And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 615, memphis steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome, please. I love you. I love you. Please, sit down, enjoy yourself. Welcome, welcome, welcome, everybody. Welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] this is it yeah, all right. [ cheers and applause ] new york city, baby. Love it. Im your host, jimmy fallon. Guys, it is the first day of february. [ cheers ] which of course is the shortest month with just 28 days as opposed to january. Which felt like it had 200. [ laughter ] lets get to some news, here. Last night President Trump nominated colorado appeals judge neil gorsuch to the supreme court. Thats right, hes from colorado. Which explains his most famous case. Regular funyuns vs. Flamin hot funyuns. [ laughter ] i hereby rule, that theyre both awesome. Were now learning a little bit more about neil gorsuch. For instance, i read that he actually has a barn where he raises horses, chickens and goats. That experience will come in handy when he spends the rest of his life sidestepping all the crap in washington. [ cheers and applause ] listen to this. Ahead of last nights Big Supreme Court announcement, President Trump brought both of his top two candidates to the white house. Yeah. Trump said, one of you will be the nominee, the other will go home crying in the back of a a limo. [ laughter ] why would you do that . He did it. Trump also brought his second choice, thomas hardiman, all the way to washington because he wanted to build suspense for the announcement. [ light laughter ] all right, heres what the two of them had to say after the big reveal. First gorsuch said, this is without a doubt the greatest honor of my life. Then hardiman said, what the hell just happened . [ laughter ] next gorsuch said, this was a a dream come true. And hardiman said, this is the cruelest thing anyone could do. Inviting me to a party and then not putting my name on the list. Finally gorsuch said, i cant express how happy i am. While hardiman said, i cant express how much i regret getting a lower back tattoo that says, justice supreme. [ applause ] shouldve told me before i got the tat. [ cheers and applause ] actually, a source told us weekly that Melania Trump is going to wait until later in the year to decide if shell move to washington. Yep. She said it depends on a lot of factors, like if her husband is still president. [ laughter and applause ] well see. Well see. Yesterday President Trump called Rudy Giuliani quote, very much of an expert on cyber security. [ light laughter ] which is true if that sentence ended with, compared to me. Steve yeah. Jimmy and then, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Compared to you. [ laughter ] this week White House PressSecretary Sean Spicer spoke out against criticism of President Trumps National Security council. Though im not sure he cleared anything up. Take a look at this. Let me just walk through this real quick. This is the 2009 memo. And then this one is the ive got the 13 here as well or the 2017, rather. And this is the 2001 with respect to um uh over uh i think it is pretty clear if you look at all three of these, uh, thats what it does. [ laughter ] okay. Jimmy uh, then, uh, in 2000 uh, 2007s another year and 2006 is a year, too. And, 2010s a year. In his defense though, its hard to keep all those alternative facts straight. You know theres no real order, so steve you dont know. [ applause ] we do not know. Jimmy and this is very interesting. According to a new survey, 41 of americans think god plays a a role in u. S. Elections. And god said, actually, i just focus on football and the bachelor. but you know, whatever. [ laughter and applause ] of course everyone is still gearing up for super bowl li. And according to the national [ cheers and applause ] im psyched, man. This sunday. According to the National Chicken council, americans will eat over a billion chicken wings on super bowl sunday. [ light laughter ] yeah, and as many as three pieces of celery. Steve wow. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah steve celery. Jimmy ive got to balance it out, the nutrition. [ laughter ] but its pretty amazing, though. I read that over 110 Million People are expected to watch the super bowl this weekend. Yeah. Reporting now from nrg stadium in houston to give us a full report on all the excitement, is our tonight show sports correspondent, doug whitman. Doug . [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Thank you, jimmy. Thats right. Everybody is buzzing about the big game this sunday. I am of course talking about super bowl li. [ laughter ] jimmy super super bowl li . Thats right, jimmy. Super bowl li. We got the falcons and we got the patriots. Two great teams facing off in the game thats reminiscent of the steelers, packers matchup back in super bowl xlv. [ laughter ] jimmy xlv, okay. I see whats going on. Doug, let me ask you. How do you think this years super bowl will compare to super bowl extra large . Well, i havent heard that comparison. What i have heard are comparisons to super bowl v. And super bowl iv. And super bowl iii. