[ cheering ] heyo [ cheering ] come on. Come on. Look. Ill tell you what. Folks, if look. If you listen. If you keep look, now. Look. [ laughter ] if you if you keep that up, [ laughter ] [ applause ] okay ive got other ways to punish you now, for my first song. [ laughter ] [ music ] [ laughter ] whoo what a vicious crowd. They turned on me. Yes. Just like its friday. Thatsthats the reason. I have not heard so much applause since sophia loren walked into the communal shower, in prison. [ chuckling ] i dunno why youre in such a good mood. We have had weather, out here in california you cannot see five blocks, the smog is so ba you people from out of town we you know, i hate to keep makin jokes about the smog. Its easy, but it is weird, out here. Uh how weird is it . Thank you there it is, right up there. [ laughter ] well, today to show ya how potent it was today, the marlboro mans horse fell over dead. [ laughter ] no, we have, um [ laughter ] lady having fun, all by herself, up there. [ laughter ] [ some applause ] [ chuckling ] you have a nice laugh. Whwh [ laughter ] [ applause ] where whichwhich joke did you like, so far . [ laughter ] which one did you find the most amusing, so far . The weather. The weather. You liked that. Uh [ laughter ] what was i talking about . Oh. Alerts. We have smog alerts, out here, depending on how bad it is. The first stage is you, uh your eyes kinda tear up, and they burn, a little bit. Uh, second stage, you wheeze, a great deal. Cough, choke. The third stage is they tag your toe, [ laughter ] andand ship your body to florida, for some sun. [ laughter ] thats the third stage. Thats bad. From the newsroom just came in. An italian fan just sent sophia loren a hero sandwich, with a rifle in it. [ some laughter ] can you can you imagine sophia loren in jail . She went, for a while what was it . A tax evasion, or something . Right. Shes in there, 30 days. She has a cell thats done in pink. [ some laughter ] and, uh and the fans are showing up, and theyre singing, outside the jail. Right. That is weird. And she is doing prison work, today. To work in the laundry. And sophia requested she be allowed to go down and pound the laundry in the rocks at cap dantibes. [ some laughter ] cap dantibes is a on the south of france. [ some laughter ] resort area. Very expensive. [ laughter ] has, uh has big rocks, there, and, uh [ laughter ] but soph have you seen the amount of publicity she has been sentence . All over the world and it seemed like such a good idea that, today, pia zadora turned herself in, for kidnapping the lindbergh baby. [ laughter ] uh. [ chuckling ] there was another item in, today, in case youre wondering. The prison guard, yesterday, who frisked sophia loren, for concealed weapons, is now in a home for the chronically aroused. [ applause ] [ chuckling ] [ laughter ] im just enjoying that one, all by myself, like the lady up there. [ laughter ] youre in a such a good mood, but everything you pick up and read in the paper is so lousy. Maybe thats it. You know what happens, when things are bad . You gotta keep your sense o humor. Its the only thing that keeps ya goin, right . Y yeah. Yeah, you gotta laugh, a little bit, but the economy is not improving, and, uh, stock market is not good. Fortunately, i am not in the stock market. I have a brilliant financial advisor. Youve heard me talk of him, before bombastic bushkin. [ laughter ] and i dont have any Precious Metals or gold or silver. Bushkin told me to buy weather vanes. [ some laughter ] in case they come back. And, uh but he put me into some great investments, ill tell ya that. Do you know ii have a hot tub club, in iran . [ laughter ] [ laughter ] and im the principle investor, in a solar panel factory, in saudi arabia. [ some laughter ] see, where they really dont need [ laughter ] did i tell ya that cap dantibes was in the south of france . [ laughter ] [ some applause ] what else has been happening . How many are from outta town . Most of you . [ appl ] [ cheering ] southern californias different. I kid it, but it is its strange, out here. Yyou can go to for example, you just go up to hollywood boulevard, and go into a supermarket. Not the same as most supermarkets. You seen the little lamb chops that have panties on them . [ laughter ] they have lambs, with little garter belts and stockings. [ laughter ] weird. And i said to the butcher i said, what can i take home, for five dollars a pound . He said, my sister. Now, thats weird [ booing ] oh, come on, im just gasoline prices are [ laughter ] are goin up, again. Dya know that . Yeah, theyre goin back up. I went to see my favorite gas station attendant, today, mr. Goodshaft. [ laughter ] andand, uh did i tell ya about him . Surly man. I said, would ya clean the windshield . She spit on it and turned on the windshield wipers. [ laughter ] i said, my tires flat. He said, only on the bottom. [ laughter ] anyway, tonight youre in a good mood, cause weve got a we got a couple people [ applause ] [ cheering ] uh, youre welcome to, uh we have two big names, tonight. Im reluctant to even mention whos first, because the other person will say, hey, he you mentioned his na you got a coin, on ya . Yes, sir, i have. Well, well flip. Because, you know, billing is very important. There you go. cause we have big names, on the show, and well see who wins. [ laughter ] no. We have all right, how bout this . Steve stallone and sylvester martin. [ applause ] steve martin and Sylvester Stallone are here well be back, in just moment. [ music ] thank you no, no. [ applause ] [ cheering ] oh. If you just joined us you missed a great monologue. Thank you. Weve got Sylvester Stallone and steve martin with us, tonight. I saw rocky iii, last night. Good picture. Od he did it again, by golly. Well, as you know, this is the time o year the past yes. Before you do that oh, yeah, ive got somethin i wanna mention. Doc and i have something that we should mention. Yeah. Excuse me. Uh, doc is gonna be, uh, leaving town, tonight. Uh [ some applause ] [ laughter ] and just in time [ chuckling ] by popular request. No, hes, uh [ some laughter ] doc is going to be appearing, uh, saturday which is tomorrow may 22nd, with the charleston West Virginia symphony, uh, tomorrow af is that afternoon or evening, [ some laugher ] but wait, i better check with tom. [ chuckling ] uh, thats tomorrow. And, in lexington, kentucky, he will be at the university of kentucky, with his, uh, group, uh, zebron, on monday, may 24th. [ applause ] thats the jazz group. That should be fun. Thatll be a good trip. And youve got a trip, comin up. Yes. Im doing a little, uh, moonlighting. One of your other scouts is out, on tuesday night. You and tim conway. Yeah, were hosting a show you know, a lotta the shows are called special. But theyre not really special. This is special. Oh . Because it is the study of commercials, for the last 30 years. And it really is studying us. Its like our morays, how the times have changed, how our styles have changed. I see. Its interesting. Very lovely show. Thank you, very much. Im very pleased with it. So, look in, tuesday night, 10 00. What . Over most of the same stages. Is it on this network . Yes, it is. Good. Okay. Yes. I wouldnt give a plug like that, for another network. Well, speaking of television and we just were yes. If you were paying attention. [ some laughter ] lottalotta shows, have been popular, left you know, barney miller, last night, be back. Uh, uh, what are some of the other shows thatve m a s h is ending. M a s h. Finished, after 10 years. Its too bad, cause a lotta those were very, very good shows. And this is the time o year that the networks have already announced their shows, for the programs, for the fall season. [ some laughter ] no, im gonna give you a sample. Ththese are on nbc, they have a show called night rider. Its a series about a champion of the underdog i love the publicity things. Mmm. A champion of the underdog, who fights crime, with a aid of a special, indestructible black car, the most incredible automobile ever invented. Mmm. Now, thats the premise. Theres a show called silver spoons, with ricky schroder. Stars as a lad, more mature, in years, than his rich but irresponsible father. We have a show called gavilan coming out, about a former cia operative who cant get dangerous living out of his system. A man who uses many gadgets to keep him out of trouble. [ laughter ] the night that goes on, wont ya . Yeah. I wanna see that. [ laughter ] the power of matthew star. This is about a seemingly ordinary high school teenager, who is actually from another planet and possesses telekinetic powers. An bring em back alive. Now, remember right. Who that was . Frank buck. Based on the exploits of big game trapper frank buck. Uh, mama malone. Oh, thats on cbs. The bring em back alive. They also have mama malone. This is about the widow of an irishman, Television Cooking show, from the kitchen of her brooklyn apartment. [ some laughter ] lets see. They also have a show called, uh, the good witch of laurel canyon. [ some laughter ] a lighthearted drama about a pair of married private detectives, whose lives are complicated by her unpredictable psychic powers. Psychics are in, this year, i think. On abc. Ron glass, from barney miller. And Demond Wilson remember . The odd couple. The new its called the new odd