Very annoying. But marc and abby . No strings. You know what they are . They are our new goto couple. Yeah. Its like we can call them up on a whim and boom were on a lear jet to monte carlo with the shmenkmans. Honey, their name is not shmenkman. Its shropshire. Shropshire . Shropshire. Too hard. Im stickin with shmenkman. [telephone rings] hello. Oh, hey, kel. Whats goin on . Oh, all right. Hold on a sec. Deacon and kelly wanna go out saturday night. They got a sitter. We got the shmenkmans on saturday. Is that definite . Well, they said 75 . Hit the mute. Ok. Hit it. I dont know where it is. There. Ok. Im gonna test it. [raspberry] it works. All right. So what about saturday night . What are we gonna do . Marc and abby gave us 75 , but if that falls through and we say no to deac and kelly, then we got nothing. All right, so what do we do . We gotta hold deacon and kelly until we know. Tell em were 75 sure we can do it. Carrie, the shmenkmans gave us 75 . We only have 25 to give. Well, were not gonna hold deac and kelly with 25 . Cheat it. Bump it up to 50. Kel . Yeah. Sorry about that. I. Saw a bird. Uh, anyway, about saturday night, um, were 35 sure we can make it. Hmm . Ok. Would it help if i said 40 . Ok, then well do it some other time, then. Would you please give them 50 . Huh . Oh. Ok, hold on a second. How about sunday brunch . Oh, yeah, there you go. Well do it here. Yeah, that sounds great, and well do it over here. Hmm . Oh, yeah, no. No, bring em along. Thats fine. Yeah, ok, mmhmm. Ok, bye. Theyre bringing the kids. What was i gonna say . Hang on to your hats, people. I got news. I was over at that newsstand that has papers from all around the country, and i grabbed myself an akron beacon. Take a gander at this. What am i supposed to be reacting to . Its a coupon for sergeant saltys deepsea corn loops. And should i be happy or. Sad . Happy. Its the greatest breakfast cereal known to man. When i was a boy, id pour myself a big bowl every morning and listen to the sergeant salty radio hour, where id be regaled with the adventures of sergeant salty and his trusty sidekick bugle dog. Well, im glad you found it, dad. Yeah. I thought theyd stopped making it when it came out that sergeant salty kept a Small Chinese woman locked in his basement. [telephone rings] hello. Oh, hey, abby. Oh, you cant make saturday . Thats too bad. Whats that . Uh, just hang on one second. Yeah. Now they want sunday brunch. Well, this is a fine mess. We gotta call deac and kelly and try to get saturday night back. And say what . Our better offer canceled . Thats like a slap in the face. You know what . Lets just all have sunday brunch. Good. Do that. Abby . Yeah, sunday is great. Well do it here at my house. Some other friends of ours are gonna join us. Is that cool . Ok, great. Well see you sunday at 11 00. All right. Bye, sweetie. Well, that worked out. Man, people are really into us. Hes one of those guys who leaves incredibly long messages on the machine. I come home, i gotta go to the bathroom, i hit the button, its like, aaay. Guy. Its bob how you doin . Gimme a call back. Im at. [speaking fast] [baby cries] oh. Oh, your baby is so adorable. Both your kids. Thank you. Actually, marc and i have been talking about whether its time to have one of these little guys ourselves. Kelly oh, really . Wow. You should do it. We think we might. Really . So soon . You guys have only been married 2 years. Havent had time to enjoy each other yet. Its true. Kids really do take over. We havent seen a movie in a theater in probably 6 months. We have no life. Were at the movies literally every night. On the other hand, theres something about it. Its like all my priorities changed the day we found out we were having kirby. And when they smile at you and call you daddy, ill tell you what, its the best. Oh, marc i know. Maybe its time. You know, having a baby really does ruin your body, though, abby. It. Except for you. Thanks. Can i hold him . Oh, sure. Watch out, abby. That ones a drooler. Hey there. Oh, look, marc. Hey there. Hello. I have very small feet. Hey, marc, whats the deal with capers, huh . I dont know. Ok, heres our home phone, my work phone, marcs work phone, our email, which is always the best way to reach us, and cell phone. Oh, great. Thanks. All right, guys. Thanks a lot. Sure. Youre welcome. See you tomorrow. All right. Byebye. Bye. Wow. Work phone, home phone, cell phone, email. Yeah, they really dont wanna lose touch, do they . Its good, though. Now our friends are friends with each other. Its nice when you can make that happen. Yeah, absolutely. Son of a bitch. They stole the shmenkmans. And you know what i walked out with . [ slurps ] [ dad ] a new passat. [ dad ] 0 apr. 60 months. Done and done. [ dad ] in that driveway, is a germanengineered piece of awesome. That i got for 0 apr. Good one, dad. Thank you, dalton. [ male announcer ] its the car you wont stop talking about. Ever. Hurry in to the volkswagen best. Thing. Ever. Event. And get 0 apr for 60 months, now until september 3rd. Thats the power of german engineering. This back to school, theres a new routine grab a kleenex tissue, to help keep your hands clean shield. Sneeze. Swish. Shield. Sneeze. Swish. La. La. La. La. [ female announcer ] only kleenex brand has sneeze shield in all their tissues. This back to school, kleenex everyday tissues with sneeze shield help keep stuff off kids hands. And now theyre thicker and more absorbent. It gets more and more entertaining every day. And once youve got verizon fios, thats when you get it americas fastest, most reliable internet takes your entertainment to ridiculous levels. I was streaming videos, movies, music. Once i realized how fast it was, thats when i got it. [ male announcer ] and now you can get it too. 