i have a message for james comey, and its right here cheering applause were not releasing this message tonight. laughter weve got a team comparing it to the contents of this hand to see if they match. applause okay . To find out whats behind here, youll have to watch tomorrow night on showtime. applause yeah, im taking a look back here, and some of the results are coming in, already. laughter but this is it. The campaign is coming to an end. So tomorrows the big day cheering applause finally, well all get out the ragamuffin in audience is crying stephen why, its an adorable little street urchin but why are you crying, little girl . I ask out of genuine concern and not because its a live show and im furious. child singing . I am just an orphan ragamuffin . . Im cold and have no coat . . And when it comes to ballotst . Im too scared to vote . Stephen aw, get on up here, you little scamp come on, everybody lets give her a welcome applause listen, little girl you dont need to be afraid to vote i dont . Stephen no in fact band plays upbeat musicman style music stephen singing . Voting gives a voice to people one and all . . From the richest robber barons . Votings done in a half a flash . . It only takes ones wristflick . . They make the process speedy jon except for in black districts. Stephen thats true yeah, a little weird the way that happens. Its a gradea, crackerjack super duper, funpacked peachy keen, grand slam whizbang, breadandjam way to keep america afloat. Its democracy in action, so get out there and vote yeah cheers and applause weve got a great show tonight don cheadle is here Stevie Wonder is here now, now, hold on, now, mr. Stephen colbert cheers and applause toltold on, now hold on hold on cheers and applause stephen you had something to say . I did indeed i have something to say i say this to all of you let the child do as she pleases stephen oh, my stars its friend to children everywhere, the mayor of candy town, jon stewart if the girl doesnt want to vote, she doesnt have to here, have a toffee. Have a toffee from an old mans pants applause i have been heating those up all day. There you go. There you go. Toffee from an old mans pants. So. I dont have to vote . Heck, no singing . Theres nothing in the law that says the people have to vote . Stephen wait a . Let the child do what she wants . . Dont stuff voting down her throat . . Democracy is optional . . Its not a big old croat . Stephen croat . Its an anatomical term. Stephen what is croat . The sack on a sea bird. laughter its a croat. Took em up, oh, so good laughter you have been to the croat fest stephen listen, john, this child has got to vote come on, its not a big deal. Stephen do you remember whos running this year . Well, i havent paid much attention. Walter mon bastille daydale, that nice mormon George Mcgovern . Stephen no, thats a while ago. Do you want me to tell you . Well, let me give it a try. Let me just get a little water. Stephen its donald trump. laughter what are you kidding me serious . Thattage ritax and draft dodging Little Orange groundhog is running for president . Stephen yeah. Whos running again . Stephen i just told you. I think i just forgot. Stephen you forgot that fast . Yeah. Stephen really . But im still a bit parched. Stephen you want me to tell you again . I think i might keep myla off this time. Its, uh laughter applause cheers and applause its, uh its donald trump laughter applause laughter and this ragamuffin isnt going to vote . Youre voting, buddy. Youre voting yeah, hes running against Hillary Clinton. Ugh, i cant tell which ones worse stephen hes worse hes worse stephen much worse much worse cheering stephen vote and youre voting, young lady but listen. . Its not my fault the system . If either shared my values, id be the first in line to vote . . But in this civil oligarchy, we dont have a real choice . . How can i change a system that wont listen to my voice . . . To add my vote to either side would be an awful lie . . But theres power in abstaining, sitting out feels justified . . To vote just cause they say . . To fall in line and just be cowed . . Isnt that the cowards way . Stephen oh, my god. cheers and applause i dont know what to say. I kinda see where shes coming from. That is an contrarian think piece. It blew my mind. I want you to write for slate because i think youre amazing. Stephen amazing. I dont know what to say. Yeah, i feel lost. . Papa . . . Papa, can you hear me . . Stephen john, we dont have time for yentl theres always time for yentl applause so were all agreed we need to make a statement and sit beat drops stephen it its hamiltons javier mu . Oz weve gotten through a lot and your temps hot so please tell me youre not throwin away your shot its a slap in the face when you erase your voice people bled for the right for you to write your choice they faced fire hoses, riots and dogs bitein so im sorry not sorry if this isnt exciting but stayin home isnt a statement say in the way that your state went . Great, then years from now what you will say fifty years away from this election day did you fight and use your rights did you decide, or refuse to use this power people died for . So now its time, whatcha gonna do . beat drops out, singing . cause history has its eyes on you . Oh, shhhh. bleep for several seconds yeah. Javier out. I got a matinee tomorrow cheers and applause stephen okay. Okay. Its all agreed. Its all agreed. Were all voting tomorrow, right . Were all voting tomorrow stephen good, because drum beat, anthemmic march starts . Now is the time . Hes endorsed by david duke. Stephen . . To grow a spine . His tiny hands might get the music. . The stakes are high, its do or die, we cant rewind the planets only getting hotter. All for human kind. He said he wants to date his daughter. All the time is now. He acts real tough, but hes a wussy. Hell fill the court with gary busey. Hell grab your mothers. Stephen jon, theres a child present laughter applause all now is the time cheers and applause stephen stick around Stevie Wonder is here don cheadle is here well be right back all . Now is the time . . To grow a spine . . The stakes are high . . Its do or die . . We cant rewind . Yea, its nespresso. . . . . Youre ready. . . Is that coffee . 