couple. Lets see. [ laughter ] heres one called star in the family, a comedy about an ambitious young pop singer and her crusty, softhearted father. Oh. [ some laughter ] notice that theyre always crusty or yeah. But vulnerable. Heres one, here brass monkey. Now, this one [ person applauding ] [ some laughter ] you know something about this show . Yeah. Do you really . Im gonna give you the premise of this show. This is from the abc kit, that they send out. Set in the south pacific. Its about a daring cargo pilot, who battles sinister nazis, a villainous but beautiful eurasian princess, and larsons rogues, with the help of his oneeyed dog and a gorgeous american spy. [ laughter ] mmm [ chuckling ] those are some of the programs you can a oneeyed dog somebody said [ chuckling ] oneeyed dog. Somebody said, hey harry, we havent used a oneeyeddog show, for a long time. With an eyepatch. [ chuckling ] well, those are the shows that were considered good enough, by the network, to get on. You can imagine the shows that they saw that could not make it could not make it. For one reason or another. Im sure youve got a couple to tell us about. The producers of these unfortunate shows that didnt make it were kind enough to send us some publicity stills. [ some laughter ] and we may be able to explain why these shows were not selected to be seen, in the fall. If you watch the monitor [ chuckling ] youllyoull know, along with us. There was a special medical show, filmed right here called dr. Tolmein nagucci, commissary coroner. [ laughter ] didnt get on. Didnt get on. Did not get on. There was a celebrity golf tournament, with a religious theme. [ laughter ] this was called thethe reverend moon open. [ laughter ] [ applause ] now, barnum and bailey, who, you know, put on a show, every year, sponsored a threehour white paper report on a medical problem sweeping the circus world clown herpes. [ laughter ] didnt get on. Now, heres a show that just didnt have a chance. Was called fantasy outhouse. [ laughter ] d, in this very opening episode, mr. Rourkes secret fantasy comes true, and he gets to spend a threy a lumberjacks mens room. [ laughter ] and that they thought that was bad taste. From the makers of the streets of San Francisco comes the streets of san juan capistrano. [ laughter ] about two detectives who try not to get their hats soiled, when the swallows return. [ laughter ] somebody saw no this was probably the worst. Possibly most boring new drama didnt get on. Tried to make a show, outta that. [ some laughter ] now, this ya know, Lawrence Welk went off, after these low these many years, and this show was supposed to appeal to Laurence Welk fans. Its a musical show, featuring maestro chubby florin, who sits in a bathtub filled with flat champagne and makes his own bubbles. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i agree with you youre absolutely right. And thats why it didnt get on when that was presented, people went, oh, no oh, no. Now, heres a sundaymorning religious show that didnt come close, hosthosted by this man, the reverend ernst areacode, [ some laughter ] who believes that, from anywhere in the continental united states, for less than three fiftyfive on weekends, you can dial god, direct. [ laughter ] they said no, to that. And so did you. [ some laughter ] marcus winsus, dummy doctor. [ laughter ] dummy doctor. Thats right. From the producers of little house on the prairie comes a more adult drama little hooker on the tenspeed. [ laughter ] [ applause ] didnt make it. Didnt make it. This was probably the worst sitcom ever made, about a bachelor luncheonette owner who has a very unusual mom. Its called my mother, the coffee. [ somegh i knew this was going to get absolutely nothing. And you were right. This was a madefortelevision movie, very loosely adapted from the classic movie how green was my valley, about a water skiing cow uh, cowboy and his horse, called how wet was my gelding. [ laughter ] this was a spin off of the miniseries inside the thd reh. Remember when that was on, last week . Mmmhmm. Called inside the third booth. [ some laughter ] rudolph mess. [ some laughter ] here, in this, uh in this picture, here [ chuckling ] i cant even read the rest of this. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i cant. That is some [ cheering ] no. Well be back, in just a moment. [ cheering ] would you say no to a lot more money . [excited scream] you just won a Million Dollars no thanks. Nice balloons, though or no to more Vacation Days . Janet, im giving you an extra weeks vacation oh, ah. Nooo. What . No way. Who says no to more . Time warner cables all about giving you more. Like the most free hd channels s on demand, so you can binge all day. Call now. And dont forget the free tv app. Get ultrafast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. Saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. Switch to time warner cable. For 89. 