[ male announcer ] go online to order now. How are you doing . Hot dog. That is none other than rap machine ger richard gun kelly. He appears extremely wasted. No. Ok. A little bit. Excellent. Plenty of time to talk about we asked about body have you ever taken a body shot off of a chick . Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever [beep] in a irls mouth . Its called a rager shot. Charming. I take vodka and spit it violently into a girls mouth. And they swallow it. I dare him to do that to me. I would throw up in his face. Are you sure it is not Machine Gun Kelly . It is Machine Gun Kelly. Very famous deejay. No, that is shotgun kelly. Did i make a mistake . Dont worry about it. So shot go gun machine gun damn it. You have me doing it now. Im not supposed to be talking to people now. Good call. What isoing on with machine guns car, man . He doesnt have a car. And so he walked off into the night to close this shotgun tom kelly. Whats up, baby . How are you doing, man, good to see you. We have piers morgan leaving london hotel in new york. Good friend of simon cowell. Your exboss simon cowell is in a little bit of trouble now. What are your thoughts about this whole thing . Well, im not the father. Youre not the father. That i can tell with you absolute certainty. So we say to him, why dont these guys wear condoms man, seriously . 53 years h why the hell simon cowell notti come on a condom t just had a vneck. [laughter] you. Thanks. Shess in lovelace. When you call dibs on a guy and the guy just is not feeling can another girl call dibs on the guy . Sure, why not . If the gu is not into it . The guy is youre going to make me feel bad if i dont go home with that girl . It happens all the time. I do just fine. I got a number. 555 all right. Thank you so much. Coming up we got tony hawk. His first skateboard was a hand e down from his older brother. Plus Dikembe Mutombo at the airport. There are rumors that he and patrick tmz online and on your hone 24 7. And now coolio mounts a chick and rides her like a horse. Yeehaw damn. Thats a very sturdy girl. Sturdy girl. Exactly. How do you tame this wild filly . Coolio was at a bar in oston. He starts whispering in her ear. She is nodding like she is into it. She is grinding on him. All of a sudden, he jumps on her back and starts riding her like a pony it. He does not miss a beat. After he jumps off, he gives her celebratory slap on the butt. Back to coolio. She loved it. He slapped her. And then she hurt her leg and they shot her. Hes kidding. She is fine. There is some power in those hindquarters. Yeehaw we got Bethany Frankel in she is founder of skinny girl cocktails. Is it ok for guys to drink skinny girl cocktails . Absolutely. Ifuys wa to have thin waistlines. No, they want to get laid. They dont say ill take a skinny girl. Well, it depends on who they want to get laid by. [laughter] thanks so much. Have a good one. How are you doing, today, man . Bow your heads, mortals, for a legend. Presence ofgod tony. And he has the awesome skateboarding game of all time. Actually, we meant tony hawks pro skater, but we love you late 1980s atari game. Is inys first skateboard the smithsonian. Ongside dorthis slippers, Indiana Jones you forget to mention one thing. That is not even your skateboard. I had my brothers permission. It was his first skateboard w hand me down from his older brother. Suspect that crazy . Yes. Not the least bit jealo of his brother. But his son. How about his son riley . He is crushing it right now. Is it he . That is awesome. Ok, that sucked. What we should have said is riley is a total hawk star. We should not have said that either. Have you seen his video . Jumping off of overpasses. It is incredible. Man, that is the best hawking ever. Sorry, stephen. You just slipped to number two. Thanks, tony hawk and riley hawk and riley hawk. Hey, man. We got johnny knoxville. Leaving swingers. You know, jack ass. I would not want to live here if there were no mexicans. No burritos, man. About bl people . I dont know what youre talking about. We would make fun or armenians more if swecked see through the hair on their face. [laughter] oh, my god. And now rihanna someone be jamming, man. We have no idea what we just said. We got rihanna. Where they celebrate their winter harvest. It is a big carnival thing. She gets all dressed up sexy and hot. Parties. Rihanna was killing it in barbados. Just like this video from the same festival two years ago. On the street, on all fours. Ass shaking in the air. Her friends all backing up behind her. The whole thing. Receiver are these locals that she goes back and cease . They are locals that she with. And then there are people running around. She is very down to earth there. Totally open to everyone. Except maybe this guy. Howe carnivals in these countries is naked chicks. Oh, it is not t sure, barbados hasalfnaked chicks, but. They may not be down on all ours, but we have fried orios. They are all like, they are all wasted. Awesome barbados. Come for the half naked drunk chicks. Stay for the half naked drunk chicks. So the u. S. Armyupset. Why . Basically the caption saidlo but we think it is disgusting that you allowed this chick to got upset by on it and they have removed that entire scene from the video. Who would be ok to masturbating on the flag . Kate upton. That i could handle. Betsy ross. Paul revere and betsy ross. I got Dikembe Mutombo at have you seen the commercial with him . Hes like no, no, no i ask him, do people always ask you to do the no, no . When you block as many shots as i have done i cant stop looking at his hands. His hands are so big, especially his middle finger. They judge your penis by your middle finger. They say not your feet, your middle finger. And its so big. I can use it as a belt. Its so long. Huge its funny. There are rumors that him and Patrick Ewing had compression shorts with a separate top for their dongs. Rumors around that say that. Theyre short. They might fall out the