Ooh i dont want a shot i dont care youre not gonna do it yes, i am no, youre not no, im not no, youre youre not . No. How come . Because i already did it. It didnt hurt. I didnt know it was supposed to hurt. [sighs] id better do it again. No oh, no. Hes just teasin. Oh, his father was a doctor. He used to tease gloria that way. Oh. Youre just like your father. No, im not. Yes, you are. Yes, i am yes. Yes, except hes 30 years older and he has more hair. Oh, sidney. Oh. [giggles] oh, dr. Shapiro thank you. Youre welcome. Mrs. Bunker, is there something wrong with your leg . Oh, no, no. No . Hmm. Nothin. You, with the hole in the arm, i have to talk to your aunt, i dont like root beer. Its for me go. Go, go, go. Come on, come on. Ill be there in a minute. Okay, mrs. Bunker, i want you to hop right up here pardon me. Here you go. And i want to take a look at that leg. Oh, it aint nothing. Its just a bruise. Well, come on. You put your feet right up here and let me examine it. I guess i bumped it against the bottom drawer when i was putting archies socks away. Leaves his drawers open. [gasps] oh, sidney ow aw why does it hurt so much . Because i dont think its an ordinary bruise, mrs. Bunker. It could be phlebitis. Whats that . Its a blood clot and it can travel. Where . Hmm, thats a long trip. And it could be serious, but were not gonna let that happen, mrs. Bunker. Oh, how . Well, with medication, with warm pads and by staying off your feet. Oh, i cant stay off my feet till after st. Patricks day. Why . Are you marching in the parade . Oh. No i aint irish. But the bar is. cause its kelcys and kelcy used to own it and kelcy is. So, archies giving a st. Patricks day party and he wants it to be the best ever. So, im gonna do the cooking and were gonna have corned beef and cabbage mrs. Bunker, can you cook in bed . Then call a caterer. Mrs. Bunker, stay off your feet. No cooking now, listen. Put this on. No. Im gonna go talk to my nurse. Ill be right back. I wanna give you a complete examination. Oh, no, no doctor im saying i cant do that sidney ill be right back i aint got time to be sick uh aw ooh darn ooh. Oh, hello, harry harry hi, edith come on in. Ill put it on the table. why couldnt you get somebody to deliver this . Youre buying wholesale, you cant do that. You gotta do it yourself. You expect to save money, you also gotta expect the pain and the groan. What are you complaining about . Im doing all the work. Im doing all the thinking, aint i . Oh, what a lot of cabbage. Yeah, wait till you see the potatoes. Well, we aint never gonna see the potatoes come on here. Here, edith. Heres some of the corn beef. How much did you get . Oh, i got 50 pounds. Well, let me see, that means its 25. No, it dont its 50. I said 50. Fiveo. Yeah, it starts out to be 50, fiveo, but it ends up 25, twofive, why . Because when you boil corn beef, it shrivels up. It turns into a prune. So, 50, fiveo, pounds equals 25, twofive, pounds. You get it . I did. I understood that. Good. Well, it scares me. Im beginning to think like you. Oh, that aint unusual. Together a long time, even start to look like each other. No. Harry the potatoes the potatoes the potatoes [groans] watch what youre doing here. Oh, sit down, harry. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You aint got no time to sit. Look at this, its nearly noon. You gotta get down and open up the saloon. Business before pleasure, harry sorry, edith. A thirsty world is waiting. Yeah. Ill see you later. All right. Well, thank you very much, harry. Archie, you shoulda let him stay and rest and have a beer. I done that for you, edith. I dont want you to be waiting on people. I got something to tell you, archie. I hope it aint gonna take too long. I took stephie to see dr. Shapiro today. Dont tell me its anything serious. No, it aint serious. Dont tell me its anything catchin. No, it aint catchin. Dont tell me its anything thats gonna get in the way of the st. Pattys day party. Ll, see, sidney said that. I oughta sidney . Why didnt you take her to the real dr. Shapiro, sidneys father . Hes retired. Jeeze, hes just hiding from his patients. Whats the matter with the kid . Oh, nothin, shes fine. She just had to have a booster shot. I was telling sidney about the party oh, the party its gonna be better than any st. Pattys day party that he ever threw. Archie, could we get a caterer to do the cooking . Edith, after me bragging to everybody that youre the best cabbage cook in the world . Not a chance but, archie i need you to do it, darling. This is an awful lot of work, see. Oh. I know why youre backing off the work. At Gloria Steinway woman on the merv griffen show the other night, and she was sayin women ought to stay out of the kitchen. No, i didnt see that. Oh, yeah. You was in here doing the shes. Well, i seen it. And i remember it. Im sorry i brought it up cause i want you to forget it. Now, edith, i gotta take a nap for about an hour before i go to work, see . Edith. Take a look. Huh . Does this look funny, huh . Ha ha ha. Yeah. Yeah, well, make sure that harry takes all the pots. Theres 18 of them. And i want em all back cause some of em belong to the neighbors. Were all going down there together. Me and harry and you and the pots. Oh, no, archie. I aint going. Ii gotta stay off my feet. Off your feet, edith . No you better get up on your feet, darlin, and get yourself dressed come on were gonna be late for the part oh, come on edith edith we gotta get down to the party the partys just started. All you gotta do now is serve