Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, jessica alba, Bradley Whitford and george takei, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause . Stephen hey hey, everybody cheers and applause oh woohoo man cheers and applause thank you so much thank you very much welcome to the late show. Thank you so much. Please v a seat thank you so much. Youre very kind welcome to the late show. Im your shows Stephen Colbert. The first president ial debate is monday, september 26. We will be live. Join us, wont you . cheers and applause its going to be a lot of fun. But, last night, they held like an appetizer debate. An amuse douche, if you will. laughter it was called the commanderinchief forum. Hillary clinton and donald trump answering questions about national security. It was the first time the two of them were in the same room since trumps wedding. laughter it took place right here in new york, on the Aircraft Carrier intrepid. It was a great night. Once the two of them were on board, a lot of people were bon voyage cheers and applause byebye piano riff say hi to the somali pirates laughter now, officially, it wasnt a debate. Hillary clinton was interviewed for the first half hour, and trump the second. In her half, she accused trump of lying about opposing the iraq war, and then later trump fired back. I happened to hhi clinton say that i was not against the war in iraq. I was totally against the war in iraq. From a you can look at esquire magazine from 04. You can look at before that. Stephen now, we did look before that, and there are audio recordings of him saying he did support the war, as well as some pretty damning recordings of Everything Else hes ever said. laughter but the biggest question of the and trump wasted no time wasting everyones time. You said this were going to convene my top generals, and they will have 30 days to submit a plan for soundly and quickly defeating isis. So is the plan youve been hiding this whole time, asking someone else for their plan . No. But when i do come up with a plan that i like and that perhaps agrees with mine, or maybe doesnt, i may love what the generals come back with, i will convene b i have a plan, but i want to be, i dont want to look, i have a very substantial chance of winning make America Great again. Were gonna make America Great again. Stephen just to recap, he has a plan he hasnt come up with, but if the generals bring him a plan that is similar to the plan he doesnt have, he may go with that plan, which he cant tell us about because its a secret plan that he does not have make America Great again. cheers and applause stephen is it all there . Jon yeah. Stephen is it all of it . I think that might have covered all of it. But since last night was not technically a debate, theres no real winner. But many have declared a loser matt lauer. The subject was national security, and the today show host was an obvious choice for moderator. Here he is, weighing in on military intervention in syria. Last night, twitter tore him a new tweet hole with criticisms new York Magazine summed up by saying, matt lauers interviews of clinton and trump were a complete disgrace to journalism. Which i think is unfair. Come on. A complete disgrace to journalism would be matt lauer dressing up as paris hilton. laughter although, paris has more Foreign Policy experience. laughter many critics slammed lauer for asking Hillary Clinton the same could you hurry up already . This is an important issue. I will talk quickly. Im fast running out of time. As briefly as you can. But i just want to say just ad ive got 30 seconds left. Stephen many critics slammed stephen its like pizza delivery, if you cant get your answer out in 30 seconds, russia gets ukraine. And if last nights forum made you think about voting for a third party, you might want to rethink that thinking because this morning libertarian president ial candidate Gary Johnston was on the msnbc and he had a little trouble answering a what would you do, if you were elected, about aleppo . About . Aleppo. And what is aleppo . Youre kidding. No. Aleppo is in syria. Its the epicenter of the refugee crisis. Okay. Got it, got it. Stephen got it. Got it. Aleppo. Aleppo. I thought you said a leopard. I was like, what would i do about a leopard . Probably run away from it. But lets talk about the syr town of alpo obviously, thats where they make the dog food. Next question. laughter that is embarassing. I havent seen someone go blank like that since i was asked, who is gary johnson . Jon whoa, whoa piano riff applause stephen ive interviewed him four times. Seriously, who is gary johnson . laughter hey, do you guys remember ammon bundy . The guy who lead a standoff with police at an oregon wildlife refuge. Well, he is headed to court and it sounds like he has a good lawyer because they are fighting for his right to dress like a cowboy at his trial. Yeah, why shouldnt he be able to dress like a cowboy . The judge gets to wear a cool wizards robe laughter aguilty expecto some jail time laughter according to his lawyer, if bundy cant dress like a cowboy, he wont seem authentic and the jury wont believe him. Yeah. Same way John Wayne Gacey never wouldve been convicted if he showed up to court wearing the personally, i think bundy should be allowed to go to court dressed like a cowboy, so long as his defense team is made up of a construction worker, an indian, a cop, a soldier, and a biker. All right . cheers and applause mix it up. I havent been to a wedding in a while. laughter this is easily the biggest legal battle over western wear since our drummer joe sayloron like a sheriff. laughter jazz cowboy applause jazz