Great job. You did a really nice job. Thank you. Come on, thats enough. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thats very good. Come on, now, look. Remember, i just came up for one drink, and then i gotta go home. Those lines sound familiar . No, the dogs up. Who cares . [ laughter ] what i hope you have color at home, i really do. Isnt that a beautiful coat though . Made by congoleum. [ laughter ] anyway, you sound in a good mood. Weve got a good show tonight. Uh, i mentioned last night on the show, our executive producer, mr. Fred de cordova has been followed all over, i guess, the past couple of weeks. People magazine is doing, i suppose, aa big article. In depth. In depth. Making the weightiest decision of the week. Should he drive to work in the caddy or the mercedes . [ laughter ] you know what . Youre out here, a lot of you from out of town. One of the things you can see, if you want to go out to the beach now, the whales this is true. The whales are migrating. [ laughter ] nothing funny about a whale migrating. They passed on, i guess, they go to the gulf of mexico. And they weigh their 50 feet in length. They weigh about 40 tons . And i guess they go down there to mate. Um. [ laughter ] im trying to do you know how whales mate . Well, they only have one position, and. Unfortunately this was recently learned by a nuclear submarine. [ laughter ] they had, uh, a big earthquake in hawaii yesterday, did they not . Something like 6. 8 . You know thats, uh they have Great Entertainment in hawaii, but you dont wanna stay there while the hotel is doing the hula. [ laughter ] surfers finally found the perfect wave. It came out of the bathroom sink. Today is the day i believe that they, uh, sponsor the Great American smokeout. How many of you are familiar with that . [ cheers and applause ] you get out of here. Last year apparently 4. 5 million smokers stopped smoking, made it through the entire day. Thats interesting. How many of you are, uh lets take my own poll here. How many of you are trying to quit smoking . Nobody . How many have been able to quit . [ applause ] how many are busy trying to quit breathing in los angeles . Ill be honest with you, i observed the smoke out. I got up this morning, i put my cigarettes in the drawer, went outside, took a big, deep breath of fresh ocean air, and chewed the railing off the porch. [ laughter ] i have some good news and some bad news. Well, the bad news, as you women probably know, the e. R. A. Amendment was defeated in congress. The good news is, congress has to stay in session [ laughter ] [ applause ] i was going through the supermarket checkout line today. Yeah. [ laughter ] i did. I saw a tabloid. It had my picture, my little, small picture. Not my big picture, and inside this was interesting. How many of you saw that article . They followed the lineage, and apparently Richard Nixon and i are cousins. [ laughter ] true, its quite its quite down. Its about eighth cousins, and as soon as nixon heard that, i got a call from nixons lawyer, and dick wants 10,000 a month for shaving cream. [ laughter ] [ applause ] but i let me make this perfectly clear. I am not a cousin. [ laughter ] the big picture in the newspaper today was the picture of president reagan. Did you see that . They released a picture on the wire service. It showed president reagan putting out acorns for the squirrels outside of the oval office. Apparently he goes up goes out, puts them out for the squirrels, and george bush got very angry. Said the president was trying to strip him of all his jobs. [ laughter ] [ applause ] unfortunately, the squirrels could not eat the acorns because all their teeth fell out from the jelly beans the president gave them last year. [ laughter ] you ever try to gum an acorn . Now the president has been feeding the squirrels, i guess, for three years but he has not been able to win them over. Squirrels keep asking, what happened to the guy with the georgia accent who raised the nuts . [ booing ] okay, we try. Uh, on the political scene, uh, Alan Cranston from, uh, california, as you know, is running for president and did you see he has a new look . Hes dyed his hair black. I dont mind him dying his hair black, but to compete with Jesse Jackson he also got a mr. T mohawk haircut. [ applause ] uh, Alan Cranston said that the movie the day after will probably help his campaign. John glenn seems to think that the movie the right