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Sweet diggity [ripping cardboard] whoa you gotta sign here first. Oh, i see. So, thats how youre gonna play it, huh . Im not playing anything. You gotta sign it. Thats our policy. Well, you must think im a damn fool. I sign your fancy electric doodad, and you got me. Im in your computer, im on your list, and pretty soon, you know what videos i rent, and im considered a pervert. Im begging you. All right. Thanks. Schmarther schmooner. Ok. You beat the system. Douglas, get some milk and prepare to be delighted. Ok. Gotta use your hands, huh . You know, you can tilt the box. Thats the way most people go. Well, im not most people. Mmm. Ohh this is taking me back. Give it a try. All right. Theyre salty. And what part of sergeant salty didnt you understand . I understand what salty means. Its just not a great quality in a cereal. These were beloved by millions. I dont care. Cereal shouldnt taste like a slim jim. Sweet diggity. Are you ignorant. Hey, hon. Hey. Mmm. Whats in the box . A life supply of stinky loops. Good, good. So, listen, i just got off the phone with kelly, and its official she and deacon are going out with the shmenkmans. Really . Yup. Dinner. This saturday night. Aint that a kick in the chops . I knew we shouldnt have let them leave together after the brunch. We shouldve kept one couple here. Youre so right. We had them. We had them right here. What happened . Im sure your burping in the middle of brunch didnt help matters. Whoa. What just happened here . Are you blaming this on me . No. Im just saying it might be possible that not everyone enjoys a sausagey burp as much as i do. Which, p. S. , is not that much. Ok, yeah, yeah. And you telling them about your deviated septum surgery for 40 minutes, thats really what won em over. They asked. But you know what . Heres a nice little phrase you might wanna learn in the future its called long story short. Ok. And heres one for you no, thanks. Im full. Wow. Honey, im sorry. We shouldnt be turning on each other. This is just such a rough one. I mean, now weve lost the shmenkmans and deacon and kelly. Deacon and kelly, they were solid, you know . They werent flashy, but they got the job done. Hang on. We havent really lost anyone. Theyre just going out to dinner. Thats where it starts. First theyre going to dinner together, then theyre going to the movies, then theyre going on vacation together, and the next thing you know, were watching their slides from disney world and dying inside. I know that is so true. Is japanese ok . Oh, yeah. Theres a great place over on 58th. Maybe ill get udon. Ooh. Kim, right . Kim. Milner . Right. Accounting. You just started . Yeah. And youre, uh. Carrie heffernan. Im grossmans secretary. Oh, i thought i recognized you, and i was right. Hi hi. Gary milner. How are ya . Hi, gary. Would you guys like to go out tonight . I cant wait to see this. I hear kevin spacey is amazing. Hes always great. The mans a national treasure. Red hot, anyone . Oh, yeah, all right. Oh, great. Here you go. Whoa spicy. Speakin of spices, how about pepper, huh . You know when you go to a restaurant and the waiter comes around and asks if you want fresh ground pepper . I can never decide. Oh, yeah. Thats kinda true. And they do that with the parmesan cheese, too. Yes, yes, they do. Hes good. I can work with him. So, you guys thinking about having kids . What . You know, babies. Offspring . Were brother and sister. Hello, darlings. Its saturday night. Arent you going out . No. We dont have any plans. Deacon and kelly couldnt get a sitter . Actually, they did. Theyre just out with someone else. What about that other lovely couple you had over for brunch . They seemed like a lot of fun. Pack it down, ok . The lady said we had no plans. Ok ok cool your jets, eddie you know, dad, if you dont like those salty corn loops, you dont have to eat all hundred boxes. Has he been talkin to you . Have you been badmouthing my cereal . Yes. Its all i talk about. Well, i love this cereal. I love it. You may not because youre an angry man, but i love it. Ok. God bless. Enjoy. Oh, who am i kidding . Its disgusting. Besides which. Im so very thirsty. You know what . Maybe we would feel better if we just got out of the house. All right, yeah. What do you wanna do . I dont know. You wanna try out that new steak house . Do i wanna . You plus beef equals fun. Whoa. This place is nice. Youre right. The sweats wouldnt have worked. Table for 2 . Yeah. This way. Thanks. Oh, no. What . Theyre here. They took recommendation, and they used it behind our backs. Can you believe that . What do we do . Lets get out of here. Hey hey, man hey hi, you guys ohh whats going on, you guys . We just came by for some steak. And possibly a bloomin onion. We stole your little tip on this place. Sorry. Hey, wheres a cop, right . You want to join us . We could squeeze in. No, no. You guys already have your food. No, dont be silly were having a little romantic celebration, anyway. Its dougs. Halfbirthday. So you guys enjoy, ok . Ok. All right, man. Uncomfortable i know maybe we should sit down with them. No. Carrie, they asked us to sit down. Yeah, it was a pityask, ok . They dont really wanna sit with us. Ha ha ha ha ha ha do you hear that . Every laugh is another inside joke were not a part of. I think we should go back in there. You think so . Yes lets go over to the table, kick it up a notch, and show them were the fun, great couple we know we are. And we are, damn it. Were the heffernans weve got. Heffervescence. Lets go. Hey, changed our minds. Decided to join you. And we come bearing bread. Well scooch over. Thank you. So, wassup, meateaters . Oh this is like a sunday brunch reunion, right . Ha ha yeah, right. Ready to order . Maam . Im gonna have the salmon. Whoa fish in a steak house. What is she, a witch . Get her i think she is. Witchy hey, the porterhouse is really good, man. Is it, really . Ok, then porterhouse it is. Actually, porterhouse sounds like a lot. How about a porterhut . Ha ha ha ha ha ha thank you very much. All right. Ok. So, what is going on over here, huh . Heard a lot of laughing. Abby . Actually, i was just telling these guys that marc and i have definitely decided to have a baby. Oh thats great. Yeah way to go, you two you wanna hear Something Weird . Uh, carrie and i have decided to have one, too. Abby really . Yup yup race ya ha ha ha ha ha ha you know theyre gonna start expecting me to grow a big belly. Unless i happen to have a very low sperm count. Yes, yes. There you go. Of course, once we dont have a baby, and they do, were back to square one, friendwise. Who cares . Friends just keep you away from tv. Oh, look. Someones car broke down. Should we pull over and help em out . Yeah. They look nice. Actually, they look very nice. Young couple. About our age. Welldressed. Miata, 2seater, means no kids. Lets make some friends. Fight back fast with tums. Trusted relief that goes to work in seconds. Nothing works faster. Tum, tum tum tum tums trusted relief that goes to work in seconds. Rock, ja . Hey, we just went to this great steak house tonight. We should all go sometime. Yeah. Yeah, uh, theres a gas station right up there. That one . You dont want their gas. It makes your engine knock. Ill take you to my place. Hey, when we go to that steak house, you gotta watch out for the guy with the big pepper mill. Hey, whats the deal with those anyway . Whats up with that . Captioning made possible by Sony Pictures television captioned by the National Captioning Institute www. Ncicap. Org Public Performance of captions prohibited without permission of National Captioning Institute good morning. Good morning, sasha. Good morning, my little darlings. Darlings . Is she talking to us . I am talking to both of you. What do you guys want for breakfast . We get a choice . Of course you do, angel. Whos angel . You two are both my little gifts from heaven. Are you sick . I know. You want us to hide your new clothes from will again. No, girl. Yeah, i do. You still got my new shoes under your bed, right . Im wearing them. Brianna, i cant believe you did that. You dont take my new stuff. Uh, good morning, will. Hey, honey. Whats up, you guys . Whats for breakfast . Anything we want. How about cake . Uh, will, you want to see my shoes . Cake it is. How about it . Uh, honey . Shouldnt they be eating a Healthy Breakfast . Relax, will. Its carrot cake. Yeah, but, baby, its still cake. I know baby, baby, baby. Baby. Did you forget what today was . Happy anniversary. [ laughs ] you thought i forgot, right . Its not our anniversary. Happy birthday, sweetie . Will, the judge decides on the adoption today. I know, i know, i know. Look, everythings gonna be fine, okay . Its gonna be fine. Dont worry. Yeah, youre right. I was just kind of overreacting. Shouldnt even waste her time showing up. She told me she was coming. Well, if she does show up, im sure the judge will see that were a strong, loving, happy family. Boy, you touch that cake, ill take briannas arm off of her and smack you with it. Why you got to use my arm . cause were family. Hersheys drops. Perfectly bitesized drops of rich and creamy chocolate happiness. When the chocolate is hersheys, life is delicious. Putting up with those annoying period symptoms . General pain relievers, like advil, only treat