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy ive heard those ive heard those same comparisons. Yes. But no matter who wins or loses, lets just hope that the super bowl is around for a long time. So our great, great, great, great grandchildren may one day live to see super bowl mmmdkkkxlk. Jimmy gasundheit. Thank you jimmy doug whitman everybody [ cheers and applause ] doug whitman. Hey, if youre a pet owner, you should listen to this, you guys. New Research Finds that cats and dogs have equal intelligence. While not everyone agrees on this, particularly the cat and dog we interviewed about the study. Heres what they had to say. First this dog said, thats ridiculous. Everyone knows dogs are smarter. Thats why were mans best friend. Then this cat said, actually youre mans best friend, just because you do whatever he tells you. Thats not intelligence, thats blind obedience. [ laughter and applause ] then the dog said, you talk a a big game for someone that falls for the laser pointer trick every single time. [ laughter ] then the cat said, uh, dont you have a strangers leg to hump or a car to chase . To which the dog said, meow. To which the cat replied, thats my line. To which the dog said, no, im saying it, like, bitchy like, meow. the cat was like, oh, right, well actually thats pretty smart. And then the dog was like, you know, i think that [ vacuum sounds ] wait, whats that noise . Then the cat responded, vacuum cleaner were all going to die. And finally, the goldfish said, morons. [ cheers and applause ] it was an it was a riveting interview. Steve wow. Thats a great interview. Jimmy well this is kind of weird, you guys. On friday police in Washington State stopped a man who was jogging nude around microsofts campus in the middle of the night. When witnesses were asked to describe the suspect, they said, micro soft. [ laughter ] steve hey oh [ rim shot ] jimmy control, alt, delete. [ laughter ] get this. A new Study Suggests that your life really does flash before your eyes when you have a a neardeath experience. Yeah. They said you see your first kiss, your wedding day and the rest is just you on facebook. [ laughter and applause ] you got that. [ laughter ] thats right. New Research Suggests that your life really does flash before your eyes right before you die. Some people say its pretty scary. While hugh hefner said, i cant wait. This is going to be great. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight, guys. Give it up for the roots jimmy guys, welcome we have a great show. A fun show tonight. From the big new action movie john wick chapter 2 keanu reeves is here steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy plus, we love it when this guy stops by. Judd apatow is on the show tonight. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hes a genius. Judd, keanu and i are doing some kid standup tonight. So, yeah. So we had kids send in jokes. And then we are going to get on stage and perform the jokes. It should be fun tonight. And, weve got great music from the lumineers ahead steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] hey, guys, super bowl sunday is this weekend. Its the big matchup between the Atlanta Falcons and the new england patriots. Steve oh my gosh i love them jimmy yes steve super bowl jimmy its going to be exciting. Now as you know at the end of every season they give an award like most valuable player but they also give out awards during the season, sort of like the ones in high school, yearbooks. Steve wow. Jimmy like most likely to succeed. Steve uh huh. Jimmy class clown. Steve got it. Jimmy stuff like that. So, with that in mind, its time for tonight show super bowl superlatives. Here we go. Super bowl superlatives jimmy our first player is david andrews. Hes a center for the new england patriots. He was votedm most likely to be a teddy graham come to life. Steve awe. Jimmy thats cute. Thats nice. Steve sweet jimmy sweet. Next up is, kyle van noy. He was voted, most likely to be drakes wii avatar. [ laughter ] started from the bottom steve started from the bottom jimmy now wii here. Yeah. [ light laughter ] up next from the patriots, is nate solder. He was voted, most likely to have just poisoned your soup. [ laughter and applause ] tastes a little different. Jimmy heres falcons cornerrback jalen collins. He was voted, most likely to be jaden smith in 2019. Steve wow. Jimmy hes a good looking dude. Steve yeah. Jimmy hes a good looking dude. Next up is, marcus cannon. He was voted most likely to say, dont ask questions you already know the answer to. When the waitress asks if you want the dessert. [ laughter ] steve ah, yes. Jimmy up next is, chris long. He was voted, most likely to be that weird new boyfriend your cousin brings for thanksgiving dinner. [ laughter and applause ] pass the peas. Can i call you dad . [ laughter ] heres cameron fleming. He was voted, most likely to fall asleep while chewing. I dont steve wow. Jimmy finally, from the falcons, is patrick dimarco. He was voted, hot gary busey. [ laughter ] there you guys have it, those are your nfl super bowl superlatives. Well be back with more of the tonight show. Give it up, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] how do you become americas bestselling brand . All right . Ooohhh yeah. Keep breathing. Keep breathing. Im breating, lets go. You make it protective. Can you go a little faster . Just trying to be safe. You make it hard working. Hey guys. You make it so everyones happy. 