And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 646, manhattan yeah steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, hey [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. Everybody, thank you energy that is the love. That is the love. I feel the love. I give it right back to you. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby [ cheers and applause ] im your host, jimmy fallon. Guys, thank you all for being here tonight. How many of you are here on vacation . [ cheers ] now, how many of you are congressmen hiding from trump because you couldnt vote for his healthcare . [ cheers ] my happy audience. Thats the big story today. The republican healthcare bill was pulled after they didnt have enough support to pass it. [ cheers and applause ] or as trump would say e its going down the tubers. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy going down the tubers. [ light laughter ] thats right, this bill was not wellreceived at all. In fact, nancy pelosi called the republican healthcare bill a moral monstrosity. Then trump said, okay, put her down as a maybe. [ laughter and applause ] she didnt say no. Actually, get this. I read that just 13 of women supported the republican healthcare replacement bill. When he heard that, paul ryan was like, women, i knew we forgot to include someone. Women put that in the bill, women. [ applause ] oh, gosh. Thank you. Trump was not happy. He said that if this healthcare bill didnt pass, he would just leave obamacare in place. Kind of a weird threat. [ light laughter ] its like saying, if you kids dont stop fighting back there, im going to drive this car straight to disney world [ cheers and applause ] were going to go right to the front of the line and well ride as many times as you want [ laughter ] the White House PressSecretary Sean Spicer said that trump did everything he could to get support for the bill. He said, at the end of the day you cant force someone to do something. Then he added, expect sending me out here every day to lie through my teeth. He said, but, besides that [ applause ] at his press briefing today, spicer was doing all he could to move past healthcare and all the other problems trumps dealing with. He was trying to say that americans really want tax reform, but he slipped up a a little bit. Take a listen. I think theres a huge appetite for tax return tax reform. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] jimmy its a huge huge appetite. Yeah, theres an appetite for that. Yeah. Im sorry, next russian i mean, question. Next question, what i say . [ laughter and applause ] im really putin my foot in my mouth putting my foot. Oh, forget it. Bye, im leaving. [ cheers and applause ] off to disney world front of the line [ cheers and applause ] meanwhile, yesterday georgia congressman Barry Loudermilk predicted lawmakers wouldnt be given much time to read the healthcare bill before being asked to vote on it, saying, quote, we have four to five hours to digest it. Well, Barry Loudermilk wasnt the only congressman to weigh in. Congressman larry softercream said, i agree with barry. Four to five hours is never enough time to digest. [ light laughter ] take it from me, larry softercream. [ laughter and applause ] congressman gary silentsoy said, i disagree. [ light laughter ] the bill wont be as hard to digest and others say it is. Congresswoman mary midvolumericedream said, i agree with gary. Easy to digest, i think. And finally this congressman said, i think its a disaster, and i should know. Im harry noisyeggnog. [ laughter and applause ] is that a british name . Steve wow. Jimmy yeah. Steve its two families. Jimmy yeah, oh, yeah. Steve two families egg family and the nog family. Jimmy noisy and eggnog, yeah. Steve theyve joined forces. Jimmy lets get to some business news. I read that starting this spring, apple is going to start making iphones in india. [ audience oohs ] then trump said, i told you id get them to stop making stuff in china. [ laughter and applause ] i told you. Technically, i win. No more china. [ light laughter ] a lot of people are excited about this. The Power Rangers movie opens this weekend, you guys. Ooh [ cheers and applause ] its a film about a group of people gaining an incredible amount of power, then squandering it because they cant agree on a healthcare plan. [ laughter and applause ] its a very interesting. This is pretty cool. This week, Michael Phelps posted on instagram a starbucks barista labeled his coffee the goat [ light laughter ] for greatest of all time. [ audience aws ] while another customer was like, actually, i think there was a mixup. They, uh [ laughter and applause ] you got my latte, or this was weird a little girl in australia packed her own lunch for school this week, and check out what she brought. A post goes viral this morning after a 5yearold girl accidentally packs her a frozen vodka drink. [ laughter ] mom says she told her daughter to grab a frozen juice pouch from the freezer, but the little girl grabbed this instead. Mom got an interesting phone call as you can imagine from the teacher that day. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. The teacher was like, are you up . [ laughter and applause ] i didnt know those things existed. Steve yeah. Jimmy that sounds like fun. Steve yeah. Jimmy bad for kids. Steve only in australia. Jimmy yeah. Guys, its the end of another crazy week, and since theres too much to talk about, instead of giving you a full week in review, we decided to put together a little montage that just focuses on the key words used this week. In something we call this week in words. Check it out. [ cheers and applause ] trump pulled a bill for the healthcare repeal Trump Campaign as a master of the art of the deal the german situation didnt turn out the best you just worry about your pimp. Ill take care of rest. Fbi testimony questions remain are there ties between russia and the Trump Campaign the wiretapping situation wont go away ill try to keep this a a little on the shorter side today. March madness drama what xaviers all about florida still in it villanova out tom bradys jersey found in mexico team usa overpowering puerto rico gorsuch support Republican Base mars nasa send congress to space contemplate wow presiden trump big rig and why this chicken is so damn big a letter please. K. No. Jimmy we have a great show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] jimmy guys, this is pretty fun. I am on the cover of this weekends parade magazine. Thats cool, right there. [ cheers and applause ] i didnt know theyd be doing that. We talk about a bunch of stuff, but we mainly talk about the ride. We have a ride opening up in orlando [ cheers and applause ] at universal studios. Were going straight to universal [ light laughter ] were going right to the front of the line. We have a ride opening up, and its really exciting. Its called race through new york. And basically you get an experience of coming to the show and getting a tour of new york city in 3d. And its super fun. I cant believe its reality. [ light laughter ] and but its going to open in two weeks, and so im very excited about that. Thanks to everyone at parade magazine. I appreciate this. [ cheers and applause ] do your thing. Guys, come back again next week. On monday, Scarlett Johansson will be here steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy and were going to play a game of Virtual Reality pictionary. Steve ooh jimmy its so rad. Its so cool. Its this new technology, and it costs us 8 billion to do. [ light laughter ] steve wow, pretty steep. Jimmy but its worth it because you yeah. Steve because you can draw a picture in 3d. Jimmy because you can draw a picture of a house. Its really cool, though. And then, we have a fun surprise special guest in there, too. Plus, we have a brand new episode of ew. [ cheers and applause ] steve ew jimmy thats so gross you know, it started because there was a girl in the audience that was sitting around there. And i was talking abou [ light laughter ] did you say, ew . and she was like, yeah, ew. Ew [ laughter ] and whats your name . She goes, sarah. [ laughter ] i wrote that down and go, oh, well make that a character. Were going to do that on monday with my bff, demi lovato. Thats on monday. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy but first, we have a a fantastic show tonight. I mean, icons. The star of the new movie going in style, the great Morgan Freeman is here steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i love that dude. Steve come on jimmy fantastic. Plus, from the giant show the walking dead, Norman Reedus is stopping by. Steve whoa [ cheers and applause ] jimmy Norman Reedus another great dude. Norman and i are doing something very intense later in the show. Steve ooh. Jimmy so be sure to stick around for that. And we have great standup from god this guys funny. Joe zimmerman is here tonight. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy smiling at wolves. Thats his album, smiling at wolves. Oh, fantastic. Guys, todays friday. Thats usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. You know, i check my inbox, i return some emails and, of course, i send out thank you notes. And i was just wond [ cheers and applause ] steve theyre scary. Jimmy theyre a fan of sending out thank you notes. I was running a bit behind, so thought if you guys wouldnt mind, i would just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. Is that cool with you guys . [ cheers and applause ] you guys are the best. Thank you for this. Hey, james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please . James . Oh, man. [ light laughter ] in a great mood as ever. Steve wow. Jimmy hes always in a a great mood. [ light laughter ] it looks like hes upset. Someone stole his tie apparently. Steve yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy i dont know. Steve casual casual fridays. [ applause ] thats cool. Jimmy thank you spring break, or as mexico puts it, maybe we should let them build that wall. Its like, get these guys outta here wall. Tubers. Going down the tubers. [ laughter ] steve come on. Jimmy thank you speculation that Peyton Manning could run for the senate in 2020. Finally someone in congress who can pass something. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] heyoh hey ho hey jimmy booyah. Steve whoa, what happened . Jimmy whats up . Steve what happened . Jimmy no, i just couldnt find the exit. Steve oh, okay. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you march madness, for sounding like an oldtimey disease from the 1800s. [ light laughter ] dearest jebidiah, im afraid to say that the entire family has succumbed to the march madness. [ laughter and applause ] got my man ken burns on the line. Steve yeah. Mary chestnut. Jimmy thank you stethoscopes, or as i like to call you, heartbeats by dre. [ cheers and applause ] steve come on. Its for the kids. Kids love that stuff. Jimmy kids. Steve and james. Jimmy thank you costcos new Home Delivery service [ cheers ] for sparing me from being seen trying to fit a 48pack of toilet paper into my trunk. [ laughter and applause ] do this. Steve ugh jimmy i could just put it on my lap. Ill drive with it. Steve tie it to the roof. Jimmy you tie it to the roof . [ light laughter ] steve yeah, im just going to costco. I got some 48thing of toilet paper. It wont fit in my trunk. Jimmy why dont you just steve tie it to the roof, man. Jimmy hey, sorry to interrupt you, but why dont you just have them deliver it to you . Steve oh, my god. I didnt know that was an option [ light laughter ] i can get toilet paper . Jimmy you got to get the app [ light laughter ] jimmy what about a giant what about brawny too or 1,000 yogurts . Can i get 1,000 yogurts . [ light laughter ] jimmy they only come in the 1,000 pack. Steve well, then, heck. Sign me up. Jimmy hey, i have a quick question. Steve whats that . Jimmy did you ever realize we have similar voices . [ light laughter ] steve no. Talk some more. Jimmy i steve lost your voice . Get a new one from costco [ laughter and applause ] jimmy 1,000 voices. Thank you march madness upsets, for giving sports anchors a a chance to be just as wrong as weathermen. [ laughter and applause ] its gonna snow this weekend, maybe. Maybe not. Steve gazongas. Jimmy gazongas. Going down the tubers. [ laughter ] steve wheres it going . Jimmy going down the tubers [ laughter ] steve god. Jimmy oh, man. Steve thats the president [ laughter ] steve of the United States [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my gosh. Steve going down the tubers [ laughter and applause ] meep, meep. Jimmy unbelievable, man. Steve what the f . Jimmy unbelievable. Steve unbelievable. [ laughter ] this is real [ laughter ] oh. Jimmy thank you life and chips for being this weeks big movies and the name of Chris Christies tellall memoir. [ laughter and applause ] there you go. Those are my thank you notes. Well be right back with more of the tonight show [ cheers and applause ] i will never wash my hair again. New pantene doesnt just wash your hair, it fuels it. Making every strand stronger. So tangles dont stand a chance. Because strong is beautiful. Ir horns blast] first theyre sour. Guys. Shhhhh. Then theyre sweet. Nice. Now ill only get one lecture. Do you have any idea what time it is . Sour patch kids. Sour. Sweet. Gone. [ cheers and applause ] the eastern winds howl in the distance the sky unveils its infinite wisdom. Now is the time for an intense staredown. [ cheers and applause ] open your eyes to see the world. Close your eyes to see your mind. Squint your eyes to see the secret dolphin in a magic eye poster. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy today i saw two hawks gently soaring together above the crest of pines, plummeting down to the river and clasping the very same fish. And after i saw it, i said to myself, so that just happened. [ laughter and applause ] my mother is a woman. My father is a goat. I am a man. But you dont want to see my down there area. Thats all goat stuff. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy my first name is kwaith. My last name is dalmuggor. My middle name is gelpenung. But my nickname is lil peaches. [ laughter and applause ] they say no two snowflakes are the same. But i dont know, man. I saw two snowflakes before, and they looked a lot alike. You know what i mean, man . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. [ email ding ] email. Ooh, my neti pot shipped. [ laughter and applause ] im a poet. Even my chipotle interactions are perfect haikus. White or brown rice . Brown. Black or pinto beans . Pinto. What kind of meat . Steak. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my greatest wish is to no longer be allergic to snow. [ sneezing ] i hope that [ sneezing ] i hope that [ sneezing ] i hope that [ sneezing ] you know what . [ bleep ] it. [ laughter and applause ] earth. Jimmy wind. And fire. Ba de ya say do you remember ba de ya dancing in september ooh this has been an intense staredown. [ cheers and applause ] cover of chainsmokers dont l me down you can lift the weight of caring, by doing. Visit state farms neighborhoodofgood. Com to volunteer in your community. New degree ultraclearnt saving black white. Othes. No yellow stains on white clothes. No white marks on black clothes. New degree ultraclear black white. It wont let you down. E brght our daughter home, that was it. Now i have nicoderm cq. The nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release Technology Helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. Every great why needs a great how. I got it. I gotcha baby. vo its being there when youre needed most. Love is knowing. Hes the one. vo . It was meant to be. And love always keeps you safe. Were fine. vo love is why we built a car you can trust. Now and for a long time to come. The allnew Subaru Impreza sedan and fivedoor. A car you can love no matter what road youre on. The Subaru Impreza. More than a car, its a subaru. Nitrites or artificial mesquite preservatives. Added nitrates, now its good r ke introverts. Extroverts. cheering and even bert. Man you gotta try this sandwich. Whos just overt. Oscar mayer deli fresh. So good i am, um, very sorry. And were gonna get the phone his phone, uh out of you. As soon as [ringtone] [ringtone] i have to, i have to take this. Just a little pinch. Sweetheart, i left my phone insi [inaudible muffled voice] im having phone. Issues. Bye uh, were gonna fix this, needless to say. [voiceactivated doubletone] okay. Resuming play. Oh mickey what a pity you dont understand snickers® satisfies. This is one gorgeous truck. Special edition. Oh, did i say theres only one special edition . Because, actually theres five. Ooohh aaaahh uh hooooly mackerel. Wow. Nice. Strength and style. Its truck month. Get 0 financing for 60 months plus find your tag and get 5500 on select Chevy Silverado pickups when you finance with gm financial. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Dave this fios party is da bomb fo shizzle its tv totally ahead of its time. Yo, let me check that. Oh snap. That x1 voice remote is crunk and it lets me search with the sound of my voice. What should i watch . Things have come a long way since you got fios. [nervously laughs] whats fios . Fios has fallen behind. Dont fall with it. Xfinity x1 will change the way you experience tv. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is an Academy Awardwinning actor starring in the new comedy film going in style, which opens friday, april 7th. Please welcome the one, the only Morgan Freeman, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, its my man Morgan Freeman. Gosh, we love you. Buddy, welcome back. Yeah, they love you, man. I love you. Nice looking crowd you got here. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i got to say, first of all, congrats on madam secretary it just got picked up for a fourth season. You produced that show. Yeah. Well [ cheers and applause ] revelations entertainment produces it. Im just one of those, you know. Jimmy the people who have their name under oh, yeah. Jimmy what else have you produced . You produced the worm hole. Yeah. Through the worm hole. Jimmy through the worm hole. Which is great. The story of god. Jimmy the story of god, i mean is it bizarre to you . [ applause ] this might be a weird question, but when people think of god, they hear your voice. [ cheers and applause ] whats going on . Whats going on . Its a bit bizarre. [ light laughter ] jimmy i mean its a bit bizarre, yeah. I have trouble dealing with that one. Jimmy yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Jimmy im having no trouble dealing with it. [ laughter ] i think its fantastic. I got to tell you, i finally saw driving miss daisy. Wait a minute. [ cheers and applause ] you just hold on. Jimmy they love it. They love it, too. You finally [ laughter ] saw jimmy yeah. James jimmy i know. I know. [ laughter ] i understand. I know. I havent, i havent i know i wouldnt even admit that. [ laughter ] jimmy i wouldnt either, except for i have a lot of reasons. Okay. Jimmy so its a sunday night. Sunday night. Jimmy im sitting at home. I want to i felt like watching some kind of sporting event or some type of sports thing. So i put on a Golf Tournament or Something Like that. It was fine. I watched that, he doesnt theres nothing emotional. I go, okay. I go, i didnt get that emotion i wanted. I want to get a good cry or something. You know . Just i felt like i like watching sports when they go for even win or lose they get emotional. So i go, you know what, ive never seen driving miss daisy. And i love Morgan Freeman and i love jessica tandy. So i go, okay, ill just ill watch this film. So i rent it on apple tv. And i put my i dont check my phone because im assuming no one else is renting. [ snoring ] [ laughter ] Morgan Morgan [ cheers and applause ] are you sleeping . Wake up im here. Go on. Jimmy so anyway. Yeah. Jimmy so [ laughter ] you you rented driving miss daisy. Jimmy yes. I rented yeah. It is. At. Its