Relaxing labor day weekend. I have to say its always kind of sad to me, labor day weekend. Summers over. Goodbye fun sandals and flirty tops. Hello pictures of kids wearing backpacks on facebook. I dont know. How can summer be over . I havent had time to figure out what my summer jam is yet and its gone. Guillermo, what was your summer jam . Did you have one . Guillermo no, what is a summer jam . [ laughter ] Jimmy Guillermo thinks jam is a sweet potato, its confusing. I was bummed we had a threeday weekend. Did you see donald trump dancing at the Gospel Church . Donald trump this weekend as part of his new initiative to woo africanamerican voters visited the Great Faith Ministries Church in detroit. He said he was there to listen. I dont know what he was listening to but based on his dancing, it clearly wasnt music. [ laughter ] here it is. This is beautiful. Just enjoy. Ever be. He is just trying to go with the flow. But it looks like hes protecting himself from a penalty kick for most of this video. There he is. Now he doesnt know what to do with his hands so he just kind of oh, clapping. Not even attempting to clap with the beat. Just clapping. After three weddings youd think hed have learned how to dance. I bet if you asked him if hes a good dancer hed say, yeah, im the best, nobody dances like me. Its true, nobody does dance like that. Although as white as that was, and it was very white, that i can tell you, it still is only the secondwhitest thing a republican candidate for president has ever done by a long shot. Number one is still very much this. Who let the dogs out, who, who . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we still dont know who let the dogs out. Those were simpler times, they were. So trump was at this church this weekend with omar rossa and dr. Ben carson, aka the two black people he knows. Watch ben carson by the way. While trump is being carried away by the holy spirit, ben carson is on his phone. Tapping away. Trying to catch a pokemon or something, i dont know. He explained later he was texting god to let him know what was going on. A lot has been made of what a gift to comedy and comedians donald trump has been but i feel ben carson, if wed had a chance to get to know him, he might have been number one. In order for our country to be great again, every aspect has to be great. Including our inner cities. And we just saw mr. Trump here. I asked him how did it go . He said great, he learned a lot of things. What do you think he took away . Oh, my luggage. Hold on. Okay. Looks like dr. Carson is going [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats how everyone should end every interview. I can watch four hours of ben carson running after his luggage. I could watch a whole ben carson run off for luggage channel. Meanwhile Hillary Clinton claims shes really concerned that russian president Vladimir Putin is trying to interfere with our election. She said, if you find a turtle on a fence post, it didnt get there by itself. Dr. Phil ire going to ask him what the hell that means. [ laughter ] the race is tightening between trump and clinton. On Good Morning America donald trump weighed in on why he doesnt think Hillary Clinton looks like a president. Youve talked about Hillary Clintons stamina. Youve said she doesnt look president ial. I really do believe that. What do you mean by that . I just dont think she has a president ial look. You need a president ial look. You have to get the job done. She would have had a total failure, we had a big success. Sometimes i think mike pence is just excited to be traveling on a private jet. Trump and company keep pushing this idea Hillary Clinton isnt healthy enough to be president. She spoke to reporters on her plane. Instead of her health she chose to focus on the putin issue. He doesnt particularly care whether putin and the Intelligence Services attack american institutions. So can i have some water . Thank you. Thanks. Excuse me. Ill be right there. Jimmy she seems fine to me, i dont know. [ laughter ] jimmy thanks, obamacare. But if they do get the job, this is the kind of stuff either clinton or trump will have to look forward to. President obama is in laos for the Southeast Asian summit, which sounds like fun just to start with. He had to cancel his meeting philippines because during a press conference yesterday, president Rodrigo Duterte has been fighting the drug problem in the philippines by killing everyone on the street, called obama a son of a whore and closed with this. We will continue and i will continue. And i dont give a [ bleep ] about anybody observing my behavior. Jimmy is it too late for trump to make this guy his running mate . Because that would be quite a ticket. [ laughter ] [ applause ] president duterte tried to reel it in, he said he regrets that calling our president the son of a whore came across as a personal attack. You see in the philippines, son of a whore is a term of respect. The host says, welcome, you son of a