99 a month youll get free hd channels, 100 meg internet and unlimited calling to half the world. We can call aunt rose as much as we want now. Switching is easy. Get our exclusive 1hour arrival window, a moneyback guarantee with no contract to sign. Plus get free installation, really . Honest. No. [ music ] [ appl ] okay, my first guest, tonight [ cheering ] you seen rocky you saw rocky i, didnt you . One and two, yes. One and two. Well, rocky iii is out, now, and done by a [ some cheering ] very accomplished actor, writer, director. Would you welcome Sylvester Stallone . [ cheering ] [ applause ] i know. Hes not expecting this. Dont tell me this is rocky iv. No. [ laughter ] he just thinks that every day i go to work, i always come home with bloody noses and bruises, and he wanna know who does it. And i said him. [ laughter ] is this your is your boy . Yeah. Yeah. Hi whats his name. This is sage. Hi, sage. How are ya . Fine. Nice to meet you. You didnt know where your dad went, when he went to work. No. So, say goodbye, sage. [ laughter ] see ya later, sage. [ chuckling ] [ applause ] [ cheering ] [ laughter ] i wish someone had done that to me. [ chuckling ] yeah nobody ever did that, at your age . Took ya out in public and said, hey. Heresheres my kid, right . Yeah. How old is he . About, uh six . Hes about six years old, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, hes fine. Fine kid. Does he go to see, uh uh. The pictures . Is he too young to understand, uh to separate the reality, from, uh he was, up until about a year ago. Truthfully, hehe thought i was a fighter and a boxer, and i guess its because my wife is always beatin up on me, anyway, so its [ laughter ] it wasnt that much different. So, now, he has, uh hes much more interested in, uh, steve martin. He says, uh, theres a man sure. Im interested in. [ laughter ] that always figures when youre when youre a celebrity or a star, and you have your own kids, theyll look at somebodel thats all. And thats the way it should be. I saw your movie, last night. I enjoyed it. Oh, thank you, very much. You got another winner, there. You really do. Well, i hope so. I really feel responsible for the third one t you know. Yeah. Its like living up to your two older brothers. Yeah. And handmedowns. You say, oh, i dont wanna go out there, do something thats embarrassing. So, a lotta people put a lotta work and love and i dont wanna sit there and get maudlin about this, but ii hope everyone likes it yeah. cause were very proud of it. Ill tell ya somethin. Youve gotta be, after making those three pictures, [ cheering ] cause every one of em they [ applause ] i mean youyou gotta go into training, not only in the scenes to film it, but you gotta be in shape, to do the s do the fight scenes. Well, the this fight is, uh, kinda like, uh, a metaphor for the way, i think, that people have to constantly be changing their lives, alter their philosophies, to stay one step ahead of the game. Right. So, what johnny is talking about in this fight, i lose about 30 pounds itsits quite different, visually. Right. And it took about 10 months, toto do all that and working out with professional bodybuilders, professional boxers, and professional torturers [ laughter ] you probably get this question im asking after all these scenes and doin all the work, from the gym training you think you could step in, with a oh, lets say a pretty good club fighter, now, and, uh funny you should ask that. Um yeah. Step in the ring. We im talkin about im talkin about champion, but a good club fighter. Well, i think, if my medicare, blue cross no, le i lemme give you an example. Yeah. I thought, this time, wouldnt it be interesting to take a real fighter and bring him into the film cause ii need a new opponent, at the end and just teach him how to act, a littlelittle bit . Thatll save a lotta time. So, the first one is Earnie Shavers. [ chuckling ] now, Earnie Shavers is about i dunno 59 fights and about 56 knockouts. Well, i got into the ring, with him and you have to really begin to believe, you know, im pretty hot, you know. Uhhuh. Tss yeah. [ some laughter ] okay. He hit me on the elbow, and knocked my wind out. [ laughter ] okay . Hit me here yeah. And got a concussion. [ laughter ] then, he got me in the corner youre not jokin. No. I s you know, ill tell you why. Years ago wwell come back. I didnt wanna years ago, the late Rocky Marciano was sitting, in new york and