And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 641, iowa yeah steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh hello looking good welcome to the tonight show, everybody youve made it youre here thank goodness you made it. Thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] im your host, jimmy fallon. I see a lot of green out there. Looking good. [ cheers ] yeah. I want to wish everyone a happy st. Patricks day to everyone [ cheers and applause ] and everyone at home, watching, too. For many today, a proud day to celebrate irish heritage. For most, its the start of pregaming for cinco de mayo. [ cheers and applause ] so, its a little little primer. Get this. I read that 13 million pints of guinness were expected to be consumed today. Yeah. And they just didnt expect that wed do it by 9 00 a. M. , but we did. [ cheers ] were overachievers. Steve we did it jimmy usa usa usa [ audience chanting usa ] thats right, yeah. There was a lot of drinking today. So, for once, it wasnt a big deal when sean spicer showed up to his White House Press briefing with a flask. [ laughter and applause ] you know, thats normal. Actually, it turns out, President Trump is a big fan of the irish. Thats why yesterday he sported the colors of their flag. There you go. Hes got green tie, white shirt, orange chin. [ applause ] its perfect. Steve oh jimmy the whole combo. That was very thoughtful. Steve yeah, very thoughtful of him. Jimmy but it turns out everyone in the Trump Administration loves st. Patricks day, and several members took part in the festivities. For example, attorney general Jeff Sessions dressed up as the lucky charms leprechaun and nobody noticed. [ laughter and applause ] no one. Steve wow. Jimmy not one person. Steve wow jimmy next treasury secretary steve mnuchin. He put glasses on a potato behind his desk then went out and got drununk [ laughter and applause ] drunoonk. Drununk . Steve drununk. Jimmy drunoonk, yeah, drunoonk. Next, white house advisor Kellyanne Conway went to a a st. Patricks day parade and took photos with her microwave. That was cool. [ cheers and applause ] and finally, Vice President mike pence tried to ban the word gaelic. Steve really . Jimmy yeah. [ laughter and applause ] enough iou enough is enough steve wow. [ laughter ] jimmy again, on behalf of everyone here at the tonight show, id like to wish you all a happy st. Patricks day. If youre irish, raise a glass, and if youre not irish, raise two. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] tariq hey, yo, jimmy. Jimmy yo, whats up, man . A happy st. Patricks day, too . Jimmy of course, tariq. Tariq can we do it with an irish accent . Jimmy id be disappointed if you didnt. [ light laughter ] tariq okay. Top of the morning to you [ applause ] that was great. What about you, kamal . May your troubles be less and your blessings be more. And nothing but happiness come through your door. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey fantastic that was beautiful that was really nice. What about you, james . I parked my car across far from the bar at harvard yard. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy lets get to some news here. [ laughter ] steve whew. Jimmy yesterday a Senate Intelligence committee announced that it found no evidence that President Trump had been wiretapped by president obama. When asked if hed apologize to obama, trump said, ill just say im sorry the next time he wiretaps me. [ laughter and applause ] no. The white house did apologize for accusing British Intelligence of helping obama wiretap trump during the campaign. And to show that theres no hard feelings, the uk promised to never listen to anything trump says ever again. [ cheers and applause ] thats a great idea. Lets shake on that. We have a deal. Well never, ever do it. Meanwhile, trump held a joint press conference with german chancellor Angela Merkel today. We watched it, and it seemed like she was a little distracted. Look at can we see what she is thinking about here . We said nothing. All we did was quote a a certain a very talented legal mind, who was the one responsible for saying that on television. [ laughter ] i never would have guessed i could miss someone so bad yeah reay only met her about a week ago but it doesnt seem to matter [ cheers and applause ] [ applause ] jimmy a lot of people are ter ing about this. They met, and normally thats when theyd shake hand mr. President . Thank you. Hankou, folks. Thank you, folks. [ audience ohs ] jimmy so, for he insulted both england and germany in less th steve yeah jimmy that is a new record. Usa no, no, no, no. Im sorry. E, f news aired some more of trumps interview with Tucker Carlson last night, and the president was asked what he does at the end of the day. Well, listen to what he said. I love to read. Actually, im looking at a a book. Im reading a book. Im trying to get started. I love to read. [ laughter ] i dont get to read very much. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. I read. I read cereal boxes. [ cheers ] i read my remote control. I try to read the little words at the bottom of fox news, but sometimes they go too fast, but i try to read. [ cheers and applause ] i love reading. Im mr. Book. They call me mr. Book. This is going viral here. You guys, you see this video . Someone took a slow motion video of an amtrak train here in new york pulling into a a station and running into a a bunch of snow. Everyone is okay. But just take a look at how cool this is. Jimmy here comes the train, and then what . Oh, my. This is what . Oh, man [ laughter ] well, i guess im not going to work today. Okay. [ scattered applause ] at least the trains on time. Steve yeah. Jimmy yeah. Steve you know . Jimmy guys, its the end of another crazy week, and since theres too much to talk about, instead of giving you a full week in review, we put together a little montage that just focuses on the key words used this week. Its time once again for this week in words. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] march madness the ncaa in the 68 teams selected to play st. Patricks day green tie for a reason northeast blizzard late in the season surveillance methods any number of ways through their phones tvs and microwaves coming this friday beauty and the beast bachelor finale who did he pick we all couldnt be happier for vanessa and nick a lot of unresolved issues to deal with healthcare fight and russia concerns Donald Trumps tax returns wiretap claims has no facts so the white house is trying to walk it back wiretapping wiretapping wiretapping in quotes jimmy we have a great show tonight give it up for the roots, everybody [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, everybody. Thank you for tuning in. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for watching. I hope youre having a great time. Guys, we have great show tonight. We just love this woman. She is the coolest. Steve ahh. Jimmy the star of empire, taraji p. Henson is here steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] come on. Jimmy taraji and i are going to play a special st. Patricks day edition of drinko. Steve ooh. [ cheers ] jimmy so be sure to tune in for that. Plus, from adult swims neon joe, the very funny jon glaser is dropping by. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy neon joe. Steve come on. Jimmy hes my jam. And we have great music. Oh, tonight. Oh, my gosh. We have great music. Run the jewels is here tonight steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its fantastic. I love those guys. Its going to be good. Guys, todays friday, and thats usually when i catch up with my personal stuff. You know, i check my inbox. Can i get maybe a beat after that . I check my inbox. I return some emails. And, of course, i send out my thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Uh, james can i get some thank you noteswriting music, please . Steve wow. Jimmy hes having a blast. Steve yeah. [ laughter ] this is like his party day. Jimmy yeah. Steve you can tell hes having a great time. Jimmy hes been drinking since 8 00 in the morning. [ laughter ] steve 8 00 yesterday morning. Jimmy yeah, yesterday. Steve james in jameson. Jimmy thank you, Shamrock Shake, for sounding less like a drink and more what leprechauns call twerking. [ laughter and applause ] steve theyre magically delicious. Jimmy thank you, march madness, for making me feel good about rooting against a bunch of 19yearolds trying to follow their dreams. [ laughter and applause ] steve ah jimmy thank you, guinness logo, for letting me know what it would look like if picasso painted donald trump. Then they go [ laughter and applause ] interesting. Thats art. Steve art. Jimmy its art. You get it . Steve beautiful. Golden. Jimmy thank you, pub crawls, for being trick or treating for drunk people. [ cheers and applause ] steve ding dong [ imitates vomiting ] [ laughter ] jimmy james, can i get a a honk, honk for that one . [ light laughter ] there you go. Steve give me a beep beep jimmy happy st. Patricks day. Steve there you go. Really tied one off. Jimmy this is a new thing now. Steve its the new thing. Youd love it. [ laughter ] jimmy everyone is doing it. Vogue magazine said. Steve vogue way . Jimmy vogue way. Steve vogue way. Jimmy vogue way, esquirt. Steve esquirt . Jimmy esquire. Steve and gaq. Jimmy gq [ laughter ] they all said this is the top deal. Steve this is the top deal, its top shelf. People who do this, classy topshelf people. Jimmy this is, like, yeah. This is electric boogaloo. [ laughter ] steve what . Im not a trend follower. Oh, youre doing it, too. Jimmy oh, whats up . Oh. Steve sup . St. Patricks day is up. Jimmy i think james everything good over there, james . There you go. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] steve oye jimmy thank you, snowblower for looking like a lawnmower thats flashing somebody. Its like, whoa, hey. [ laughter and applause ] steve hello jimmy hey. Steve hmm, Christmas Goose came early. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, beauty and the beast for teaching kids an important lesson. Its okay if youre hideous and everyone is scared of you. You can still get the girl as long as youre crazy rich. [ laughter and applause ] good lesson. Steve its America Jimmy its a good lesson to learn. Steve its america [ light laughter ] jimmy thank you, little girl who interrupted her dads bbc interview [ light laughter ] for letting us know what it would look like if minions were real. There you go, everybody. Thats what im talking about. [ cheers and applause ] those of my thank you notes. Well be right back with taraji p. Henson [ cheers and applause ] i dont think thats how theyre made. Klondike hooks up with tasty flavors. The best ice cream bars ever conceived. [laughs] you have a side that is retired playing tag and gettin tired. You have a side that saves for their tuition. But right now it looks like bedtime is the mission. A side that owns your own store. Looks like you need to expand some more. Thats why theres nationwide. They help protect and grow your many sides. Nationwide is on your side. Sir . You give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. Can i keep the walnuts . Yes. But i get to pick your movie. Can i pick the genre . Nope. With the blue cash everyday card you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Backed by the service and security of american express. You get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Deartheres no other way to say this. Its over. Ive found a permanent escape from monotony. Together, we are perfectly balanced. Our senses awake. Our hearts racing as one. I know this is sudden, but they say. If you love something set it free. See you around, giulia dave this fios party is da bomb fo shizzle its tv totally ahead of its time. Yo, let me check that. Oh snap. That x1 voice remote is crunk and it lets me search with the sound of my voice. What should i watch . Things have come a long way since you got fios. [nervously laughs] whats fios . Fios has fallen behind. Dont fall with it. Xfinity x1 will change the way you experience tv. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is an Academy Award nominated and golden globe winning actress starring on the very Popular Television series empire, which returns with all new episodes beginning wednesday march 22nd on fox. Please welcome the very talented, the very beautiful taraji p. Henson [ cheers and applause ] jimmy taraji, you are the greatest i love you only you. Oh, come on. Is everybody drunk . Jimmy oh, yeah [ cheers and applause ] ats in your mug, jimmy. Jimmy well, only the finest, only the finest. Smells like water. Jimmy well, its all right. The finest water. Okay. I have to be careful, because my makeup and hair is watching i like this jimmy i think leave it, leave it. This is not distracting . Jimmy that looks cute. No. [ light laughter ] you you somehow pull it off. You look gorgeous. Im awful as a bug, look, my antennas is sideways. They get stuck. [ light laughter ] jimmy i like that. [ laughter ] i think it looks cute. Do you want me to take it off . I was always special. Jimmy oh my god, ridiculous, i was always special. I was trying to hide that. Jimmy oh really . No, you can just leave it out. Whatever you want to do, you can play. It might be distracting. Jimmy thank you. You look gorgeous, first of all. I do . Tell me again. Jimmy you always look gorgeous. [ laughter ] tell me again, yeah, everything. By the way, i wish if i had your email and everything, id be like, dude, you were fantastic on that, you were great on that, you looked gorgeous on that. Aw, thank you. Jimmy look at this, i mean super mom level up here. I mean, come on. [ cheers and applause ] i look incredible right now. I look amazing. Jimmy no, thats not you. Youre up here. Thats you, yeah. Oh, yeah. Jimmy you do look amazing. I always wanted to be kate moss, so jimmy yeah. How great is kate moss . Shes so hot. Jimmy shes a rocker. Yeah. So unfair. Jimmy its unfair. Happy st. Patricks day. Thank you, yes. Jimmy i know that you live in chicago, right . Where you filmed empire . Yes okay, so heres heres the disturbing, well not disturbing, but its confusing. Jimmy okay. I thought st. Pattys was last weekend. [ light laughter ] im confused. Jimmy they have to do it. What do you mean . Jimmy its such a blow out, that it takes a week to clean up. It is well they dye the river green. Jimmy they really go for it. Chicagos is one of the biggest st. Patricks day celebrations. I know, but how do they get to how do they get two weekends of drunkenness . I mean, i dont understand. Who came up with this idea . Jimmy i wish i did, but it wasnt me. Its a great idea. [ laughter ]ars. [ light laughter ] but did you now, i always forget that it is the week beforet i never know that. Well i figured it out