Jimmy hope you have a great weekend. True to the death, the worst possible thing that could happen to anyone, happened to me at 3 15 p. M. On friday my wifi went out. And i would say it was a nightmare but nightmares dont last for four days. I was almost completely cut off from the outside world. Its funny how quickly you forget how everything works swo. I was like i cant go online, lets watch netflix. No, pandora. No spotify, no apple tv, nothing. Even when i tried to look the number up to call the company to tell them the internet doesnt work, i had to go on the int internet and the phone friday night with is the red light still flashing . Okay can i put you on hold and you know theyre smoking or something. It was terrible. I almost broke down and opened a book. I came this close and were on day 2350ifive of not being able stick my daughter in front of Curious George for four hours. Let me tell you, when im Vice President , the wifi will never go out. [ applause ] its as simple as that. Wifi goes out, ill grab the head of the company, throw the son of a right in prison and anyone forced to spend anymore than 40 minutes on the phone will be awarded the Vice President ial medal of freedom. [ applause ] guillermo, you had a rough my brother in law called me and said guillermo got a concussion over the weekend. What happened . I was playing soccer and the guy hit me right here. Jimmy were you the goalie . Yeah. Jimmy so, it went right in your forehead . And you werent protected by all the jell you keep in your hair . No, it was sunday. Jimmy i would think the ball would pop if it hits your head. No, but it was sunday. Jimmy oh, you dont use gel on sunday. No gel sundays. Wow. [ applause ] and then you had the concussion and went to the doctor and youre okay now . Yeah, they gave me a shot and say it take a couple days for the headache to go away. Jimmy what did your wife say . [ laughter] my wife got real mad. She said i cannot believe a 45 you know what, forget it. No more sex. If you keep playing soccer, no more sex. Jimmy well this sounds like a convenient way to get out of sex with you. No more soccer. Jimmy but you had or had no wifi . Oh, yeah. Jimmy still had a better weekend than i did. [ applause ] heres something i was unable to comment on because of my wifi feasko. Because it was memorial day, a big day for grilling, barbecuing, that sort of thing. Apparently there was a debate online buabout whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich. Bring me my podium. One thing ive learned in this campaign is people really love podiums. Its crazy. On friday of last week, my fellow of americans. Webster dictionary said that that hot dog with a bun is a sandwich. Thats their definition. By my dedefinition, a hot dog ia hot bun. If you went in a hot dog and ordered a meat tube sandwich, theyd probably call the cops on you. If haot dogs are sandwiches, thn cereal is soup. Chew on that one for a while. Hamburger not a sandwich either. Thats right. This will be written into the law. Please, remove this podium. [ applause ] im done with that now. [ laughter] hey, did you watch that basketball game last night . [ applause ] they had 16 million viewers. The most watched telecast of an nba game ever. The warriors were down 31 and they came back to win it. Coming back from being down three games to one is big, but the longest shot in the arena last night was this gentleman. If you zoom in, burn burn was at the game and hes with danny glover. It was funny. I get that bernie has to sit in the crappy seats to keep the homeland of the people thing and danny glover has to say great, im at game seven in this seat. His best friend from child hood was moses. The Bernie Sanders and donald trump were both here. And unfortunately, over the weekend, both bernie and his supporters got fired up and started a hashtag. Thats when you went know its serious. Chicken trump. It sounds like a nickname donald trump would give donald trump if he wasnt donald trump. Have you ever been to Panda Express . People love orange chicken. [ applause ] there wont be a trumpsanders debate, which was probably a good decision for donald. Did you see him at the bike rally . Here he is in slow and tell. Look at all these bikers. Yes. We love the bikers. All over the place, no matter where i go, theres bikers and they come with the bikers and the booikes are all over. [ applause ] jimmy donald trump got a big indorsement from the north korean state media. For real. They praised him for being