thunder rumbling concentrate. Concentrate. Are you concentrating . N hear me, you are not concentrating. Oh, sorry. I suppose madame curie had days like this, too. Lets get on with it. Get your notebook, uncle fester. Goody ready. At exactly 10 28, subjects body stiff as a board. Subject stiff as a board. Indicating complete mental control. Control. 10 28 and a half. Entered final phase of addams experiment to prove that the human mind can triumph over the law of gravity. Gravity. Positions, please. Watch for the signal. growling now that gravitys a tough one. Darling, are you positive you were concentrating . Certainly. Did it work . Not quite. You were doing fine until you hit the floor. Hey, thats easy. We could just lower the floor. alarm sounding mails in. box creaking thank you, thing. Oh, its for you, darling. I wonder what that is . My new mark seven, custombuilt, grand prix croquet mallet. I stole it for 200. Thank you, thing. Occupant. Occupant. So nice to be remembered. Oh, uncle fester. Heres one for you, dear. Its from her. Diana delf. Uncle fester, whats come over you . She sent it to me, personally. Ive been writing to her for months. Ever since i saw her in the show. Just a moment, youd better let me do it. Youll tear it. Oh, its a picture oh, me first. Its her its her let me see, uncle fester, let me see. Oh, my diana hes addams all the way. Cant resist a pretty face. Now, if youll observe, my dear, croquet is a combination of two things. Balance, timing, peripheral vision, superb coordination and a killers instinct. Your shot, my dear. Oh. Gomez, im worried. Querida, youve forgotten everything ive taught you. Sorry, darling. Congratulate me, everybody. Congratulations that is wonderful. What happened . Oh, well, thats very sweet, uncle fester. But can you support a wife . Oh, details, details. Gomez, can you see your way clear to advance me a nickel for a postage stamp . No, but i can give you a check. Oh, well, while youre making it out, make it for, say, even 10,000. For stamps . Well, no, you know, incidentals like the minister, the marriage license, rice, attorney. Attorney . Get divorced. Divorced . You know, be prepared. I remember that from when i was a scout. There must be something wrong with this carpet. Well, wheres the checkbook . Oh, ill get it. Uncle fester, just a moment. Youve never even met this girl. Then i dont get the check . Maybe next time. Oh, okay. Ill send it cod. Oh, gomez, its breaking my heart. Mine, too. This mallet isnt worth a plugged nickel. Darling, i was referring to uncle fester and that girl. Oh. Oh, yes. Well, i suppose her parents must be as upset as we are. Im sure they would be, if they were here. But theyre not. But they could be. At least, her mother could be. And she doesnt even have to make the trip. Querida, i do believe youre up to some mischief. Yes. What do you think . Do you think ill fool uncle fester . You can fool me. Oh, mon cher. But not when you speak french. Ah, yes, makeup. Nothing wrong with that mallet. Dianas mama. Oh mother just looking at you makes me feel like ive known you for a long time. Too long. Just a minute. Ive got a few questions to ask you. Sit down. How much money have you got . Well, thats hard to say. Whats your salary . Thats hard to say, too. Ill give you something easy to say. I hang around. I help my nephew play with the trains and i shoot off the cannon. And i clean out the alligators nest. I sit in my tree, you know. I know. Youre one of those stagedoor johnnies. Mother, youre acting very suspicious. I got a little suspicious when i had to pay five cents postage due on your proposal to my daughter. You owe me a nickel. You need it all at once . For what . cause im kind of strapped right now. Forget it just forget the whole thing. And forget my daughter, too. Shes gonna marry a man that can support her. All right ill be a big success. Ill throw gold and diamonds right at your daughters feet. I warn you, shes got very big feet. Prospectors, send 1 for guaranteed treasure map. scoffs raise mink in your own home. Nah, thats no good. We can release the hidden power within you. Let us set your feet on the road to fame and fortune. Complete correspondence course from the greer business college. Thats it sweetheart, youll be proud of me yet. Ill throw diamonds and rubies at your big feet. Man on record now that youve completed your entire course, you may consider yourself a graduate institution a slackjawed, glassyeyed jellyfish. But today, by following our teaching, you have unlocked