stuff will help him in his president ial campaign. Uh, Harold Stassen is hoping that theyll reissue golden pond. [ laughter ] i wasnt too sure of that one myself. Mondale is after the youth vote. Today he filmed a rock video with michael jackson. [ laughter ] when i get close to one of these, just let me know. Jesse jackson is seeking the older vote. Today he got the support of the last surviving ink spot. So its really starting to [ laughter ] [ booing ] anyway, we got a good show for you tonight. We have a lovely lady, a beautiful actress, miss Lynn Redgrave is here this evening. We have a veryvery funny young comedian whos been with us several times, Jerry Seinfeld. [ applause ] a charming gentleman by the name of ernest st. George. He is 92 years old. He, um, is responsible for quite a few inventions. He was married, i guess, r a newlywed. And the mighty carson art players are gonna take another shot at it. Well be right back, stay where you are. [ applause ] thank you. Well be right back. Thank you. Attention are you eligible for medicare . The medicare enrollment deadline your healthcare costs. Are you getting all the benefits available to you . New plans are now available that could increase your benefits and lower how much you pay out of pocket. To update your coverage or enroll for the first time call healthmarkets. Well help you make sure you have the right medicare plan. Hi, im doctor martin gizzi. Its a new medicare year. That means more changes. And more confusion. Heres what i tell my patients. Start by asking. What kind of care is best for your Current Situation . Have there been changes in your health or medications . The key question is what can you do now, to ensure you get the care you need in the coming year . To find the coverage you need, call healthmarkets today. New medicare plans in your area may offer better coverage and lower costs. Healthmarkets has access to thousands of Medicare Options from leading Insurance Companies nationwide. Plans that may. Cost less. Cover more. With more choices. All at a price you can afford. We help find the right plan for you. And we do it at no cost. There were so many benefits i wasnt taking advantage of. Healthmarkets can find me the right plan. And their service doesnt cost a cent. When i try shopping on my own, i get nowhere fast. Healthmarkets takes away the confusion. Too often i see my patients paying more than they need to because they dont know what theyre entitled to. Make sure you have what you need to get the care thats right for you. Few days left. If you miss the deadline, you may have to wait another year before enrolling. Call a licensed healthmarkets agent now. Call now. Call this number by the deadline. And let healthmarkets find the right medicare plan for you without cost or obligation. Call now. Hello, there. [ applause ] good show. As i mentioned, this first gentleman, hes a 92yearold. Hes an inventor from houston. I dont know whether hes still active inventing or not, but hes had a very interesting life, so we thought you might like to share some of his experiences. Would you welcome ernest st. George . [ music ] how are you, sir . Very good, johnny. Very good. We just had a chance to, uh, briefly say hello in the makeup room. Have you ever had makeup on before . Oh, yes. Oh, about 70 years ago. Yeah . [ laughter ] i was in vaudeville. Thats somebody mentioned you were in vaudeville. Whatd you do in vaudeville . Well, i had an act, a big act. In show business. Is that a fact . Yes, he was 19 years of age. It was 1925, and i was in new york. Im from australia, to new york, and, uh, i was looking for comedians, and my agent told me that ken murray around looking for a job. I said to ken, oh and i interviewed him, and he said, very good, and i said, how much, and he said, oh, i want a hundred dollars a week. I said, all right. Thats pretty good sized money, isnt it . Yeah. Ken murray did the blackout for a long time, yeah. For 20 or 30 years. What kind of an act did you have . I had a it was an act ill tell you how it happened, johnny. I was an electrician, and i wanted to come to america at any cost. You were in australia at that time . I was in australia. And of course, you cant nobody could get in america, especially in those days. So i said, well, let me make a vaudeville act. An act thats got in. So i made a vaudeville act, and accidentally i tipped the statue over ill do in my vaudeville