fantastic. Hans zimmer scored the film. Yeah. Jimmy dan aykroyd is in it. Yeah. Jimmy patti lupone is very great in it. She got it in. I forgot she was in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy and youre fantastic. I love you. Yeah. Patti just sort slid in under the wire there. Might of paid as much attention to the fact that shes in it and shes great. Jimmy patti lupone. Yeah, shes fantastic. Anyways, i wake up the next morning and i find out that last night was the game seven of the nba finals. [ light laughter ] lebron wins. Cleveland wins. Its the most emotional sporting event in the entire world. Everyone saw it. Everyone cried and said this is the greatest sports moment ever. And youre wasting time watching driving miss daisy. [ laughter ] jimmy no. I watched you i got a good cry out of it but you were fantastic in it. Long story long. Thank you for listening to that. [ light laughter ] i want to i want to talk about you now. Lets talk about you. I want to talk about a you own a blues club. Yeah. Jimmy how fun is that . Is it fun . Yeah. Its great fun. Its in clarksdale, mississippi. [ cheers ] which is incidentally, the ground zero for the blues. Thats where it all sort of started in that general area around the plantations there. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy really . Yeah. Jimmy i did not know that. Yeah. Jimmy thats why its called ground zero blues. Thats why we call it ground zero. Jimmy and are you a blues fan . Big fan. Yeah. Music. Jimmy yeah. Of course. I love it. Could you recommend any blues is there whats some good blues to get into . Cause i like, i like the blues. Listen to blues what . Jimmy anything. Any recommendation. For blues . Jimmy yeah. Any blues. Jimmy okay, any. Any . Any . Any. Jimmy any blues. [ laughter ] i will spotify that tonight. Lets talk about this comedy. You know youre good at comedy. Did you know that . Yes. [ laughter ] jimmy this is a great comedy. Thats you im glad you like it. Jimmy i love that. I love Michael Caine. Michael caine. Its two very odd college boys because they talk like that. Sort of. Jimmy sort of. I got it i went into [ laughter ] i started with Michael Caine and then i went into mick jagger. [ laughter ] it happens sometimes. You know . Yeah, when im having fun, yeah, but Michael Caine. He talk he talks like this. And he talks and he goes, i got no. Thats mick jagger. Well, he started out real cottony. Jimmy yeah, he did. When he was a young man, he spoke with a really strong cottony accent. But then he got in his first movie, which was a a picture called, zulu. Which they hired him to play an upper crust. You know . Jimmy yeah. And from then on he was starting to learn how to talk regular. Jimmy yeah, but now everyone [ laughter ] but now Everyone Wants him to go back to the old Michael Caine voice. Well jimmy because they go, this is my impression of Michael Caine and thats what i thought he would sound like. [ light laughter ] it would help for people to know who theyre listening to. Jimmy exactly. And you have alan arkin. Yeah. Jimmy as well. Yeah. Alan. Jimmy man, hes funny, man. Hes awesome. And directed by zach braff. Yeah. Jimmy and its a basically its a bank robbery. You guys get together and decide to rob a bank. Well, i wouldnt put it that way. Jimmy okay. How would you put it . We sort of relieve the bank of some of our money. [ laughter ] jimmy thats a better way to put it. Yeah. It is yeah. [ applause ] that makes more sense. Yeah. [ applause ] its super funny. I want everyone to go check it out. Morgan freeman. I want to show a clip. Heres Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine [ light laughter ] in the movie going in style. Take a look at this. Willie. Willie. That was close. I got a new getaway car. Where the hell did you get that thing . Stole it. Jump in the basket. Who the hell do you think i am . E. T. . Willie jump in the bloody basket im not getting in no bloody basket [ whistle ] hes gaining on us. Power, power. Give it some power [ laughter ] i think we should make the light. No, no, no. Youre not going to make the light, joe. Youre not going to make the light [ whistle ] hey no, joe, you cant make the light [ inaudible ] [ screaming ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on. Its so good man. Morgan freeman, everybody. Going in style hits theaters april 7th. Well be right back with Norman Reedus. Stick around, everybody [ cheers and applause ] wheres frank . Its league night saved money on motorcycle insurance with geico goin up the country. Bowl without me. Frank. im going to get nachos. Snack bars closed. Gah ah, ah ah. Im goin up the country, baby dont you wanna go . Im goin up the country, baby dont you wanna go . Geico motorcycle, great rates for great rides. were proud to reveal that jim beam black has been awarded the worlds highest rated bourbon. Their words, not ours. Make history. hes asleep. Ke history. Ive got the gelato. Is that ice cream . No, its, uh breyers gelato indulgences. It looks like ice