whore. Then youre supposed to say, thank you, you foulsmelling bucket of dog penis. So local customs can be tricky to navigate. I tell you what, we think our politicians are colorful, it is not so different anywhere else this is what the Deputy President of south africa personally brought before parliament. The other condom that had been introduced by government did not smell so well. It made a noise whenever it was used. Now through scientific development, we were able to develop a new condom which is called max. The max is for maximum pleasure. Maximum protection. And it does not make noise at all. [ laughter ] and it comes in different flavors. Jimmy oh, how nice wow. [ cheers and applause ] can you imagine joe biden making that speech . Unfortunately the two flavors are lentil and antelope. [ laughter ] by the way, the sign Language Interpreter really had to dig deep for that one. Abc we had the Season Finale of bachelor in paradise. It was a twonight finale. Last night they got tested for stds. Tonight was the results show. Believe it or not, they did make some love connections on this show. There were three wedding engagements. Three people got engaged on the show. And one of them, a guy named grant, whos on the bachelorette, and lace, who your is the fruit loop from the bachelor, came up with their couples name, grace, a combination of grant and lace. Then tgo on their bodies which was really their secondbiggest mistake just after getting engaged on the show bachelor in paradise. To me paradise would have less axe body spray. This is an Interesting Development for older americans. A lot of senior citizens, not all, but a lot have trouble with smartphones and apps. That sort of thing. Uber and lyft, the ride share services, are launching programs specifically targeting older customers. They came up with a way to use their Service Without having to its called a telephone. Its an exciting new development. [ laughter ] but finally a car service that targets older drivers instead of their cars targeting us. Thats an exciting thing. Google is now getting into this Transportation Business too. They have to be involved in everything. And so theyre currently testing out a new service that would directly compete with uber. Apparently google engineers got concerned there was a time of the day when they couldnt see what everyone is doing, which is while were in our cars. This should help to close that gap. Google versus uber, although they could form a mega Company Called goober like grace and lace and get a tattoo. With this new ride service, google is using detailed analytics, they know a lot about us, to give customers what theyre calling the ultimate in rideshare convenience. Hey, dave. Yes . Im the google driver, lets go. You dont want to be late for kickboxing. I didnt order a car. You dont have to. Our powerful analytics lets us know exactly when you need a ride, no waiting. How do you know i have kickboxing . At google we know everything about you. Pineapple Coconut Water . Yeah, thanks. Love this stuff. We not only know where you are and where youre going, we know where you should be going. For instance, were not going to kickboxing. Were not . Uhuh. Google fitness has determined a more balanced workout, resistance training and dynamic re to someone with your mild to moderate level of obesity. Thank i guess. No problem. Oh, by the way, we canceled your reservation at outback steakhouse. Blooming onion is the last thing you need. My girlfriend loves it. Its just okay, she just dumped you, check your gmail. Ill see you in one hour. Oh my god remember, stretching, not kicking. Stretching. Google driver. Were all up in your [ bleep ]. Its part of google health. Thank you. You bet. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we need to take a break. When we come back from the break, we asked pedestrians to attempt to decipher the lyrics to the song panda by desiigner who is our guest tonight. Oh, look at that. Thats dave salmoni with a leopard . I dont know animals that well. The great dave salmoni too, well be right back [ cheers and applause ] . . Whatcha got there . New cheezit sandwich crackers made with real cheese ummmm. Sammiches sandwich with a d sammich. Sandwich Sammich Sammich see ahahaha we take time for our cheese to mature, in our new cheezit sandwich crackers. Sammiches. I had that dream again that i was on the icelandic game show. And everyone knows me for discounts, like safe driver and paperless billing. Oh, its like my father always told me put that down. Thats expensive. Of course i save people an average of nearly 600, but whos gonna save me . [ voice breaking ] and thats when i realized. Im allergic to wasabi. Well, i feel better. Its been five minutes. Talk about progress. [ chuckles ] this is the story of how mr. Bonejangles met his match. Mr. Bonejangles was always looking for something. But he never found it. Until one day. Seven in dog time. Exactly what he didnt know he was looking for fell right