[ music ] [ applause ] okay. Hello, there. [ cheering ] do you realize that, uh by now, were on, late at night, and everybody in the country has wished everybody a thanksgiving. Thats right. But, for an everybody on the tonight show, you and your family we hope you had a yeah. Lovely holiday, with your friends, relatives. Do you realize this is our 26th thanksgiving weve spent together . Youre kidding. No. I didnt know that. Twentysix years. [ applause ] [ cheering ] and, when i met you, you changed my whole life, about thanksgiving, cause i didnt know the true story. But you told me that wonderful, intimate story about squanto, the indian, that the thats not in any of the history books that ive ever seen. Now, they dont know what youre talking about. I know, but you told me about him, and i never knew about that. [ chuckling ] what was he, one of the gowie tribe . What was he now, ii must tell you hehe was one o the gowies, wasnt he . You have no idea what youre talkin about. Years ago, [ chuckling ] we did a show, on abc, called who do you trust . It was on, in the afternoon. Live. It was a ccomedy quiz show. It was live. And one of the sponsors was the aAmana Company. The Amana Company makes amana freezers and, uh, other appliances. And, uh, i guess their home office is in iowa. A religious its an aman amana colonies. A colony. And, uh, they make fine products. And, on this particular [ chuckling ] thanksgiving, they sponsored who do you trust . At 3 30 in the afternoon, on abc. And. They had a twominute live commercial. He had to stand up. And it wasnt really a commercial. It was a nice, uh, almost a soliloquy about how our first thanksgiving started, and a little history of how the pilgrims came here. And they were befriended by, uh, an old indian named squanto. That was the indians name. Told em how to plant corn. And we got to one o those days. I guess wed been at sardis, and we had to do a couple o shows. And we were feeling really silly. And, as ed was tryna deliver this solemn. Kind of a solemn commercial. Solemn, lovely spirit of thanksgiving day address, i was making references, just out of view of the camera, and just so he could hear me about squanto and what kind of a person he really was. [ laughter ] made several references to his upbringing, his heritage, uh, his, uh, sexual preferences. It wasnt [ laughter ] and tears rolling d and theres a device that you do, when youre in this business and you know somebodys tryna put you on. You put your fingernails mmmhmm. And press, as hard as you can, into your hand. At the end of that twominute [ chuckling ] i was bleeding. [ some laughter ] i really was bleeding. To try to stay straight, cause these people are spending a lotta money. It was not one of our and you were saying these terrible things. Terrible things. I apologize yeah. To squanto. He was a fine indian. He was a wonderful indian. He was a brave soul. Yes, he was. And he did fool around with squaws. [ laughing ] we handed out some cards, here. Um. You dont have to yell out your name, unless you want to. Just yell out your name. [ yelling ] oh. [ laughter ] she yelled out her name. When i meant yelling, cathy, i mean you know. Where ya from, cathy . [ laughing ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] cathys obviously having more fun, in the audience, than we are. [ laughter ] where ya from, dear . New jersey. From new jersey, all right. [ some applause and cheering ] okay. Heres what cathy wants to know. Are you in the market for a new woman . [ laughter ] [ laughing ] is that where you find im just puttingputting tv dinners in my shopping cart. [ chuckling ] i didnt know. No, really not in the market, atat this point. No, im kinda, as they say, um, fallow, right now. Yes. [ some laughter ] no, that does no, fallow means, like, you well, you know what i mean. [ laughter ] uh, i cant read the. Chris. Domini . Wherere you from, chris and bethesda, maryland. Uhhuh, okay. [ some applause ] would you stand in the rain, [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ cheering ] i thats good question. I do i dont think id stand in the rain, to watch Indira Gandhi do a oneandahalf into a vat of tapioca. [ laughter ] thats very nice that you did, anyway. Um. Clem roupe . [ some cheering ] from new orleans. Thats a good city, new orleans. Great city. What do you find most rewarding about um, making people laugh, i guess. Laughter. Yeah, laughter. And being able to steal old wonder woman costumes. [ laughter ] al sterky . Stucky . Stoky . Am i getting close . [ laughter ] al . Am i getting close, al . Where are ya . Right here. Wwwhat is it, al . The last name. Im sorry. Stucky. Stucky. Stucky. All right. That make you the stuccee. Thats right. [ laughing ] ou what a house o stucco, and you and you is the stuccee. [ laughter ] how many years before you can retire . Ii think, um i dunno. Whats the official nbc retirement age . Theres no real age. Actually, what they do theythey dont retire. They put you out to stud. [ laughter ] you could go, any day. Y [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ cheering ] just go to a little farm in kentucky, and breed new hosts. Hope Mclean Stevenson hasnt eaten all the grass. Thats right. [ laughter ] jack kakansila . Is that right, jack . [ cheering ] what did linda do with the brush, last night . Now, if you didnt see the show, uh, we did a silly thing, last night. Probably the dumbest, not most ludicrous thing ive ever done. We had four young ladies, up here, and we said, would ya like to take a shower, with a star . We had an actual shower, on stage, with running water. And the ladies had rain gear on, d i did have now, people thought i didnt have anything on. No. You had briefs. Uh, i did have something i had little briefs on, cause behind the glass. cause i would not get in aa shower, with strangers. [ laughter ] nude. I would have to at least be introduced. [ laughter ] Say Something like i introduced linda. Say Something Like, how are you . [ laughter ] then, you can make a move. Uh. Anyway, linda was a freespirited kinda girl, and she had a long brush, which she was wielding, uh, in a strange manner. You have to figure it out, yourself. Uh. What restaurant can i find you in, after the show . Asks jean yannick . Yenik . No, im goin to dinner, with my, uh my brother and sister, my kids, and so forth. How bout you . Im going out to s malibu. Not to your place. To another place. Oh, good. I though [ laughter ] god, i thought, did i invite him . [ laughing ] [ laughter ] uh, c the last name is carreca . Carreca. Yay yay hey why cant outofstate people get tickets to this show . [ some applause and cheering ] wait, a minute, theres no their arms arent long enough. I [ laughter ] why ride in. They get tickets. You can get tickets. People from out of state are here, tonight wh well, of course they can. Certainly. Certainly. Whwhwhat makes ya think you cant get tickets, if your out of state . They wont send em to us. No, i really ii dont know how they mail em in. Maybe they people have to be here. I really dont know. Sure. [ some laughter ] lastlast well hear about that. [ some laughter ] lydialydia ortiz . Im here [ applauding ] hey, how ya doin, lydia . If i could have a birca if oh, shed like to know if she could have a birthday kiss, handshake, anything. My birthday is today. Really . Really