the fooze. Im tired. Oh, come on youll feel a lot better once you get down there, sweetheart. Get yourself dressed, huh . Archie . Oh, me name is macnamara . . Im the leader of the band . . Although were few in number . . Were the finest in the land . . We play at wakes and weddings . . And at every fancy ball . . We play the march from saul . . Ta dah, dah, dah . [groaning] ow what . What . Edith, what are you doing there, huh . Whats wrong . Call dr. Shapiro. Whats the matter, sweetheart . Call him. He knows all about it. Yeah, well, all right. But do i tell him ails ya . Harry, i cant do it. Call up the kid. Bring him in to help. What do you mean he wont work st. Patricks day . The Puerto Ricans dont give a cucaracha i cant come in. Yeah, goodbye, harry. Goodbye, goodbye well, there aint no use in sittin here worryin, kiddo. You better go up to your bed. Is aunt edith real sick . No, i dont think so. Shesshes probably what they call benumbed, you know . From inhaling cabbage for two days. You know, the nose, thats a very powerful thing there. I remember once i was changing one of joeys diapers. Oh. Mr. Bunker. Oh yeah, yeah. I put a moist pack on her leg. I want you to make sure she keeps it there. Yeah, i can do that, sure. Hows aunt edith . Shes tired like you. Go upstairs, give her a goodnight kiss. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Here. Here. I forgot to give her this. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Here i have something for you i dont feel like a lollipop. No, no. This time, bubblegum. Thank you. Youre welcome. [sighs] so, on the level, how is she . I think she should be in a hospital. Gee, see . Thats the difference between you and your old man. You think, he always knew. Where is he . Hes retired. He cant be retired he aint got no business being retired while any of his patients is still alive. Get him on the horn, sid. Im dr. Shapiro hes the only dr. Shapiro mr. Bunker. I have known you since i was six years old. Oh, yeah, i know. And i didnt like you then. And i dont like you now. What about edith . Her, i like. I mean, is she gonna be all right . Oh, now youre concerned. After you practically killed her what did i do . What did you do . You were a little like your father then. Come on, mr. Bunker. Its obvious what youve been doing. What are you talking about . I mean, that might cause a person to leave a room or open up a window. Im talking about cabbage. It cant be the cabbage i aint had none of that yet mrs. Bunker told me youve had her on her feet for two days cooking yeah thats what im talking about well, what the hell kind of medical advice is that . Whats she got that she cant cook . She didnt tell you. No phlebitis. Phlebitis . Aint that what the democrats gave nixon . Shell be okay. Self. Mr. Bunker, i thought she told you. Youre gonna throw up . No, no, no. Ill be okay. I thought you knew about this. Well, its okay. Take it easy, sid forget it, forget it, forget it. Please, forgive me, mr. Bunker. Please. Yeah. Its all right. Its all right, sidney. Youre a good boy, you know . Please dont tell my father. Oh, i wont say nothin about it. Just dont play ball on my stoop no more. That wasnt me. Oh, im so sorry. Oh, im sorry im sorry sidney oh, im sorry well, edith, ii gotta tell you, im very disappointed in you. Im really very disappointed in you. I know. Im sorry im missing your party. Oh, the hell with the party i mean, im disappointed in you why . I done all the cookin. Had it all ready for harry when he come. Im not talking about you dont think much of me. I do no, you dont. Ii do dont i always bring you beer when you want it . Oh, jeez, but that dont prove nothin. And dont i always have dinner hot for you when you come home . That dont prove nothin either. Well, i wash your clothes and i iron them sybil gooley would never do them things for you. Why the hell not . cause she dont like you. Oh, yeah. Archie, i love you. Thats why i do them things for you. You were sick . I tried to. But i didnt wanna spoil your party. The party i dont wanna hear nothin more about the party to hell with the party jeez. You was too busy being mrs. Nice guy. Your shoes. Well, its cold up here you was being selfish, edith. Selfish . i guess you wanted me to go on alone tryin to raise that little girl who already lost one mother. No oh, jeez, edith. Youre always being too good, good, good. Im gonna tell you. Im tired of suffering from that. From now on. Like they say in the old song, theres gonna be some changes made. And, please, dont sing it for me. I mean to say is. If anything goes wrong with you, you gotta tell me. So as i can take care of you i told harry i cant go to work. Until the doctor says that youre okay. Im gonna wait on you. Oh, archie ii know were ininin bed, but youre too sick for them kind of moves. Oh, archie oh, edith. You know something . The whole damn world was to go to the dogs, as long as i had you standing by my side, you know . Or sitting by my side, or laying here like this by my side, everythingll be. Just okay. [sighs] ive been blowing my own horn. For a lot of years. I gotta tell you something you know something, archie . Youre a pip. . Boy, the way glenn miller played . . Songs that made the hit parade . . Guys like us we had it made . . Those were the days . . And you knew where you were then . . Girls were girls and men were men . . Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again . . Didnt need no welfare state . . Everybody pulled his weight . . Gee, our old lasalle ran great