cowboy jazz cowboy the cattle rustlers is coming to town. You gotta fight them off with syncopation. . . . Jazz cowboy jazz cowboy hyah cheers and applause weve got a great show tonight. Jessica alba is here. And when we return, i will be talking about a man named donald trump. Stick around. band playing cheers and applause jazz cowboy fact. People spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. Advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. Gentle, nonhabit forming advil pm. For a healing nights sleep. Going to the skate park today . Maybe. You can make it grrreat . . I dont think thats how theyre made. Klondike hooks up with tasty flavors. The best ice cream bars ever conceived. I thought my bladder leakage meant my social life was over. Wearing depend underwear has allowed me to fully engage in my life and im meeting people. Unlike the bargain brand, new depend fitflex underwear is now more flexible to move with you. With the life youve been missing. Get a free sample at depend. Com. With the life youve been missing. Hahaha umhmmm hey nikki what are you doing here . You tell me, stephen. What . Im snapping. Youve been streaming my videos all morning. Now youre with this thing . No its not you its verizon they limit my data. I had to choose. Come on, girl. Lets get us a man with unlimited data. Why pay verizon more for data limits . cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody human cheers and applause let me ask you folks here. Any of you guys go to Trump University . One guy . laughter you will never forget those college memories. And you really shouldnt forget. Theyre important for the lawsuit. A couple years back, trump u. Was being investigated for fraud. There were so many complaints from former students that even florida was considering an investigation. And their state seal is someone dumping a body. laughter true story. Its true. We didnt make that up. Thats true. applause but floridas attorney general and stepmom, who cant understand why you dont warm up to her, pam bondi, decided not to investigate trump u. Nobody knows why, but now its come out that, right before she made the decision, a pac supporting her campaign received yeah, same guy. Now, attorney general bondi has denied that her offices decision not to join the lawsuit against Trump University had anything to do with the money. And i am sure it also had nothing to do with the fact that trump held a fundraiser for her right after she dropped the investigation. So one things for sure pam bondi is the first person ever to make money from Trump University. applause other than donald trump. Other than donald trump. Now, i dont know attorney general bondi, and i dont know if she has questionable ethics, so i googled her and found this old article pam bondi stole my dog. laughter okay that seems bad. But lets hear whole story. Apparently, after hurricane katrina, the Humane Society rescued hundreds of dogs, and bondi adopted one of them in audience reacts yeah, theres more to the story. laughter because a year later, the family that originally owned the dog traced it to the tampa bay area, but bondi didnt want to give up the dog, which led to a 16month fight with a family of katrina victims. But hey, everyone hates katrina victims, right . laughter perhaps the worst detail for bondi in this case that she changed the st. Bernards name to noah, from master tank. laughter that dog had the greatest name in the world and you changed it seriously, what sounds better, time for dinner, noah or the meatfeast is arrayed before you, master tank. Take what is yours. cheers and applause i just want to point out, refusing to give back a dog to flood victims but naming the dog after the most famous flood victim of all time is cold. Now, bondi did eventually surrender the dog. That family must have made a huge contribution. I dont know. laughter but lets get back to the other shaggy beast, donald trump. laughter he said yeah, i cut the check, but its only because i like her so much. Im not the kind of guy who expects favors in exchange for political donations. Which makes me wonder whos this guy . I give to everybody. When they call, i give. And you know what . When i need something from them two years later, three years later, i call them. They are there for me. And thats a broken system. Well, ill tell you what, with Hillary Clinton, i said, be at my wedding, and she came to my wedding. You know why . She had no choice, because i gave. Ive given to everybody. Because that was my job. I got to give to them. When i want something, i get it. When i call, they kiss my ass, okay . Stephen it is a disturbing admission, partly because of its overt embrace of corruption but mostly because it makes us imagine the texture of Donald Trumps ass. My best guess is either cold pizza or bumpy decorative gourd. Well be right back with jessica alba cheers and applause band playing stephen welcome back, everybody cheers and applause welcome back you know my first guest from such movies as fantastic four, dark angel, and sin city. Your baby may know her from her diaper company. band playing cheers and applause hi nice to see you, too stephen how are you . Im great. Stephen what is this . Wrist. Im sorry. I just saw that. It caught my eye. Yes, you did, didnt you . That was called my first breakup. Stephen really . Who was that with . This guy. laughter stephen lets move on. Is that his name . No. No. Stephen what does that mean . It means the manifestation of spiritual beauty. And i felt like, after i broke up with him, i, like, found myself again. Its, like, unnecessary to talk about this. Hes, like, a famous actor laughter stephen doesnt