Thank you. Thats very nice of you. You have such great taste. You see, im having the same problem as the new president. Im gonna hit until i start to do something. You sounds great tonight and im thankful for that because last night, and i hate, ive mentioned this before, i hate to discuss audiences who were here the previous night. [ laughter ] yes, they are gone. They were rough, i dont want to use the term low lives, but, thats what they were. They drove in from arkansas and they were suffering from pick up lag. [ laughter ] i thought you were in las vegas . I am. Right at this moment. Right now, im in las vegas. Thats right. You are commuting back and forth arent you . Right. At the hilton international. You are going to be up there for how long . Two weeks. That man could sing a song, who boy. Hes a great singer. And doc does a great act also. So if happen to be in that area, drop in and see him. I thought you were going to be out all this week, tom . Easy come, easy go. [ laughter ] easy come, easy go tom said. [ laughter ] luck luckily tommy has a side job for, like a lot of guys do, you know when they are not working in the band. For 10, tommy will sit in the back of your car and bob his head. [ laughter ] [ applause ] a lot of people i assume are on vacation from out of town tonight. Good. [ applause ] see, people who come out here say, well, its not new york city. New york has all the culture, and so forth. But, thats true, they do. But los angeles is kind of coming to its own in the theatre, wouldnt you say . We have some Big Productions out here. For example, right now, at the shubert theatre, in century city, you can see evita with charo and xavier cugat. [ laughter ] and charo really stops the show by singing, dont Coochy Coochy for me argentina. [ laughter ] its a big show. How many of you flew into los angeles . [ applause ] did anyone take a cab into the city . All right. Would you return it . Thats our only one. [ laughter ] and one person had it. I just had a bulletin that came in from new center 4. I just tore off the teletype a moment ago. Helen hayes is suing chevy chase because he said she goes to was the nbc tour on today . We have a tour like the movie studios do, when you go, and they charge for it, its not free. What is it about 2. 25 now . Yes. 2. 50, it went up. 2. 50 . Oh man. Thats because they put in the extra highlight. You can go out today and watch tom snyder spread broken glass [ laughter ] [ applause ] you know ive been talking about a lot of Television Shows during ratings week, who try to hype up their shows with a little sex and so forth, and then i thought tonight, we have the playmate of the month on, do we not . Jeana tomasino. Yes. Playboys playmate of the month. It is a variety of show, they get ratings. I saw jessica savage last night showing us her underalls. [ laughter ] well as you know, the president , the president elect, is back in washington, and the transition is going pretty smoothly. Only one problem i understand. Rosalyn and nancy are arguing over who gets the cuisinart. [ laughter ] youre right. It wasnt a big argument. [ laughter ] thats another one of those puzzle jokes where they, you people make up your own joke. The whole team is back there, and reagan, so far, because hes not president yet, is getting along just great. Hes making a lot of friends back there. And did you see yesterday, he came out against compulsory school, segregation . Yes, he said [ applause ] in the oval office he had a little sign made for his desk that says, the bus stops here. Since reagan is back there, the town has become very conservative. Did you see he threw a big Party Last Night . For a lot of people in washington. And apparently, one senator showed up and had a paper bag over his head, and reagan asked who that was, and he says, that was the unknown liberal. [ laughter ] do you know we also have a president brother elect . On january 20th, we not only change president s, we change president s brothers. [ laughter ] reagans brother will be taking over for billy carter. [ laughter ] im going to miss billy carter, you know. He gave us something to talk about, and taking over for billy will be neil reagan. That is the president s brother and he is 71 years old. But whats funny about neil reagan . He doesnt drink beer. He has indoor plumbing. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and hes two years older than ronny. Two years. Which is as old as lauren greens dog. [ laughter ] you know, for the sake of the monologue, i hope president reagan appoints a 13 year old kid with a foreign policy. [ laughter ] some jokes. Remember how yes, another puzzle joke. What . Another one of those puzzles. Thats right, it was a puzzle joke. [ laughter ] we have an exciting show tonight. We really do. [ laughter ] why dont you think we dont have a good show tonight . [ laughter ] later on, you didnt mention this, but julia childs, the famous chef, will be out here and show us without offending the moral majority. [ laughter ] [ applause ] we have Ricky Schroder, sean morey, and jeana tomasino. And we will be back. [ music ] [ music ] [ applause ] all right, we have tonight. This crowd is ready for a party. Arent they though . They are ready to go. Its not a full moon either. How is your back . You might as well tell them because youre sitting a little straight. I know. I thought last time i should have said something because i when i stood up. He threw his back out. If anybody knows what that is, you know how painful it is. How do you do that . Very simply. You reach over for a pencil and your back goes. Nothing. And the spine just . Its a spasm of the muscle. Its extremely painful. Youve got your broken ribs, crushed ribs. Well i had them a month ago. They are still sore. I think they ought to come in and get two wheelchairs and take us right down to the old home. I think so. Can we have a cottage together . Tomorrow we can sit in the sun between 2 00 and 3 00. [ laughter ] do we each have a nurse or do we have to share . You are sitting very erect. I have a brace on. Im in like a little corset. It apparently helps though. Anyway, remember last week, tony randall was on the show and he was discussing some various words. It was an article, common things you see every day but most people do not know the name. For example, i think one of them was the little plastic tip that goes on the end of your shoelace. People see that every day. Right. But they dont know the name. Do you remember what thats called . Thats right, its an aglet. Aglet. Its an aglet. There were several others, like the bottom of a wine bottle thats indented was called a. Bottom of a wine bottle. [ laughter ] i know the bottom of a wine bottle. The indentation is called a kick. Theres some reason for that. This is called a philtrum. We got into a big thing about the discussion of this and i heard from surgeons all over the country. I said it was this part here. But if you hold your hand like this, and spread your fingers, theres a little depression in here. That little web in there. Do you feel that . If you do that. That is called the anatomical snuffbox. [ laughter ] and put a little, and nowadays they probably put Something Else in there. [ laughter ] thats where you put the salt for the tequila, right . We found some other words. Things you have seen but i bet you dont know the word. You ever go to a hockey game . You see the big machine that comes out and cleans the ice . Yes. Theres a name for that. Zamboni. How did you know that . Hockey fans. Thats a zamboni, youre absolutely right. Probably named for the man who invented it. I dont know, but thats what its called, zamboni. These, those two. Do you know what those are called . Not your nostrils. The nares. The nares. Thats right. The fold of skin hanging down the throat of an elderly person. [ laughter ] theres a name for that. Its called a dewlap. A dewlap. Thats a good name for it. In a stained glass window, pa is called what . No, tracery. The tracery. I didnt know that. On a wristwatch, the casing around a crystal is called the . Somebody has it. Vessel, somebody had it. You a jeweler . Yes. Thats right. Thats what it is. Hes a good one because he knew that. Like my vessel fixed. I didnt know that. Now heres one. The footprint or plaster cast they make as evidence theres a name for that. Moulage. You are exactly right, moulage. Are you a criminal or an investigator . [ laughter ] how did you know that . See how intelligent our audience is . Its called a moulage, moulage. How did the lady know that . I watch Andy Griffith. [ laughter ] [ applause ] well, you never know in education. She watches the Andy Griffith show. And they say television is low level. Thats wonderful. They probably should take a moulage of that. Thats right. [ laughter ] thats hysterical. The distance between the top and bottom of a printed letter . Is called . The body . No, its called the xhite. A lot of these are terms that would be used by professionals i didnt know one of those and im still not done yet. Oh, i know. Ill let you know. I didnt know one of those on the first three pages. Lets see if you know any of