cream. Its not. Can i have some . You really wouldnt like it. Its got caramel and crunchy stuff. I like caramel and crunchy stuff. Its not for kids. Im a grownup. Breyers gelato indulgences. Creamy gelato, rich caramel, topped with crunchy curls. Its way beyond ice cream. Do you think im gonna crack under pressure or conquer the field . Defy expectations any day with always infinity. Made with flexfoam. Absorbs 10x its weight. Rewrite the rules. Always. Ther way to say this. Its over. Ive found a permanent escape from monotony. Together, we are perfectly balanced, our senses awake, our hearts racing as one. Udden, but they say if you love something. Set it free. See you around, giulia [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody. Welcome back. Our next guest stars on one of the biggest shows on television. The walking dead, which airs sundays [ cheers and applause ] airs sundays at 9 00 p. M. On amc. Everyone, please welcome Norman Reedus [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Jimmy thanks for coming back to the show. We love you, and i love you for doing that sketch with us. The instance staredown. Thank you for that. That was fun. Jimmy i should let everyone know, that was that was normans real nipple. [ laughter ] i thought youd say hair. Jimmy oh, hair, yeah, thats what i meant to say. That was great, i love you. We had a wig ready for you. [ light laughter ] my hair was longer than the wig. Jimmy yeah, there you go. I can just do a manbun there. Last time you were on the show you introduced me, a little bit, you gave me my first lesson in riding a motorcycle, and i appreciate that. That was fun. Yeah. Jimmy now because you have a show. About riding with you and having conversations, just talking about bikes and stuff. When did you first get into motorcycles . Do you remember . Yeah. I was, junior high, we had one kid that had a yz80, we would take turns riding that bike and run from cops and kill the engine, and hide between houses. Jimmy you run from cops . Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jimmy why were they chasing you . Because its really loud. Jimmy oh, is it really . Its a dirt bike in the suburbs. You dont jimmy i knew that one kid that had a dirt bike, yeah. So you got into dirtbikes. And then when did you get a a first bike of your own . The proper bike well i working at this motorcycle shop and they gave me a it was a a honda rebel. Which was a tiny, little 250 motorcycle as a loaner bike. And all the people that, you know, would be working on the motorcycles would all tease me. All the girls would give me crap. And jimmy why . Whats a honda rebel . Its like a moped basically. [ laughter ] jimmy i think thats great. Yeah, but you know, no, its not. [ light laughter ] jimmy okay. But and then finally i bought my first bike, i saved up money working there and i got a buell s1 lightning and which kind of looks like a a motorcycle dipped in chrome. Jimmy really . Yeah. Jimmy the motorcycle is dipped in chrome . It looks like it, yeah. Jimmy how cool is that . I mean, you got a yeah from that. Ody in the audience. Kno yeah, but then i had to i gave it to a friend of mine for bail money and i never saw the bike again. [ laughter ] jimmy he used your bail money . Yeah. Jimmy wow . If youre listening, i want my money back. [ laughter ] j where was the bike shop . In venice, california. Jimmy do you live there . I lived downtown l. A. Before there was a downtown l. A. , i lived down it was just like trash cans on fire. Jimmy yeah. It really is. Yeah, venice is great, though. Oh, yeah. Jimmy do you remember a a place called van goghs ear . I do. I totally do. Jimmy do you remember, it was like a cafe . Yeah, yeah, i totally remember that. Jimmy i used to go there its closed now, but i used to go there when i did standup. I lived out in l. A. And i just would go and i could only afford tea. Chamomile, id go and just hang out, and try to like write jokes and oh, yeah, yeah. Venice was cool it was sketchy at one point. Jimmy it really was sketchy. Yeah. Jimmy it was, yeah i remember somebody said, because, like, my roommate drove me there and they said, hey, leave your car unlocked, because people come and if the doors locked, theyll break it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jimmy so let them just break into your car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. Jimmy okay. Were good. Were cool. Lets go home. Same as downtown, same thing. Jimmy really . Yeah. Jimmy oh but i loved van goghs ear was great. And you got the mural of, you know, jim morrison. Ah, i love Venice Venice beach is great. Yeah, its cool. Jimmy did you ever get into a knock on wood an accident on your bike . Yeah. Ive been in a few. I only had one really big one. I was you know where that 101 cafe is in hollywood . You know that 101 cafe by the 101 freeway . Jimmy like a food show. Its like the california jimmy the california food show, yeah. The 101 cafe, yeah, i know the 101, but i dont know yeah, theres a cafe right there. But