your potential, transformed yourself into dynamic, hardhitting executive material. Youve already chosen your first target. Hit it hard. Now, the world is your oyster. You have a date with destiny. stirring music playing fester. Gomez, this is the most beautiful moment of my whole life. I cant wait for my first class reunion. Now, fester, this job nonsense has gone far enough. shattering really, fester. Sir to you. And look at you. Just look at yourself. Take inventory. chuckles that ridiculous suit. Those preposterous highbutton shoes. No class. No style. No appeal. Things that i have always had. Really, fester, i. Because i used to be a slackjawed, glassyeyed jellyfish, just like you. But i unlocked my potential. I became a new man. Hey, gomez, i may even change my name, huh . Fester, what. Im sorry, im very busy. Busy doing what . Well . Its worse than we thought. What did he say . He said my shoes were preposterous. Well, they do need polishing. That i was a glassyeyed, slackedjawed jellyfish. I better think up an answer to that. I hear it fairly often. Thats nonsense. Im going to demand an apology. Fester ah, there you are. Er have a talk. Oh, sorry, a big day. First stop, thaddeus p. Logan. Big business tycoon. Do you have an appointment with him . No, but i think i can sandwich him in. Uncle fester, wouldnt you rather sit up in your tree house . My tree house. Its more you. Thats true. N the record. Uncle fester, how would you like a nice new cannon . A new cannon . Come with me. Right over here. Voila. Tish, thats french. Darling, please. Lets concentrate on uncle festers problem. Oh, yes. Yes, uncle festers problem. But im next. Fester, give up all this big business nonsense and the cannon is yours. You make it very difficult for me, gomez. I love diana. I dream of running barefoot through her beard. Fester, you mean youd give all this up for a woman . Aw, thats kids stuff. echoing deeply you can get the car out. I have a date with a very important oyster. [excited scream] you just won a Million Dollars no thanks. Nice balloons, though or no to more Vacation Days . Janet, im giving you an extra weeks vacation oh, ah. Nooo. What . No way. Who says no to more . Time warner cables all about giving you more. Like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. Call now. And dont forget the free tv app. Get ultrafast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. Saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. Switch to time warner cable. For 89. 99 a month youll get free hd channels, 100 meg internet and unlimited calling to half the world. We can call aunt rose as much as we want now. Switching is easy. Get our exclusive 1hour arrival window, a moneyback guarantee with no contract to sign. Plus get free installation, tv equiment and epix included. Really . Honest. No. Well, i tell you, j. D. , ill let you have the whole 20,000 shares at 50 a share. Youll pay 25 . Those shares are worth 50 if theyre worth a penny. Its 50 or nothing. What the. Play it cool, hell call back. Who the devil are you . Lets face it, j. D. , you need a man like me. Im magnetic. Im hardhitting phone ringing hello. Its a deal. Will you have a cigar . Thank you, sir. Well, good evening, morticia, gomez. Uncle fester, dear. Boy, am i bushed. Now, look, fester. Sorry, im busy. You better make that 20 million. I hate odd numbers. 20 million. The poor dears sick. Wed better get a psychiatrist. Ill look up one in the classified. Maybe he can explain this, too. All right, all right. Ill come over there. Now thats better. Now, let me see, where was i . Oh, yes. gong resounding you rang . Lurch, im in the midst of a big institutional deal and i misplaced a telephone number. It was on the back of a laundry ticket. groaning oh, you didnt see it, huh . I think i remember it. Lets see. Five, five. Five, five. Five, five, five. ringing hello . Hello what . I dont like that merger deal. You dont like it . Who asked you . Nobody asked me, im telling you, smart guy. Oh, yeah . Well, you can say that again you cant let these fellows push you around. groaning cybernetics, cyclops, psychiatrist. Ah, thank you, thing. Heres one. Dr. Brown. Psychiatric service, 24 hours a day. House calls and all credit cards honored. Sounds like our man. phone ringing dr. Brown speaking. Yes . It all started when uncle fester fell in love with this girl with a stunning blond beard. Blond beard . A real blond beard . Well, personally, im sure she touches it up a little. And when we wouldnt give him a postage