in his lap. Was he expecting the perfect toy at an amazing price . No, of course not, hes a dog. But thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, but you know youre gonna love it. Marshalls. Your surprise is waiting. Ill have that goat cheese garden salad. That gentleman got the last one. Sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. Can i keep the walnuts . Sold. But i get to pick your movie. Can i pick the genre . Yes, but it has to be a comedy. A little cash back on the side. With the blue cash everyday card from American Express, its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of American Express. Its more than cash back. . . . One smart choice leads to the next. . The new 2017 ford fusion is here. Its the beauty [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back to the show. Andy samberg and music from desiigner is on the way. First, dave salmoni is bunch of animals. He rents animals from a rental house. Tonight daves going to show us a golden eagle, a panther chameleon, a buffalo, i think a teen wolf, and [ laughter ] dave is backstage right now with what we saw just before the break. [ cheers and applause ] what is this animals name . This is tucker. Hes a red kangaroo. Jimmy is that a captain kangaroo or a regular one . Im not sure hes a captain, i dont think hes been on a boat yet. Jimmy is that a special leash designed for kangaroos . Specifically for this one, yes. Jimmy dave smuggled tucker from australia in his luggage, this is a coup. Dave, well see you soon. Id like for once if you could come out not bleeding. That would be i cant make that promise. Jimmy that would reassure me that everythings okay. Doesnt look like thats going to happen. Dave salmoni. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its always exciting doing the show. Its especially exciting on a happen, one of us could get killed. We could all get killed for all we know. So this is why i get nervous when there are wild pets around. This is from a local cbs news in boston who id like to thank in advance for providing us with this evenings special alligator edition of excellence in reporting. Come a little closer. Do they know hold him tight, hold him tight, tight i am, i am [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that will be me later tonight as the animals come out. Also tonight music from a rapper named desiigner who [ cheers and applause ] not only is he a rising star in the world of hiphop, his big hit song panda is insanely kids love this song. I had three parents ask if they could bring their children to the show tonight. I guess its because the songs called panda. But the song really isnt about pandas. [ laughter ] right . Does your son benji like panda . Guillermo no. Jimmy he doesnt . Guillermo no, he doesnt. Jimmy youre a lot of help tonight. Lets try that again. Does your son benji like the song panda . Guillermo oh, yeah, he love it. Jimmy thank you. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy you know. Well send you to an improv class. Guillermo sure, whatever. Jimmy anyway, the words of the song go by so fast its almost impossible to understand. In order to educate parents who might be listening to this with their kids, we went on the street this afternoon, we played the song for pedestrians, we asked them to interpret the lyrics for us. And heres how that went. . Panda panda panda panda those. Are you ready . . Panda panda panda panda . . I got broads in atlanta . Uh rounding c. . Panda panda panda panda . . I got broads in atlanta . I got broads in the morning . Pocket swole. Simbo. Making a modular run. What . Making a modular run . Peggy school. Chipper. Macy. High school. Slip off. Yeah, i cant say that. What was he saying . [ bleep ]. Sorry. . What was that . Rrr if you had to summarize the song, whats it about . Note panda panda . Oh this guy works in the bank, right . Scan the credit cards . Something like this, right . Panda, i got broads in atlanta. I got broads in atlanta your broads in atlanta . No, i got a broad in gardena, her names mercedes. Nice. Say hi to mercedes. Mercedes, whats up, baby . Panda panda . Jimmy that cleared it up. Music from desiigner, dave salmoni, wild animals are here, and be right back with andy samberg [ cheers and applause ] . Woah youre not taking these. Hey, hey, hey youre not taking those. Woah, woah youre not taking that. Come with me. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Even when were not there to keep them safe, our Subaru Outback will be. vo love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Hold onto your forks. Endless shrimp is back at red lobster. That means you get to try as much as you want. Of whatever flavors are calling your name. Seriously. Like new garlic srirachagrilled shrimp. Its a little spice. A little sizzle. And a lot just right. And try new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. And the classic. Handcrafted shrimp scampi. You cant get enough of . Still gonna floor you. It may be called endless. But that doesnt mean itll last. Discover card. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. O dog give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh to dog im so proud of you. Well thank you. Get your free credit scorecard at discover. Com. Even if youre not a customer. Scalpel. I never went to college. scream i dont do blood. But now, thanks to cigna, i can do more than just look the part. Is that a foot . We are the tv doctors of america. And were partnering with cigna to help save lives. By getting you to a real doctor for an annual checkup. So go, know, and take control of your health. Doctor poses. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, there. Welcome back to the show. Tonight, the host of the new here. Dave brought a whole arkworth of animals, including a kangaroo, a golden eagle, a panther chameleon and a 2,000pound buffalo. Which is going to eat all the other animals at the end of the segment. Then, from brooklyn, new york, the man who gave us . Panda, . The song, not the animal. His latest is called . Tiimmy turner, . Desiigner from the samsung outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] theres a lot going on. Dr. Phil, pamela adlon, bastille. And later this week tom hanks, eddie murphy, lizzy kaplan, music from schoolboy q with e40 so please join us all this week. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is an emmy and golden globewinning entertainer with a funny show on fox brooklyn 99, it returns on the 20th of september, please welcome andy samberg [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you know, it occurs to me my luggage [ laughter ] jimmy how good is he . I mean, really. We were saying like he could just get out of my question with that. What do you really think about whats going on . My luggage jimmy imagine that occurring to him while hes doing brain surgery. I know, its so crazy. Jimmy it really makes you uncomfortable with just about everything. It makes me not want to get brain surgery even more. Jimmy i realize as you walk out here that you have cultivated now officially a look. You have a look. I do . Jimmy people could dress as you for halloween, yeah. Like a sweater and a shirt . Jimmy sweater, collared shirt. Like what your nephew would wear to a funeral. He doesnt have a suit. Jimmy doesnt have a jacket, yeah. But thats a big deal. Then you. Youve got a look. I like it. Ill take it. Jimmy you have no choice, youre it. This is it. Im like diane keaton. Jimmy yeah, you are. [ laughter ] youre like andy hall. Im andy hall. This is the andy hall look. Jimmy do you like animals . We have a lunch of them backstage you probably smelled and noticed. Yes. Mixed on animals. Jimmy thats how i feel about them. The ones li like. Jimmy we were talking about this, somebody mentioned you hosted shark week. I did, a few years back. I hosted shark week. Jimmy which is to me a terrifying proposition. Yeah. I think theres like a span of ten years where i said yes to everything. Jimmy oh, really, okay. [ laughter ] but that one . They asked and for some reason i was like, definitely that. They were like, well fly you to well shoot bumpers, which is the things they cut in between the shows. I was like, sure, great, lets do it. I got there. Theyre like, great, so were going to have you do the bumpers in the water. With sharks all around you. Jimmy you didnt know that beforehand . They might have mentioned it . I cant remember now. Better for the story if i didnt know. Jimmy sure, right. I didnt know jimmy you didnt know, oh, wow. That was wrong. They pulled the wool right over my eyes like so many sweaters i wear. So i get there. They like put chain mail on you. Like over your wet suit. Theyre like, this will protect you from the sharks. Its totally fine. Im like, really . Its safe . Totally safe. Jump in the water. I start reading the cue cards they have set up. Theyre like, well have you do it awhile then chum the water and have the sharks come. I was like, okay, great. I do it for like five minutes. Im like, okay, i think those are good, should we chum the and everyone on the deck is like, uh yeah, lets chum the water now. And i look around. And they had been chumming it the whole time. Jimmy oh. And there were sharks everywhere. It was like 40 reef sharks. Youre not exaggerating because we dug up the clip. Oh, yeah. Jimmy here it is. Reef sharks, theyre all around us. Well, theyre all around me. Theres another one right there behind me. In front of me. You cant see it but theres one holding the camera. Great job, rick [ applause ] [ laughter ] jimmy that is no good at all. Sketchy. As you can see, i was goofing it up. And then i finally finished. It got a little sketchy, like one of the sharks banged its nose into my chest. Im getting out i got back onto the boat, talking to the guy, i was like, that was scary but i had the he was like, oh, yeah, chain mail. Would totally take care of you. Theyll take a bite out of your arm