act, and i did it. I made a statue of a real woman, fell over, broke to pieces, come back together again, and went down and bowed. And thats the way you got to this country. Thats what i did for fifteen years. Well, thats good. I didnt know that. You mentioned in makeup. You said you had a few butterflies, now. Oh, down here. Plenty. [ laughter ] at 92, i thought youd seen everything. Nothing would give you the butterflies. Ive done everything, too, johnny, everything but prostitution. [ laughter ] maybe time left for that. Who knows . Have you watched the tonight show at all . Oh, all the time. Im your pet. Really . The day since they kicked, uh, parr out, i waited for you for what seemed to be a long time. Finally you came on, and i watched your show for 25 years. Well, thats remarkable. What i like, offense [ applause ] when you lay an egg, you get out of it so beautifully. [ laughter ] well, we lay a few of those once in awhile. How do you manage to stay up so late . How do you stay so healthy . Well, now in houston its 10 30 in houston. It comes on at 10 30 in houston. And oh, i always found time. Really you look in remarkably good health. Oh, i am, johnny. Any tricks to staying healthy . Oh, well, i work very hard, seven nighttime, i have a couple of schnapps, a couple of good martinis. And then sometimes a little sex. [ laughter ] [ indistinct chatter ] good for you. [ indistinct chatter ] that beats jane fondas workout book, ill tell you that. Thats wonderful. That keeps the heart going, doesnt it . A little schnapps. It does. Now you this was your second marriage, i understand. Yes, second marriage. I was married for 65 years, and my wife died in hong kong. And i came i made many trips to america cause i was a broker, you see, exporting. And, uh, my great friend of mine, a great friend of mine, curtis, helen curtis, and she said, ernie, i want you to go to houston and meet a little lady. This is after my wife died. And youre 87 at that time. To houston, and i met this sweet little lady. Three days after, i married her. Three days . Thats not exactly what youd call a long courtship. How come so sudden . Well, i was anxious to get married. I was married 65 years. I meant to stop. Its pretty tough. Yeah. Really tough, you see . And especially, i gotta tell you this, my wife in hong kong, when she died, i made a trip from america back to hong kong, and i told her nurse she was very sick. And i had a look at the television. I was looking at the television, and she died. Now, heres the sad part. There was nobody else in the room when she died. So when i called 999, the priest, everyone was in the room, you see . And now they accused me of killing her after being married for 65 years, so i had to go finally i got out of it. Thats the law over there. Nobodys witnesses. Thats remarkable. Yes, oh, that was a bad one. Thats when i came, and then two days after i met vera, and then i got married again. I met your wife in the hall a moment ago. She looked like a very lovely lady. Hows the marriage going . Okay . Yes. Yeah. Johnny, you look terrific. You look terrific. Im trying to learn how you do this. You dont have any fights or anything . No fights. Were gonna come back. We have to do a commercial. Then were gonna come back were gonna be right back. [ music ] we are back. If youre just joining us, we are talking with, uh, mr. Ernest st. George. Lets talk a little bit about these, uh, these inventions. They gave me a couple of things to ask you about. Now, you have something to do or invented a 05 recording camera . Yeah, thats right. What is that . Thats a camera that getting near to the end of the war in europe, the nazis had hidden secrets for their gasoline and their planes. Right. I was playing hell with the russians. You see, well, the allies couldnt find them, but when i put my camera that i invented on their 729s they found them. I see. And they bombed the hell out of them. So that so my camera settled that. I didnt know that. Now, after they the, uh, uh. Roosevelt wanted to do it the hard way, go in with troops, and go and take it. Now, he could have done it with my camera because they could find out where the japanese had the and find it, and go and bomb it, instead of killing millions of people. Well, the bad luck. Truman roosevelt died, and truman come in. Well, whatd truman do . You know, he dropped the bomb and millions of japanese, poor kids and everything. And that was