stamp, he went to pieces. Your uncle fester sounds at loose ends. At im a psychiatrist. Itll be best if you dont call me doctor. Ill use some other name. Is that agreeable . Perfectly. Well be waiting for you, doc. Sir. Goodbye. A real beard . Thank you, thing. Darling, the psychiatrist insists that we not call him doctor for fear of upsetting uncle fester. Good idea. Well tell fester hes the plumber. Sir. Im gomez addams, festers nephew. Well, im mr. Logan. Thaddeus logan. Logan, huh . Well, thats as good a name as any. Querida, this is mr. Logan. Mr. Logan, this is my lovely wife, morticia. Oh, mr. Logan. How do you do . stammering fester lives here . Oh, yes. Wont you please sit down . There are a few things we think you ought to know about uncle fester. Oh . Well, i know all i need to know. By thunder, i admire your confidence. Lightning quick. Yes, it eases my mind to know that youll be with him in his time of trouble. Oh, well, i dont anticipate any trouble. No, i got all the papers right here, ready to sign. Oh, well have those institutions eating out of our hand. Institution . Oh, no, we couldnt send him to an institution. No need, sir, hes an addams, and we look after our own. Besides, the poor dear isnt violent. Fester . Crack up . Completely off his trolley. Keeps talking about big business deals and mergers and that once fine mind has been reduced to a shambles. chuckling oh, well, i know what you mean. Yeah, i often feel like im cracking up. You look it. But if what you say is true. Why, its ghastly. Ghastly. Ghastly. laughing now i get it. You, in these funny shoes and that preposterous suit. This is all a gag, isnt it . Yeah. Fester put you up to this, didnt he . Very amusing. I guess he finally has cracked up. What is this all about . Oh, the children persuaded me to light up and ride my cycle around. Just for old times sake. We love to watch him ride his motorcycle in the house. And wrestle the alligator. Wrestle the alligator . A live alligator . Not very sporting, wrestling a dead one. And i can beat thing at indian wrestling, too. Thing . Who is thing . Thing . Come up and say hello to mr. Logan. stammering oh, no. Ive got to get out of here. door slamming hey, just a minute. Come back here hey, what happened . Wheres he going . Back to the mental clinic, where else . Mental clinic . Well, ill be darned. You never know, do you . I could tell the minute he walked in. Well, it wasnt much fun. Fun . It only goes to show how dangerous working can be. Thats right. Well, hohum. crashing cleopatra, please, dear. Think of all the lessfortunate african stranglers. Hmm . slurping thats my good, good girl. Boy, thats real musical milk. Yes, baby. Man. Show him in, lurch. Thats my sweet girl. Yes. Which one of them is disturbed . Oh, it was uncle fester, right there. Oh, yes. Yes, i can see he needs help immediately. Who are you, old man . You know. Is he violent . We gonna have trouble getting him into the clinic . Oh, dr. Logan sent you. You can tell dr. Logan it wont be necessary. Hes completely recovered. Normal . Sorry to get you out here on a false alarm, old man, but as you can see everythings right as rain at the addams house. You fire us a bill along anyway and better luck next time. And do tell dr. Logan i said he needs a long rest. gong resounding so do i. You rang . gasps lurch, show the gentleman out, please. laughs nervously good night. Im so glad you didnt crack up over diana. Diana . Whos diana . That ravishing creature you were going to marry. Oh, yeah. I guess shed sort of slipped my mind. Well, i guess its for the best. After all, shes a woman and im a man. brass instrument note there it is canned laughter natasha, please, natasha, you must listen to reason im sick of tired of dancing and rehearsing 24 hours a day youre right, is too much. From now on, take 20 minutes for lunch. But first, shoes . Every time i wiggle my foot . Oh, you dont understand, my dear. Hopes of all people of druvania is underneath your feets ha, well with the people under my feet and you on my back, it is impossible to dance. You know, thats hard to believe. We lugged this thing down here with all our instruments in it, and they make us play these uh. These druvanian instruments are really weird. You ok . You are there clapping alright, alright, everybody everybody here for rehearsal prepare yourself, rehearsal band. Natasha pavlova will soon be ready to dance. Mickolovich dolenzovich will soon be ready to play how soon will the dolenzovich be ready to play . As soon as