or leg and tear it right off but it will stay in the chain mail, then we can reattach it. [ laughter ] jimmy is that really what the chain mail is . I was like, what the chain mail is a receptacle . They would put me in a big condom . Jimmy yeah, really. Oh my god. I was really at that point i was like, all right. Theres nothing i can do. Go but then, this is kind of a bummer. I heard months later that one of the experts that was with us was swimming in that same area and got attacked by reef sharks. Its not a joke. Jimmy in the chain mail . He lived, it was fine. No, no chain mail. But he got all gnarled up. Jimmy oh, no. I was like, so cool that i did that jimmy thats what i dont like about these animal segments is they reassure you everything is fine, and somebody gets eaten. Scared. [ laughter ] jimmy dont worry, hell protect us with his smile. He will. Hes got a brothers mcmullen vibe going on. Very ed burns. You guys will see. Jimmy i want to mention something. I feel like you did such a great job hosting the emmys last year. Oh, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy the negative is, now i have to host them the year after you hosted them. Oh, you guys. Jimmy which is an unfortunate situation for me. Its better to follow someone who pooches it bad. Jimmy it would be much better if you really screwed up, it would have been nice for you to do. Youll be fine. I had to follow seth and he was great. Youve done it before. Jimmy i have done it before it every time you get nervous. Were you nervous . Did you enjoy it at all . Both. I enjoyed it a lot but i was nervous. You forget how big the theater is. At least i did. Jimmy huge. They tell you millions of people are watching at home. Then you walk out, its like jimmy you know like every face is familiar to you from netflix or from your life. Yes. Jimmy kind of weird. Yeah. Jimmy like being at your own funeral in a way. I didnt think of it that way. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy death has become a major theme of this segment. Hopefully they wont look back and say, yeah, they were talking a lot about death before the buffalo killed them. Right before they died. They were really on message. Jimmy i think they knew something they knew they knew jimmy they had a sense what do you remember most about the party after. The after party. Jimmy really. That was really fun. Its cool. You know. When you host, you throw an after party. Which basically means everyone organizes a party and puts your name on the invitation. But its great because you get a drink sponsor. So sponsored by don julio tequila and everyones getting ripped. Jimmy right. And people from the show will come and hang out and the you never met mel brooks . Wow. Never met him. I love comedy and i have a lot of heroes but hes my alltime number one. Jimmy you meet a lot of great people. When you meet mel brooks, its a special thing. Youre like, you are the grandfather of everything i like. Jimmy what did he say to you . It was pretty sweet. He was like, hey, you did a great job on the show tonight. I said, thank you very much. He goes, you really diea because some of the jokes were great and some of them were [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] but you sold the ones that were [ bleep ] like they were great [ laughter ] [ applause ] im like, thank you, thanks so much. Jimmy thats pretty good. Then everyone laughed. Then i sat and talked awhile. People wandered off. Then two buddies, john mulaney and nick crowe, eyeballing mel wasnt he . Theyre like, yeah, yeah. Some of the jokes he told were great some of them were [ bleep ] but he told the [ bleep ] like they were great [ laughter ] john and nick like died laughing. And i was like, this son of a bitch just doubled down on the joke. It was like the most old pro thing id ever seen. Yeah, if youve got a winner, hammer it jimmy you will do that to some young comedian in 60 years. God willing. Will you stay for the animals . Because i think it would make me feel more comfortable. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. Jimmy also, technically, it splits my chances of being attacked in half if theres another person there. Got to play those odds. Jimmy andy samberg is here. The season premiere of brooklyn 99. And he has an animated movie called storks coming to theaters very soon. Be right back with dave and animals [ cheers and applause ] theres only two left, you should masterpass that, now. Hey dude. I masterpassed it. She sounds cranky. She wants her fruit chews. Masterpassed. Oh jane, youre getting a ticket. Whats with this one . Ive taken care of the check, its all masterpassed. Masterpassed it. I masterpassed it. That was fast. Because i masterpass. Hello. Hi. It was awarded most dependable midsize car by j. D. Power. It looks great. Wow what is happening . Oh my gosh, its going up but the malibus not the only vehicle that was awarded. This is mind blowing. The chevy camaro, equinox, and silverado hd were awarded most dependable as well. This is extremely impressive. 