cramps, but midol has three active ingredients to take care of that. And fatigue and bloating. Because you deserve better. Hey hun, remember you only need a few sheets. Hmph [ female announcer ] charmin ultra soft is made with extra cushions that are soft and more absorbent. Plus you can use four times less. Charmin ultra soft. Cora, this was passed down from generations of africans from your greatgreat granddaddy. [ clicking tongue ] he passed this down for you, so, cora. [ deep voice ] this is for you. [ normal voice ] here. Try it on. Yeah [clicks tongue] really loved this, cora, yeah. What you got there, uncle brown . Some old junk. No, no, this is all collectible stuff. What . You have some junk collected. Cora, this is collect look, check this out. This is the best album ever recorded. Harry belafonte sings hammer time. Uh. Please, harry, dont hurt em . Yeah. You cant touch this. See, you young people dont know how to hunk it off like we did. Cora, we would shake it and then wed just watch it wiggle. You see it wiggling back there . Im not looking back there. Cora, is it wiggling . Its wiggling. Its got to be wiggling, cora. Its like jello. Cora. It wont let me loose. Mr. Brown, you need to throw this junk away. I dont need to throw nothing away, cora. Actually, you should. All that polyester and vinyl is a fire hazard. You gonna blow this whole house up any minute. This used to be a hat. Check it. You like that . Oh, look at that. Look at you looking like sin, girl. Looking like new money. Girl, look at you. Good morning, everybody. Oh, lord. Here come counterfeit money. Tanya, why are you here . I came to see my kids. They already left for school. Oh. Tanya, that suit looks expensive. Its nice, huh . Its nice. Did the alarm go off when you left the store . Ha ha ha, look whos got jokes. I got tanya in this program at the church where the members donate their clothes to the ones who in need. Thats gorgeous. Wait a minute. We donated to them. Nephew, i try to donate, and every time i go to donate my clothes, they say the program is shut down. You got a lot of people donating clothes. They shut it down when i get there. Really . Yes, i dont know why they wont let me donate my stuff. Ha. No idea. Oh, no. This is good stuff. So, for being an unfit mother, you get designer clothes for free. Well, god is good. You know what would be funny . What would be funny, if this was one of your suits. Oh, you aint got to worry about that. This is not sashas suit because i am obviously a lot skinnier than sasha. And we all know why, tanya. Girl, did she just call you a crackhead . There your vein is. Those days are over. I have myself a new suit. I have new hair. I got a new attitude now. And probably a new pipe in your purse. Mr. Brown. Does anyone need a ride to court . No. We dont. Wrong. I do. Wait a minute. How did you get over here . My friends dropped me off. Well, why cant your friend take you to court . Well, because he has allergies, and every time he goes to court, he breaks out in handcuffs. So, let me get this straight. You want us to give you a ride to court so you can take our kids . No, i want yall to give me a ride to court so i can keep my kids. That aint gonna happen. Excuse me, baby. Sasha, look. I know this is a touchy situation, but you have to think what would jesus do . Jesus didnt have no kids. Thats right, and jesus would give her bus fare and a fish sandwich and tell her to skedaddle. Bye. You know what . Im gonna get a ride. cause my thumb aint broke. I know how to get a ride. Come here. Im gonna give you a ride. Ride that. Thank you. Yes. Heeyey i got here as fast as i can. Whats the emergency . Oh, edna, i found a family sculpture of you, right here. Thats your aint that you . Yes, it got hair in the ears, just like yours. Never mind. This is the emergency right here. Bam. Look at that. Right there. Thats a good record. This is the emergency. Yeah, if i told you what the real emergency was, you wouldnt have came so fast. I wouldnt have come at all. My point exactly. I need to use your record player. No. You break everything. No, i dont. Wheres yours . Iit had broke. I didnt break it. It just broke. Do you know how long i had that record player . Is that the one that you and Abraham Lincoln was dancing to when he set you free . You had your. [ humming ] no, but when i bought it, that outfit was in style. Stop being selfish. You know how i put you up here and fed you. You overcharged me, and i paid and brought my food in myself well, stop bringing up the past. You gonna let me use it or what . No. Youll break it. The truth is, brown, you have no regard for other peoples property. You break everything you touch. I do everything i touch, i break. Everything. Come on. You aint break. Oh, you forgot your picture. I didnt have the heart to tell him it was you. I know yall not in here throwing my rufus thomas greatest hit record. Dont you mean hits, with an s . Now, you just be quiet with an s. Ill bet yall dont know who rufus thomas is. I bet you your mama do. Which one