dolenzovich finds out which end to put in his mouth splutters micky, micky, its a string instrument. Right, man splutters natasha what happened . I cant go on. Why not . Because the feet on which rests the hope of druvania are getting very cold. And ivan has my shoes. What . Ivan, ivan quickly, natashas getting cold feet you mean shes afraid to go on stage . No, you fool, you forgot her shoes, and the floor is freezing precious microfilm is still in toe of her shoes customs will never think to look there when we leave country my apologies to you, and to your feet. Ready, musicians . We are ready you are not ready we are not ready why . Because that one is playing a lamp oh. Oh, well how about a little strobe effect . Yes, psychodelic freakout psychodelic noises i am ready. claps end everyone, in two, three, four confused music micky singing nonsense words hold up, wait, wait, theres a wrong note in here someplace. Take it out, take it out, forget the note you stupid fool me its those incompetents you have abused me for the last time oh, what a face canned laughter those miserable creatures, they cant play music singing nonsense words natasha together Natasha Natasha, natasha . Natasha anybody seen natasha . Hey, natasha wheres natasha . micky whistles nash, baby, where are ya . whistles here, boy out, you miserable musicians get out of the theater, and get out of my life dont beat around the bush, man do you want us for the run of the show or not . [nicolai] out right, out, yeah makes gun noises out byebye see ya write when you get work bye, have a nice dance takin it easy, and micky whistles boink aw, are we in your way . Out out together out, out, out out oh, sorry out oh, out, out, out out out, out boinking noises out thud shes gone, and the secret microfilm is gone with her druvania will get it back. We will kill if we have to, but we will squash anyone who gets in our way canned laughter ominous music the monkees theme song, by tommy boyce and bobby hart . Walkin down the street . We get the funniest looks . From everyone we meet . Hey, hey, were the monkees . And people say we monkey around . But were too busy singin . To put anybody down . Were just tryin to be friendly . Come and watch us sing and play . Hey, hey, were the monkees . You never know where well be found . So youd better get ready groaning and grunting whats in this thing, a dead body . Ahha yells wrong again, natasha pavlovas alive and well. One false move and i shoot all of you with your finger . yelling [natasha] except for him. Huh . Whawhats the difference between him and us . Ah, come here, the face oh, ever since i saw you in the theater, i said to myself, that face, that beautiful, beautiful smooching face uh, now lets understand this. And keep him because of his face . What you think this is, chopped liver . Yeah, these two here. Well it cant be you every week, davy. canned laughter sentimental violin music now look, miss. You know, guns never really solved anything. Theyre not the solution to the problem, theyre only a cowards way out. Wouldnt you rather talk it over instead of hiding behind a gun . davy sniffs you take orders from me oh no, oh please not you, dingaling you cant do this, micky shut up, face youre gonna walk down primrose lane with babushka here while jones and i are gonna walk the last mile the road of no return the last goodbye [davy] yeah, the primrose and the lane and the. What is all this primrose stuff here, what is this . I dont have any idea not bad for a longhaired weirdo, huh, america . laughs natasha exclaims mournful music sobbing been and gone and done . This is my last chance to stay in america now ill have to go back to ivan in druvenia brute. canned laughter natasha, its me, the face. Go away, face. Dont worry, natasha, i wont let them take you away ill fight to the death to protect you. But peter, shes a big star the whole world could be destroyed dont worry. If the whole world is destroyed, ill take the responsibility with a little more ego, he could be president canned laughter ill stay here with natasha. You go see the druvanian ambassador speak quickly, im a busy man well, you see, were the monkees, and uh. [ambassador] monkeys guard, throw them out of here no, you dont understand wait a minute, theres a ballerina that came wait a ballerina . Yeah is she medium height, good figure . Right yes yeah wearing a red leotard, tutu, and red ballet shoes . together yeah does she answer to the name of natasha pavlova . together yes never heard of her. Throw them out. Right