the end of that. I canceled my contract, because i had a five Million Dollar contract to make my make these cameras to find them. You see, and of course that was all canceled when truman got in. All right, now whats the what about the car heater . The what . The newsreel camera and the car heater . I made before i made this camera, i made a regular newsreel camera. Of my cameras. I didnt know that. Oh, yes. [ laughter ] we may be using them right here in the studio. So you invented that and sold it to nbc . Ive been mixed up with a lot, johnny. Yeah . Ive done pretty good, but ive spent the money on a bouncing ball. Up and down, and ive made a couple of fortunes, up to a Million Dollars, but i lost them all. Im happy about losing them. Really . I dont mind it. Im making one right now. Im making a televn theyre every newsreel man not newsreel. Every cameraman has a camera probably. Well, im making a motor he can attach to his camera, and make his commercials, his own stop motion. His own cartoons. Have you been doing this since you were a young man . Yes, since i was 12 years of age, ive had film in those hands, and 19 80 years ago. Howhow did you manage to make money and then lose it . What were you investing in . Well, with such as with i had a Million Dollars. A wire recorder . That was the first, uh before the tape . It was the other type, which was i remember those. A little thin wire. Right after the war, i had a Million Dollars, a big machine shop, and everything going good. My money, my swollen head, and money was burning in my pockets, so i said so i got a license and i made wire recorders. Was the first one to make wire recorders. I got a contract from Sears Roebuck for, uh, half a million. And they waited in line blocks long to buy them. And they bought em and bought em. Then, all of a sudden, they started to come back to sears. And sears was getting as many as they sold back. The reason why they were no damn good. Oh, well, thats [ laughter ] [ applause ] thats a fact. Thatll thatll put a crimp in the old inventors, uh yeah. Now, here was the secret, john. You see, wire, heres one wire, and then theres the other wire. Well, we say thats sound, thats music, and thats speech. Yeah. Now, with tape, it cant do it. Ah. Because its insulated by plastic. Yeah. See, heres the sound with tape. And theres plastic there. Yeah. So it cant didnt work, huh . Didnt work well, billions of dollars was lost. They were sears gave em the six million. Yeah. And i lost a million and a half. Yeah. Not kidding. When you had money, did you go out and spend it on silly things . Yes, lose. Like what . Oh, well, not exactly silly. Id buy you know, take a lot of people out to eat and do all that, grab a few d hit a bus or something with a car and then pay my way out of it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] johnny, im writing the book. Youyoure writing a book about this . Oh, youve got to take me back here when i write that book. Oh, sure, sure. You will . Oh, yeah. Im gonna hold you, now, on your word. Oh, all right. Okay . Im committed, i guess. Yeah, you heard him. I heard him, yes. [ laughter ] yes, everything. Right up from when i was 12 years of age. Yeah, well, you seem projection assisting projections at 12 years of age. Youve had truly in australia. Is there anything now 92 years are anything youre looking forward to doing what you have never done . Any challenge left . No, ive done everything. Truly, john. Ive gone on repeat except but prostitution. But prostitution . May have a shot at that. Yeah, well so theres oh, it didnt get a laugh. No, well [ laughter ] well, you havent worked in 70 years you know, you lo you lose your timing you cant cant go from vaudeville to 1983. Do you ever think about i played the palace twice. You played the palace . In new york . Yeah. Oh. Headlined, eh . I had oh, i had some big ones on i played with eva tanguay. Now, you can remember some of i remember those names, but freddy knows. [ laughter ] freddy used to bring pizzas up to eva tanguay at night. [ laughter ] but those were big acts. Johnny, let me go [ laughter ] its nice to have you here. Likewise. Really, iii enjoyed talking with you, and when you do the book, youll come back and well talk about the book. Thank you, johnny. I wanted to tell you one thing. Youre fabulous. Well, thats very nice of you to say. From the bottom of my heart. Ive loved you for years. Thank you. And