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Hey, theres something ive been wondering. How do you make a moose float . Two scoops of ice cream, root beer, and one moose. [ laughter and applause ] lets see, what else is going on . What else is going on . Oh, yeah. Knock knock. Audience whos there . Abraham lincoln. Audience Abraham Lincoln who . What . You dont know who the president is . [ light laughter ] all right. Ill leave you guys with this one. What did the nosey pepper do . Audience what . Get jalapeno business. [ laughter ] youve been terrific [ cheers and applause ] steve oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, that is fantastic, thank you. Oh, my gosh, funny, funny stuff. Thats kids going to be big. [ light laughter ] now ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for your next comedian, mr. Jamone falone. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Thank you. Its jimmy, actually. [ light laughter ] yeah this is something thats been bothering me. What did the what did the werewolf astronaut say . Audience what . He said, hey, im in outer space. [ laughter and applause ] lets see, what else . What else is going on in the news. Porcupine. What did the porcupines say when they kiss . Audience what . Ouch. [ laughter and applause ] hows that working for you . Looks like like theyre giving me the light here. [ light laughter ] i got time for one more. Knock knock. Audience whos there . Cash. Audience cash who . No thanks, i prefer almonds. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, you guys are nuts. You guys are nuts. Thank you very much. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] steve real good stuff not bad. Not bad. Not too shabby. Now ladies and gentlemen, i have a real treat for you. [ drum roll ] making his standup comedy debut with us tonight, please welcome mr. Keanu reeves [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Its great to be here. Hey guys, i got a question. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh . Audience how many . Ten tickles. [ cheers and applause ] heres something thats been on my mind lately. What kind of pants does mario wear . Audience what . Denim, denim, denim. [ laughter and applause ] welp, my time is almost up. But ill leave you on this. Why cant you hear a a pterodactyl go to the bathroom . Audience why . Come on, man because its p is silent. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you, youve been great. Steve fantastic. And now now id like to get all of tonights comedians back on stage for one last joke. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you guys ready . Yes. Jimmy okay. Why did the koala fall out of the tree . Audience why . Because it was dead. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy why did a second koala fall out of the tree . Audience why . Jimmy it was hit by the first koala. [ laughter ] why did the third koala fall out of the tree . Audience why. It just wanted to fit in. Jimmy thank you very much thats what im talking about. Thats what im judd apatow. Keanu reeves. 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[ cat screech ] [ laughter ] [ screaming ] [ laughter ] make everyday awesome with the power of xfinity x1. Hi grandma and the fastest internet. [ girl screaming ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a fantastic actor who stars in the big new action movie john wick chapter 2 which opens everywhere february 10th. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome keanu reeves [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our audience gives a a lot of love, man. They give a lot of love. They do. Its awesome. Jimmy they give a lot of love for you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you. Jimmy thank you for coming back and thank you for doing kids standup thing. No, that was a lot of fun. Jimmy im sure those kids are going to get a real kick out of you. Theyre, like, why did they spoil our jokes . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, exactly, no. But i hear youre are a big fan of standup, right . I am, yeah. Actually, yeah. Jimmy yeah. What do who do you remember your first comedian you use to listen to . Um well, when i was growing up in toronto, we had a a great public library. And when i was a kid i guess i was, like, 15, 16 . I would go to the library and i would get albums and listen to comedy records. Jimmy really . Yeah. Jimmy at the library . Yeah, like lenny bruce. And richard pryor. Jimmy yeah, you wouldnt ever you wouldnt have them at the house . Or just no, i was 16, man. I wasnt going to the store. Can i get the no i i had read about them. Heard about them. And just had a curiosity. And i would, you know i didnt have a lot of money back then. Jimmy no, of course. I mean, the library is the best. I had to go the