these. Heres one that everybody will know. A seat with the canopy that you ride on top of an elephant . [ laughter ] everybody will know that. Have you heard that . Its the howdah. Howdah. All right. Heres one ill bet you dont know. The baha [ overlapping chatter ] somebody said it. Its called a plinth. Plinth. Who would know these . The cushion for an extra rider behind a motorcycle driver . Do you know what thats called . No. A pillion. Pillion. Is somebody making these up or is that for real . [ laughter ] a plug of wood at the month of certain wind instruments is called a . Not a reed. A fipple. Who said that . Ernie. Youre right, its a fipple. A fipple. Plug of wood at the mouth certain. What instruments would that be . Recorders. Recorders. Its called a fipple. The fipple. These Little Things we want to pass along and for the other things you just watch the Andy Griffith show. [ laughter ] thats really page four about did it, didnt it . When youve got the fipple boy, youve said it all. I would say every strange word, every unknown word of the world ive just heard. Certainly, every single word in the world that i didnt know were on those four pages. You are wrong, and i dont have one tonight. [ laugher ] youre out of sync. Im completely out of sync. You can call me a fipple breathe. See, theres certain things that probably dont have names, but should have names that sound that would make sense. For example, we can up with some that we think would be good. A sumo wrestlers costume . Its called a show bun. [ laughter ] does that make sense . Thats perfect. In other words, it sounds like what it should be. An abscam it . An abscam its the Little Pocket inside a congressmans suit where he keeps his bribe. [ laughter ] a little abscam it. Uses to examine you is called a who mitten. [ laughter ] now heres one they probably dont have a name for. The stuff that collects on the inside of a highway patrolmans drunk driving balloon . [ laughter ] is called brew dew. [ laughter ] brew dew. Involves more than just food. [ laughter ] the very expensive dinner the bachelor buys to impress his date is called score chow. Score chow. [ laughter ] now youve been at the Amusement Park . Right. The name for the Amusement Park employee whose job it is to fit fat women into roller coaster cars is called a tush jammer. [ laughter ] this is a weird one. Polycrud. What is that . I dont even want to talk about that. [ laughter ] you mentioned it. Its the stuff you get under your fingernails when you pet a dead parrot. [ laughter ] you were right. The yellow traffic light between the green light and the red light is called a floorit. Lame ducklings. [ laughter ] people dont know that. Now wheres the other one i had here . Now this is technically true. Check this one. The very brief interval between stubbing your toe and feeling the pain is called an osh. [ laughter ] [ applause ] okay, well be back with Ricky Schroder right after this. [ music ] thats nice. Thank you, doc. [ applause ] my first guest tonight, this young man made and extraordinary film debut in the champ, and established whom i think is one of the brightest child stars on the scene today. In little lord fauntleroy which airs on november 25th on, as they say, another network, and since there are only two others, its really not too difficult to narrow them down. Would you all welcome Ricky Schroder . [ music ] [ applause ] good to see you. Its been a while. Yes, it has. Did you hav it was fun. Were you working . Yes. Didnt you get a vacation at all . Oh i got some vacation. So where did you go . Acting is my vacation. Acting is your vacation, huh . We went to england. You went to england. And then we went to mexico. We filmed in england. Right. We have a little foot stool here. Would you like that . Watch this ricky. Whats that . Just press this, here. Watch this, watch this. Press that button. Oh, thanks. Hows that, okay . Thats good. That lifts him up. [ laughter ] what did you do in mexico . Did you dive off the cliffs . Did you see those guys who get up and dive off . Oh, yes. We went fishing and i caught a 20 pound yellowtail. It was like that. Thats a very big fish. Yes, it almost pulled me in. How long did it take you to get him in the boat . About an hour. About an hour. Youre looking good. Thank you. I bet youre jealous. Im wearing nice comfortable clothes and you have to wear that suit. I know. [ laughter ] when you have to do a show like this. Yes. Do you think it would be better if i wore Something Like that and be a little casual . Yes. You do, huh . All right tomorrow ill