well, happy birthday. Happy birthday. Yeah, wellwell send up something. Yeah. [ laughter ] now, hheres a loaded question. Jeff tocar. Wherere you, jeff . [ some aus ah. Cadet, at west point. What will be the score of the army navy game, tomorrow . [ laughing ] hey no, id say i dont know whether the army or navy outoutnumbers the audience here, tonight. [ laughter ] but you know the numbers. You know the score. [ some yelling ] you know the score whats the score . Twentythree to 14. Army. We dont know who wins, but thats the score. Yeah, yeah. Thats any [ some laughter ] no, thatsthats tough. I dunno. It should be a good game, though. You were in the marines. Yes. I was in i was in the navy. Yes. So. [ applause ] emotionally, i have to [ some applause and cheering ] but my dad was in the army. [ some applause and cheering ] and my sister was a hostage. [ laughter ] youll probably enjoy halftime. Yes. Uh. I came all the way from kansas, to see you. Would you come to kansas, to see me . Says [ laughter ] asks connie richardson. Wherere you, connie . Here. Long as you dont live in lawrence, kansas, i would come to see you. [ laughter ] [ some applause ] kansas good state. Thats just south of wherese did you know that . Nebraska was right north of kansas . Sure. You didnt know that. [ some laughter ] is that a big secret . Thats right. Anybody can look that up. Mabel mmatherno . Yay how do ya pronounce your last name, mabel . Mathari. Matha mm mathari. Mathari. Im sorry about that. New orleans. How is your love life . [ laughter ] [ laughter ] so, not, uh [ laughing ] jeff, from san diego. Wants to know if ive ever waited in line, for three years, to see anything, in his life. For three hours to see probably seems like three years, out there. No, i dont thi you . No. Once, in guam. Yeah . [ laughter ] waitwait in line, three hours. Was it worth it . No, it was tanya, with the, uh, twirling [ laughter ] twirling freckles, or something. How did ya like the shower, last night, with the girls . Well, we already touched on that. What was the most embarrassing moment, as host of the tonight show . i think the night that little creature climbed up on top of my head and did a [ laughter ] did a did a number. How dudley moore got up there, ill never know. [ laughter ] no, that really wasnt embarrassing. No. That was kind of a weird. What was the most embarrassing, uh i dunno. All right. Lets see what if being an entertainer had never paid off . Asks joshua bloom. Where are ya, josh . Up here okay, josh. Where ya from . Originally, or now . [ laughter ] i know where ya are now, josh. [ laughter ] [ some applause ] wherewhere were ya, before you originally. Where were ya, before you came in here . Originally from baltimore. Okay. [ some applause and cheering ] at i dunno. I was gonna i wanted to be a lawyer, once. Yeah . Yeah. Really wanted to be a lawyer. Shouldve. I coulda saved myself a bundle [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ laughing ] what were you what would you wanna be . I told ya, an architect. Id love to be an architect. Thats right. You wanted to be an architect. But you have that secret desire. Very few people want that, or do that work, anymore. Well, i dont think theres much call for it, anymore. Yeah. I wanna be a shepherd. Yeah. [ laughter ] great outdoors. Yeah. Baa. Close to the land. My piece of bottom land and some sheep. Put up a little school. Raiseraise some younguns. [ laughing ] why do i get into that . [ some laughter ] anyway, thanks for the questions. Robert blake is gonna be out here, shortly. Okay. Chex brown ce uh, chex brand cereal. Brand. [ some laughter ] uh, not bran. Chex brand cereal. Presents another great breakfast taste new crispy oatmeal and raisin chex. [ music ] [ applause ] that old thanksgiving day song. [ humming ] [ laughing ] uh, my first guest is one of the most interesting people i think i know robert blake. He, uh, says whats on his mind. He, uh, sometimes is controversial. But he says it as it is. As you know, he won an, uh an emmy, for his role as, uh in the Television Series baretta. And hes here to spend i think he was with us last thanksgiving, wasnt he . Would you welcome robert blake . [ applause ] get your security to hang on to, there. [ sighing ] wow okay, deep breath. Relax. Im glad thats over. Yeah. [ chuckling ] just the walkout . Ugh how are ya . Oh, wonderful good. Happy, uh happy bird. Bird, yes. Yeah. Uh, thanksgiving. Yeah. You were with us last year, werent ya . If i remember yes, and im thankful to notde [ chuckling ] a year later. Another good year, huh . Havent gone to the. Bone orchard. The bone orchard . I havent, uh [ chuckling ] gone to the hospital. Well, thats i aint at folsom. Uh what more can a man want outta life . [ laughter ] thats right. Miracles galore [ laughing ] i mean what a happy, uh happy year youve had. Ii [ chuckling ] if you live to be a million yeah. You will never know anybody luckier than me. I mean really. All the times i shoulda croaked i mean, ya know, everybody got interesting life. Yeah. But you aint up here talkin, so i gotta talk about my life. [ laughter ] so, thats all why dont you write about it . [ laughing ] that might be a good, um, catharsis story. Ive done everything else. Yeah, why dont i write about it . Sure. Or i could sing about it. Or dance about it. No, i dont wanna do any o those things. I think writing would be nice i, uh, y listen. You pay me a handsome sum here to come and talk about it, once every six months. Oh, hardlyhardly handsome. I mean [ laughing ] not a handsome sum. Depends on where youre livin and what youre eatin. Yeah. Today is handsome. Yeah. Where are where are you gonna eat, tonight, by or have you had your, uh, thanksgiving . I had my thanksgiving dinner, in, uh, the dressin room. Youre puttin us on. Same as i did last year. No, they brought me, uh, a turkey sandwich. Did shirley send you in a turkey sandwich . Mayonnaise, and so forth. I brought the kids, this year noah and deli. They shared it with me. Isnt that nice . [ laughing ] yeah, well. Thats cool. Happy thanksgiving. You look like, uh, one of the ozzie nelson kids, with that hairdo. What, uh [ laughter ] you know, its weird how it came out that way. Its a c it looks like a crewcut. cause i aint workin. And so, i got a scissors, and i cut it, and i got all done, and i looked, and i had a haircut like when i was a kid, my heroes looked like that. Yeah. member when van johnson went off to war, and Spencer Tracey said goodbye to him, and he had a butch haircut yeah. And all them people looked like that . And i said, gee, thats what i went and did. I like it. Lookin for all them people. Yeah, right. Anyway. For my next trick you did this, yourself . Uh, yeah. Well, when im not workin, uh, i dont like s people flivitting over my hair. Yeah. And, uh so, i just put the dye on, and get outta the shower, and whaddya mean, you put the dye on . I been dyein my hair, for since i was about 20 years old. I didnt know i didnt know that. Well, when you had my kinda life, you get grey. [ chuckling ] [ laughter ] and only the good dye young. Like i said, as many times as i was sposed to die every one o those times, i got a little greyer. What is your, uh, hair normally my color . Was that way, when i was 20. Yeah. I dont happen to have one o them charlton heston, Abraham Lincoln kinda