a wild politician and said Hillary Clinton is dull. So, thats a nice feather in his cap. Of course, north korea indorsed donald trump. They want at least one other country to have a leader with worst hair than theirs. And it was the next season of the bachelor et. Every year i say im not going to get sucd every year theres a guy or gal the contestants cant stand. You know the biggest jerk you hope to never see again the day after you graduated . Thats chad. Hes in luxury real estate, threatened to punch one guys teeth out. On his first date, he called her naggy, which in my experience, women love. Hes what you would get if you inject Human Growth Hormone into a nickel back album. And chad has a side kick, its daniel. Thats daniel. He follows chad around, agrees with whatever he says and they even wore matching black tank tops and had incredible conversations like this one. I think sok jo jo wants a ma. I cant see her falling in love with a childish guy like some of these guys. If youre making a protein shake and blended it up, half of that dude protein shake would be zero chance. Exactly. I mean, what . You know what this show needs . Someone who in the moment a Statement Like that is made, stetches in and calls him on it. Something like this. If youre making a protein shake made of the group of dudes here and blended it up, what kind of shake do you get . Zero chance. Dude, that makes no sense, man. [ applause ] jimmy thank you, guillermo. [ applause ] all right, so last week on the show we met these two adorability ni grandma and ginga. They make these videos on youtube where grandchildren tape them fighting and its hilarious. Last week i asked them to watch game of thrones. And heres a snippet of what they thought of it. Can you tell me how long this is going to last . That was a little man. How do you like this part . [ bleep] [ bleep] jimmy she didnt like it. So, when we come back, grandma and ginga are hooere to review game of thrones. Versus the lube strip. With a hydrating gel reservoir that gives you 40 less friction. Its designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. Sorry, lube strip. Schick hydro®. Free your skin®. Innovative sonicare technology with up to 27 more brush movements versus oral b. Get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. Innovation and you. Philips sonicare. Save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america. Todays the day oh look creepy gloves for my feet. Was a handle. And a face. This is nice. Does it come in a california king . Getting roid rage. Hemorrhoid. These are the worst, right . Im gonna buy them. Boom. Ill take them. Impulse buy. Ommmmmmmmmmm. Presenting the American Express blue cash everyday card with cash back on purchases. Its all happening. And no annual fee. Here we go cash back on purchases. Backed by the service and security of American Express. Okawhoa ady . [ explosion ] nothing should get in the way of the things you love. Get americas fastest internet. Only from xfinity. [ applause ] jimmy tonight on the show music from Josh Abbott Band. From Silicon Valley Thomas Middleditch is here. Last week on the show i chatted with two incredible sisters from clarksbering, virginia. Grandmas 102, and gingas 97. I asked them to watch and review game of thrones. Heres a clip of them watching the show. That boy on the horse. Is he going to marry her . [ phone my toes are getting numb. What . My toes are getting numb. What . My toes are getting numb. Jimmy grandma and ginga. Hello, ladies. [ applause ] hi, there. How are you . Were fine. Jimmy my first question and ill ask both of you, in your opinion is a hot dog a sandwich . No, its a hot dog. [ applause ] youre quite welcome. We sure got some good hot dogs in west virginia. Jimmy do you really . D and l is the best place. Jimmy what do you put on your hot dog . Chilly, must jimmy and you ginga . Same thing. And hot pepper. We want our hot dogs to be hot. Yeah, in west virginia. Jimmy so, i asked tootyou t watch game game of thrones [ phone ringing] jimmy oh, no, your deafening phone i cant hear it. [ laughter] and that dam phone has to ring right now. Can you imagine . Jimmy i know its crazy. I thought we disconnected it. Its connected. Jimmy what shows do you usually watch on television . I watch the dancers. Jimmy the dancing stars . Ye and i cant remember all the names. Jimmy how about you, ginga . I like law and order. Anything murder. Yes. All those old movies. Jimmy have you ever seen game of thrones before