Before being dismembered . Hello, wanda. Is that chain saw safe . Of course. No chain. Boys, i need a little room. Well just finish this scene. This is the climactic moment when our hero is sliced, diced, and promptly refrigerated. [laughter] sure, laugh. Revenge of the teenage dead will make other horror films look like nursery rhymes. Ill be considered the godfather of gore, the sultan of revoltin, the king of cadavers. Hey, whats taking so long . Janine, baby, you got to be patient. Ive been waiting forever. Im sick of holding this stupid chain saw. This mask is giving me zits. But youre the star soon the name janine will strike fear in the hearts of millions, like jason and freddy. Oh, yeah. A dream come true. All right. Ill arrange for you dream come true. What do you kids find so fascinating about these ridiculous slasher films . Oh, hi, dear. Grgregory, youll graduate summa cum laude with majors in chemistry and molecular biology. For any medical school in america. Why did you apply to southwest . Well, dr. Forrest, your questions requires a twofold response first, i greatly admire your faculty, and secondly, i plan on specializing in endocrinology, and your Laboratory Facilities are stateoftheart. Then theres the dorms proximity to sunset beach. [laughter] that would be convenient. I dabble in marine biology. One final question, gregory. Youve told us quite eloquently why youve chosen southwest. Now tell us why we should choose you. Because im the most qualified. Well. I think that about covers it. Thank you very much, gregory. It was a pleasure meeting you. Thank you, dr. Forrest. Doctors. Thanks for your time, dr. Howser. Ive wanted to meet you since childhood. Call me doogie, greg. If you dont mind, i prefer gregory. Stuart and i feel ive outgrown greg. Stuart . My father. How long will you and, uh, stuart, be here . Two weeks. Definitely check out magic mountain. Theres this new ride viper. Its unbelievable. I doubt ill have a chance. Stuart and i are spending all my time observing eastman. And hanging out with your dad. Actually, i enjoy it. We read, attend lectures, play chess. Sounds pretty wild. Well, we do enjoy ourselves. Uhhuh. I must say, david, youve set a fine example. Douglas is quite an accomplishment. Well, thank you, stuart. Weve certainly tried. Dont be modest. As parents of gifted children, its our responsibility to make sure that their godgiven talents arent squandered in youth. Youve created a 17yearold doctor. Not many men can say that. Well, to be honest, i cant say it either. Douglas became a doctor on his own. I actually think that katherines and my greatest accomplishment will be surviving his teens. [chuckles] dont get cocky, dad, you still have three years to go. All right, ive got rocky road and chocolate chip. Im sorry, katherine. We should have mentioned it earlier. Gregory and i dont eat sugar. Right, gregory . And can affect concentration. Right . Right. Oh. Huh. Nice system. Ive got a compatible with 40 megabytes. You ever played the Flight Simulator . Stuart feels games take up too much memory. Doog, its over. Im dead meat. Stick a fork in me, im done vinnie delpino, gregory pelzman. How you doing . Look, i got a major crisis. Janine walked she wants to be one of the teenage dead. She wants to be hacked to pieces, just like everybody else. Relax, vinnie. Well just find someone else. Vinnies making a slasher movie. Its not merely that. Its a statement about life, about angstridden teens and their struggle to overcome parental oppression. Ain saw massacre. Im not familiar with your references. I consider moviegoing a waste of time. Get out. Hes joking, right . Would you excuse me . [water running] talk about your teenage dead. What a stiff. Of laughs. Gregorys applied to southwest medical school. Im supposed to spend time with him, then make a recommendation. Id recommend him to get a life. Dr. Howser, may i borrow some floss . Uh, yeah, help yourself. And call me doogie. This kid is scary. Im outta here. I didnt know whether to feel sorry for the kid or beat him with a stick. And his father doogie, raising a prodigy isnt as easy as it looks. I can remember spending a lot of sleepless nights wishing you were just a little more average. Yeah, but stuarts got him programmed like a robot. At least you let me alone to do what i wanted. Well, not exactly, douglas. Remember, you wanted to join the debate team, and we enrolled you in the cub scouts . Or when you wanted to take that Summer School calculus course, but we made you go to camp chipmunk. Do i. . Chipmunks, chipmunks, chipmunks we . . Running, playing and living free . I will never forgive you guys for that. Oh, honey, your father and i just wanted you to enjoy life, and not bury yourself in your books. And luckily, we got some unexpected help in that area. Katherine. What . Doogie, the point is, we wanted you to have some balance. And regret the choice youd made. Yeah, but gregory doesnt have a clue. How am i gonna recommend him when he doesnt know what hes giving up . Hes never had a chance just to be a kid. Youd think in a city of 10 million people, i could find one maniacal killer. Whats wrong with you . What do you think . Look at him. Hes calculating the nutritional value of everything. This kid wont lighten up. Here, check this out. This is a typewritten itinerary of our weekend together. Hes even scheduled an 8 05 meeting to discuss the schedule. Wait a minute. I got a brainstorm. Suddenly i feel a rewrite coming on. Forget it. He would never do it. Hello, vinnie. Doog, im telling you. Hes got that certain something. Look at thisthis face. Hes the one. Hes got it. Got what . Who cares if he doesnt know movies. He must be a quick study. Youre a genius, right . Yes, but i think i see what youre saying. Mmhmm. Oh, butbut im sure he wouldnt be interested. No. No, hed never do it. Do what . Oh, no. Vinnie was just suggesting that you would be perfect for. Dr. Hyde, the brilliant