faces, where i can play old people and let it go grey. And i aint got no steady gig, like you, to let [ laughter ] so. Are you saying i look like Abraham Lincoln . Is that what youre saying . No. What im sayin is you have one o them little, kinda pooncy, young faces. And, if you was out there, lookin for [ laughter ] gimme that, again. A poonchy, young face . [ chuckling ] what im saying is, if you was out there, lookin for a gig, youd be dyin your hair. Yeah, lemme tell ya what i did, when i was about 40. And its when it started. And my dads hair was grey, when he was about 37, 38. It runs in the family. Its genetic. I start to see it turn grey. And i started to put ill be honest with you the clairol stuff in it. Great day, or Something Like that. [ chuckling ] you go through all this, and then you put the cap on. You sit around, lookin like a [ laughter ] ya know . And have to put it on for 20 minutes, and that but the trouble is, if you dont do it on a regular basis, the hair keeps kinda zipping in and out, and, sometimes, its not quite the right color. The next time, its a little greyer. And then, it would be a little blacker. And i finally said, and let it go. Well, you dont, uh see, i dont have aa woman, right now, to complain about whichever color it is. I can go in the shower and come out and have the rainbow. It dont make no difference. Yeah. [ laughter ] well, i can do that, too. Im on the same program [ laughter ] whats that program you said . The fallow program . Um, f im on that same program. Youre in the in the fallow period. Semen retention program. The way you feel, yes. [ chuckling ] oh, well. [ laughter ] one way to stay outta trouble. Nevernevernever heard o that. [ laughing ] if you cant do nothin the retention program. I nevernever heard it put that way. Are you being ch are you being chased . Is that what youre trying to say . Uh. Yeah. Well, thats a kind of a religious expression, to which i dont know was applicable, under the circumstances. [ laughter ] well, you that sort of applies to a priest. Mine is more like, ya know voluntary, uh yeah, just yeah. Guy does a lotta walkin. Yeah. As long as ya dont dont get on the phone, dont talk to nobody if they say hello, dont say hello back. Sleep by yourself, stand by yourself. Dont do nothin wrong. Thats what im doin. Oh, what a f you tell me. Im just rowin, you what a fun life [ laughter ] what a what a funfilled life. Okay, we lemme take a break, and well come oh, great no, i aint got nothin else n oh, yes, ya do. We gotta sell something, here. And then, well come back. Well delve into this. Okay. [ applause ] [ music ] [ applause ] shaughnessy, tearin em up [ cheering ] okay. Lemme tell you somethin. Sure why not . Justjust very brief. Before we get into my big, dynamic contract [ chuckling ] and the money im makin, and all that stuff. You talk about bein thankful. Yeah. This a this a kind of a, uh, uh, uh, spiritual experience. Ive had things like this happen to me, all my life. Ya know, i talk about somebody watchin my store . Right. There really is. I was you know, im cleanin up, and makin friends, and apologize, and gettin all straight, and all like that. And i dont drink, and dont dope, and ev i was at the gym, the other day, right . And, uh just tryna keep cool pushin iron, and a bag, or whatever. And there was, like, very few people there. And, uh, this guy starts leanin on me, out of the blue. Hey, baretta, wheres your bird, man . [ mumbling ] say, werent you little beaver . Didnt you wear the feather hat . And, all of a sudden, i was back on the school ground, when i was a kid. Mmmhmm. And theyre takin my pants off and, uh, makin fun o me, for bein in our gang and little beaver and all that stuff. And i just and i knew. It was gonna happen. And it was nobody around, to stop me. There wasnt nobody coulda stopped me, anyway. You killed him. I was going to. [ laughter ] i knew i wasnt gonna hit him. Yeah. cause i was lookin at his throat. And i was thinkin, wouldnt it be nice if i had his adams apple in my hand . I say, say, jim, you cant talk no more. Ha aint that funny . [ some laughter ] and, inside me, i heard, not this time, mickey. Uhhuh. Thats my real name. I know that. And i heard it, inside. Not this time, mickey. It was like somethin pulled me, from the back, and i backed away from this guy. And i didnt do it hmm. Somethin it was like you know when you say theres somethin that keeps you that makes you look up, when that cars comin at you right. Or that makes that thing happen. Instinct, or whatever. I walked outta that gym, and i sat there for an hour, waitin for that guy to come out, cause im still gonna kill him, out on the curb. Only because he was. Giving a little, uh well, when ya been where i been as i am, in the first place, and all them little kids been sayin, ah, aint you a sissy, cause you was in the movies . Ah and all those times yeah. That it doesnt take all that much. Were all guilty of that, ya know. Theres a wonderful book called that i read, some years ago, called the child within us. Which means that, even though youre an adult, very often, your emotions, as a child, still rule you, as an adult. Well, you can just skip that part about being adult. And youll and youll revert to it, all of a sudden. Oh, yeah yeah, i revert, unless somebodys watchin the store. Now get on to the i just wanna say that, cause to be thankful for. Well, thats good to know. And im just thankful somebody watches me, when i aint watchin me, cause id a been dead, long gone, many times before. Yeah. Now, see . I got this gig. Yeah. I just gotta tell you this, because this another thing to be thankful i got the best job i have ever had in my life. Well, good. For two years, i am under contract, to columbia. And they payin me 1100 jillion, a year yeah. For these two years, and i aint done nothin. [ some laughter ] i had one meeting, there about three or four months, and theyre payin me, im tellin you, a ton its moren i got on baretta. And he i sat down at the big ol table with him. He says, now, look. I says, okay, youre the boss. Whaddya want me to do . Yeah. He says, dont do nothin. [ laughter ] he said, only way youre gonna get in trouble with me is if you talk to anybody with a suit on. Thats right. He said, dont go near a network dont attack the executives. Dont answer the phone. Right. If jesus calls you, put im on hold. Onon hold. [ laughter ] and, for three months, i dont even know what the boss looks like. I saw him, one time. If he was layin there, dead, i wouldnt know what the hell he looks i know his name is herman. Right. And hes cool. And thats my job. Im goin crazy how long do have how long do you have to do this, now . Two years well, i mean, i know that they figured onon you know, theyre gonna make somein outta the deal. Yeah. Butbut i aint got nothin to do with it. Thats and, like, there been people offerin jobs, and i say, say, herman im gonna do this job, and, like, one of his henchmans comes down. They give me a big office. I dont think henchmen is the right word, there. You see, thats [ laughter ] this may be part of the problem, one of his assistants. One of his assistants. Yeah. One o them people. One of those assistants. Yeah, i know those people. Hows your love life, by the way . Huh . Hows your social life . My, uh well. I just like i said, i should go to bakersfield and find