today . Is. No. Jimmy and did you like it . Um, no. I think theyre crazy. I dont understand it. Jimmy what didnt you understand . Well, if that was a wife or whether they were going to run away with somebody else and i never did see that baby. I thought maybe they killed him. Did you see a naked woman . And i was waiting for a woman to ride a horse naked. I never did see her but i saw the jimmy i was disappointed in that too. There were no naked people this week. No. That was lousy. Jimmy so, overall is there anything we could pass along to the people who make the show that would make it better for you . Candle light movie. Jimmy what does that mean . We couldnt see anything. Couldnt see anything. Just the candles. Jimmy so, maybe if they brightened it up, you would watch it . No. Hell, no. I liked on the stage when the man dies, you know. I liked that. Jimmy okay. All right. No, not me. Jimmy you didnt like it at all . I didnt like anything of it. Jimmy well, we have one more clip of you guys watching it. Lets take a look at that action. What kind of animal is that flying . Now im getting hungry. Im all numb. Is that the end . Hurray. Thank god its gone. He doesnt want us to see this over again. Ill die first. Jimmy so, you didnt like it. So, i was going to ask if you want to watch another episode. Maybe we could send you to see the new teen age mutant ninja turtles. Okay. Jimmy if you go see the movie and tell us whether its good or not and whether we should go watch it . No, i dont want to watch anything. Jimmy i think weve lost them but well get grandma and ginga back. [ applause ] thank you, ladies. All right, thank you, grandma and ginga. Jimmy tonight on the show music from Josh Abbott Band. From Silicon Valley Thomas Middleditch is here. And well be right back with megan fox. The new ford escape. We are the utility. Be unstoppable. Jimmy i know you have a concussion but because youre not drinking tonight, youre more coherent than you usually are. [ applause ] jimmy a very funny actor from the very funny show sillicon valley Thomas Middleditch is here. And Josh Abbott Band is here. And special programming, game one of the nba finals on abc. So, mariah carey, jimmy butler and a new all nba edition of mean tweets thursday night here on please join us for that. Our first guest was a typical girl until she was bitten by a radioactive fox. She skouers the sewer nucinja turtles. Out of the showers. Oneale. Jimmy please welcome meagan fox. [ applause ] jimmy can i just say my whole life i wanted to slide under a door just as it was about to close with some sort of villains on the other side. Is that as good as it looks . That wasnt me. They had me on a piece of plexiglass and very gingerly pulled me with a fan blowing my hair. Jimmy so, you dont do your own stunts . I do but not that one. Jimmy you were just here and now bam, a babys in there. I was already in my second trimester, i just had on three pairs of spanx and really harnessing that in. Cozy, warm, totally safe. Jimmy do you feel like you lied to me coming out here pregnant and not indicating it do you feel i owe you that sort of intimate referimation. Jimmy im going to be Vice President. Who is your president . I dont require a president. Then why dont you just run for president . Jimmy i figured id take baby steps toward the white house and this is the first. You have two sons. 3 and 2. Jimmy do you they whats about to happen . Ive shown them with a baby doll how its going to turn upside down and where its coming out. Jimmy oh, they do . They know. They know all that. The little one, body thinks its funny youre going to feed a baby with your boobies. Jimmy that is funny, in a way. They dont know. They think it sounds normal. Jimmy the attti shift . The older ones aware but hes excited. Jimmy your baby talks to you from the inside . Well, not like you hear an audible voice, but i feel like you receive messages from the child if youre open to it. Jimmy like get me a pizza . No, i mean, they dont have teeth. That would be a challenge. Things like this baby wanted me to live somewhere else. So, were moving to a whole different place in los angeles, because i feel like thats where this baby wants to be raised. Jimmy for real . Yeah, and i feel the baby is telling me its elon musk. Like, a super genius. Jimmy well, if this baby is able to convince you to move out of your house, it is a super genius or a realtor. It might be a baby realtor you have. Have you seen your baby on a bus benc jimmy so, when