when i get on the elevator about 9 30 a. M. , and my, i dont if they were my neighbors guests jimmy at 9 00 a. M. 9 00 a. M. And i had to lie down 38 floors and so i got secondhand drunk. [ laughter ] i was have you ever been seco jimmy off of their fumes . Off of their fumes, baby. At 9 30 in the morning. Jimmy and what were you doing up there . Were you working . No. I was going over to jesses. It still hadnt dawned on me. I was like, whoa, they have problems. [ light laughter ] jimmy mustve came from a a rave, yeah. Im like, what is going on with them . So then i get downstairs, and i catch a cab and jesse lives like a block from me. Yeah. Im her. Its that cold in chicago. [ laughter ] and the cab drivers looking at me. I was like, buddy, i tip well. Just do it. Jimmy it is too cold too cold. Jimmy it is really cold. So then were driving and i see a few people and im like, oh, wow, a lot of people wore green today. It still doesnt dawn on me until i get upstairs and the rivers green and i go, ah so then we go to brunch. And im like, well, we might as well drink, right . [ laughter ] jimmy gives you an excuse. Gives me an excuse. Im drinking now. Jimmy me, too. I wish i had a rihanna flask. Jimmy oh, wait, that was a a cool flask. That was cool, right . Jimmy what was it again . Did she just it was like a bejeweled flask. Im looking for one. Jimmy but it was a cleavage flask. Hey [ laughter ] i dont know where she pulled it from. Jimmy oh, so you pulled it out of there. Ay, but you know what, i like that. Jimmy thats good cleavage flask. Cleavage flask, thats us. Jimmy thats awesome. So well be rich. Jimmy yeah, i never did that thing. That seals the deal. Thats sealing the deal. You didnt know about this . Jimmy oh, man, no. I know pinky pinky got you can get away with not following through, but if you seal the deal jimmy thats it . [ laughter ] i did not know this. You dont know about sealing the deal . Yeah, see . Philly knows about sealing the deal. Jimmy all right, philly knows about cleavage flask, doesnt have to be the name. We can get a better name for it. But, im down, man. You down for that, right . Jimmy i would totally do that. Yeah, absolutely. Im in. I got to say congratulations. I havent seen you since Hidden Figures came out and [ cheers and applause ] yes jimmy over 200 million later youre at the oscars. Nominated for best picture, pal. Yes. Jimmy you hit this one out of the park thank you [ cheers and applause ] jimmy fantastic. So happy. m still waiting for to bring up the Hidden Figures, or is it too soon . Jimmy no. The envelope the envelope. Jimmy yeah. Well, everybody was like, youre youre a surprise. I was like, well, i mean anything is possible at this point. Jimmy it could be a third mistake. It coulbe [ light laughter ] jimmy how does it feel to i mean honestly that movie was pretty powerful, i got to be honest. It was great. It still is. Jimmy yeah. Its i mean people are still taking classes and kids and i mean, its the most proudest moment of my career. Jimmy yeah, really. I mean, the message is so poignant and its so needed right now. Jimmy yeah because you were ngs a rl. There was an understanding that math and science was for boys. No one necessarily no ones brave enough to tell you that. But there was this understanding, and, you know if id known about these women maybe i wouldnt have chose to sat in the back of the math class or science classroom because i just i was like, its not for me. So why should i be interested . And i could have been a Rocket Scientist [ light laughter ] jimmy yes. We know i know. [ cheers and applause ] i doubt it. Dont get excited. I do jimmy im so happy you didnt, because thats why youre here. You did a cool thing with your cast members. The cast mates from Hidden Figures. Whh o co that you rented out a theater. As a collective we decided to rent out theaters in neighborhoods, like in chicago. Whew, whats going on there. So i was like, you know, as a si know, raising my kid. Its hard. Its hard. Movies are not cheap. And if you have one more than one child, thats rent, basically. Thats the car note. You know . So [ laughter ] so i was like, you know what . This movie is that important that we should be selfless. Because the story, these womens stories, so much bigger than me. So much bigger than all of us. You know . So it was i felt like it was our duty to do it. Jimmy i think its cool that you did that. I love it. I loved that you did that. [ applause ] when does it come out . This is march 22nd. Jimmy next wednesday, new episode next wednesday and you said that this is a throwdown . Well, theres a bat involved. Jimmy no well. Jimmy so this is like beyonces. Lemonade. Okay, so we all saw lemonade right . Jimmy yeah. Well, cookie is going to give you limeade. [ light laughter ] jimmy i missed it. Thats what im talking about. The reason i say that is because shes dressed in green. Jimmy oh, is she really . Yes, he is, all green. Jimmy well