some truckers widow, livin in a trailer, with two kids. Ii just i dont know, man. I aint doin i go to Beverly Hills and rodeo drive and you know [ laughing ] see on rodeo drive, yeah. Male or female. Theyre all 25 years old and all beautiful. Right. They had this fixed and that fixed and this moved. They had their spirit worked on, their soul everything you dont know what you i mean, you kissin some beautiful lady, and she says, call me bill. You dont even know, because. [ laughter ] noahs walkin down the street with me the other day. Yeah. I gotta give you one line, that i love more than life. We were walkin down the street, watchin all these people, and theyre all beautiful. And, as c and they go waarghh. Just and they go by ya. He says, dad, you know, rodeo drive has got some of the most beautiful ugly people in the world. [ laughter ] theyre all so, i d ya know, im s yeah. I go out with em, and i say, hello. How are ya . And im outta gas, man. I dont know where to go from there. Well thats all right. Some nice to know that things havent changed, too much. [ laughing ] we got we gotta take a break . All right. Well take a break. Well be right back. Stay where ya are. Wanna introduce me [ music ] okay, we have somebody, uh, new, for ya to meet this evening. Uh. This young man is a young impressionist, from toronto and a little bit different. And hes gonna be starring in a new series, for nbc, this january, called the duck factory. Hes also been in hollywood, aboutbout 10 months and created quite a bit of excitement. This is his first appearance on american television. Would you welcome jim carrey . Jim . [ music ] [ applause ] hello my name is jim carrey. Id like to do some impressions for ya, tonight. If youll just give me a minute. [ chuckling ] [ laughter ] [ imitating Elvis Presley ] thank you, very much, maam. Ladies and gentlemen, [ exhaling ] [ laughter ] i think it was about. 30 years ago, today. I was attacked, by a dog. I was standin in the street, screamin, tryna get the vicious dog off my leg. [ laughter ] it would ever lead. To this. [ music ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ cheering ] [ applause ] [ breathing heavily ] i. Was. Him [ chuckling ] [ laughter ] you know, i think ive probably spent my entire life, staring in the mirror. Ive been staring at. Leonid brezhnev [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ cheering ] Jack Nicholson [ laughter ] [ applause ] bruce dern. [ applause ] clint eastwood. [ laughter ] [ applause ] charles bronson. [ applause ] Michael Landon smiling. [ laughter ] [ applause ] james dean. [ laughter ] [ applause ] e. T. , the extraterrestrial. [ laughter ] yay, e. T. [ screaming ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] Charles Nelson reilly, the extraterrestrial. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and my favorite, my three sons. [ applause ] [ speaking with british accent ] charlie. Charlie robby. Chipchop, charlie robby. [ laughter ] steve these kids are [ applause ] ernie take tramp outside oh, okay, uncle charlie. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ chuckling ] [ imitating kermit the frog ] kermit the frog, here, uh. Thank you, uh. Its great to be here. [ laughter ] id like to sing a song that, uh, came out in 1979. It was a big, big hit, for me. And, here to sing it with me, lets hear it for that miss piggy [ yelling ] [ applause ] [ imitating miss piggy ] no, kermie. My love my beloved kermie you mean toi et moi. [ laughter ] are going to sing a song together . [ growling ] [ laughter ] no. [ applause ] thank you, very much jim carrey [ cheering ] [ music ] [ applause ] okay, we are back. Bud greenspan is here, tonight. He has been named the, uh, producerdirector in los angeles. Would you welcome, please, Bud Greenspan . Bud . [ applause ] [ music ] how ya feelin . In good shape. Looking forward to the summer. Looking forward to the naming of the heisman winner, next week. Thats right, youre workin on that, arent ya . Yeah. Its, uh goes on, december 3rd, well know. It might be a nebraska person, john. Could very well be mike rozier, couldnt it . Yeah. Yeah. Rozier, or turner gill, or. Good you always show up with some kinda interesting film, and were gonna have to tonight, because we got a little bit behind. Um, does this need any setup, or just tell us whats well, really, uh, d uh, in doing the heisman film right. We know all about the great ones that, uh, made it. Right. Now, were gonna show ya all the film o those who didnt make it. One o these, huh . Yeah, its one o these situations, so okay, watch the monitor. In the studio. And, uh and you can here it is, right up here. The first one is, uh [ chuckling ] uh, a defensive back, who, uh, really didnt make it. Ooh, ooh [ some laughter ] a lotta people, uh a lotta people, john, think that im at the game. [ some laughter ] [ chuckling ] they lotta people [ laughter ] yyes, there you are, right there, bud. [ laughing ] yeah, but, uh, ive had an operation, since then. You had that trimmed off, didnt ya . Thats why the glasses are on my head, as you can whwhats happened, here . Uh, this is to show that the referee that im really in bounds, and he does in very slow motion. Oh now, heres a guy that got angry at his team, in the last play. And watch what happens with a quarterback that gets angry at his team. Nobody else has moved theythey dont play for him. [ some laughter ] now [ clearing throat ] thats funny. [ laughter ] now, a lotta guys have, at the officials. And this is the way one gets back at an official. Right here, in the end zone. Ooh [ laughter ] [ laughing ] now, the next one is when a extra point is missed, but the father, uh your father is the referee. [ laughter ] [ laughing ] thats wonderful. So. So, uh [ applause ] you know, uh, john, um, uh, ii like to collect film. Right. I was able to collect the oldest film of football in the year 8000 bc. Okay. Yeah. This is how far back it goes. The goths and the visigoths. Its the goths and the visigoths. Youll notice that the uniforms are basically the same. The original football game. The, uh the original super bowl. [ laughter ] [ laughing ] youre talkin about pigskin [ laughing ] and yya noti y ya notice the, uh the uniforms are the same as today. And this is the original pig. You see, theyve just embellished it, quite a bit. In those days, there were no agents, you see. Once you were out, you were out. [ chuckling ] you didnt have to renegotiate the contract, thxt now, uh, things have not changed, very much, as you see. They just are wearing pants, now. Oh, this looks like dddetroit game, today, what they did to, uh uh, yeah, well what they did to the redskins. There was no negotiations of contracts. Theres no handoff handing off a pig. [ laughter ] loose ball now, today, they have, uh theyve embellished the thing, a little bit. They cooked the pig, and its now yeah. A pigskin, you see. Uhoh. They but the same thing happens. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Look at that [ laughter ] [ laughing ] so, anyway, thatsthats the 8000 years of professional football. Wherere we, back here, now . Now, here is what happens, when people get too excited, with a guy going for a touchdown. Heres dicky meagle, going for a touchdown. And watch what happens, now. Uhoh, uhoh off the bench that happened, in the year 1954. He came off the bench and yeah, and thethey warranted him a touchdown. But, just to show you that things never change, 30 years later, just two weeks ago oh this is it, in slow motion. Look at that same thing, in slot he but, uh he wanted to stop that touchdown. Yeah, well, they awarded him a touchdown now, just two weeks ago, the same thing happened right. In the game with grambling. Okay. And youll see this fella, running back a kick, and hes gonna come up the sideline. Now, here he goes, now. Whack m good [ laughter ] oh, thats funny isnt that well i guess they really think nobodys gonna notice that. Well, um. Watchwatch this. Right off of the bench. [ chuckling ] comes this guy. [ applause ] so now, what do they do . They have to award a touchdown . [ cheering ] so, as you can see nothing changes. Nothing ever changes. [ music ] [ applause ] we are back. We just have a few seconds to thank everybody. Good luck on the olympics this year. Thanks for having me. Have a nice night. Thank you. [ applause ] . Come and knock on our door . . Come and knock on our door . . Weve been waitin for you . . Weve been waitin for you . . Where the kisses are hers and hers and his . . Threes company, too . . Come and dance on our floor . . Come and dance on our floor . . Take a step that is new . . Take a step that is new . . Weve a lovable space that needs your face . . Threes company, too . . Down at our rendezvous . . Down at our rendezvous . Okay, there. Its all fixed now. Herd of Wild Elephants couldnt break through that door now. Hi, everybody. Well, what do you have to say about that . Come on, mr. Furley. Mr. Furley, what are you going to do now . Now . Im going over to 208. Mrs. Simpsons all stopped up. Oh, i mean, her drain. What about our lock . Well, ill be back. What about the light by the door . Thats been broken for a month. Really, mr. Furley we could use some light. You want light . Heres a candle. You have to do more than this. You want a match . Mr. Furley, this whole place is falling apart. Yeah. The plasters coming down in the bathroom. Look at my carpet. And over here, we have a kitchen door which is literally falling off the hinges. What do you have to say about that . Gee, this place is in better shape than i thought. Come on, mr. Furley even when you do fix something it never stays fixed. Well, thats not my fault. My brother bart never gives me enough money to fix anything right. Because hes scared of him. I am not. Oh, yes, you are. I complain all the time. You should see some of the letters ive written. Ive told him what a cheapskate i really think he is. Ive called him every name in the book. You told him off in those letters . Darn right i did. If he doesnt shape up, ill start mailing them. Boy, hes really scared of his brother, isnt he . Yeah, but im not. Im trying to get some action around here. Lets see. Fuller, fullman. Furley. Jack, come on youre not going to call bart furley, are you . Janet, youve got to learn one thing. You dont get anything in this life unless you ask for it. Hello . Id like to speak to mr. Furley, please. If you see something you want youve got to go out there and grab it. Nothing is going to be handed to you on a silver platter. Tell him, cindy. Is this mr. Furley . Bart furley . Tell him, janet. Hi. There. Um. Uh, hi, mr. Furley. Im one of the tenants who lives in the building that your brother manages. And, um. Okay, look, he says that he cant fix anything around here cause you dont give him enough money to fix it. What . You will . Oh, thank you. Sure. Bye. Well, what did he say . He said he was going to take care of it right away. You see now, janet . You dont get anything in life without asking for it. Youre asking for it. We cant say anything. Why cant we say anything . Then he would know we called his brother. But what do we say . We just dont say anything. Hell tell us, and then well act surprised. Oh, good. Im good at that. doorbell ringing oh, ill get it. Look at this. Mr. Furley, what a surprise. I just got a phone call from my brother bart. Wowie. What another surprise. He told me i was fired. Fired . Why . One of the tenants called him and complained about me. He didnt tell you which tenant, did he . No, but i know. Yyyou do . Yeah. Mrs. Simpson in 208. She hates me. No, mr. Furley, it wasnt mrs. Simpson. It wasnt . How do you know . Because it was probably mrs. Adams in 206. She hates you even more. What am i going to do now . Oh, dont worry, mr. Furley. Where . Im all out of brothers. Thats not the worst of it. What does that mean, mr. Furley . Well, you see, my apartment went with the job. Now ive got no place to live. Your brotherll let you stay until you find another job. Hes already got someone on his way over here to change the locks. You can always stay at a motel. A motel, sure. Ive got enough money saved to last me the rest of my life. If i die tomorrow. Wed let you spend the night here, but. Thank you. Oh, that means so much to me. Nnno. No, no, no. Uhuh, no. Um, you see, mr. Furley the reason you couldnt is that there wouldnt be anywhere for you to sleep except this crummy, lumpy couch. Oh, but i love lumps. Im a lump lover. Uh, see, mr. Furley. Aw, you are such great friends. Id better start packing. Well. Okay, all right. All right, its just for one night. Dont you worry. I should be on my feet within a couple of months. A couple of months . No. Whats that, you say . Charlie, you mean theyre complaining about having to work seven days a week . Well, ill tell you what. Tell you what you tell them im going to give them all a day off as soon as there are eight days a week. What is it, sickle . A mr. Tripper. About your apartment in santa monica. Hes probably here for the managers job. Send him in. Mr. Tripper . Glad to meet you. Dont get up. I am up. Im a very, very busy man. Yes, sir. Ill make this short. I mean. No, no. I mean, ill get to why im here. I know why youre here. Sit down, flipper. Uh, tripper. Just sit down. See, the. You comfy . Comfy. Thanks. Its nice. Managers job is a cinch. Any idiot can do it. Yeah, i knew the last idiot. I mean, the, uh. The last manager, your brother ralph. You a friend of his . Uh, well. Sort of, but ifif he ever found out that i came to see you about this he would never forgive me. So youre sneaking around behind his back. I like that. Hang on a second. Thats not, uh. No. Uh, excuse me. About your brother. About my brother do you know what hes good for . No. Neither do i. Sir, he cant be that bad. Hes worse. Every job ralph has had, ive given him. Thats very big of you. Well, i mean, thats very generous. All he ever has to do is collect the rent turn a couple of screws and keep an eye on the place. Does that sound too difficult to you . Well, no. Good. Youre hired. t come here about the job. I came to talk about your brother and the importance of your own family. phone buzzing sit down, zipper. Uh. Hello. Yes, ill take the call. Ow oh, its you again, is it . how many times do i have to tell you i did not get rich by giving handouts to every tom, dick and harry that comes to me with a sob story like yours. Oh, stop blubbering. Youll get it, but im telling you i love you, too. Now, you were saying . Uh, forget it. Youre what . youre the new manager . I know it sounds bad, but. Well, you havent met bart furley. Its the only way you can talk to him. Hes very. And just what are you