you tell bryan austin green, your husband, the baby wants us to move, does he go, let me talk to the baby . No, he trusts me at this point because ive made so many good calls calls. I know it sounds crazy like im a lunetic. Jimmy yes. I mean, no not at all. Ill always listen. Jimmy but moving is a big thing. I dont think an infant is going to say not this one, we need the one down the street. Jimmy the little one might say i need to live in sleeping beautys castle. We cant make magic happen, but do y children when they ask you for things they want . Jimmy no, but if they told me we need to move, id say is a ghost in the house . I feel i would thrive in that environment as opposed to this one. Jimmy i would hit them right in the head. We dont use words like thrive in my family. Its not one of our words. Well, congratulations. Thats very exciting and you look very beautiful as well. [ applause ] is it easier this time . Its easier because ive had a baby every other year since 2012. Your body gets usesed to it but with the first one i was really afraid something was going to go wrong and the second one was so soon after the first, it was all a blur and this one im a little more relaxed, but because i know how much it hurts and as were getting closer, i do still get nervous about that because that jimmy i know. Oh, do you know . Jimmy you know how i know . My wife tells me every three days. But i think if its that bad , u id have one and no more. Well, i guess you forget, in furtherance of the human race. I have no middle name yet. Were still searching. Jimmy now, guillermos got a hopper over there. The first balls are what . What are in there . This is first names. Jimmy bird names. Yes. Jimmy and the second is candle scents. Okay. So, if you really want to leave this to the gods. Okay. Jimmy this is the way to do i mean, really. Jimmy go crazy. There we go. All right. Read the bird name first. Tucan. Mountain lodge. Jimmy megan fox everybody. Teen age mutant ninja turtles. Age mutant ninja turtles. whispers rocket mes water just starts falling out of the sky. En water freezes, ople play on it. When it bubbles, people sit in it. When it moves, people slide down it. And smart people, like this person, say theres about to be even more water. Theres about to be even more water. Ok, smile. In fact, theres so much water out there, why in the world would you get a phone that cant get wet . Ok, try again. The new waterresistant galaxy s7 edge. New premium carved turkey at subway. Its ovenroasted just right. Sliced thick, tender, juicy, just the way you like it. And it tastes even better with fresh veggies and applewood smoked bacon. Our new carved turkey and bacon sandwich. Subway. Fresh is what we do. Innovative sonicare technology with up to 27 more brush movements versus oral b. Get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. Innovation and you. Philips sonicare. Save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america. See, we can agree. Reat. Honey, its called a barber shop quartet. No finally, something the whole family can agree on. Oscar mayer deli fresh ham made with pure honey for a taste everyone will love. Y. Oh, no problem. This is the nicest Ride Sharing Service ive ever been in. Im so comfortable. I could take a nap right now. So, our rates are a little bit different. Okay we charge by the amount of gas consumed. Ooh since we traveled 4. 43 miles, and this chevy malibu offers an epa estimated 47 miles per gallon city. Your total is. 20 cents. both noo way. I can afford that 23 cents. Do you have a quarter . Hahaha the all new 2016 chevy malibu hybrid. Its just so smart. Hey there, can i help you with anything . Hey siri, whats at ts latest offer . Oh, i dont think that siri can. Right now, switch to at t for an iphone and get one free. Wow, is that right . Yeah, its basically. Yes. That is the current offer from at t. Okay siri, you dont know everything. To call you the at t hostess with the mostest. Okay, shut her down. Turn it off. Right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. Jimmy welcome back. Thomas middleditch and Josh Abbott Band are on the way. But before that, our own guillermo has been volunteering recently doing some very good work at the Cheetos Museum thats right, there is a Cheetos Museum and guillermo has arranged a tour especially for you. Welcome to the Cheetos Museum. Thats me right there. This is a cheeto snack is a dog with two legs. Very interesting. This looks like a tiny saxophone, but its