to get on the freeway, i was making a right to get on the freeway and these two old people actually pulled up in a a car into my lane and i sort of saw them do like this as i flew over their car. [ audience ohs ] and then the bike was kind of doing like a cartwheel in the air that way, and then i landed, and then i had warrants out for my arrest. But [ laughter ] im going to get in trouble for this interview. Jimmy what the heck is going on . Yeah. But so i had to push the i mean not big warrants. You know, like didnt pay a a parking ticket. So i pushed the bike in the bushes [ laughter ] am i in trouble right now . Jimmy no, im just totally i just love how different our lives are. [ laughter and applause ] its fascinating. Its fascinating. Im, like, watching driving miss daisy and youre running from the cops. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy with a warrant out for your arrest. Youre so cool. [ light laughter ] all right, i just want to be friends with you. Well, i had to push the bike in the bushes and then jimmy of course. Because you dont want to get arrested. Yeah, and then i wobbled to a friends house. Jimmy oh my, of course you did and then jimmy a broken leg . Landed on his sofa landed on his sofa all scraped up, and, while i was laying on the ground, everybody would drive by going, sue them, sue them, but nobody stopped to help me. [ laughter ] you know what i mean . Jimmy sue the old people . Well, youre in california. Everybody sues each other, i think, right . So everyones going, sue them. Jimmy instead of helping you, theyre like, sue those people. Yeah, honk, honk. Jimmy i dont want yeah, i dont want to get involved with you. Yeah, yeah, totally. Jimmy a warrant for your arrest. Yeah. [ light laughter ] so you did this so you just rode motorcycle with dave chappelle. Oh, yeah. Jimmy i saw that somewhere, i read about that somewhere. Yeah. Jimmy how great is that man . Hes the coolest guy ever. Hes a big biker and jimmy is he a big biker . Dude, i saw him go into a a bar and do a comedy show where theres a bunch of southern people who are drinking, sort of heckling and being crazy, and he turned that whole room into a lovefest in about 45 minutes. It was i mean, thats a a gift. You know what i mean . That guy has a gift. Jimmy hes talented. Hes a talented dude. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy oh, no way. Thats so fun. Is that the one that bill murray came to or no. We stopped and met bill murray. It was funny because i met him at south by southwest. And i said, yeah, first time i met you, you were wearing a a dress and you were riding a a donkey. And he goes, no that was a a fullsize horse. [ laughter ] jimmy that was the problem with the story . [ laughter ] yeah, yeah, i was like, sorry jimmy that was his problem with the story, it was a full size horse, it wasnt a donkey, you idiot. The weirdest part was when i first met dave, sean hannity kept sending over tequila shots, which was jimmy what . Right . [ laughter ] jimmy wait, what are you talking about . Sending where were you where did you eat . Can you oh, you dont want to say. Sean hannity . He was out eating, not with you not with us but he ran into dave, and i guess he geeked out on dave and just kept sending the table tequila shots all night. It was so weird, it became like a running thing. Jimmy wow, you know whats weird . I saw sean hannity at a a restaurant once. He didnt send me anything. [ laughter ] jimmy lets talk about the walking dead. Its bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and better and awesome. [ cheers and applause ] i dont know it can get better. Next season you youre going to hit 100 episodes, buddy. Congratulations. Crazy, thanks man. Thats insane. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy youre fantastic in it. Thank you, man. Jimmy everyone loves you. Are you ever afraid that youre going to be killed off . Every single script. [ laughter ] jimmy guys, my thanks to Norman Reedus. [ cheers and applause ] the walking dead airs sundays sundays at 9 00 p. M. On amc. Well be right back with standup from Joe Zimmerman. Stick around, everybody [ cheers and applause ] when youre close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment . If you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. Taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. With taltz, up to 90 of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. In fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. Do not use if you are allergic to taltz. Before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. Taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. 