sound interesting at all. laughter okay. Besides being a famously tattooed person, now, you are a movie star. Youre a name above the title movie star, and you went and founded your own Hair Products, a beauty line. What would you call what you do now . What is the Honest Company . Its a cpg company. Stephen what is cpg. Consumer package goods. Stephen how is that different than another company . Arent all packaged goods for consumers . Yes, but thats the category they put them in. Stephen okay. I make Laundry Detergents and floor cleaners. Stephen like you do if youre a movie star. Star to, you know what . Im going to make laundry detergent. When i was pregnant with my first kid more than eight years ago, i actually had an allergic reaction to a laundry detergent and i was horrified someone like me could have alreaction to something that wasmaticked for babies. My mom recommended i use it. I googled what the heck was in this thing that could cause this type of reaction and i learned about a lot of ingredientd toxic chemicals and potentially harmful chemicals. Stephen this is actually meant for a baby, to, like, toughen up the baby . laughter there are certain products that are marketed to people who have babies, and i just didnt realize that, you know, there te are potentially harmful chemicals in everyday products you can get off the shelf at your regular stores. So i was, like, i dont want to things that could cause an allergic reaction. So i had an idea to come up with this company that had clean ingredients but performed well, affordably priced, beautifully designed and delivered to your door stephen nicely done just rang all the bells right there. applause how on earth your web site is honest. Com. Yes. Stephen how on earth did you get honest. Com . That had to have been taken by a porn site or something before that. Who did you take that from . Please be honest. Luckily, it wasnt an adult site, but there was someone who was just sitting on it and waiting for someone to buy it. Stephen they were, like, its jessica alba they didnt know it was me at first. Stephen uhhuh. I dont know if the guy ever knew it was me. Stephen he knows now. It was not cheap, by the way. Stephen you could afford it now. Its over a billiondollar other people have put on my company, but stephen i just put a billion dollars on it right now. Im about to make it a 2 billion company by the end of this interview, if you just play your cards right. Everyone go on and get some products stephen youre a big mogul, okay . Youre a cpg mogul, okay. Does that affect the decisionous make about what kind of movies you want to do . Because youre still making films, yes, i did a movie with Jason Statham called mechanic resurrection. Its different because its like do you want to go to thailand and do a fun action movie with Jason Statham for ten days . I was, like, sure . Stephen maybe get another tattoo. Maybe not. Its just less dramatic. Before. Before, i was so methodical. I wanted to make sure it was on a global scale and a franchise, and now i just want to have fun. Stephen what is a tent pole franchise . Like a circus movie . It reaches multiple demographics and its kind of a movie for everyone across the world. Stephen does business just come naturally to you . Because you seem to have an understanding of how businesses conversation weve had now. I weirdly approached hollywood as a business but now i have an actual business is that but youre the product as an actress, constantly selling yourself. Thats true. laughter absolutely, its true. Stephen yeah. For me, as an actress, in movies, i was never control of the distribution, the marketing, the final cut, the edit, so so much of my life really was in try to be because i like to control things so to try to control my destiny as an actress. Stephen lets talk about the things youre controlling now. In products, i can do other things. Stephen here are some of the products. We launched a beauty line called honest beauty. Were in yo ulta beauty storts. Stephen what do we have here . Sea salt spray. Stephen tasty . No, no, dont put it in your mouth stephen thats really salty. Want some . Come on, i had some. No, no stephen tastes like sea halt. Theres hem layian sea salt in there. Stephen so its honest. Theres nothing harmful. Its the Honest Company. No, no, no, not allowed to do that. Stephen put this on popcorn. Not no Stephen Jessica alba says you can put it on popcorn. No, no, no ya, the flavor stays with you. laughter okay. What is this right here . These are a new line of diapers. We did a limited Edition Collection of diapers. There are bipartisan diapers. There is so much craziness outs there in the world. Stephen they have donkeys and elephants on them. Holding hands. Stephen isnt that sweet . Babies dont see blue or red, colors, race, all they do is stephen youve given them a symbol of our democracy for them to poop on. applause touche stephen one of our producers kids use these. He says theyre great. A lot of people want us to make them in your size. laughter not you, but, you know, big size. Stephen you talked about it out. Stephen theyre holding hands. They are. Stephen why . Because they just love each other. laughter stephen not because theyre about to jump off the cliff together . Maybe so. Stephen well, listen, im always needing a little bit of help up top. A little volume . Stephen the ladies love the volume. Can you fluff me . Can i come behind . Stephen sure. I get to play hair dresser. I love this. Im going to put some sea salt spray. We hav stephen all right. A bit of that. Stephen while shes doing this cheering thank you. What are you putting on my head . Volumizeing