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Like their photo claims tool. It helps settle your claim quickly, which saves time, which saves money. And when they save, you save. Thats auto and Home Insurance for the modern world. Esurance, an allstate company. Click or call. Esurance does insurance a smarter way, which saves money. Which reduces red tape, which saves money. And when they save, you save. Thats home and Auto Insurance for the modern world. Esurance, an allstate company. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back. Andy samberg is here from brooklyn 99. Desiigner is on the way. When i am elected Vice President of these united states, we will i promise build a great wall on the Canadian Border to keep our next guest and his terrifying the new show pet nation renovation premiering september 17th on animal planet. Please welcome dave salmoni [ cheers and applause ] . Jimmy wow, thats dave, andy. The guy i was telling you about earlier. Jimmy, great to see you. Jimmy great to see you, how are you . Fantastic. This is a red kangaroo. Jimmy yeah, the same one from earlier. Jimmy no. You would . I would love to give him a treat. Jimmy i do have something over here. Licorice. Jimmy this is a red vine . A red vine. Come around. Jimmy all right. Bring one for andy as well. Jimmy i dont like the coming around part. Andy, a red vine . For me . Jimmy yeah. You guys can share it. Show to it him. His eyes are this side. Come on around. Jimmy its the feet that are dangerous, right . Here, give me that let me show you. Here. Hand it to him. Nice and close. This is not hard. Jimmy it is hard. Oh, he is cute. Very cute. While hes here jimmy he loves red vines . Thats weird. Give one to andy here. Same thing. Jimmy i thought you meant feed it to andy. [ laughter ] give me some of that yogurt. What i want you to do is squirt this on his paws. Yeah, andy. [ laughter ] what kind of show is this, sir . Bend over and squirt his paws. He sees it, now he wants it. Bend over and squirt this on his paws . [ laughter ] jimmy do it in a sexy way, too. All right. Squirt it there. There you go, thats enough. There you go. Now hes having his yogurt, he loves his yogurt. Jimmy wow. Here you go. Jimmy do we know this guy . Theyre friends. Jimmy i didnt know if your kangaroo was being stolen. Heres that. Put that somewhere over there. Jimmy ill put it over here. Heres what i got next. Thank you, sir. See the nards on that kangaroo . Jimmy i know have a seat. This is a panther chameleon. Come here, jimmy. Jimmy wow, look at that. Put your hands like that. Im going to hold jimmy these dont bite . [ laughter ] everything with a mouth will bite. You want to rest, put your elbow down. This hand. Jimmy see how relaxed i am . Aah, i feel better. Youre doing all the work now. Its a panther chameleon. What we know about chameleons is they can change color. You can see when hes excited, see that orange color . Thats the color he gets when hes excited. Jimmy why is he excited . Hes calming down, hes jimmy should we give him yogurt . I dont think he needs yogurt. He eats bugs. Jimmy he looks like when you commission the artists to paint something, it looks like somebody did this chameleon. Why a panther chameleon . Because he stalks his prey. Jimmy what kind of prey . [ laughter ] can i put him on your shoulder . Jimmy bugs . Ive got a signature look running i dont want to mess up. Jimmy is it possible to own a less zard like this and not be a weirdo . I dont think so. Except for the gentleman who just gave me the guy whos going to come take him. You know this guy . Hes going to take our chameleon, the guy we just insulted. Jimmy okay, yeah, great. Ill see you at the park. Next, guys. I need this. Im going to jimmy oh, wow. Look at that. Now this jimmy so much bigger than i imagined it would be. This is a golden eagle. North american golden eagle. Jimmy oh, wow. Im going to sit down nice and gentle. Wait a minute hi. I think the first thing you notice is how big these guys are. Jimmy he is big. One of the biggest jimmy why is he looking at me like that . He looks at everybody like that. Youre a good guy, how are you . The one thing that i always like to point out, the reason why im wearing this glove, they have very, very strong talons. Those feet, big hooks. Thats when he uses to hunt. He can hunt anything, small deer. Jimmy really. Rabbits. Whatever. Jimmy he just picks the deer and up carriesof sometimes hell just come down, use those feet to kill prey, and sit over it. Jimmy why is he yelping in that terrifying way . Hes making that noise because he thinks hes a baby, hes asking for food. Hey, throw me some food. Jimmy really . Throw me some food. Jimmy why dont we . Hes got a red vine guy. Jimmy hes not. Would he eat a hamburger . He would. Jimmy that would be the most american thing ever, a golden eagle eating a hamburger. [ laughter ] hes a carnivore, would probably like the hamburger