we were talkin about fighters and he used to hit guys, on the arm. Oh and, just from not covering up and what you just said would absolutely my arm it started, and then it began to work up, yeah. Shakin. Then, he looked at me, and there was a certain voracious hunger, like i was a tbone steak, and [ some laughter ] he had he had been marooned, on an island, for years. And he proceeded to like 17 body punches, and ii and i said, do i what is that screechin, in the background . Its the producer, saying, save my boy [ laughter ] save my boy there goes my hes a professional fighter. Thats the only he knows how to but he was great. And he was great. And i thought he really hit really good. So, i said, maybe ill go to someone a little easier. Joe frazier. [ some laughter ] true. Were in the ring, and were boxin. All of a sudden, i feel somethin warm. Thisthis cant be nerves. What is it . And i look up, and i say, either im bleeding, or someone has just dumped marmalade on my head. It was all red, and my and what it was just a quick, little butt that was accidental, and, uh, i said here i am. One man beats me to death. Im bleeding. [ chuckling ] we havent g i havent passed the audition, yet, and im ready for traction. So, thats when so you decided maybe not to go with a professional heavyweight. No. And i so, we went out, and i found the fella, on tv, who was throwing midgets. [ laughter ] um. Now, you may have seen this guy. I knew who it was, when i heard the name. They call him mr. T, right . Mis yes. Uh, ii was really hung up on who to find, as an opponent, because i really believed that, in a any kinda combat, youre only as good as your competition. So, in roii an interesting nemesis. And we looked around, and the uh, the casting director named rhonda young finally said, you should see this guy on television, mr. T. Hes throwing midgets, and hes breaking doors with his forehead. I said, this is my kind of man [ laughter ] i like him. Hes got style. And i looked, and he had a mohawk and eight earrings, and mmmhmm. And all the jewelry it looked like an explosion, atat cartier. Yeah. Its like boom, all it was terrific. It was a great character. Yeah. So, he really is, uh is a godsend. Yeah. He really is. Hes fantastic. We gotta do a commercial. Were gonna come back and talk some more about it and other things. Then, we have a theres a wonderful sequence, in the thing, where you oh. With the for a charity match, within the framework of the story have a bout with a boxer uh, with a wrestler professional wrestler. Yes. And i think we have a Little Thunder lips. Thunder lips. Well take a break. Well be right back. [ applause ] [ musi [ applause ] we have returned. Thank you, doc. Okay. You, uh before we show the film clip, you shot part of this in philadelphia. Isnt it true that, when you were a teenager, you were, uh, you were expelled from a couple schools, in philadelphia. [ clearing throat ] yes, i was i heard that i was asked to asked to leave . Evacuate the hallway. Difficult time, trying to, um, adjust to school, in general. I dunno. It just seemed that, at that time i dunno how the school board conducts its business, today, but it seems as though you i was always forced into subjects that i felt didnt have any relevancy, like algebra and xmsg accelerated geometry. And i was just thinking, how do i get this hickey off my neck . [ some laughter ] i mean thethe two didnt seem to jive. Yeah. Uh, but i guess the priorities today havehave changed yeah. Quite a bit, you know. Sorry. [ chuckling ] yeah. Uh, letslets show this little film clip. This is, uh whos the fella that you, uh you do this with . His name is hulk hogan. He is, uh, another fellow that i saw, one night, on television. I was lay had insomnia, and he came on, and he beat up four wrestlers, at the same time. And he was a giant. Hes about seven feet tall, about 350 pounds. And i thought, how interesting. If rocky were to have a charity match, everything was supposed to be nice and sweet, for the boy scouts and the brownies with their balloons. Kinda fake a show yeah, wed fake it. Well move here, well move there. And this man decides to show the world that hes gonna turn rocky into a little wet spot. Okay. Watch the monitors. Heres a little excerpt, from, uh, rocky iii. [ cheering ] slugger, from philadelphia. [ yelling ] better shut up break you in a half. How much do you think he eats . bout 202 pounds. Wei the reigning heavyweight champion of the world, rocky balboa [ cheering ] we love you, rocky rocky, rocky, rocky, rocky come on come to the center of the ring, please. Okay, come on, mickey. [ applause ] all right, you guys. You know this is for fun, so take it easy,