Totally rigged by the mainstream tweedia. Oh, thats good. And tweet kellyanne, why wont my phone tweet . Thats not a phone, donald. Its a bar of soap. Of it says dial right on it. Announcer tits late show withen Steph Colbert human. And now, liveivan theat city, its Stephen Colbert thank you so much. Welcome to the late show. Im Stephen Colbert. And we are live tonight from new york. cheers and applause piano riff stephen thats not too shall by. Meanwhile, in philadelphia, Hillary Clinton held a huge rally in front of independence thunder road. Trump, on the other tiny hand spoke in new hamre an tom brady, he and he said, donald, i support you, youre my friend and i voted for you. Stephen no surprise brady is a trump fan, b cheering to get a good grip. laughter and last night trump had the Bruce Springsteen of insane bowhunters, ted nugent, and the nuge did not disappoint. I got your blue state right stephen what is he even saying . laughter i dont i dont understand. Is his crotch actually blue . You guys, ive said it before, if your genitals resemble the electoral map at all, consult a doctor immediately. laughter applause laughter l yove got left is a billionaire with a i laughter applause makes no sense. Trump based his whole campaign on that twitter account. Write messages in bronzer on bedsheets and ng them out the window of trump tower . laughter applause know we have no idea piano riff applauningse if he loses tomorrow, his staff isnt going to tell him. laughter applause you won bigley hey, were also going to need to take away your belt and shoelaces. No reason, mr. President. Of course, the major story this director james comey deliveringg takiebacksie in american history. Ten days ago comeynd campaign with a letter to congress saying hed found new Clinton Emails to investigate. Yesterday, he told congress that these emails warrant no new action against Hillary Clinton. This is the psycheout since god told abraham, slit your sons throat. Just kidding but seriously, take a chunk off of his penis. laughter psych for nine Straight Days the Trump Campaign has been hammering hillary with this story. This is the biggest political scandal since watergate stephen sorry, donald. Turns out its not even the biggest scandal since waterworld. But if youre waiting on a correction from trumps camp, get comfortable. Because even though comey says there was nog attack. No one believes that the federal government is capable taking 650,0 emails and reviewing them in eight days. Stephen yes. How could you possibly review 650,000 emails in eight days . You need a computer that can do that. How e you going to get emails onto a computer . Message for james comey, and its right here cheering applause were not releasing this message tonight. laughter weve got a team comparing it to the contents of this hand to see if they match. applse okay . To find out whats behind here, youll have to watch tomorrow night onhowtime. applause yeah, some of the results are coming in, already. laughter but this is it. The campaign is coming to an end. So tomorrows the big day cheering vote and wait a minute. Whats that . ragamuffin in audience is crying stephen why, its an adorable little street urchin but why are you crying, little girl . I ask out of genuine concern and not because its a live show and im furious. child singing . I am just an orphan ragamuffin . . Im cold and have no coat . Stuffin . . Im too scared to vote . Come on, everybody band plays upbeat musicman style music stephen singing . Voting gives a voice to people one and all . . From the richest robber barons . Votings done in a half a flash . . It only takes ones wristflick . . They make the process speedy jon except for in black districts. Yeah, a little weird the way that happens. Its a gradea, crackerjack super duper, funpacked peachy keen, grand slam whizbang, breadandjam way to keep america afloat. s out there and vote yeah cheers and applause weve got a great show tonight don cheadle is here here now, now, hold on, now, mr. Stephen colbert toltold on, stephen you had something to say . I did indeed i have something to say i say this to all of you let the child do as she pleases stephen oh, my stars its friend to children everywhere, the mayor of candy town, jon stewart if the girl doesnt want does t have to here, have a toffee. Have a toffee from an pants applause i have been heating those up. There you go. Toffee from an old mans pants. So. I dont have to vote . Heck, no singing . Theres nothing in the law that says the people have to vote . Stephen wait a . Let the child do what she wants . . Dont stuff voting down her throat . . Democracy is optional . . Its not a big old croat . Its an anatomical term. Stephen what is croat . The sack on a sea bird. Took em up, oh, so good laughter chd ha go vothn, thi come on, its not a big deal. Stephen do you remember whos running this year . Well, i havent paid much attention. Walter mon bastille daydale, that nice do you want me to tell you . Well, let me give it ary off this time. Its, uh laughter applause cheers and applause its tru hter applau laughter and this ragamuffin isnt going to vote . Youre