planning on serving mr. Furley for dinner tonight eggs Benedict Arnold . Look, i did it for furleys sake. Oh, and hes going to be so grateful. If he hadnt hired me he would have hired somebody else. Then furley would never get his old job back. I cant wait for you to tell mr. Furley that. doorbell ringing i will, the first chance i get. Hi, roomies. I dont want to be a bother. Ill put all this away myself. No, but, mr. Furley. All right, if you insist you can hang these suits up for me. Jack. Look, mr. Furley. I know, janet equal rights for women, right . Would you just run an iron over that shirt for me . Mr. Furley. I need it tonight. I dont want to look like a slob when i sit down to dinner with you kids. Mr. Furley. Oh, cindy, i didnt mean to leave you out. Here you go. Put that away. Ill be right back. Wait a minute. jack gasps bad toe. Bad toe. Why didnt you say anything, jack . I had to hang up the mans suits. Oh, jack tell him. Tell him now, jack. Heres a little gift for you. A token of my appreciation. Oh, dont thank me. Let me hang it for you. Brighten up the room. Mr. Furley, jack has something that he wants to tell you. I have something for jack, too. Thats a list of the things i cant eat. I just blow up like a balloon. I get great big red blotches all over. Never mind. Ill tell him myself. Tell me what . Uh. I dont really know how to say this. Well, come on, you can say anything you want. If it wasnt for you kids, id be out in the street. Honest, youre my best friends. Its about your sleeping on the sofa. As a matter of fact, youre the only friends i have. Now, what about the sofa . Its too lumpy. You can have jacks room. Janet, tell him the fish has got to go. Come on, mr. Furley. Would you hurry it up a little . Ouch your banana cream pie. Cindy, did you eat this pie . What pie . The one i made especially for joanie wells. She said shed give anything for one of my banana cream pies. Ive seen joanie wells, jack. She doesnt have that much to give. Meow oh, its just a joke. Okay, janet the bathrooms all yours. You could have fooled me. Morning, jack. Oh, i love that pie. Youyou ate my pie . T is a little soggy, but otherwise. Very good. There is no hot water. Gee, thats funny there was plenty when i took my shower. Love this fish. How long has that man been living here, jack . A month, two . A day and a half. Hes driving me crazy. Yeah, he used up all my eye shadow. You have got to do something about him, jack. Janet, i cant just throw him out. . Coming round the mountain when she comes. . Lets throw him out. . round the mountain when she comes. . Mr. Furley. You didnt know i could play, did you . Im going to sing you a little song that i wrote especially for this cute little nurse i used to date. Jack mr. Furley. . Fever . . She gave me fever . . When that chick walked into the room . . I could feel my temperature zoom . . Fever . . She gave me fever . . Babababa fever, fever, fever. . Mr. Fever. Mr. Furley, can i ask you something . You name it, ill play it. No, we wouldnt want to do that. sputtering what jack is trying to say is that. Well, that. We. That. Oh, mr. Furley wouldnt you like to get another job . No. The only job i want is the one i had ill tell you something else. My brother bart will have to look long and hard to find somebody to replace me. phone ringing ill get it. A person of my experience. Boy, you just wait. Sooner or later hes going to come crawling on his hands and knees begging me to take that job back. Hello . Oh, yeah, hes right here. Its your brother bart. What did i tell you, huh . What did i tell you . This. Give me that. Okay, bart baby, start crawling. It was just a little joke, bart. Bart, see, im here with friends. I was kidkidding around. What . I should give the keys to the new manager . What new manager . Jack tripper . well, hang on a second. Yeah, jack didnt mean to stab you in the back. Excuse me, cindy why dont you leave a wakeup call . Let me handle this, okay . Now, mr. Furley. Look, i dont want your job. I want you to have your job back, you see. Mr. Furley . Mr. Furley, where are you going . Im going to apply for social security. But you cant collect that till youre 65. Ill get in line and wait. No, no, mr. Furley, please. To give you your job back . He wont do that. Once my brother makes up his mind, he never changes it. Never . Never. Twice. Twice . When we were little kids my brother grabbed my little orphan annie spy ring from me. He wouldnt give it back till i chased him into an elevator. What happened then . Well, the elevator got stuck between floors and he got so scared, he gave the ring back to me. Well, see . Your brother can change his mind. Death. Thats when i found out he was suffering from closetphobia. You mean claustrophobia . That, too. Anyway, ever since then hes been petrified of elevators. You said he had changed his mind twice. What was the other time . When we got out of the elevator he took my spy ring back again. Oh, there, there, mr. Furley. Dont feel bad. Well find you another spy ring. Hey, wait a second. You just gave me an idea. E your brother. Oh, forget it. He wont have the ring anymore. Forget little orphan annie. Ive got an idea to get your job back. Listen, listen, listen. Heres what were going to do. Hey, jack, how long do we have to do this . My arms are getting tired. Just until bart leaves his office which should be any minute now. What are you doing . Reading the funnies. Cindy, you want to trade with me . These want ads are depressing. Wait, youre not supposed to be reading. Youre supposed to be hiding. Here he comes now. Janet, get the button. Here we go. Excuse me. Going down . What are you doing here, zipper . Tripper. And ive come to tell you im resigning as manager from your apartment building. And as tenants we want you to hire your brother back. Why dont you ask me for something easy like a free months rent. Which will be right after i play center for the Harlem Globetrotters okay, then, you leave us no choice. What do you have to say now . About what . About the elevator being stuck between floors. Were trapped, you know . Feels like the walls are closing in, doesnt it . What are you doing here . Dont change the subject. Its getting hard to breathe in here, isnt it . Why . Because youre scared to death of elevators. Not anymore im not. Youyouyoure not . No. Ever since i went to a shrink. He told me to buy my own elevator. So i bought the building. You mean, youre cured . Yeah. You and your stupid ideas. I told you it wouldnt work. Bart, im sorry. They put me up to it. Shut up, you snivelling coward. All right, gapper, open this door. Everybody off the elevator. Im sorry. I think were really stuck. Stuck . Stuck . it cant be no it feels like the walls are closing in i got to get out of here i cant stand closed places theres a trap door at the top. Quick, boost me up. Up, up, up. Down, down, down. I cant stand heights either. Mr. Furley, now relax. Relax . Sure, its easy for you to say. Ed in an elevator. Help help will you get ahold of yourself you spineless jellyfish hey, you cant talk to him like that. Thats right. He may be spineless, but hes our friend. Mr. Furley, another. Can it, topper. Topper . Everybody out of this elevator and then i want every one of you out of my apartment, understand . What . you cant throw us out. Whos going to stop me . You . cackling thats