thats perfect for st. Patricks day, this is what im talking about. Segue in, we always play a game every time you come on the show. We always have fun. I thought tonight id love to play you in a little st. Patricks day themed drinko. Ou just you just tr to see if i can drink you under the table, but i can because im a winner [ cheers and applause ] jimmy taraji p. Henson, watch empire, wednesdays 9 00 p. M. On fox. Were playing drinko when we come back, stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] i like your. Hair. I like yours too. Can i have some . Its not cool to ask that. Thanks, captain obvious. Online dating isnt always rewarding. Instant savings now, free nights later. Hotels. Com. Hi hey ive made plans for later in case this date doesnt go well. Likewise but, funny story. On top of that . My mom is my best friend. Uh oh. Yeah. Oop theres the rescue text from my roommate saying she needs me. Wouldnt it be great if everyone said what they meant . The citi double cash card does. It lets you earn double cash back the citi double cash card. How do they make starburst taste so juicy . They use wd to shoot the juiciness into every starburst. [ pilot ] its about to get juicy. Whoo i feel so aliii. It takes guts. [ female announcer ] starburst. Unexplainably juicy. Hey, leggo my eggo. Hat needs . Uh uh. Not ccc cause i have the and i i. Thats a lot. Raisins. Really . What just happened here . You know the rules. I make the rules. Leggo my eggo. Im doing this for you, dad. Thanks son. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody were hanging out with the star of empire, taraji p. Henson everybody [ cheers and applause ] we are about to play game called drinko. Drinko, do you want to explain how the game works . Steve yes. Yes. Welcome to drinko. [ laughter ] in this game you two will take turns climbing my stairs and dropping two of your discs into the drinko board. The discs will come down into these plastic cups containing some of my favorite beverages of st. Patricks day. Such as guinness, Shamrock Shake, and cabbage juice. [ cheers ] cabbage juice . Jimmy cabbage juice is one of your favorite beverages . Steve i love it, baby. You must drink a cocktail of jimmy okay. Thank you drinko. Steve youre welcome. I wonder who that is. Jimmy i appreciate it, drinko. I wonder who that is. Jimmy thats the robot, drinko. Yeah, i know. [ laughter ] does he wear glasses . Jimmy i dont know. Well you go up [ laughter ] taraji, you go up the stairs and you can drop your first chip. Drinko. Hey, drinko [ laughter ] steve i love cookies stop it [ laughter ] jimmy okay. Here you go. [ laughter ] all right. Steve drop your disc jimmy this is for you. Does that tickle . Jimmy youre making yourself look like [ laughter ] steve hey, hey. Hey, hey guess my christmas goes early. [ laughter ] are you getting excited . Steve hey [ cheers and applause ] is it cabbage juice . [ laughter ] steve now for the second disc. My would go i would go more towards that side. [ laughter ] so i go again . Jimmy i would. Yeah, there you go. Steve drop the disc. Oh hey, hey, hey jimmy there you go. [ cheers and applause ] steve jameson. Jimmy jameson. Huh . Jimmy jameson. Steve jameson with cabbage juice. Oh steve we call that jimmy drinko, stop. [ light laughter ] all right. Heres the heres the jameson. Youre supposed to stop it when i jimmy here it is. Oh, oh. Jimmy the cabbage juice. Oh, that part. Ew [ cheers ] i might need this cup. Jimmy i know, i know. Here you go. Ah jimmy did you smell it . Why did you smell it . Dont smell it. Just do it. Just drink it. What happens if i dont . Jimmy you just have to. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] steve play. Jimmy oh, my gosh [ cheers and applause ] yes steve all right. James, it is your turn to ascend the stairs. Jimmy all right, thank you. Thank you, drinko. Thats going to give me gas. [ laughter ] jimmy this way . [ laughter ] drinko, where do you want me to put my disc . [ laughter ] steve you dont have to ask [ inaudible ] steve go ahead, james. Drop your drinko disc. Youre used to handling discs. [ light laughter ] four leaf clover juice. [ cheers ] jimmy what was it . Steve four leaf clover juice. Jimmy what does that mean . Basically wheat grass. Steve its the juice of four leaf clovers. Like wheat grass. [ light laughter ] jimmy thank you, thank you. Basically, grass. Jimmy thank you, drinko. Grass. Jimmy drinkos like alexa, yeah. It doesnt matter what you get in that. T really doesnt. Steve let her rip, baby. [ light laughter ] there we go. Its coming down. Breakfast tea. [ audience ohs ] so you have breakfast tea. Ha . Come here [ laughter ] show yourself jimmy this is drinko. Sorry [ laughter ] okay. Jimmy oh, its going to be tough, man. How am i going to do this . Wheat grass juice and another juice. [ audience ohs ] want me to smell it for youh this. [ inaudible ] jimmy and tea . Tea . Smell it first. Ew. It smells like grass. Jimmy