voting, buddy. Yeah, hs rug vote and yo voting, young lady but listen. . Vote . . But in this civil oligarchy, we dont have a real choice . . How can i change a system that wont listen to my voice . . . To add my vote to either side would be an awful lie . . But theres power in abstaini, i dont know what to say. I kinda see where shes coming from. Ron awayour shotture n its a slap in the face when you erase your voice people bled for the right for you to write your choice they faced fire hoses, riots and dogs bitein oh, shhhh. bleep for several seconds yeah. Javier out. I got a matinee tomorrow its all agreed. Were all voting tomorrow, right . Were all voting tomorrow stephen good, because drum beat, anthemmic march starts . Now is the time . Hes endorsed by david duke. Stephen . . To grow a spine . His tiny hands might get the music. . The stakes are high, its do or die, we cant rewind the planets only getting hotter. Tdate his ug all the time is now. He acts real tough, but hes a wussy. Hell fiheour ths. . T tephen jon, tres all now is the time steph Stevie Wonder is here don cheadle is here webe all . Now is the time . . To grow a spine . . The stakes are high . Yea, its nespresso. . . Is that coffee . Get ready to experience a cup above. Nespresso. Thafets. What else . Its the onlld flu caplet w expressmax caplets. . . . Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. I had frequent heartburn, but. My doctor recommended prilosec otc 7 years ago, 5 years ago, last week. Just 1 pill each morning. 24 hours and zero heartburn, its been the number 1 doctor recommended brand for 10 cheers and applause . Stephen welcome everybody g live broadcast in the ed sullivan theater. My first guest is a passionate activist and oscarnominated actor, please welcome don cheadle cheers and applause . You drive very nicely. Stephen thank you very much. They ran in here with a blow drier pretty fast. No doubt. Stephen i know youre politically aware and active. How are you feeling about the election . How are the nerves doing . Sphl ail i have a littlera therapy, a little soothing lavender, and a stress ball. I saw ted nugent just going to grab this ball. Stephen based on the color, i think it may be ted nugents ball. Its very fragrant. Stephen have you voted . Im going to get home, vote, stand in line, do whatever. Absolutely. cheers and applause stephen now, its a secret ballot, obviously. Yeah. Stephen i really shouldnt ask you who youre voting for but ive got a hint because on your twitter feed you called laughter which we cant show on cbs something good . I thought it was a person of special interest. Stephen exactly, its a person of special interest. Hmm, it doesnt smell like this. Or ted nugents ball. Stephen youre don, hes donald. Does itps the same name . Well see wednesday. I may have to put don in a dumpster fire. Stephen whats your middle name . Frank cheadle. Stephen thats a great name. Frank, let me ask you another question here. Thank you. Stephen passionate issue for you, one donald trump says is a myth created by the chinese, is Global Warming and yes. You have been named good will ambassador for environmental programs. Do you have diplomatic immunity . Can you park anywhere you want . I can park anywhere thats green. Stephen youre hosting National Geographics years of living dangerously. Yes. Stephen and went to californias valley to investigate e drought. It comes on wednesday. Its very daunting, you kno is right now experiencing a drought that they havent seen in 1200 years, if you can believe that. Stephen so the rains this year didnt help. Its the snow pack, it doesnt get cold enough for the snow in the mountains actually to create a snow pack and thats where the runoff happens and thats where we get most to have the water. Theyve depleted the aquifers and the ground is sinking in some places in california because all the aquifers have well stephen how do you fix it . I think the most important thing when we think about this election is there are personal things we can do, obviously, you know, watch our water consumption and try to buy products that are clearly you know, we keep Global Warming in mind and do all those things, but, really, its about supporting the leadership that makes ate part of their platform, so not just at the president ial election but all the way down ballot, we have to get behind the people who will make ate r sure we understand its something we absolutely have to focus on. Other than that, once that happens, then we have to stay on them. Stephen because if we dont have water, we cant stay on the planet. If we dont have water, its not going to work out. Stephen elon hes going to be able to put people on mars in 20 years. Will you be theirst africanamerican man on mar i dont want to be the first because in most space movies, mission to mars . Yeah, and they left me up there. How about that . Stephen just left you there . Yes. Stephen noteahey went and got matt damon. They cameerve potatoes . I w actually the first one to experiment with poop potatoes. laughter stephen your kids, now youre politically active. Are your kids politically active . T all over the