right. You can pick on me, but you cant pick on my friends. What . Shut up, shorty so help me, if you throw them out ill have the Housing Commission down on you so fast you wont know what happened. You wouldnt. Oh, yes, i would. Listen, ralphie. Ill tell them about the 20 Health Violations and the 30 safety violations. Ralphie, wait. No, you wait, weasel. It will cost you plenty. Fines. No. Lawyers, plumbers. Oh, no. Unions. Not unions money, money, money. What do you say to that . Oh, ralphie, have mercy. We have the same mother. Its not my fault. Ralphie, ralphie, old sock this is just a big misunderstanding. If you want these wonderful kids what about mr. Furleys job . If id of known that he wanted it so bad i want a raise. Dont push it, ralph. Hey, were moving. Mr. Furley, congratulations on getting your job back. Now you can move back into your own apartment. Yeah, but you know, well miss you. No, you wont. Well, how can you. . Iss him . Of course. Of course. How can you say we wont miss you . Because im having my apartment repainted. I think were going to be roomies . Come and knock on our door . . Come and knock on our door . . Weve been waitin for you . . Weve been waitin for you . . Where the kisses are hers and hers and his . . Threes company, too . . Come and dance on our floor . . Come and dance on our floor . . Take a step that is new . . Take a step that is new . . Weve a lovable space that needs your face . . Threes company, too . . Down at our rendezvous . . Down at our rendezvous . Janet, im just tired. Ive been working a swing shift all week. I know, jack. First you were swinging with Barbara Allen i havent been swinging with anyone. All ive been doing is working day and night at that sleazy little coffee shop, remember . Okay, jack, but you remember, we live here, too. How can i forget . Well, really doorbell ringing will you get that, janet . Why cant you, jack . I mean, really. All you have to do is walk over to the door stick out your little hand, twist the knob and open it up. Now, you tell me. Is it all that difficult . I dont know. Let me see if i got that straight. You just walked over to the door, stuck out your little hand, twisted the knob and opened it up . Jack im sorry, larry. Cindy, do you want to take a crack at this . Im glad to see you. I could use a true friend. Jack, come on. How would you like to be awakened in the middle of the night by these two . Larry, let me ask you a real question. How would you like to be sharing an apartment with a great big, fat pain in the neck . Trouble in the house of love . I cant believe it. Believe it. Yeah. Believe it. Jack, you. Oh what are you doing . Following you. Get ahead of me. And another thing, jack, of all the roommates, i got. Why did you come back . To say i was sorry i bumped into you. Kitchen oh, cindy, im sorry. Im sorry i snapped at you. Good heavens, its just jack. You know, i have never seen him behave like this. Well, janet, lets face it. Three people crowded into an apartment were getting on each others nerves. Calm down. Ive never seen you like this. You dont know whats its like here. Youve never lived with two girls. Dont rub it in. I do all the shopping, all the cooking but what bugs me the most is they take me for granted. Move out for a while. Move out . Teach them a lesson. Yeah. No. I couldnt. Those two would be lost without me. Thats just my point, buddy. Make them sorry they dont appreciate you. d be sorry, all right when they see me sleeping on a park bench. What . No money . Not to worry. I think i can help you. Youll lend me some money . What, are you crazy . I just meant you could stay at my place. Well, where would you stay . What difference . Ill stay at the y. M. C. A. Or, uh. Hey, i just got a flash. I could stay in your room. Wha. . What . Oh, really . Not in a million years. Hey, it never hurts to ask. No. Hey, lar, save your breath. Janet, cindy, weve got to do something. Our little pal out there is about this close to having a nervous breakdown. Yeah. Yeah. He really needs to get away. No. Do you really think so . Oh, yeah, larry. We were just trying to decide where he could go. Hey, wait a minute. If youre thinking about my apartment, forget it. What a wonderful idea. Id say yes in a minute, but where would i stay . You could sleep in your car. Good. Ill get my things. My car . No, janet. We cant do that. Larrys just going to have to move down here with us. Down here . Nah, i couldnt. Youre right. Not a chance. Okay, janet, but dont blame me when they come to fit jack groans okay, you can stay down here, but one false move, larry. Oh, janet. We have another problem. I know. Jack, right . He is never going to accept the fact that we can manage without him. Hell never go for this. Hey, it never hurts to ask. Jack . Im glad to see youre still in one piece. Start packing. Huh . They love the idea. They love. . Its all settled. It is . Start packing. If mr. Furley finds out youre staying here hell throw us all out. Whos going to tell him . Cindy. . Ill get your suitcase. Janet. . Ill get your toothbrush. Larry, look. Ill go get my things. squeals squeals janet . Cindy . Hi. Oh, michelle. Hi. Uh. No. Larrys not here but, uh, if theres anything i can do, im free. Hello, michelle . Michelle . knocking janet, i knew you couldnt. Couldnt be janet cause youre mr. Furley. Ill buy that. What are you doing here, jack . Oh, uh, iiiim waiting for larry. What are you doing here . Im here to fix the ceiling. Larry told me it was leaking. When you see larry, tell him i fixed it. Wait a second. You didnt do anything. Its not leaking, is it . But its not raining now. Thats not my fault. Mr. Furley, ill tell him when i see him. Hell probably be back very soon. I dont think so. When i saw him earlier, he told me he had a couple of chicks stashed away someplace. What . I never saw larry look happier. Okay, okay. I get the point. He was grinning like the cat that swallowed the canary. Thank you, mr. Furley. phone ringing larrys. Hi, janet or, uh. Hey, janet, whats happening . Yeah, listen, id love to chat, but im. What . You need me . Ill be right down. All right okay, everybody. I just talked to jack and hes going to come right down. Now, cindy, remember, we dont want jack to be worrying about us, so act like youre enjoying larrys company. Cindy right. What do you mean, act . doorbell ringing ill get it. giggling what do you mean, act . Hi, jack. Cindy. Right, right. Yeah. The little one said you needed me. Shes in the kitchen with larry. Oh, dont tell me. Let me guess. Theyre having trouble opening up a can of beans. Relax. The masters here. Rack of lamb . Larry sent out for it. Nothings too good for my roomies. What do you need me for . Dessert. Dessert . No, jack, no. We just need more room in the freezer for the baked alaska that larry bought. Oh, thats right. Hey, buddy, would you mind storing your meatballs in my freezer . Thanks, pal. I appreciate it. Oh, sure. Yeah. Hows it going, jack . Fine. Great. Wonderful, wonderful. In fact, i really dont have that much time to chat. Well, we dont want to keep you. Well, maybe a minute or two. You ever seen anything like that . See if theres a stool in here. Mmm, its delicious. Well, how was your day, larry . Oh, not too bad. I only had one customer. Thats terrible. This guy wanders onto the lot looking for something cheap he can take