not. Its a a cheetah saxophone. I know. [ ooh, aah] a flamingo. A sail boat. A fax machine. Evolution. My mother in law. I dont looike this one. And our crown jewel, a cheetah snack in the shape of a crown. Weve been robbed. [ alarm] announcer this summer find, save and submit the unique shapes you find in your cheetos for a chance to win 50,000. Jimmy well be right back with Thomas Middleditch. You get outta here . Im gonna have some fun what do you consider fun . Fun, natural fun. Yeah, we rocking right now. Its a party over here. Hey im in heaven owww. A car that could stop for you. Nissan safety shield technologies, available in the altima, sentra and maxima. Todays the day oh look creepy gloves for my feet. When i was a kid there was a handle. And a face. This is nice. Does it come in a california king . Getting roid rage. Hemorrhoid. These are the worst, right . Im gonna buy them. Boom. Ill take them. Impulse buy. Ommmmmmmmmmm. Presenting the American Express blue cash everyday card with cash back on purchases. Its all happening. And no annual fee. Here we go cash back on purchases. Backed by the service and security of American Express. Cash back on purchases. Yyoull love it as a grown up. Its time for a spaghettogether only at olive garden. Enjoy a new deep dish spaghetti pie topped with chicken alfredo a new spaghetti infused with flavor. Or, create your own with your choice of 5 homemade sauces. With unlimited salad and breadsticks. Why not give them a twirl . Lets make spaghetti fun again. Olive garden. Were all family here. If youve ever been lured in straight talk. By a low price wireless plan then theres not enough highspeed data or your bill is packed with overages and mystery fees. Stop falling for it with straight talks unlimited plan, you get americas largest, most dependable 4g lte networks. No contract, no tricks. And five gigs of highspeed data for just fortyfive dollars a month. Its time to ask yourself. Why havent i switched . Get a Samsung Galaxy s7 or bring your own phone. Find out more at straighttalkswitch. Com jimmy our next guest is a very funny gentleman with a name like a character from downton abbey. He stars on the great show Silicon Valley. It airs sunday nights on hboplease welcome Thomas Middleditch. [ applause ] jimmy wow. If megan fox gets a load of that, shes going to go right home with you. Thats the dream. Jimmy you road this hear, i heard . Yeah, i live pretty close. Im a hollywood cat. Jimmy how far will you go with Something Like that . You cant go too far. Theres a limited range. Silver lake once to inspect various arm tattoos and fidoras. Or you could bring your charger. Its very convenient. You notice i have a horn. Chrome grips. Deck tape. Jimmy this is something you got from someone on the show . I see, because the show is tech oriented, you get a lot of stuff . We get some gadgets. We actually all got these gadgets and you have a photo. Jimmy i have a photo of the whole cast with their scooters. And matching jackets. Jimmy for the most part. And this is something do you all ride them around . We got these scooters and then i left andll in the middle of discussing, pretty much demanding that we all have matching jackets, because that would be cool. Jimmy awesome, yeah. So, were deciding whats it going to say on the back . And it was agreed upon it should say rude boys on the lot. Because apparently were the rude boys and were on the sony lot. Were so not rude though. Weve scooted around and within two minutes, the security is like you cant use those bicycles only. And instead of screw it, were rude. Were like, ill put them back. Jimmy thats scootertype behavior. By the way, i love the show. Its so very funny. [ applause ] is it really your first big show youve been on . Jimmy well, you do a great job on it. Id never seen you before the show and i was like who is that guy . Its this. Yeah, small town canadian. Jimmy i dont know what goes on in sillicon valley but i watch the show and sunday night its so specific, those Little Details or things you pick up from people as you meet them or is it entirely scripted out for you . All the specifics and nods to the sillicon valley, that is a big hats off to the writers. Theyve got consultants and people they pillfer stories from and in 2urterms of where richar comes from, ive dabbled in the nerdy arts from time to time. I may know what a computer is. Jimmy have you ever built one on your own . Yes, jimmy oh, thats serious then. Youre from british columbia. In the