world. Stephen they prefer to be called woke. Actually, i was chided for saying that. They said we dont say that anymore. I said, what do you mean, its already gone . My daughter was upstairs getting ready for a bunch of friends and i said are you going to a club . They said, no, a black lives shoes, keep your heads on a swivel, this is a real thing youre doing. But theyre very woke and theyre aware. Its going to be the young people that are the hope for these issues. applause stephen one last before you go, thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Stephen don cheadle, everyone. Years of living dangerously, the National Geographic channel. Back with Stevie Wonder cheers and applause ut and shop small. A day to support our community and show some love for the people we love. And the places we love. The stuff we cant get anywhere else and food that tastes like home. Because the money we spend here can help keep our town growing. On Small Business saturday, lets shop small for our neighborhood, our town, our home. On november 26th, get up, all get together and shop small. Fact me lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. Advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. Gentle, nonhabit forming advil pm. This is my retirement. Retiring retired tires. And i never get tired of it. Are you entirely prepared to retire . Plan your never tiring retiring retired tires retirement with e trade. Im in vests and as a vested investor in vests shouldnt knee and ankle supp Wellness Center stom ft measures your leg in 3d. And recommends our customfit support thats right for you. New dr. Scholls custom fit ankle and knee supports. Find the nearest kiosk at drscholls. Com. Troduction. O of the gte now, you know i must say to all of you it is great being here but i know stephen only said that because his name is the same as mine. laughter but not only that, his birthday is the same day as mine. cheers and applause stephen and i cant think of any differences between the laughter i have to ask you something about whats in front of you. What is that . E yohirt or julianne some potatoes . What is in front of you . You have to lay on this. Stephen why on it . I was thinking about this you may say to me, stevie, look, immediately, i have to have surgery, and i know you might have a great love for me stephen i do, yeah laughter and you say, how can we do this . I need surgery right away. And i say to you, you know, i y. Would you trust me driving you there . Stephen i would prefer even with the amount i love you, i would prefer you not drive me to the hospital, Stevie Wonder. laughter okay. Sohis is my point w are in millennials. Four under the age of youngest . You know, i believe in i didnt drive myself there. laughter stephen and you were getting out the vote this weekend for Hillary Clinton. What is it about her that youre passionate about . You know, i believe completely different than t that you cant trust her. I think thats like songs. To give you an example, let me . La, la, la, la . . La, la, la, la, la, la, . . La, la, la, la, . My cherry amore . . Lovel a okay. Stephen and thats what a political slogan is like . A political slogan. You have you know, the various ones in media and they do whatever they have to do to persuade you, so you hear the thing, i just dont trust her, i dont why, but i just dont trust her, i just dont trust her stephen stevie, if we werent live, i would want to talk to you forever. But i do have one question for you. I would love to hear y would you be lling tboutforee go go out and vote. Please, do that. Its your right. And dont believe to those who say to you your vote doesnt matter because your vote does matter. We need you to vote because, truly, right now where we are h, its goin around . . Breaking many hearts . . Stop it, please . . Before its gone too far . E me love. cheers and applause . Ooh, why the phelps face . Old computer slowing you down . Is it a real drag . You know. I know. New computers are superfast. And yet here you are with a new world record for the slowest computer. You know about it, now do something about it. Upgrade to a new pc. Powered by intel. . What is he doing . With hotels. Coms rewards program for every 10 nights you stay, you get one free. Which is great for families. Finally whatever captain obvious. Hotels. Com. Great for families. Mom and for sore losers constipated . Trust number one doctor recommended dulcolax use dulcolax tablets for gentle overnight relief suppositories for relief in minutes and stool softeners for comfortable relief of hard stools. Dulcolax, designed for dependable relief i used to blame the weather for my frizz. Turns out my curls needed to be stronger. Enjoy your phone you too. innon get the iphone 7 on us and unlimited data when you switch to at t and have directv. Its endless shrimp at red lobster. With another new flavor you never saw coming. Grilled, glazed korean bbq shrimp. And try as much as you want of flavors like putting a wife to work is a very dangerous thing. When i come home and dinners not ready i go through the roof. Grab em by the p. When youre a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. More accusers coming forward to say they were sexually assaulted by donald trump. Ressed. Donald trump walked into the dressing room while contestants, some as young as 15 were changing. Standing there with no clothes. You see these incredible looking women. Id look her right in that fat ugly face of hers. She ate like a pig. A person whos flatchested is very hard to be a 10. Do you treat women with respect . Uh. I cant say that either. Alright, good. cheers and applause stephen ladies and gentlemen Stevie Wonder cheers and applause i tell you whats going to happen . Everybodys got a thing . But some dont know how to handle it . Always reachin out in vain . Just taking the things not worth having but . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing, mama . cause ill be standing on the side . When you check it out . They say your style of lifes a drag . And that you must go other places . But just dont you feel too bad . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing, mama . cause ill be standing on the side . When you check it out everybody . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing audience . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing . Dont you worry bout a thing, mama . cause ill be standing on the side . Dont you worry bout a thing you . . . . Bbambambam bambambambam . Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt political establishment with a Russ Feingold in the senate theres a choice you can go along with the rigged system, or you can stand for something that matters. I stand with wisconsin working families. Going to all 72 counties, i know how hard you work and how wages arent keeping up. Senator johnson stands with ceos tax loopholes for billionaires, tax breaks for companies that ship jobs overseas. Ill take on the rigged system. . Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. . . Mmmmmm, mmm . . Listerine . Kills 99 of bad breath germs means you feel bold enough to. Assist a magician. Or dance. Listerine . Bring out the bold . This is the story of how mr. Bonejangles met his match. Mr. Bonejangles was always looking for something. But he never found it. Until one day. Seven in dog time. Exactly what he didnt know he was looking for fell right in his lap. Was he expecting the perfect toy at an amazing price . No, of course not, hes a dog. Of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, but you know youre gonna love it. Marshalls. Your surprise is waiting. Moms got this cold. Hashtag stuffy nose. Hashtag no sleep. Hashtag mouthbreather. Ri it instantly opens your nose than Cold Medicine alone. Shut your mouth and say goodnight mouthbreathers. . . cheers and applause stephen um back, everybody thank you, stevie you know my next guest from films like inherent vice and steve jobs. Now, she stars in the highly anticipated prequel to harry potter, fantastic beasts and where to find them. Please welcome, Katherine Waterston cheers and applause . I cant deal with this stephen welcome to the concert to save america. laughter thank you for having me. Stephen we havent seen each other since you were at the the colbert report. I cant hear what youre saying because im sng in the seat Stevie Wonder just sat . Yeah, im just trying to get some of it up into my skirt. Wow stephen there you go. Watch out watch out laughter now, for people who dont know, youre the daughter of the great sam vste growing up with an acting icon like that . Did you ever do law and order . Wow, you just went straight for the juggler. No, im the only actress who ever lived in new york city who could not get hired on that show. Stephen i hate to tell ya, i was in law and order. laughter yeah. How did you stephen i dont know. They just fobbed you up and said they said, weve got a guy be thought of you. laughter some people on that show say things like, she never came home last night i couldnt even get a job liket your dad and say, dad, help . My sisterinlaw, brother and brotherinlaw were on the show. Stephen now you have the ha ha, because youre in the fantastic beast and you know where to findm. You play an exorork, a stephen this is a big movien from choose. Im sure people whoeter are techniques for doing that . I lock you in your dressing room and dont let you out. laug did anything surprise yt these movies . They dont tell us anything. Probably because theyre so afraid that were going to gossbo or something. Yeah, just last week, had this fan eve london, and j. K. Rowling walked on to the stage. They didnt even tell us she was going to be the she told the audience that we were going to make a fifth film, we thought maybe we would make jaase ground, and i was just thinking maybe there was some kind of Stem Cell Lab in itzerld that i could go to dip my whole body in to stay well preserved to get that film. The trick is the eyebrows go uneven, right . Its the . Stephen what do you think, sam . Any good . Dad cheers and applause stephen sam waterston, everybody Katherine Waterston fantastic beasts and where to find them appears in theater next friday Katherine Waterston, everybody . Where you come from its gonna be all right