spray. Doesnt it smell good . Stephen it does. Fan t. S. A. A fantastic. I wanted the Hair Products to smell like vacation. To go to a resort to have you do this. applause look at that. Stephen thats fantastic let me put my glasses on and see what youve done. laughter cheers and applause stephen why, miss alba, im beautiful i hipster millennial laughter stephen stand up and we can be together. You sit down. Ill do your hair now. The Honest Companys love today diapers and Everything Else are available on honest. Com. Jessica alba, everybody well be right back with Bradley Whitford. Esurance does Auto Insurance a smarter way. Like their photo claims tool. It helps settle your claim quickly, which saves time, which saves money. And when they save, you save. Thats auto and Home Insurance for the modern world. Esurance, an allstate company. Click or call. Esurance does insurance a smarter way, which saves money. Like bundling home and auto coverage, which reduces red tape, which saves money. And when they save, you save. Thats home and Auto Insurance for the modern world. . [tires screeching] . [tires screeching] . Experience the thrill of the lexus performance line. Because the ultimate expression of power, is control. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody cheers and applause welcome back to my volumized hair already in p my next guest is the emmywinning star of such shows as the west wing and transparent. He now appears in the movie other people. Please welcome Bradley Whitford band playing a big theater you have here. Stephen isnt it a beautiful theater . The ed sullivan theater. Very lucky to be here. Yes. Stephen i may be volumized but you are really outdistinguishing me tonight. It turned white when trump got the nomination. Stephen all over . All over. applause stephen youre like Anderson Cooper head to toe. Yeah, yeah. I haveot our the Closing Night Party to have the colbert report. Which was amazing. You came and sang with everybody at the thing. When franco was going through all the stuff. Stephen with the koreans trying to kill him and everything. I go out there and i notice weird security people, and then i realized this is henry kissinger, and i was standing right next to james franco, and two guys who both caused huge trouble in southeast asia. Yes, in d now, at the afterparty, you may not be aware of this, but thereh you and some of the talented young women who worked for my show. Yes. Stephen and heres the thing, this is what they remember most oh, no. Stephen other than the fact you are unbelievably charming and they love talking to you i want to get the ot freeze your eggs, its more affordable than you may think. Im going to give you an opportunity to respond to yourself. What was behind this one, brad whit . I think these women often come up to me and talk about their infertility issues. laughter and i think i stand behind that besides being somebody who was on the west wing for many years, people cheers and applause you were involved in politics. You care about politics. Do people come up to you and say, you should run . They do. Which is change. My standard answer is i have no desire to act that much. laughter because ive seen that up close, and its tough. Stephen ive seen i close, too. Yeah. Stephen yeah. This is a very interesting election. Stephen it is, yeah. Fascinating. Stephen the chinese saying, live in interesting times. Yes, because you go out on a talk show and your publicist says, dont talk about politics too much, and i think shes right, i think actors should not express their political views in public. I think we need to leave it to laughter dont you think so . Stephen i throatily agree. This is an astonishing election to me. Im sorry to be partisan. Stephen no, dont be partisan. Can i be a little partisan . Stephen do you have another option . No. applause no, im a huge hillary fan from way back. cheers and applause stephen are you pausing . Im a performer. Stephen okay. Her motivation, as long as ive known her, is to get healthcare for people, get healthcare for children. Thats what she spent her life doing. The other guy has spent his life accumulating money on bankruptcies, and i just have to say one more thing my publicist is going to be really upset stephen is she back stage now opening a vein . I just have to say, this is somebody who says that the president of the United States was not born here, which is unamerican stephen all these things he doesnt know. Thats unamerican and its racist i have to say. cheers and applause with a big r stephen your publicist just enrolled in a convent. laughter lets talk about the movie. Itsa yes. Stephen but a clip here that i want to show, its about a family dealing with a mothers cancer. Yes. Stephen and yet its a comedy. Well, it is there are very, very funny moments. There are very difficult moments. What i loved about this movie is a guy named chris kelly whos based on his experience. And its i have been through losing my parents, and i just thought this was the most honest, including the humor. I have to say, Molly Shannon in this movie gives the most unsentimental, brave performance. I think she should be nominated for an oscar. I want everybody to see it. I think shes heartbreaking in it, and hilarious. Stephen theres a scene, you play the husband, t is there and you are discussing what happens after she dies. Jim . I want to be frozen. Is that an option . I take the frozen option. Like a pea . Yeah, exactly, like a pea. I want to be frozen and propped up on our couch in our living room to make sure to watch you so you dont want to cheat on me when im gone. You wont have eyes, because you donated them. See