no, doesnt smell. I like grass. I like mowing the lawn. I like what does your white sneakers after you mow the lawn. You get all green around it. This might already be in my stomach. Stop procrastinating. [ cheers ] and applause ] jimmy okay. Now its time for the final round. Ah oh, ah jimmy this is going to be a this is going to be a a race. Uhoh. [ laughter ] jimmy just make sure that were safe. All right, were going to climb up. Were gonna drop our discs here. Lets take our discs and then the first one that lands is the winner. So the second person has to drink that shot. Here we go. I beat you. Jimmy drinko . Steve get ready. Jimmy youre very quiet. Everything okay . Steve im good. Im just having a drinko. Drinko, you better not be looking up my skirto [ laughter ] steve i told you i love cookies. Hey jimmy thats not fair. Whew jimmy wow. What did i get . Jimmy that was such a that was so embarrassed no. But i love you. Ill do it. Okay. [ laughter ] jimmy what is it, though . Is it bad . Its irish coffee. Steve Shamrock Shake. Jimmy Shamrock Shake . Steve and irish coffee. Jimmy hell, yeah. Thats fantastic. What is that . Jimmy im gonna order this later. This is unbelievable. [ cheers ] what is that . A protein jimmy i dont know. Is that the shake or lets smell it. Coffee. Thats good. Jimmy okay. Steve irish coffee. Jimmy irish coffee and steve shake it in. Shake it. And what . Jimmy Shamrock Shake. Oh, thats a Shamrock Shake. A shamrock coffee shake. Jimmy thats mickey ds, man. Thats going to be on the menu next year. Thats going to be everything. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy happy st. Patricks day everybody taraji p. Henson, everyone i love you. [ cheers and applause ] i love you. Youre the best. Thank you. Jimmy congrats on everything. Thank you. Jimmy congrats on everything. Jon glaser is going to join us next. Stick around everybody. Come on back [ cheers and applause ] look at all that dinner for 4 bucks. And before you say but dennys, those 2 strips of bacon, 2 eggs and 2 fluffy pancakes are clearly breakfast. We say at 4 dollars does it really matter . Dennys 4 all day, everyday value slam. Part of the 2468 value menu. I heard superheroes read chuck norris comics. I heard at night, the boogeyman checks under the bed for chuck. I heard cats say they have chucklike reflexes. Do you think hes still got it . I bet you a buck he catches this salt shaker. Youre on hey chuck you owe me a buck. You cant always see whats coming but when you choose unitedhealthcare, finding an innetwork doctor thats close to home is easy. So what happened . I had lunch with chuck norris. Unitedhealthcare. 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As you guys may know, pitbull was supposed to be our next guest tonight, but unfortunately his flight got cancelled and he couldnt make it. It happens. [ audience aws ] we love that guy. We love you pitbull and cant wait to see him as soon as possible, buddy. But the show must go on and this next guest was nice enough to fill in at the last minute. He stars in the hilarious adult swim show neon joe werewolf hunter. [ laughter ] neon joe werewolf hunter, and you can currently see him in girls which is in its final season right now. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jon glaser [ cheers and applause ] jimmy there you are. There you go, jon glaser. Thank you so much for stepping in tonight. I appreciate this. Yeah. Im glad i could do it. Im working right now right down the street. As you can tell i literally came in. [ laughter ] jimmy and that you actually you have your backpack on and everything, yeah. I fake literally just got here. [ laughter ] but i did. I do work down the street and i got a call at like 1 30, and i could not believe that pitbull cancelled. Not in shock or anger, just wow. But now you got glasbull. [ light laughter ] jimmy you got glasbull. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy it just rolls off this tongue. Everyone thought they were getting pitbull, instead they got glasbull. Yeah, you got glasebull. Jimmy yeah. Jon glaser is here. Youre here. You got glasebull and you just are you shooting neon joe now, filming . We just finished shooting and now im editing. Thats what im doing down the street. And so it will be on, i think im not sure when but im sure ill be back here to tell you all about it. [ laughter ] jimmy lets hope pitbull cancels again. [ laughter ] book him as the lead guest. Pitbull and then me and well do a duet. Jimmy youll do a oh yeah. Thats perfect. Yeah. Jimmy you know we love you, man. Youre one of the funniest dudes out there. And neon joe was a character based on just a character that you loosely did here. We talked about that last time. Yeah, he was all made up. It was literally an arbitrary nothing idea and i pretended it was a project and then adult swim called my bluff and now weve made two seasons of it. [ laughter ] jimmy my favorite story ever. But its really fun its really fun to do. Its high stupidity. Jimmy are you going to do the other i still have the neon joe haircut. Jimmy yeah. Thats [ cheers and applause ] thats what im talking about. I think it looks cool, man. You can leave your hat off. All right. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, because youre mr. Cool. Youre doing girls. Yeah, laird. [ cheers and applause ] very fun. Jimmy as always. Its a very good time. Jimmy man youre just good. Its a good cast and you got good people on there. But hey, whats up with laird this season . This is the final season . Its the final season of the show and laird is just you know. Lairds being laird. [ light laughter ] jimmy there you go. Hes got a job. He cleaned up his act. Hes working at hes a floor manager at forever 21. [ laughter ] may or may not be true. You got to watch the show to find out. [ laughter ] jimmy thats not the spoiler. No one cares. If hes just [ laughter ] hes a floor manager of forever 21. I shouldnt say this, but thats how the season ends. [ laughter ] the final shot of girls. Jimmy girls is laird laird on the floor of forever 21, beautiful, pulled back as hes helping someone find a shirt. [ laughter ] jimmy thats such an unbelievable spoiler. Its a stunning shot. [ light laughter ] jimmy oh. Took two days to shoot. Jimmy congratulations. We have a clip. Here the end scene from girls. Heres jon glaser in girls. Check it out. Cool. Oh thats sweet. Pretty cool. This is very dope to come back to this artistic vibe still going on. Wow. You guys get into festivals right . You guys going to do like, slam dance . Oh, wait. Hold on. I dont want to alarm anyone, but, pretty sure i just met my new soul mate. Shes right out there. Her name is genevieve. Shes out there on the phone and man, she is something else. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy jon glaser. Youre great, man. I love you. Thanks. Now i do want to say that i am, you know, i think that im guessing a lot of people who are either watching or hear pitbull was promoted, theyre probably upset or disappointed that hes not here and i feel like id like to try to at least do something [ cheers ] thank you. And so [ cheers and applause ] what i thought i would do, volunteer to do is i know you guys do a lot of lip singing. I thought i would lip sing a a pitbull song. But heres the thing. I dont know any [ cheers ] i dont know i dont know a a single pitbull song at all. [ light laughter ] so ill be lip singing a song that i dont know. And ill just do my best to keep up with it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy this is true. Hes not i swear i dont know any pitbull songs. If i heard one i wouldnt even know what it was. Jimmy okay. Here it is. Jon glaser lip singing pitbull. [ cheers and applause ] its mr. 305 checkin in for the remix you know thats 75 street brazil well this years gon be called calle ocho que ola cata que ola omega and this how we goin do it dale one two three four uno dos tres cuatro i know you want me want me you know i want cha want cha i know you want me you know i want cha want cha i know you want me want me you know i want cha want cha i know you want me you know i want cha want cha jimmy oh, my goodness. Ladies and gentlemen, jon glaser. [ cheers and applause ] girls airs sundays, 10 00 p. M. On hbo. Well be right back with a a performance from run the jewels [ cheers and applause ] ill call you back. Is this my car . State farm knows that for every one of those moments. What . This is ridiculous theres one of these. Sam, i gotta go. Is this my car . What . This is ridiculous this cant be happening this cant be happening oh, its happening sweetheart. Oh, its happening sweetheart. Shut up shut up thats why state farm is there, what a day. With car insurance, for when things go wrong. But also here with car loans, to help life go right. State farm. What a day at planters, we put fresh roawhich has its drawbacks. An, guys, know anything about this missing inventory . Wasnt me the cheeks dont lie, chet. Irresistibly planters. Hows this for a tv show . Sous chef. Lawyer by day, prep cook by night. No. Here you go. I got this. I get cash back so its like everythings on sale. With the blue cash everyday card, you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Backed by the service and security of american express. You get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Is chalked fulls poof protein. En [ band practicing ] its a great snack to keep them going. Even if you secretly wish theyd stop. Keep it real. Keep it tyson anytizers. 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Get 0 financing for 60 months plus find your tag and get 5500 on select Chevy Silverado pickups when you finance with gm financial. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. With simply right checking from santander bank, just make one deposit, withdrawal, transfer, or payment each month to waive the monthly fee. And theres no minimum balance. Youre alright with simply right checking from santander bank. Are you feeling alright, baby . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy their third studio album run the jewels 3 debuted at number one on both the rap and r b charts. Here to perform legend has it give it up for run the jewels [ cheers and applause ] hear what i say we are the Business Today business is finished today rt and j we the new pb and j we dropped a classic today we did a tablet of acid today did joints with the masses and ashes away skirt we dash away donner and dixon the pistol is blastin away doctors of death curing our patients of breathe trust cookin up work cookin up curses and slurs smokin my brain into mush i became famous for blamin you maimin my way through the brush there is no trainingaminge and my bruh look like a man but im animal raw we are the murderous pair that went to jail and we murdered the murderers there then went to hell and discovered the devil delivered some hurt and despair used to have powder to push now i smoke pounds of the kush holy im burnin a bush none of them jewel runner over and out of this woo woo put your hands up step into the spot like woo woo copping of uppers and downers get done im in a rush to be numb droppin a thousand aint much come from the clouds on a missile to turn this whole town into dust dont make a sound baby hush i am the living swipe right on the mic im a i dont know how to not spit like a ill spill a pound of my on your couch half of a and Mythical Team feelin this treacherous theme legend says el is a spawn out of hell the myth is my mom is a murderous queen your life can end like in godfather 1 you get the gun as i christen my son if i die today and its hell i should pay tell the lord mikey said yeah it was fun every new records my in a box we here the goons eat them rulers a lot youre getting used to me doing no wrong i dont play chicken you im a fox you wanna kick it ill give you the rock you kiss the wood chipper blade if you bark im freakin magic in fact im a warlock can talk i got a unicorn horn for a stop woo woo put your hands up step into the spot like woo woo new york city, how you feelin out there . Lets do it. And the crowd goes rtj and the crowd goes rtj and the crowd goes rtj and the crowd goes rtj and the crowd goes rtj and the crowd goes rtj and the crowd goes rtj and the crowd goes rtj break it down. Mike in the jelly wont snitch ill rent a room at the ritz ill sip a fifth of the whisk ill smoke a dub in the tub then i will split both my wrists ill pull a sword on you simps just for the flick of the wrist kitchen not givin a miss me and mike skip away whistlin and grin everythings golde bangin on bullies that beatin up beats sounds like a day at the beach preach i keep the metals to step on your feet before you can speak blaow to defeat we move on one to ones you think im meek you think im lyin you right see my teeth dont be a bore when i roar if i move huntings no fun when your prey doesnt move ill put a gun to a bunny like choose say somethin funny or bunny go boom you got a bevy of music you could groove wed like to thank you for choosing our crew and thats from the crew you can trust warranty plus for tearin it up we are the nogooders dogooders known to the dancers and dealers and doers of dust jimmy come on come on come on right there. Run the jewels look at this. Run the jewels right there. Yeah. So much fun. Thats what im talking about. Swag. Run the jewels 3. Its available now. Well be right back. Happy st. Patricks day. I love it [ cheers and applause ] fios is not cable. Were wired differently. Maybe thats why weve been ranked highest in cutomer satisfaction by jd power 4 years in a row. And now you can love fios too. Get 150 meg internet, tv and phone. All for 79. 99 per month, for the first year with a twoyear agreement. Its the only internet with equal upload and download speeds. Cable only offers upload speeds that are a fraction of the download speeds. Plus get hbo for a year and free multiroom dvr service for two years. Get the best. Go to getfios. Com [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to taraji p. Henson, jon glaser, run the jewels, once again [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching. Have a great weekend. I hope to see you next week. Happy st. Patricks day, everybody byebye. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight robert de niro. From nbc superstore actress lauren ash. Star of the space between us, actor asa butterfield. Featuring the 8g band with kenny aronoff. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening, im seth meyers. Its late night. How is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] thats fantastic to hear. In that case, lets get to the news. President trump last night, fired acting attorney general sally yates, but not before uttering his famous catchphrase, im bad at being president. [ light laughter ] oh, wa n