library and listen to them. Jimmy im trying to figure out if i used to take out records at the library. But i remember going there. I mean i would go there and listen to them. Jimmy yeah. And then when i was a kid, then when i got older, there was a Great Comedy Club called the comedy store and sam kinison showed up. Jimmy oh, my gosh. And so i saw sam kinison [ cheers and applause ] jimmy wow, wow i think in 1984 . Jimmy really . Ive never laughed that hard. Jimmy its unbelievable it was insane jimmy yeah, hes absolutely [ screams ] i love him so much i cant even do his voice. But gosh he was a genius. Jimmy thats right. Awe, man, i love my my first album was rodney dangerfield. No respect. I think thats one of my first ones. Yeah. I love it. Great record. Its called no respect. My dad would take his key and he would scratch out any what . Jimmy any dirty words. Really . Jimmy and so i wouldnt hear the curse words. And so it would skip over a lot of the part of the jokes, to be honest. And i would hes, like, oh, ill tell you about my wife get out of here and you go, ha, ha, ha. So i dont understand humor. Maybe thats why you dont work blue. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, thats probably why. You know what i mean . Like, youre a good, clean fun. Jimmy im a good, clean, fun family fun. You just didnt have that, like, put in to you. Jimmy i never did. No, no, no. I still dont know what those jokes are. [ laughter ] yeah. Jimmy i never rebought the album. Hey, this is a cool story i found out about you. This this man babysat you once or twice. Oh, yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy now do you remember this happening or is this was it scary . I mean, what was he didnt look like that. [ laughter ] oh. Jimmy no, yeah. Hes actually hes a cool dude. No, absolutely. I grew up in toronto and i lived on a street called hazelton. And there was a Recording Studio there called nimbus 9. And my mother was in costume design. And shes in rock n roll in the business. And they had friends. And she had friends. And so alice cooper uh im told babysat me. Jimmy thats so rad i mean, i dont know how that could actually could possibly happen, so but it did. Supposedly. Jimmy yeah. You dont remember any part of it at all . I dont know. Im just like a little one. Jimmy yeah but i do remember that [ light laughter ] i remember that he that there was fake poo in the fridge and in the car like, i remember that somehow that jimmy connected . That connected like that. [ laughter ] jimmy thats like an alice cooper bit . Right there and i dont know. I dont know. Jimmy thats pretty funny if he did that. Yeah. Jimmy next time, if we talk to alice we got to say do you remember doing that . Im sure he remembers that. Jimmy yeah, exactly. After everything hes done. Oh, yeah, i was visiting keanu and i remember jimmy yeah, no. He probably would, no. No. Jimmy he wont. No. Jimmy do you remember doing a show called i think it was called going great. Yes, indeed. Jimmy in toronto . Yes, yes, yes. Jimmy was that your first gig or one of your first gigs . That was one of my first gigs. Yeah it was a it was a kids show. And jimmy like an interview show . Yeah, yeah. Youd go theyd send you out and go interview kids doing things. Jimmy thats pretty fun. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. Jimmy did you learn how to do anything . Did i did get to learn how to do anything . Interview people, i guess. I mean jimmy i mean, if im ever sick, can you do this . [ light laughter ] im asking, would you host the tonight show please . Yeah, no. No, i couldnt fill those shoes. Jimmy no. But, yeah, so it was really fun actually. Just go on the road and meet people jimmy how long did you do it . They fired me after the first year. [ laughter ] jimmy they got rid of you. I got one year of going great. Jimmy going great. Then there was just jimmy then it wasnt not going at all. [ laughter ] i actually was thinking i was thinking that maybe i got the show canceled. No, but there was one more year after me. Jimmy there was . Yeah, but anyway but it was a lot of fun. Jimmy because you would just improvise and do silly things . Theyd give me some questions, but id be in the field, and then id have questions. Like, id meet the folks and then, like. Jimmy yeah. Go do that. Jimmy because we have a a clip, actually. Oh, fantastic. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy this is great. It is at a Teddy Bear Convention. I dont know if you remember going to this. [ light laughter ] you had to go interview people at a Teddy Bear Convention and you could tell this was not scripted. [ light laughter ] here is a clip of you working going great. Here is 16yearold keanu reeves at a Teddy Bear Convention. Take a look at this. Oh, look at this bear hes so soft and cute awe let me see this. This is cute. Awe, shes so cute. Look at that [ grunts ] youre not a bear sam grab the bear [ cheers and applause ] jimmy fired thats how you get fired right there. Thats fantastic. Yeah. Jimmy it was fantastic more with keanu reeves when we come back. That was great [ cheers and applause ] hotels. 