throw us out, uhhuh ominous music well get natasha back, ambassador. Ill stake my life on it indistinct voice on telephone yes, ambassador, but thats all i have to give knocking on door let me in, monkey, ive come to kill you oh, thank goodness. canned laughter quickly, quickly, come hide in the trunk with me oh, uh, you hide in the trunk. Ill go take my chances with ivan. But my piotr, he is dangerous a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do. What are you going to do . I think ill pretend to be sick. knocking on door so, we will break the door down da three. boinking yells canned laughter Natasha Natasha . Natashenka natasha ominous music where is she . Where is she well shes certainly not in the trunk canned laughter hes no use, hes unconscious. Let us take him back to the theater we question him there. laughter and then they came and they took him away, and they said they will make him talk talk . Never. They can torture him, beat him, drug him, hell never talk. Theres only one torture he cant withstand, though. I pray they dont use that. Whats that . The direct question. canned laughter i think wed better go to the theater. Come on. Yeah. Wait what . I think its kinda risky, going to their home territory. When my piotrs life is in danger . Did paul rewere talk about risks . together shes right. Did nathan hale talk about risks . together shes right did George Washington talk about risks . together shes right, but shes got a big mouth. canned laughter together we will persevere, and together we will win. Forward marching Music Together together we will march together we will fight we dont have any business being in. How do we find him, then . How do we find him . Peter . Peter . Peterka . [nicolai] nice american traitor, what do you know about microfilm . Nothing, nothing, i dont even go to the movies you know nothing . Well see after the brainwash is complete. Brainwash . Well if youre going to brainwash me, youd better use a good detergent. New reebersobers brain detergent doesnt fade, bleach, or shrink your brains. And it comes in an unbreakable plastic bottle. But be sure it doesnt get in your eyes sprays bottle canned laughter classical piano music hey, pete hey, peter i bet hes around here somewhere. Hey, peter where is he . whistles pete one, two, three, four. Hey, pardon me, i one, two, three, four. Did you notice a prisoner, possibly being held against his own will, who at this very moment may be in front of a firing squad, named peter tork . S your name peter tork . drumroll no, its not ok, sorry to bother you. Its alright. canned laughter gunshots my error thats alright, well see ya later alright, claps rehearse right, rehearsal yeah. You. Excellent. Lousy. Marvelous you, who are you . You are not dancers were replacements replacements . Ja then let me see you dance. Right davy sings nonsense words not that kind of dancing russian dancing. music becomes energetic oh, russian dancing, oh. . Sokittoyou, sokittoeverybody . . singing lets, uh, spin aroundoh . . Ho, ha, we better split, fast . . Here we go . . Ha, ho, ha, ho, ha, ho . They were lousy dancers. canned laughter they were those musicians uh, and unless natasha is returned for tonights premiere, peter tork will die. Signed, a friend. Oh, p. S. If she cant come, send her shoes. If i let my piotr die, he will never forgive me we will all return to the theater tonight. I have a plan hes got a plan ah, hes got a plan natasha, i am so happy that you have seen error of your ways. Then you will let the boy go . As soon as we leave country. But we will be on tour for six months he will enjoy it on the road canned laughter you will go on, and youll be magnificent. You will dance your chicken lake as you have never dance it before. canned laughter how are your lovely red shoes . Theyre fine. [ambassador] you mean theyre really fine . Theyre really fine. Youre sure theyre really, really, really fine . I mean that they are really, really, really, really, really fine [ambassador] really, really, really fine . Magnificently fine laughs evilly door slams ominous music no, no, not yet oh, ivan the terrible must have hidden him someplace i saw him go next door. If only we could hear them dyou have a glass . Sure, heres a glass. I saw this done on a movie once. It should work. Well what dyou hear . [voice from glass] im sorry, you have reached a disconnected wall. canned laughter ominous music is safe, when do we dispose of boy . It will be at the very end of natashas solo. You will take a gigantic leap