better. [ laughter ] jimmy his hair went up. Yeah, he just told me hed like to see his dad. Jimmy oh, really. Whats that . A warning we just got . Yeah, he puffed his fur up in the back. Jimmy lets take a break. When we come back weve got a 2,000pound animal. No kidding. [ cheers and applause ] dave salmoni is here, andy samberg. Well be right back [ cheers and applause ] . Hold onto your forks. That means you get to try as much as you want. Of whatever flavors are calling your name. Seriously. Like new garlic srirachagrilled shrimp. Its a little spice. A little sizzle. And a lot just right. And try new parmesan peppercorn shrimp. Helloooo crispy goodness. And the classic. Handcrafted shrimp scampi. You cant get enough of . Still gonna floor you. It may be called endless. We are a military family. Ur years when we got restationed you think its going to be the biggest change in your life but theres always more changes to come. The first thing that we would do when we would get into our new place was set up the beds. And when i go to t. J. Maxx i buy good quality things that are going to last a long time. Everything i get there, i get at a lower price. Shopping at t. J. Maxx is always like a bonding experience. Discover real value worth sharing. I just think that home, its wherever your family is. Maxx life at t. J. Maxx. Whatcha got there . Ummmm. Sammiches sandwich with a d sammich. Sandwich Sammich Sammich see ahahaha we take time for our cheese to mature, in our new cheezit sandwich crackers. Sammiches. Man, im glad aflac pays cash. Aflac isnt Major Medical enough . No whos gonna help cover the holes in their plans . Aflac like rising copays and deductibles. Aflac or help pay the mortgage . Or child care . Ay expenses . Aflac learn about one day pay at aflac. Com boat blurlbrlblrlbr . Its here. The amazing new iphone everyones excited about. And tmobile is the best place to get it. Your iphone deserves a network built for unlimited data for everyone. So you can use your new iphone 7 to. Stream. Watch. Work. Now when you go unlimited with tmobile one get iphone 7 on us. Only at tmobile. Hi welcome to the katy kat collection. My new mascara katy kat eye its the allday 360 cat eye ten times volume, darkness and no smudging katy kat eye and new katy kat matte lipstick from me and easy, breezy, beautiful covergirl alright, hows this for a tv show. Ht. Also, his name is sous. No. Sloppy joseph. A middleaged man whos trying to get his life together, but he cant hes to sloppy. Huhhh no here you go. I got this. I get cash back so its like everythings on sale. With the blue cash everyday card from American Express you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Everythings on sale a Home Shopping show takes place on a sailboat. Thats the one banana boat dessert on me. Look at you being all lactose tolerant. Its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of American Express. Its more than cash back. crickets chirping . jet engine . heart beat . water splashing rain drops engine revving tires on wet road [ cheers and appe jimmy hi there. Welcome back. Andy samberg and dave salmoni are here. Dave is the host of a new show pet nation renovation. We go into needy shelters that are doing good work but are a little run down and we give them a full renovation. Jimmy youve combined the home renovation idea with pet shelters. Absolutely, were going theres a lot of people love dogs and cats. A lot of them need a lot of help. Jimmy do the animals help you renovate . Are they working . Monkeys with tools . They motivate the volunteers. Theres hundreds of volunteers because theyre all dog and cat lovers like i am. Its a great show. Its good people doing good things for animals. Jimmy very good. Its time for the big animal. Why dont you walk here with me, a safety thing, you dont bring the big animals. Theyre big animals, safe as i can. The one thing you dont want to do is walk behind this guy. Look how pretty. Look how amazing. Jimmy wow. This is pretty amazing. Jack our 2,000pound bison, or buffalo. I thought it would be bigger. [ laughter ] jimmy so bison and buffalo are interchangeable terms . Yes. In this case they are. Its not a true buffalo. Its a bison. But very often we just call them buffalo. What i want you to start with, this is the biggest animal ive brought to you, pet it. Touch him right here. Feel that fur. Jimmy okay. Hi. I mean you no harm. Those horns are one of his number one weapons. Jimmy one of his number one weapons . Of course. The other is the head. Get aggressive. One of my favorite things about these guys is the males get to hang out with the ladies. So all year round, the ladies dont like them because theyre too aggressive. The boys will form a bachelor herd. They hang out. They all wait. Right around the rut the biggest boy gets to hang out with the girls. Jimmy is that right . What do the other boys do . Dry hump each other . [ laughter ] they do whatever they have to. Yeah. Jimmy did you want to try