medical mind that stars in my film. Really . Me . Theres a precedent for this. Dr. Jonas salk was very big in dinner theater. Well, it does sound somewhat interesting, but dr. Howser and i are scheduled to observe aah excuse me. How will i ever catch her if shes running and im limping . Cut i dont see why i would eat the foot. The heart or livers more nutritional. Cut cut gregory, babe. Youre a cannibal. Cannibals arent finicky eaters. Got a minute . Were going to be here all night. Ive had enormous cold sores that were less annoying than that kid. Get rid of him. I cant. Whether gregory realizes it or not, he needs this. Doog. All right. Ill talk to him. What are you doing . Dr. Howser, im not what vinnies looking for. I dont mean to insult you, but it seems frivolous. Exactly. Its called goofing off. Its one of the perks of being a kid,. Well, stuart wouldnt approve of me goofing off. Let me make this simple. You want to go to southwest . Its my call. Ill make a deal with you. Forget anything anyones told you about who youre supposed to be and just listen to vinnie. I dont think that trust me on this. Youre about to learn one of the most important tools needed in medical school, ok, dr. How doogie. Good eyeballs. Cue the zombies [moaning] good, good. Beautiful, gregory. Beautiful. Show us your stumps, doog. Dont scratch your ear. The dead dont itch. All right, greg. Youre scared for your life. Act scared, gregory. Good, good. Oh, this is gorgeous. Now tear him limb from limb. Struggle to survive, gregory. Hey, watch where youre throwing that liver. Whos got the brain . Its coming. Good, good. O. K. , die. Die already cut that was beautiful, kid. I was truly moved. Im sorry. I need a moment alone. All right, greg. Good job. You were fantastic. O. K. , thats a wrap. Yeah. This is really great. Want some whip cream on your pizza . You pig. Children, children. Whats the matter with you . Are you happy now . [telephone rings] get that. Hello . Oh, uh, hi, mr. Pelzman. Hello, stuart. Great. Well, actually i think im going go be a little late getting back. The gall bladder operation . I didnt go. Um, but i did see an amputation. What im saying is the last few days, now im confident gregory will do fine at southwest. Im curious, dr. Howser. What exactly is this other side . I want to file a complaint against this kid. Mr. Pelzman, im sorry. This is a private meeting. Your esteemed colleague spent the weekend attempting to undermine my sons admission. That is not true. The hell it isnt. He dragged him out of the hospital, douglas. N he didnt talk me out of anything. I told you to wait outside. Doogie didnt do anything. All we did was have fun. He told me about being a teenager, about parties, girls, kissing with tongues. I just dont want medical school right now. You dont know what you want. I believe that he influenced you. Youre going to hear from my lawyer. The premiere of my first movie, and im sweating through my cummerbund. I pity the next guy who rents this tux. It will be great. [doorbell chimes] mr. Pelzman. Glad you made it. Wouldnt miss this for the world. Are we late . Just starting. Come on, dad. Ill be right there. Douglas, i want to apologize for my behavior the other day. You do . I was too angry to listen to what gregory was saying. Though i admit im still disappointed in whats happened, i love my son. You helped gregory regain something his childhood. Almost. Wait. Wait, wait. Im on a diet. Hes a great kid, mr. Pelzman. Hell make a great doctor. Come on. Its going to start. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the World Premiere of the revenge of the teenage dead. I must warn you you may not be prepared for the horror you are about to witness. [eerie organ music plays] [applause] my name is biff harris. The story im about to tell you is true. If it wasnt, i wouldnt be dead. It all started two weeks ago with my friends pete and mary sue. Aah how did he get into the house . [chain saw buzzes] that answer your question . Dont give up, pete. Get off, sue. Get off. Its coming were going to die. Stop it, mary sue. Get hold of yourself. Aah aah aah im sorry, pete. Dont worry. Ill think of something. Its coming. We are going to die. Aah aah aah it looked like the end for pete and mary sue, the teenage zombies could not control their blood lust. Every parent was on the menu. You o. K. . O. K. . Im ruined. My career hasnt even started, and its already over. [laughter] listen to that. Theyre in there laughing. At me. Charlie chaplin once said, anyone can make them cry. It takes a genius to make them laugh. [laughter] so what youre suggesting here is im a genius. In a manner of speaking, yeah. All week long, you talked about being the next hitchcock or stephen king, but youre not going to be one of those guys, cause youre unique. What you created in there is. Is a delpino. [laughter] maybe youre right. My work does have a certain delpinoesque quality. [hysterical laughter] listen to that. They love me. I may have created my own genre a horroromedy. Theyll pay an arm and leg. [knock knock] goodnight, son. Goodnight, doogie. Mom, dad, the other night you said you got some unexpected help making sure i grew up ok. What were you talking about . Douglas, as you can imagine, vinnie wasnt exactly my first choice as your best friend, or my second for that matter. But, uh, no one could bring out the child in you like vincent delpino, and in retrospect, he was a godsend. And if you ever tell him i said that, its not that big. It looks that big from here. Youre exaggerating it. He doesnt even look human. Im not as talented as you are, wanda. Youve spent 20 minutes working on that nose. Janine, this is art. Its a balance of form and texture. Im looking at a naked man. You wanted to take a life drawing class. I just wanted a look, not stand across from him for 35 minutes. How you girls getting on . Thats very good, wanda. Although, i think youve been a little overly generous