bottom. All of a sudden you have mushroom head around the basketball court. Blocking the shots. Everybody girl is like no, no, o oh, m thank you. Thanks. Coming up matt damon and his congratulations on the movie, man. He has this new movie out that is getting a ton of criticism. Rich people get to live in a paradise with no poverty and has to live on lionel richie. Did you see the lady gaga video and her medit the tmz tour of new york city. Were taking you to all the places where we have broken big celebrity news. Our state of the art buzz will take you where celebrities live, shop and eat. Where they play and drink. And drink more. Go through hot spots like time square, chelsea, the meat packing distribute. Tmztour n go to yc. Com. Youre all aboard the tmz tour, new york city. And now tmz presents congratulations, youre a scum bag starring the scum bag who tole James Gandolfinis rolex. James gandolfini had his watch stolen from his hotel room the day he died. He had it on the trip but did not have it at the hospital. D was in shock at the sudden passing of a passing legend, a dirt bag robbed him of his rolex watch. What would tony soprano say . Probably Something Like this here, let me pick it up for you. What are you screaming about . Its another operation. God, they knew how to beat people back then why would someone do this . Actually, several reasons. A, its an expensive watch. Its rolex. B, its James Gandolfinis. C, its the watch he was wearing when he died. And hes a huge star. You think theres a black market for dead celebritys watches . Ad celebrity watches. Com. That was the most effective offensive website name we ever registered just to be on the safe side. As for the ass face that stole James Gandolfinis timepiece, theres one thing to say org we hope you burn in helld a f we hop eyeballs melt so you cant tell time james u noh no shame for nice watch someone should take a sledgehammer to your crch youre am bag matt damon and his family. Congratulations on th, man. He has a new movie out where rich people get to live in this paradise. They and a. K. A. , the poor people live earth where it is crap. Have a good night, mr. Damon. One direction. The wanted. Two boy bands enter l. A. , but only one will leave completely wasted, and the winner is . Hello. Did you guys have a good time . No . Ok. The wanted tell them what they have come on. He tha british. So it is more like exactly. How did the boy bands wind up wasted outside a hollywood bar . It all started with the tmz hollywood tour. Sunset you know. Oh,ey, is that one direction is across the street. Awesome. But it gets even more awesome. The guys got some ladies. They ditched some ladies and they got super drunk. Super drunk oh, get it. It is like jaywalking, but running. Hilarious when you wasted at 2 00 a. M. They can get drunk. They are all adults. And they all made it back to the hotel. Even jay your mouth is watering because youre about to puke. World. When you start salivating. It is going to happen. Tmz, we drink until we puke sometimes. Good luck, guys oh, my go they are unveiling their fashion ine. I have to live the rest of my life with the kardashian the kardashians will outlive me. Thats even worse. Bruce jenner will you. Only parts of bruce jenner. [laughter] we lot lionel richie. Did you see that video of lady gaga meditating naked . He thinks about it for a econd. She is rubbing her all over hat thing. Oh thank you so much. Coming up so male model, michael claims he is actually the father of kourtneys son it is not seeping. It is pouring out. Plus solja boy doing very well. Carrying 2,500 and his bank tmz presents ginormous, earthshattering, mindexploding news. Scott disick is not the father of mason disick. What the dude in the stupid hat is claiming. He is who . To shoot with Kourtney Kardashian in 2008 which he claims led to a rendezvous in glendale, california, where you will find else in the country because glendale is a hotbed for armenians. Literally, there are armenians now in glendale then armenia. I actually believe his story now. Why . Because it happened in glendale. It is a city full of love and also packed mercedes. Armenians seem to like those. And a hookup with kourtney read here by guest voice jfk. We had unprotected vaginal sex and he ejaculated inside her vagina. And according to our research, that is how you make a baby. Youre going to court t to get custody. The weird thing is hes saying mason looks like me. Then hes saying kourtneys second kid doesnt look like mason. They look identical. Which means the cat in the hat is likely full of crap. Ut even still kou to have to take a d. N. A. Test. Not necessarily. The kid is 3. If the alleged parent does not make a claim, there are certain presumptions that are hard to jump over. Right, right. Thats all you will say . Yeah, yeah. Thats why we hired you we hired this guy in harvaor ye. Agreeing with you. Part of [laughter] its funny because its accurate. O good luck in your probably bogus case, hat guy, and be sure to visit glendale, where the motto is, hey, bro, you like my cologne . Thanks, armenia, we love you s actor johan earth leaving the cafe. He is from Resident Department evil. What comes to your mind when you hear the word twirk . I think the first one i ever saw on youtube was the twirk teen. Whoa damn girl think of a little girl mushroom with grass on it. [laughter] thank you. Have a good day. We got soulja boy. This kid is doing very well. You hold more stacks than chie is your boy. I hold a lot of bands, man. Hat, man. E point ofng hundreds. Having all that cash. I might see something i want to buy and i dont want to have to go to the bank or my car you know what im saying. What about a credit card . Why doesnt he pull out a credit card . If he got a credit card, he could get 2 back on that or miles. He could get miles because he doesnt have a jet. I could fly anywhere in the world at any time, 60,000 miles. No, you cant. 60,000 miles. Any time. Untrue. Check it out