to pet him . Oh, wait till andy finds out what we have planned. Oh, nothing. He can use a kleenex. I got deep inside his brains. Jimmy theres a lot of stuff in there. Is that just snot . Hes got a big tongue. Hes a grazer, eats grass. The tongue is big and impressive. He doesnt do any meat. Jimmy can we ride him . You cannot. Jimmy has anyone tried . People have. Youll see pictures of old rodeos, they used to ride these guys. But no. The reason jacks so nice, no one tries to jump on his back. Another fun thing about animals this. Pet the horns. Jimmy guillermo thank you very much, dave. Thanks to you, jack, for coming. I know this is probably not on your list of things to do today. Pet nation renovation september 17th on animal planet. Dave salmoni, andy samberg. Well be right back with desiigner [ cheers and applause ] . Dicky the jimmy kimmel d live Concert Series is presented by samsung. Jimmy thanks to andy samberg, dave salmoni, apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. Nightline is next. First here with the song timmy turner, desiigner . . Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah . Tiimmy, tiimmy Tiimmy Turner he was wishin for a burner to kill everybody walkin . . She [ bleep ] for bet wildin for wallet kill everybody walkin he knows that his . . Soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner he was wishin for a burner to kill everybody walkin . . He knows that his soul in the her walkin . For wallet kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul . . In the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy, tiimmy turti Tiimmy Turner young boy walkin . . . . Soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy Tiimmy Turner tiimmy . . Tiimmy turner eh, yeah he wish had a burner young [ bleep ] move and he kill with confirma . . You get hit, [ bleep ] left with earner choppa move, both want it . . You get hit down in both . Tiimmy turner he was wishin for a burner to everybody . In the furnace . Tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner . Tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner he was wishin for a burner to . He knows that his soul in the furnace on bet have her walkin . . Soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy Tiimmy Turner tiimmy . . He knows that his soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy Tiimmy Turner . . He was wishin for a burner to kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace . . Kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner . . He was wishin for a burner to kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace . . Kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner . . He was wishin for a burner to kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace . . On bet have her walkin she for bet wildin for wallet . . Kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy, tiimmy . He was wishin for a burner to kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace . . On bet have her walkin, she for bet wildin for wallet . . Kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner . . He was wishin for a burner to kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace . . On bet have her walkin, she for bet wildin for wallet . . Kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner . . He was wishin for a burner to kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace . Tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner . . He was wishin for a burner to kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace . . On bet have her walkin, she . Kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner . . He was wishin for a burner to kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace . . On bet have her walkin, she for bet wildin for wallet . . Kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the . He was wishin for a burner to kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace . . On bet have her walkin, she for bet wildin for wallet . . Kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner . . Kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner . . He was wishin foa kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace . . On bet have her walkin, she for bet wildin for wallet . . Kill everybody walkin he knows that his soul in the furnace tiimmy, tiimmy, Tiimmy Turner . This is nightline. Tonight, murder for hire . A College Professor gunned down by alleged hitmen. Hes got blood all over his head. Who were they working for . Policesy it could be his exwifes family. Theyre very angry wit undercover video from a sting operation. She has the paper, theyre walking away. Are Police Closing in . Sometimes it just feels like its flown by. Ellen pompeo takes us into the grey. After 12 seasons her characters life is as racy as ever. Are her days offcamera as steamy and dreamy . The leading lady talks motherhood and why she chose to extend her stay at seattle
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