into the air just as your feet touch the ground, there will be a cymbal crash, and when that cymbal crashes, we will choke him. How did you ever think of such an intricate plan . I saw it in the movie. canned laughter look, natasha, youve got to stall your dance while we hunt for peter. Nal leap into the air and if he does, you make sure he doesnt come down. Ill try. Id better get into my costume clatter gasps oh, my ankle whats the matter, natasha . I dont know, i think ive sprained it. I cant go on knocking at door natasha, can i come in . Its almost time for our entrance ill be out there in just a few minutes oh, well what a drag dont you have an understudy . No, an understudy wouldnt know the plan. knocking on door natasha dont wanna be a chicken, i dont wanna be a chicken, i dont wanna be a chicken, i dont wanna be a chicken, i dont wanna be canned laughter i dont wanna be a chicken, i dont wanna be a chicken, i dont wanna be a chicken im a chicken, im a chicken you look great. Oh, you look beautiful, micky knocking on door [ivan] natasha well be late, natasha, for entrance oh, we better hide come on, ill help ya. Steady [micky] makes chicken noises come in like they have never seen it danced before micky makes chicken noises thats for sure canned laughter micky makes chicken noises canned laughter door slams dramatic Classical Music smooch drums music becomes tense screech to a halt dramatic Classical Music humorous saloon music muffled thud clang tapping thwack ding thud for adults with advanced nonsmall cell lung cancer previously treated with platinumbased chemotherapy, including those with an abnormal alk or e. G. F. R. Gene whove tried an fdaapproved targeted therapy, this is big. A chance to live longer with opdivo, nivolumab. And is the most prescribed immunotherapy for these patients. Opdivo significantly increased the chance of living longer versus chemotherapy. No biomarker testing is required with opdivo, though physicians may choose to do so. Opdivo works with your immune system. Opdivo can cause your immune system to attack normal organs and tissues in your body and affect how they work. This may happen any time during or after treatment has ended, and may become serious and lead to death. Chest pain; shortness of breath; diarrhea; severe stomach pain or tenderness; severe nausea or vomiting; extreme fatigue; constipation; excessive thirst or urine; swollen ankles; loss of appetite; rash; itching; headache; confusion; hallucinations; muscle or joint pain; or flushing as this may keep these problems from becoming more serious. These are not all the possible side effects of opdivo. Tell your doctor about all your medical conditions, including immune system problems, or if youve had an organ transplant, or lung, breathing, or liver problems. Ask your doctor about opdivo. Bristolmyers squibb thanks the patients, nurses, and physicians that means well see a lot of each other sighs no, my piotr. I have decided we are too different. It is not enough to be infatuated with a face. Oh, that face however, true love requires more y i have found someone who. sighs happily knocking on door ah, there he is now, my new friend upbeat music come in, alexa canned laughter sighs happily that face gasping she hangs out, by the monkees . Sister was, sister was . How old dyou say your sister was . Sister was, sister was . You know you better keep an eye on her . Eye on her, eye on her . She hangs out . She hangs out . Well, she hangs out, hangs out . Every night, every night her pretty little self in trouble . Shes so fine . So fine . How old dyou say your sister was . Sister was, sister was . How old dyou say your sister was . Sister was, sister was . Eye on her, eye on her . Wow . Do the ronde ronde, do the rond rond . She hangs out . Oh, she hangs out . She hangs out . La, la la la la la la la she hangs out . She hangs out . Woo, yeah . lyrics in this generation i still dont think it was fair to fire us. Well, you know pete, we werent exactly a smash. Yes we were, only one person left before we were done. That was half the audience. I still think he should have given us some notice. He did, he said, get out in 10 minutes or ill beat you up. Sure, its a good job, harry. [harry] how bout the guys down on the pier . [sailor] no, no, we gotta have guys who are strong. Arrgh. chair snaps boy, you sure are strong, micky. But strength aint enough. No, they gotta be able to use their hands. Boy, you sure know how to use your hands, davy. They gotta have knowledge of the seven seas