when i saw you today, i well, i saw him, and id recognize you immediately, you see. [ laughter ] [ applause ] yeah. Im on repeat. Theres no one living, no comedian living you can take them all. Take any of em no one gets out of a mess but you. Well i thank you for coming tonight. Thank you, mr. St. George. [ applause ] [ music ] thank you, doctor. Doc severinsen and the great nbc orchestra. [ applause ] if you watch monday night football regularly, you know that Howard Cosell recently took a twoweek vacation and o. J. Simpson filled in for him on the air. We wondered what wouldve happened if during cosells vacation, he was replaced not by o. J. But by another celebrity from outside the world of sports. Hello, everybody. Im stu nahan, and its a beautiful night for football in los angeles, the temperature about 62 degrees. As usual, ill be doing the playby. But filling in for Howard Cosell is our new color man this week, william f. Buckley. [ laughter ] [ applause ] welcome. Good to have you here, mr. Buckley. Thank you, mr. Nahan. Im extremely gratified to be here this evening. [ laughter ] in fact, as i was entering the city of angels, i was reminded of nothing of julius caesar, who, as he was crossing the rubicon, turned to a centurion and said, iacta alea est. [ laughter ] the die is cast. Oh. Yes. Uh, weve got a pretty good matchup tonight, dont you agree . Well, i would postulate both sets of gladiators, if youd let me continue in the roman metaphor, as it were, are indeed reasonably comparable in their level of athletic acumen. Jack youngblood of the rams is down on the field. Can you see what that injury might be, bill . [ laughter ] well, it appears to me that mr. Youngblood might find it difficult to exercise his conjugal prerogative. [ laughter ] uh, i dont quite follow you. He got kneed in the macadamias. [ laughter ] oh, then youngblood appears to be okay right now. Los angeles is lining up in a nickel defense. Well, as you know, im opposed to the nickel defense. I prefer taxfree municipal bonds. They provide Better Capital growth investment. Right you are, bill. Uh, theres a fumble right there. Carl ekern for the rams picks up the ball, comes up with it, and hes down to the seattle 45 yard line. Boy, for a linebacker, ekern can really carry and lug that pigskin. Well, as my esteemed predecessor Howard Cosell would say, that little simeon can accelerate with considerable velocity. [ laughter ] hang on a minute, there. Theretheretheres a flag on the play right down there. Oh, i certainly hope its not an american flag. I mean, given the national medias obsession with espousing third world causes. Uh, whwhat do you have on tap for us at halftime tonight, bill . Perhaps some nfl action of some of the weeks highlights . Im going to debate billy white shoes johnson on whether or not socrates approved of spiking the ball do you have an opinion about those cheerleaders down there . Well, mr. Nahan, i can only draw a parallel between the proportions of their mammary development and the configurations of the egyptian pyramids. [ laughter ] uh, whatwhat exactly do you mean . I beg your pardon . I say, what exactly do you mean . Theyve got a great set of honkers. [ laughter and applause ] allall right, were back to the action now. Lets take a look at it. Theres the snap. Ferragamo, and hes rolling to the left . Please dont associate me with anything that might be going to the left. I cant stand it. Good night, mr. Nahan. Thank you very much. Well be right back. [ music ] [ applause ] thank you. Okay. Thank you. A silly idea, isnt it . Yes. Buckley at the football game. Theres the kickoff. Uh, were back. Uh, course were back. Yeah. What does that say . Lynn redgrave is gonna be with us shortly, but right now, we have a young man whos been with us before. Uh, hes a fine young comedian. Tomorrow night, november the 18th, hes gonna be appearing with Andy Williams in evansville, indiana. November 19th, hell be at the Marriot Hotel in santa clara, california. And on december 3rd, hell be at the fairmont in oakland, california. Would you welcome, Jerry Seinfeld . Jerry . [ applause ] [ music ] thank you, thank you. Well, ill tell you somethin about television. Its gettin scary. I was i mean, its gettin scary. I was watching thats incredible. They had a guy on who caught a bullet between his teeth. Im not making this up. Anybody see this guy . [ applause ] the guy catches this is his act