stephen thats what im saying. See . applause we found the funny in the cremation discussion. The great actor from breaking bad, amazing. Stephen and from fargo. Well, always great to see you. Well, end career. laughter stephen glad i was your last interview. Other people opens tomorrow. Bradley whitford, everybody. Well be right back to celebrate star treks 50th with george takei. cheers and applause band playing dont just think of it as half off latenight apps at applebees. Its half off the after party, half off the first date, half off girls night. Before taking his team to state for the first time. Gilman go get it, marcus. Go get it. Coach gilman used his cash rewards credit card from bank of america to earn 1 cash back everywhere, every time. At places like the batting cages. . [ crowd cheers ] 2 back at Grocery Stores and now at wholesale clubs. And 3 back on gas. Which helped him give his players something extra. The cash rewards credit card from bank of america. More cash back for the things you buy most. The cash rewards credit card from bank of america. Its time for some straight talk. Most Wireless Companies offer nocontract plans, but getting a new phone. Usually means getting locked into a contract. Theres a better way thirtyone dollars a month, no contract. Cancel any time, no penalties. Its time to ask yourself. Why havent i switched . Add our unlimited plan. On americas largest, most dependable 4g lte networks. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back for those of you just joining something unprecedented to my hair, and were going to leave it this way for the rest of the show. laughter my next guest tonight is a star of stage and screen, a human rights activist and a social media superstar. But hell always be sulu to me. Please welcome george takei. band playing cheers and applause come fantastic audience. Stephen amazing. Welcome back to broadway. Allegiance was my debut. Stephen youve done broadway, star trek. Before we get to anything else, who has the nerdier fans, nerdy in different ways. Scifi fans are nerdy techies, and broadway fans are staroriented, from going way back, to today. The broadway fans are actororiented. Scifi fans are techy oriented. Stephen okay. They want to see the special effects. Thats right. Stephen okay. Ome of the actors special effects, too. Stephen while i enjoy broadway, i have to say that i am such a star trek fan, that to be here,eth such a pleasure and honor for me to be here with you, whose work i have enjoyed since i was knee high to a grasshopper, to talk about the 50th anniversary of star trek, one of the greatest shows ever on television. A groundbreaking show. Such a pleasure to have you here today were 50 cheers and applause stephen so what was it like . It was, like, day one on the set with gene roanbury, the creator, how was the show described to you . I cant forget that day. It was very special. We all met for a cold read in a conference room, and gene rodenbury and the executive herb we were all introduced and gene explained to us what star trek was all about. He said the Starship Enterprise was a metaphor for starship earth, and the strength of this starship lay in its diversity coming together. The acronym was infinite diversity. Common challenge we have, confident of our problemsolving capabilities, our genius for invention, innovation, we were going to boldly go where no one had gone before. cheers and applause stephen so if the different characters, the cast and the guests every week represented the diversity of the earth and how they can solve problems together, what diverse part of earths population did the sexy, babes in the bikinis represent . They were not supposed to be earthlings, although they had two legs, two arms, two breasts and, you know, their bodies are green, and, so, therefore, they were supposed to be aliens. But we also had, as a member of the star fleet team, a person that was half alien, spock. He had green blood, pointy stephen of course, right. His mother was an earth woman and his father was a vulcan. Stephen so it was an interracial marriage. Intergalactic, interglobal. Stephen but still racy for the 1960s. It was. But vol cans mate every seven years. So they werent very sexy for six and a half years and then they start raging. They go into heat. Amoc time you have to go see tapau. Oh, you know your stuff. Stephen at some point i would love the studio to come under attack so we can shake back and forth and oh, like we did on the enterprise. Stephen exactly. Which way would you go first, always left or right first . There, and he would say left, and we would go like this. Your right. Stephen okay, left. And he would say right, and in unison, we would go like this. Stephen you direct us. Jim, you put us on a camera. Ill cry red alert and you tell us which way to go and you shake the camera, okay, john . Okay. Well, george, let me ask this what red alert siren left, right siren cheers and applause we have a great audience. Stephen i cant wait to go childhood self i got to do that with you. laughter george takei, thank you so much for being here. Great to be here. Stephen thank you for your whole career and star trek george takei, everybody well be right back cheers and applause late show, everybody tune in tomorrow when my guests will be titus burgess, jeff ross, and adam richman. Now stick around for our friend james corden and his guests, Michael Sheen and gavin degraw. Good night band playing cheers and applause captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org. . Are you ready yall to have some fun, and feel the love tonight. . Its going to be all right. . Its the late, late show