mountains there. And my parents are expat british people, if you couldnt guess it by Thomas Middleditch, born out of a Charles Dickens novel. Very downtown abbey. I grew up with all types of pies. Jimmy what did your parents do for a livinliving . My mother was teacher and my dad was a principal. I got in trouble for hiding under a curtain and he was like [ in british accent] my own son . He made me my own lines, like i will not hide jimmy from his point of view, how difficult it would be to have your o the curtains. Of all things. Thats a pretty rude thing to do. Maybe this rude is going to stick afterall. Who is that bad kid in the curtains, Thomas Middleditch, hes going to skip out of school. Never did. Perfect attendance. Jimmy when people send you the stuff, besides this, do you use any of it, or just give it away to your assistant or anything . Is there anything you would like to request . I would like a hot air balloon. My own private zepline. Jimmy i heard youre a big fan of the bachelor does it extend to the bachelorette. Chad. Hes a cartoon villain. I hope he stays around for so many more episodes, poor guy. Jimmy i was so mad he got a rose but of course you want him to continue on the show. He makes good points. All these people im going to get jimmy youre going to side with chad . I kind of do. Theyve met the person for five minutes and theyre like, hes just so mazing and i feel like im falling in love all over again and youre like you dont know the person and chad is the only one like i call bull jimmy did chad say that . You need to rewatch last nights episode. That was his whole game . Jimmy really . Because i thought his game for sure. Thats also part of his game and pointing at people in their face. Jimmy what about daniel . The side kick . Hes a bummer. First episode and gets super drunk and diving in the pool. Of course, hes the canadian guy. I was so bummed out. Theyre like, youre Getting Started drinking and hes like, oh, aye, right on, buddy. Youre killing me, daniel. Jimmy well, it was very nice to meet you. Jimmy Thomas Middleditch. Silicon valley airs sundays at 10pm on hbo. And when we return music from Josh Abbott Band. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by samsung. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by samsung. Jimmy i want to thank megan fox, Thomas Middleditch and apologize to matt damon, we nightline is next, but first their album is called front row seat. Here with the song wasnt that drunk Josh Abbott Band. She said to take a left small talk and old friends catching up on how youve been that smile i missed damn its good to see you again i bought you a drink and i asked you to dance after a couple more rounds you were holding my hand next thing you know were closing it down cab back to your house i know we were laughing saying whatever happens we can blame it on the wine when the sun comes up if youre thinking its because we were drinking well that dont mean that it dont mean much cause it did and it does the truth of it is i wasnt that drunk carly pierce, everyone. I was tipsy when you kissed me but that aint why i kissed you back ill be honest ive wanted to do that to do that do that oh so long and oh so bad then last night it happened so fast id do it over i wouldnt think twice cause lying here sober it still feels right i know we were laughing saying whatever happens we can blame it on the wine when the sun comes up if youre thinking its because we were drinking well that dont mean that it dont mean much cause it did and it does the truth of it is i wasnt that drunk i want you to know of the moment i know we were laughing saying whatever happens we can blame it on the wine when the sun comes up if youre thinking its because we were drinking well that dont mean that it dont mean much cause it did and it does and the truth of it is i wasnt that drunk oh i wasnt that drunk ooh [ applause ] this is nightline. Tonight, the fallout from the killing of a 450 pound endangered guerilla to save a toddler. New details on the investigation. The online mom shaming and many wondering did the silverback have to die . Not happy with donald trump . For Hillary Clinton, could this be a moment for the third party to rise up . Meet the libertarian. Go inside the Libertarian Convention but are they more burning man than commander and chief. She lost her arm in a shark attack and was back on the water in less than a month and now shes crushing the waves
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