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This is a tough financial choice we could face when we retire. But, if we start saving even just 1 more of our annual income. We could keep doing all the things we love. cheers and applause . Stephen welcome back, ev live broadcast in the ed sullivan theater. My first guest is a passionate activist and oscarnominated actor, please welcome don cheadle cheers and applause . Welcome good to see you again. Stephen thank you very much. They ran in here with a blow drier pretty fast. No doubt. Stephen i know youre politically aware and active. How are you feeling about the election . How are the nerves doing . Very nauseous. Stephen i have a lit ail ail i have a little aroma therapy, a little soothing lavender, and a stress ball. I saw ted nugent earlier, just going to grab this ball. Stephen based on the color, i think it may be ted nugents ball. Its very fragrant. Stephen have you voted . Im going to get home, vote, stand in line, do whatever. Absolutely. cheers and applause stephen now, its a secret ballot, obviously. Yeah. Stephen i really shouldnt ask you who youre voting for but ive got a hint because on your twitter feed you called donald trump you are truly a laughter which we cant show on cbs something good . I thought it was a person of special interest. Stephen exactly, its a person of special interest. Hmm, it doesnt smell like this. Or ted nugents ball. Stephen youre don, hes donald. Does it upset you that you have th well see wednesday. I may have to put don in a dumpster fire. Stephen whats your middle name . Frank cheadle. Stephen thats a great name. Frank, let me ask you another question here. Thank you. Stephen passionate issue for you, one donald trump says is a myth created by the chinese, is Global Warming and yes. You have been named good will ambassador for environmental programs. Do you have diplomatic immunity . Can you park anywhere you want . I can park anywhere thats green. Stephen youre hosting National Geographics years of living dangerously. Yes. Stephen and went to californias valley to investigate e drought. It comes on wednesday. Its very daunting, you know, what we is right now experiencing a drought that they havent seen in 1200 years, if you can believe that. Stephen so the rains this year didnt help. Its the snow pack, it doesnt get cold enough for the snow in the mountains actually to create a snow pack and thats where the runoff happens and thats where we get most to have the water. Theyve depleted the aquifers and the ground is sinking in some places in california because all the aquifers have been depleted. Stephen so whats going to i think the most important thing when we think about this election is there are personal things we can do, obviously, you know, watch our water consumption and try to buy products that are clearly you know, we keep Global Warming in mind and do all those things, but, really, its about supporting the leadership that makes ate part of their platform, so not just at the president ial election but all the way down ballot, we have to get behind the people who will make ate real issue sure we understand its something we absolutely have to focus on. Other than that, once that happens, then we have to stay on them. Stephen because if we dont have water, we cant stay on the planet. If we dont have water, its not going to work out. Stephen elon musk says hes going to be able to put people on mars in 20 years. Will you be the first africanamerican man on mars . I dont want to be the first because in most space movies, theyre the first ones to go. laughter stephen werent you in yeah, and they left me up there. How about that . Stephen just left you there . Yes. Stephen not cool. Yeah. Stephen at least they went and got matt damon. They came later. Stephen did they come later for you . Yeah. Stephen did you have to eat the poop potatoes . I was actually the first one to experiment with poop potatoes. laughter stephen your kids, now youre politically active. Are your kids politically active . They are, and w all over the world. Stephen they prefer to be called woke. Actually, i was chided for saying that. They said we dont say that anymore. I said, what do you mean, its already gone . My daughter was upstairs getting ready for a bunch of friends and i said are you going to a club . They said, no, a black lives matter rally. I said, okay, wear your tennis swivel, this is a real thing youre doing. But theyre very woke and theyre aware. Its going to be the young people that are the hope for these issues. applause stephen one last before you go, thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Stephen don cheadle, everyone. Years of living dangerously, the National Geographic channel. Back with Stevie Wonder cheers and applause and show some love for the people we love. And the places we love. The stuff we cant get anywhere else and food that tastes like home. Because the money we spend here can help keep our town growing. On Small Business saturday, lets shop small for our neighborhood, our town, our home. On november 26th, get up, all get together and shop small. Fact. People spend less time lying awake than with tylenol