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I dont think thats how theyre made. Klondike hooks up with tasty flavors. With simply right checking from santander bank, just make one deposit, payment, withdrawal, or transfer each month to waive the monthly fee. And theres no minimum balance. Youre alright with simply right checking from santander bank. Are you feeling alright, baby . From santander bank. Well, if it isnt the second most famoushbor. Groundhog in pennsylvania. Wow, you were some athlete. Back in the day, g. Well, you can still go for gold. Ahh, Million Dollar gold rush, the new instant game from the pennsylvania lottery. With top prizes of a Million Dollars. See, you still got game, dwayne. I got instant game, gus. Instant game. giggles keep on scratchin. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my next guest has a a great comedy album called smiling at wolves. Its available on itunes. Making his the tonight show debut, please welcome, the very funny Joe Zimmerman [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. Thank you wow. Wow. A lot of stressful things going on in the world. Im trying to learn meditation. And i didnt realize you just close your eyes, and worry about everything. [ laughter ] oh, no. Thats my mantra. Oh, no. [ . Laughter ] every time i look at the news, i feel like maybe i need start doomsday prepping. I ordered a survival kit off the internet, which i realize is the least survival way to get a survival kit. [ laughter ] online with a gift card. [ laughter ] it arrived. Its a backpack full of emergency supplies. Ive already eaten two of the power bars. [ laughter and applause ] theyre good. I dont know how these doomsday preppers are resisting the constant temptation of dipping into the bunker fridge. Oh, man, we got to make a a grocery run, or [ laughter ] you know, we got that chicken cordon bleu in a can. [ laughter ] in the old apocalypse pantry. But i have bad eyesight, thats no good for survival. I wear contacts. As soon as my prescription runs out, im just going to make a a cannibal happy. [ applause ] and people say you got to get lasik. Im not getting lasik. Im not putting lasers near my eyeballs. I have an eye phobia. And my therapist says for phobia, one thing you can do, is go through the worst thing that could happen and itll help walk through your fear. I was like, okay. I guess the worst thing that could happen would be the lasers i dont know. Explode my eyeball . [ light laughter ] and then im just blind forever. I guess its not that bad. But thats not even the worst case. Worst case would be that i then sue the doctor and lose. He counter sues. He wins. [ laughter and applause ] worst case, im blind and broke. I trip on a dead body im like, wake up, cold man. [ laughter ] and now my fingerprints are all over a dead body [ laughter and applause ] sentenced to life in jail for a a crime i didnt commit. So i thought about it, and i still dont want lasik. [ laughter ] people get falsely accused all the time. Thats the ultimate nightmare. Theres all of these documentaries out about it right now. Making of a murderer, serial, shawshank redemption. [ laughter ] and our Justice System is a a jury of 12 random people. Thats crazy. Excuse me. Do you guys understand the law . No. [ laughter ] why are you deciding it . Were being forced to. [ laughter ] they said if we didnt show up, we might have to go to jail. [ laughter and applause ] so sometimes when i get really paranoid, ill play a game in my head called can i prove where i was at yesterday . [ laughter ] and its fun you just pick a time. See if you can remember where you were, and then see if you can prove it. [ laughter ] ill play yesterday. Noon. Okay. My credit card, time stamped innocent. [ laughter and applause ] anytime i us c jail for whatever just happened. Er ] feels good. That game gets really hard the later at night the time is. Like 3 00 a. M. Oh. That does sound like a murder time. [ laughter ] 3 00 a. M. , i was asleep, alone. I took no lover. [ laughter ] theres really no way to prove it. Guilty as charged. [ laughter and applause ] cant afford to sleep alone which is a pretty good pickup line. Hey, will you come home with me tonight . Im afraid of being charged for murder. [ cheers and applause ] hey, thank you im Joe Zimmerman and i appreciate it. You guys are great [ cheers and applause ] jimmy worstcase scenario Joe Zimmerman [ cheers and applause ] for more on joe, please visit zimmermancomedy. Com. Well be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to Morgan Freeman, Norman Reedus, Joe Zimmerman, once again, ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause ] and the roots over there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching. Have a great weekend. Hope to see you next week. Byebye, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight tracy morgan from billions, actress malin akerman, music from bebe rexha, featuring the 8g band with brann dailor. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, th meyers. Seth good evening, everybody. Im seth myers. This is late night. Hows everybody doing tonight . [ cheers ] fantastic to hear. In that case, lets get to the news. Well, President Trump gave his first solo press Conference Today and all of america quietly moved to the other end of the subway car. [ light laughter ] maybe hell just get off at the ne