whip out some nice sweats or something. Okay. Maybe some cords and some hush puppies like that. [ laughter ] do you like being interviewed at all . What kind of questions bother you . What people want to find out about you . Some people, like they say, how much money do you have . Yes that bothers me too. And that bothers me. [ laughter ] its really nobodys business, is it . Yes thats right. Yes we are overpaid anyway. Yes. I dont mind if they ask me, whos your girlfriend. You dont . No. Do you have a girlfriend . Yes. Do you have a girlfriend . [ laughter ] im married. You are . Yes. Oh, i have two girlfriends. Oh, you better not mention there names. I wont. Two at the same time . You know what happened one time . Last year, at my other school, we just moved to connecticut and i wrote this poem and i had two girlfriends. And it goes, roses are red, violets are blue. And just before i was leaving, when i have to leave you, ill be blue. So i gave it to both of them and they go, oh, look at the poem ricky gave me. And the other one goes, oh, isnt that funny. Look at the one he gave me too. [ laughter ] and they were both given the same one . Yes. See you must learn, never put anything in writing. Never put it in writing. We are going to do a commercial and then come back and talk a while. Sure, okay. Attention are you eligible for medicare . The medicare enrollment deadline is just a few weeks away. Changes to medicare plans could impact your healthcare costs. Are you getting all the benefits available to you . New plans are now available that could increase your benefits and lower how much you pay out of pocket. To update your coverage or enroll for the first time call healthmarkets. Well help you make sure you have the dicare plan. Hi, im doctor martin gizzi. Its a new medicare year. That means more changes. And more confusion. Heres what i tell my patients. Start by asking. What kind of care is best for your Current Situation . Have there been changes in your health or medications . The key question is what can you do now, to ensure you get the care you need in the coming year . To find the coverage you need, call healthmarkets today. Healthmarkets has access to thousands of Medicare Options from leading Insurance Companies nationwide. Plans that may. Cost less. Cover more. With more choices. Like dental and vision care. And the freedom to choose your own doctors. All at a price you can afford. We help find the right plan for you. And we do it at no cost. There were so many benefits i wasnt taking advantage of. Healthmarkets can find me the right plan. And their service doesnt cost a cent. When i try shopping on my own, i get nowhere fast. Healthmarkets takes away the confusion. Too often i see my patients paying more than they need to because they dont know what theyre entitled to. Make sure you have what you need to get the care thats right for you. You have only a few weeks left. If you miss the deadline, you may have to wait another year before enrolling. Call a licensed healthmarkets agent now. Call now. Call this number by the deadline. And let healthmarkets find the right medicare call now. [ music ] thank you doc. We are talking to Ricky Schroder. We have sean morey and jeana tomasino. You just asked me if we have the playboy bunny on tonight. Yes. Shes the playmate of the month. You ever read that magazine . No. Still into comics . You were telling me that you not only went fishing, you went to england. Is that when you made little lord fauntleroy . Yes. And you worked with. Alec guinness. Alec guinness. Yes, he was a real nice man. We had lot of fun. Hes one of the most distinguished actors in the world. Yes. Were you a little worried about working with him at all . First i was scared, you know, because i was afraid, maybe hes going to be an old grouch and everything. But you know, he was a real nice man. He was, you know he told me jokes and everything. Did he . He was a real funny man. Yes. Okay. Ive got it written down here. Here we go. Okay. All right, here. Do you want to hear a japanese saying . A japanese saying . Yes. Sure. Okay, it goes. Ive only got one, it goes, a girl who eats two sweets takes up two seats. [ laughter ] thats very good. You scared me for just a moment. [ laughter ] why . [ laughter ] and then here, this ones kind of stupid. How can you tell if there has been an elephant in your refrigerator . How can you tell if theres been an elephant in your refrigerator . Yes. If you see his footprints in the cottage cheese. [ laughter ] thats not bad. Thats pretty good. I saw your pictures. We just went