pm. Advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. Gentle, nonhabit forming advil pm. This is my retirement. Retiring retired tires. And i never get tired of it. Are you entirely prepared to retire . Plan your never tiring retiring retired tires retirement with e trade. Im in vests and as a vested investor in vests i invest with e trade, where investors can investigate and invest in vests. Or not in vests. Sign up at etrade. Com and get up to six hundred dollars. . Where do you think youre going . . . Where do you think youre goinggoing, girl . . . Hillary clinton im Hillary Clinton and i approve this message. Vo in times of crisis america depends on steady leadership. Donald trump knock the crap out of them, would you . Seriously. Vo clear thinking. Donald trump i know calm judgment. Donald trump and you can tell them to go fu k themselves. Vo because all it takes is one wrong move. Donald trump audio only i would bomb the sh t out of them. Vo just one. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody folks cheers and applause my next guest needs no introduction. Hes one of the greatest musical artistings of all time. Please welcome the legendary Stevie Wonder. Stevie, thank you for being here stephen thats right. Now, you know stephen yes, stevie . I must say to all of you it is great being here but i know stephen only said that because his name is the same as mine. laughter but not only that, his birthday is the same day as mine. cheers and applause stephen and i cant think of any differences between the two of us. laughter i about whats in front of you. What is that . Are you going to iron me a shirt oor julianne some potatoes . What is in front of you . You have to lay on this. Stephen why on it . I was thinking about this you may say to me, stevie, look, i have to be treated have a great love for me stephen i do, yeah laughter and you say, how can we do this . I need surgery right away. And i say to you, you know, i can do it. Stephen wait, wait a second are you going to believe me . Are you going to trust me . Stephen i would trust you with any song, but if you were going to do surgery on me, i might want to have somebody helping you. H stephen yes. If there was a situation where you needed to get to the hospital immediately, right, and you needed someone to drive you there stephen yeah. Would you trust me driving you there . Stephen i would prefer even with the amount i love you, i would prefer you not drive me to the hospital, Stevie Wonder. laughter okay. So this is my point we are in a time that we have to make a capable of running this nation. Who is going to determine applause whats going to happen for our children . I have four june your four jr millennials. Four under the age of 16. My youngest is one, okay . applause you know, i believe in my is all i can tell you. I do. I voted, already. I didnt drive myself there. I didnt drive myself there. laughter stephen and you were getting out the vote this weekend for Hillary Clinton. What is it about her that youre passionate about . You know, i believe completely different than those that are putting the word out that you cant trust her. I think thats just a sound to give you an example, let me see if you hear . La, la, la, la . . La, la, la, la, la, la, . . La, la, la, la, la, la . . La, la, la, la, la . . Lovely as a sunny day . So you heard this song, like it, can relate to it. Stephen i do. Because youve heard it over and over again. So after hearing it, you begin to sing it, hear the melody, feel it, do the little move and all that kind of stuff and, before you know it, youre singing it, okay. Stephen and thats what a political slogan is like . A political slogan. Various ones in media and they do whatever they have to do to persuade you, so you hear the thing, i just dont trust her, i dont why, but i just dont trust her, i just dont trust her stephen stevie, if we werent live, i would want to talk to you forever. But i do have one question for you. I would love to hear you do a song to make people feel calmer would you be willing to do dont you worry bo about a thi before we go tonight . applause i will. But i want to encourage you to go out and vote. Please, do that. Its your right. And dont believe to those who say to you your vote doesnt matter because your vote does matter. We need you to vote because, truly, right now where we are is . Dont delay . . Send right away, yeah . . Hey, its goin around . . Breaking many hearts . . Stop it, please . . Before its gone too far . Stephen well be back with more Stevie Wonder and some more love. Stick around. cheers and applause . Ooh, why the phelps face . Old computer slowing you down . Is it a real drag . You know. I know. New computers are superfast. And yet here you are with a new world record for the slowest computer. You know about it, now do something about it. Upgrade to a new pc. Powered by intel. . What is he doing . With hotels. Coms rewards program for every 10 nights you stay, you get one free. Which is great for families. Finally whatever captain obvious. Hotels. Com. Great for families. Mom and for sore losers constipated . 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And try as much as you want of flavors like new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. cheers and applause stephen ladies and gentlemen Stevie Wonder cheers and applause no matter what happens its going to be okay . . M . I tell you whats going to happen . Everybodys got a thing . But some dont know how to handle it . Always reachin out in vain . Just taking the things not worth having but . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing, mama . cause ill be standing on the side . When you check it out . They say your style of lifes a drag . And that you must go other places . But just dont you feel too bad . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing, mama . cause ill be standing on the side . When you check it out everybody . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing audience . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing, mama . cause ill be standing on the side . When you check it out . Dont you worry bout a thing you . . . . Bam Bambam Bambam bambam . BambamBambam Bambambambam our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt political establishment with a new government controlled by you the american people. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this . Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. . . Mmmmmm, mmm . . . Girl, where do you think youre going . . Listerine . Kills 99 of bad breath germs for a 100 fresh mouth. Feeling 100 means you feel bold enough to. Assist a magician. Or dance. Listerine . Bring out the bold . This is the story of how mr. Bonejangles met his match. Mr. Bonejangles was always looking for something. But he never found it. Until one day. Seven in dog time. Exactly what he didnt know he was looking for fell right in his lap. Was he expecting the perfect toy at an amazing price . No, of course not, hes a dog. But thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, but you know youre gonna love it. Marshalls. Your surprise is waiting. Moms got this cold. Hashtag stuffy nose. Hashtag no sleep. Hashtag mouthbreather. Just put on a breathe right strip. It instantly opens your nose up to 38 more than Cold Medicine alone. Shut your mouth and say goodnight mouthbreathers. I cant hear what youre saying because im sitting in the seat Stevie Wonder just sat in. applause stephen do you feel the greatness welling up through your buttocks up there . Yeah, im just trying to get some of it up into my skirt. Wow stephen there you go. Watch out watch out laughter now, for people who dont know, youre the daughter of the great sam vaterston, friend of ours, and fantastic. An acting icon like that . Did you ever do law and order . Wow, you just went straight for the juggler. No, im the only actress who ever lived in new york city who could not get hired on that show. Stephen i hate to tell ya, i was in law and order. laughter yeah. How did you stephen i dont know. They just fobbed you up and said they said, weve got a guy live bomb, we thought of you. laughter some people on that show say things like, she never came home last night i couldnt even get a job like that. Stephen didnt you call your dad and say, dad, help . My sisterinlaw, brother and brotherinlaw were on the show. Stephen now you have the ha ha, because youre in the fantastic beast and you know where to find them. I showed you, law and order. Stephen you sure you play an exorork, a black magician catcher. Im basically a denoted cop. Stephen a magic cop. A magic cop. Stephen this is a big movien from choose. Im sure people who like me who are fans of harry potter are trying to pry spoilers out of you all the time. I lock you in your dressing room and dont let you out. laughter did anything surprise you . I assume you were a fan. Did you find out anything about these movies . They dont tell us anything. Probably because theyre so afraid that were going to gossip about it or something. Yeah, just last week, we had this fan event in london, and j. K. Rowling walked on to the stage. They didnt even tell us she was going to be there. She told the were going to make a fifth film, we thought maybe we would make four, and i was sitting there on stage, all the actors had their jaws on the ground, and i was just thinking maybe there was some kind of Stem Cell Lab in switzerland that i could go to dip my whole body in to stay well preserved to get that film. Im imagining us with our walkers and wands stephen i would like to do something to your face now if thought yo you would never a. Stephen i was wondering if i could prove youre sams daughter by giving you his eyebrows. Yeah. Stephen this is what your father looks like, to remind everyone. So look at me right here. Mmhmm. Stephen now, look into the camera and Say SomethingSam Waterston would say, and well give you the sound effect. The trick is the eyebrows go uneven, right . Stephen yeah. Its the law . Stephen what do you think, sam . Any good . Dad cheers and applause stephen Sam Waterston, everybody Katherine Waterston fantastic beasts and where to find them appears in theater next friday Katherine Waterston, everybody well be right back putting a wife to work is a very dangerous thing. When youre a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. More accusers coming forward to say they were sexually assaulted by donald trump. Ill go backstage before a show. Yes. And everyones getting dressed. Donald trump walked into the dressing room while contestants, some as young as 15 were changing. Standing there with no clothes. You see these incredible looking women. E ate like a pig. A person whos flatchested is very hard to be a 10. Do you treat women with respect . Uh. I cant say that either. Alright, good. You deserve great tv service. Me . Yes, you deserve tons of free hd channels. Ok. You deserve tons of free on demand channels, second lady. Whos talking . And you, confused lady, you deserve a technician who shows up on time. What about me . Everyone deserves great tv service, okay . Anybody else freaked out about this . . Stephen thats it for the late show. Tune in to showtime tomorrow for our live postelection show at 11 00 pm. Now stick nd corned . Are you ready to have some fun . Feel the love tonight dont you worry bout . Where you come from its gonna be all right . Its the late, late show