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Because saving fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance is always a great answer. [ping] [ping] [glass breaking] [statue breaking] hello, mr. Ortiz. Do you have a tax question . Yeah, im teaching tennis on the side now. Thats nice. But im going through a lot of balls. Can i deduct them . In your case, yes. You can enter your expenses right here. Oh, cool. Hey, david. Are you ready for your lesson . [ping] just like that. Oh, okay. Jimmy welcome back, everybody. Im hanging out with keanu reeves [ cheers and applause ] Jimmy Fallon JimmyJohn Wick John Wick 2 is coming out february 10th. I got to say, i know we are excited. It is it is actionpacked. It is gorgeous. It is. Jimmy it is so fun. Thats because the thing about the first one i saw the first one i had no idea what it was, judd said that it was your movie night. I love you so i go to see it. And it was man, oh, man, i loved it. I go, oh my gosh, every second. I didnt know what was going to happen. And it was just like it was just so fun. I wanted there to be a sequel. And so now im happy that there is a sequel. Theres more john wick. Jimmy cause he keeps the next chapter. Jimmy he was retired in the first one. Yes. And he still wants to retire. Jimmy he retires again. Yeah. But then his past comes back. Jimmy oh its good. Its good. His past comes back. Jimmy it comes back and his car. They just have to leave him alone. Jimmy just stop following the guy. Let him stay in the house. Jimmy yeah, and you wont have any problems if you stop picking on the dude. Yeah. But they do. Jimmy they keep picking on him. They do. Jimmy hes a good dude down deep. He is indeed. Jimmy i love that man. Hes a great guy, john wick. And you are good at this. Youre good at this action stuff. I go, i see, i would just be exhausted. No, but i mean, i love action. I love doing action. And john wick action is a a whole other level. Jimmy thats insane. Ive never seen action movies like this. It takes what you thought was an action movie and like adds squishes yeah, its jimmy puts a ton more into it. Im like yeah. Jimmy i mean the car scene in the parking garage. Oh yeah, the opening. Yeah, john wicks trying to get his car back. Jimmy dude, the first 30 seconds, its already off. Its just going crazy. Unbelievable. I know. There was this moment jimmy doors flying off. I know, but they let me do as much as i possibly can. Like i dont do stunts but i do as much action jimmy you dont do those stunts . No, stunt people do stunts. Jimmy wow. [ laughter ] no, no, no. No. Jimmy thats so good. Like there was a sequence where a car hits john wick. Jimmy yeah. Thats not me. [ laughter ] jimmy what . I mean, i want to do that, like, let the car hit me but then theyre like, no. Jimmy youre an actor. Youd be broken and youre an actor. In the car, i remember, they kind of started to trust me because i could do i can do a bunch of stuff. So there was a sequence where the car has to hit this other car, the get in hitting john wick. But john wick gets mad. So basically the director chad stahelski, stahelski walks me over to the car, and hes like, okay, so youre going go from here, youre going to get in the car, youre going to drive and youre gonna smash that car. And i went, well, wheres the stunt person . No, thats you. And i went, like, what . And i was like, yeah. Great okay, so they stick me car. And its like from here about to where the band is, and like just going there. So im going backwards as fast as i can. Now there is a driver in the other car so theyre like, dont hit him. Just kind of stick over there. So i go backwards, im looking and they said, oh, yeah, tuck your chin because youre going to hit. The Steering Wheel came off in my hand. [ laughter ] jimmy so now what do you do . So the Steering Wheel comes off in my hand. Cause it was just like in my hand. And im thinking, now im in shock, right. Jimmy yeah. So i hear the director screaming out there, drive away and so i drop the Steering Wheel. I pretend that i have a a Steering Wheel because im thinking in my head, theyll cg in the Steering Wheel. Jimmy yes [ laughter and applause ] and i go like this. [ laughter ] jimmy that is acting right there, you guys. That is what you do [ cheers and applause ] thats only you can do this. Keanu reeves. I want to show a clip. Heres keanu reeves and Lawrence Fishburn in john wick chapter 2. Take a look at this. Hes offered 7 million for your life. 7 million is a lot of money, mr. Wick. So i guess you have a choice. You want a war or do you want to just give me a gun . Somebody, please get this man a gun lets go. Jimmy lets go keanu reeves, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] john wick chapter 2 february 10th. Judd apatow joins us after the break. Come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [john] hey, heres an idea. What if instead of waiting weeks for your tax refund . You can get an advance on that refund. [zombie] an advance on my tax refund, i could really use that. [john] what would you do with that money . [zombie] id love to take a tropical holiday. [john] id be careful, with your skin tone. [zombie] no