to the beach with the top down. So what did he end up with . My secretary. laughing oh, larrys so funny. He keeps us laughing all the time. I used to say some pretty humorous things. And you know what else . He fit right in. Its like hes been living here all the time. Well, actually, i. Well, you know why . Thats because you and cindy are such wonderful roommates. I know what you mean. We were always close. Whats this . Well, i was going to save it for later but, hey, why wait to say thank you. Cindy a bottle of perfume. Larry, thats so sweet. Its nothing. And janet . Hmm . Got a Little Something for you, too. What is it . Oh, larry, a ticket to the ballet. Ive been dying to go. Uhhuh. You can go tonight. Well, thank you. Thats really so sweet of you. Youre welcome. Wow, what a dinner presents and everything. Really. Jack, would you like to join us . Larry bought plenty. Oh, no. Hey, i. I better skedaddle. Ive got something very tasty waiting for me upstairs, if you know what i mean. You devil. You look like you just lost your last friend. Both of them. Mr. Furley, id really rather not talk about it now if you dont mind, okay . Hey, all kidding aside, dont be so depressed, jack not on a beautiful night like this. The moon is bright. Theres a smell of jasmine in the air. Listen, youre young. Youve got your whole career ahead of you. Youve got a family that loves you. Look at me. Ive got none of those things but am i unhappy . Youre darn right i am. s not fair im on my way. Have a good time. Thank you. Janet, i miss jack. I know, cindy. Me, too. Janet, you got a screwdriver around here . Yeah. The top drawer right by the fridge. Have a wonderful time at the ballet tonight. Thanks again. Larrys going to try and fix my antique clock. Watch out. He fixed our blender one time. What . Oh, i forgot my ticket. crying mr. Furley, hey, hey, dont feel bad. What have i got to feel good about . Well. Look at you. Youve got. Youve got. Isnt the moon bright tonight . Theres a smell of jasmine in the air. Thats not jasmine. Thats our garbage. Its too late for me, jack now, you straighten things out with cindy and janet. Well, maybe later. Not later, now. Friends are just too hard to come by. I ought to know. I dont have any. furley crying oh, janet, janet. Janet. Hi, jack. Listen, uh, ive got to talk to you and cindy right now. Itll have to be cindy. Im already late. Whats wrong with it . The bell doesnt work. I think i can fix it. Larry, maybe you shouldnt do it. Come on, cindy, whats the sense of having it if you cant use it . Hey, watch those hands. Would you relax . Ill have your bell ringing in no time. Larry, you get your hands off her. Clock. Clock . You want to fix it . Uh. No, thanks, pal. I got enough time on my hands. Get it . Time on my hands. Speaking of time, look at how late i am. Jack. No, im sorry. I didnt mean to. Ive got people to see and places to go. Bye. Ill see you later. Jacks been acting so strange. Larry, maybe i should go after him. Now that were all alone i think we both could use a little bit of unwinding. Maybe youre right. Ill slip into something more comfortable. Thank you humming tadah aah. Oh, cindy, where are you . Good night. See you in the morning. What . Think, larry, think. . Happy birthday to me . . Happy birthday to me . . Happy birthday, dear larry . . Happy birthday. . Oh, larry, its your birthday. You found out. Why didnt you tell us . Well, i didnt want to disturb anybodys plans id celebrate without troubling anybody. By myself. Alone. Oh, larry, no. Then youll join me in a glass of champagne . Do you think theres enough room . Oh, im sorry. Thats all right. Theres still some left here. Here we go. All right. How would you like a special surprise . Try me. squeals give me an h and an a and a ppy a happy birthday to our guy. Yay, larry well, good night. Wait one second there. Is that all i get for my birthday . Oh, of course not. And a t and a e and a a and a m. Yay, team larry larry hes my guy Whoo Whoo Whoo choochoo, choochoo, choochoo, choochoo. The end of the line. Dont you like my cheers . I love them. 85 cheers, my, my. You must be thirsty. Why dont you sit down, cindy . Have some more champagne, all right, hon . I dont know if i should. Too much champagne makes me. Drink up. Makes you what . hiccups hiccup. hiccups im sorry. Its okay. I think i know what will help, however. You do . Yes. What you do is take a deep breath. Hold it for as long as you possibly can. Thats great. Im going to bed. Thanks for the shower. Hi, cindy. Hi, mr. Furley. Wheres jack . I got something thatll help him. Jack. Hes. He. Hes not here. door closes then whos that . Uh, janet. Hello, everybody. Whos this . Janet. Then whos in the bedroom . Jack. I thought you said janet was in the bedroom. I thought you said that. hiccups what . hiccupping im sorry, mr. Furley. I have the hiccups. I need some water. Now, that can be a very serious disorder. Here. Put this over your head and breathe deeply like this. Ill show you. Just breathe in and out. Be careful not to hyperventilate. Or youll. Oh, what happened . He was curing my hiccups. Oh, uh, hi, mr. Furley. Oh, my, jack i hope we didnt wake you. Jack, youre just the guy i was looking for. I was getting into bed. Ive got something i want to read and it wouldnt hurt you girls to listen, either. What is a friend . A friend is there through thick and thin a friend is someone who never butts in. Hey, hey, whats going on here . Uhoh. You were just getting into bed . Well, no, no. Oh. Oh oh, mr, furley, i just cant believe ashamed of yourself. What . all this time i thought i was renting from a very decentminded man. I cant believe youre thinking what youre thinking. How do you know what im thinking . cause its written all over your face. I can hardly look. Shame on you. Shame on you. Shame on you. I came here to drop off a book. I didnt see anything. I couldnt see anything even if i wanted to. Im nearsighted. Come to think of it my ears arent that good, either. What . Now, im leaving. Well, uh, if you wont be needing me for anything else, id better be going. Yeah. Uh, jack . Yeah . Uh. Good night. Yeah. Good night. Night. Jack. I dont want to go. We dont want you to go. Well, then, why didnt you say so . Why didnt you say so . Well, it seemed like you were having such a good time with larry. Oh, jack, sometimes you can be so dumb. Cindy, thats the nicest thing youve ever said to me. Welcome home. We really missed you. Oh, well, i really missed you. Well, gosh, now that thats all settled janet, janet. What . What about larry . Its so late. Lets worry about him in the morning. Good idea. You said you missed me. You missed me. Threes company was videotaped in front of a stud a audience. No, really. I did. Youre just making excuses because you missed an easy shot. I chose not to hit the golf ball in the giant clowns mouth because i didnt want to cause internal injuries. I had a great time tonight, sabrina. Me, too. Harvey, youre doing it again. Sorry. I was just wondering where youre at with the meordashiellmyshort lifewillcometoanabruptend ifyoudont pickmesituation . I just havent made up my mind yet. Oh dashiell um, oh, you got a delivery job at the florist who has keys to our house. For you. So, whos it going to be . Me . Or, uh. Im sorry, i forgot your name. I know you guys want a decision. Youve been patient. Its just that im