to see and i saw your picture there. Yes that was taken some time ago. I saw it on the wall but i almost didnt recognize you [ laughter ] [ applause ] and if youre lucky someday yours will be too. [ laughter ] i go, hey mom, whos that . And she goes, thats johnny, dont you recognize him . That was almost 15 years ago. It was. See, and as you get older, sometimes the hair changes color. Did you start there . Did you ever do comedy there . I worked there once, yes. Oh. Yes and i had my kids up there at that time i think, or Something Like that. We just went hunting, me and my dad. Hunting for what . Pheasants. Pheasant hunting. Oh yes . Yes weve got it in our refrigerator we are going to stuff. Did you ever eat a pheasant . Oh yes, we have ten in our refrigerator. Theyre real good. They are. Theyre real good. We had pheasant soup. Pheasant soup . Yes. Thats good too. You mentioned how when you met Alec Guinness you thought he was an old man. Whats your idea of somebody whos old . Well. How old do they have to be to be considered old . Well, its only like how old you think you are. Thats right. He doesnt act old and everything. And hes out there when its raining. Right. And hes just Walking Around with his umbrella. Hes a real nice guy. Well what would be old . How many years . Well, id say, 67. Yes, thats old. Thats old. [ laughter ] that is really old. Right fred . Thats old isnt it . Thats old fred. [ laughter ] it all depends on how old you are, but youre right. Thats right. It depends how you feel. How old are you now . Im 10. Youre 10 now. And im going to be 11 april 13th. You never took acting lessons, did you . Oh no, i just, some people always go like, if you take acting lessons. You know acting i feel isnt something you can learn. You know its just something that you are probably just born with. It would be hard to learn, but some people learn it. Yes, i think you are just a natural. Thanks. And youre very good. Well thank you. Did you have to wear little lord fauntleroy clothes . Oh yes, i had to wear all of these itchy things. They use to wear things in those days. I had stockings up to there. Right. I had knickers. Right. And i had the ruffle shirt and everything. There was lace and everything. How would you like to wear those things everyday . Not really. Wouldnt be fun. Jeans are better, arent they . Yes they are. Somebody said you carry a rabbits foot with you. Oh yes i do, i always carry it. Are you superstitious . Yes, i think so. I wont pick up a penny you wont pick up a penny if its on tails . No. Thats bad luck, huh . Yes. What else wont you do . If youre walking down the street and you saw a ladder . If i can avoid it i wont walk past a black cat. Thats right. And i wont walk under a ladder. I wont try and break a mirror. Right. Because thats seven years bad luck. Thats what they say. Yes. So whats your next picture now . You got plans . Are you looking ahead . We havent anything loose right now. [ laughter ] we had, in the little lord fauntleroy there was this tremendous dog named dougal. What kind of dog was he . And he was the second biggest great dane in all of england. On his hind legs, he was 73. Wow. They are huge. I could actually sit on his back. He weighed 210 pounds. Yes, they are nice dogs arent they . I could sit on his back and he would walk around like a pony. They are gentle too arent they. He was, yes. You know, i wowr and he would knock me down. Hes so strong. Yes. Do you ever look ahead ricky and say, what youd like to be doing 10 years from now . You ever think of that . Or are you too busy just enjoying doing what you are doing now . I do sometimes you know, like i would always like to, if i ever could you know. I like acting and i like baseball so maybe i could be both. And id always like to play baseball for the yankees. Would you . Yes. Well why not . Like a 1st baseman. Well you might as well shoot for that too. What do you do with your money now . When you get a little extra money in your allowance. What do you like to go out and spend it on . Well, i usually save most of it. But i either go out and buy coins, i have a coin collection. Do you . Trains, or anything really. You know, candy. Buy a necklace for my girlfriend. Which girlfriend . No, thats good. Youre a nice young man. Its nice to have you here. Thank you. Are you going to stay . Do you have to leave, or are you staying . Yes, i have to leave. You are going to miss miss tomasino. I cant wait until i get older so i can stay here longer. [ laughter ] okay, thank you ricky. [ applause ] [ music ] you know what he just said