i get it cause im a zombie. Yeah thats funny. [off camera] all my undead, we are back. [john] i will see you out there. [zombie] see ya. [john] and dont take it personally. [vo] you can get a refund advance of up to 1250 no interest at block. [john] dont just get your taxes done. Get your taxes won. Before you set out, you plan to capture every moment. But what you really cant plan for is when the moment captures you. Marriott now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. So no matter where you go, you are here. Join or link accounts. Remember 2007 . Smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. Hello moto. Snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. Hello moto. Moto is here. The moto z with motomods. Get 50 off on moto z droid. The goalie has studied every one of your shots. She knows youre going for her left corner. She even teases you, calling the shot. But her legs are the ones trembling, not yours. Time to shine. Orbit. Not to be focusingo finaon my moderatepe. To severe chronic plaque psoriasis. So i made a decision to talk to my dermatologist about humira. Humira works inside my body to target and help block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to my symptoms. In clinical trials, most adults taking humira were clear or almost clear, and many saw 75 and even 90 clearance in just 4 months. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Ask about humira, the 1 prescribed biologic by dermatologists. Clearer skin is possible. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is an incredibly talented writer, director, and producer. Hes executive producing the new hbo comedy, crashing, and hes the executive producer of the Award Winning comedy, girls, which returns for its final season sunday, february 12th, at 10 00 p. M. On hbo. Everyone please welcome, judd apatow, everybody [ cheers and applause ] jimmy judd apatow. Thank you for coming back to the show. I have so much to talk to you about. I am very excited about this. This is a major thing. Can you believe this . You have your own baseball card. I do. I do. Jimmy thats exciting. I threw out the first pitch at the mets game. And then today, they didnt even tell me, they just put it online that they turned it into a baseball card. Jimmy they have celebrities who throw out the first pitch. [ cheers and applause ] there you are. Thats the debut. Thats the card. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy are you freaking out . Thats so cool. Look at the cargo shorts. Jimmy i know. [ laughter ] you think they could have cropped that out for the card. You know . Heres the thing. It did not go that well. It went terribly. This is the moment before the disaster. Jimmy it was not good. It did not go well because i am not an athlete. Im terrible that way. Im not in good shape. Have you ever heard this expression dad bod . [ laughter ] jimmy yes. Of course. Thats like when you have kind of a crappy body, like you work out, but a little. And someone sent me an article about it and i hit the link. It was a long article about it, but the main picture was of me. [ laughter ] jimmy kind of a compliment. Youre famous. Which is, you know, its scary now because you see all the bloopers online of different people throwing it. Like baba booey and stuff. And then i meet all the mets but i dont know any of them because i havent been following that carefully. So i dont know if it is someone who never plays or the biggest star on the team. And then only person im comfortable with is the mascot, mr. Met. Thats the only one. [ laughter ] jimmy you bonded with him . I bonded with him. I bonded with him. Because were both in show business. Were both in show jimmy yeah, you are both in show business. And in some ways, absolutely yeah. So they say, okay, youre going to go out to the mound. And then you throw the pitch. And i run out to the mound. And im assuming someones going to be there to tell me something else. But no one is there except in the outfield is jacob degrom, the pitcher. Jimmy sure. Absolutely. So i dont what to do. I just run over to him. I dont know why. I just ran over to him like shake his hand or something. And he had like eye of the tiger. Like im about to pitch against the yankees, get the f away from me right now. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. No. Im not here to meet people, right now. Yeah, get out of here. Then i got so scared at his eye of the tiger. Then i just went [ yells ] [ laughter ] and this is what it looked like. [ laughter and applause ] notice jimmy that is awful. Im looking at the ball. Youre not supposed to look at the ball. Jimmy this is the card. And look at him look at me. Hes just like get off of my mound. [ laughter ] and so i feel like the real card should accurately reflect what happened. Jimmy this is what the real card should be. Thats it right there. Like the jerry lewis. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i want to talk about girls. The last season. It is. Isnt it sad . Jimmy it is sad because you grew up with these girls. I know. Jimmy and what a fun show. Im so excited for people to see it. Jimmy are you sad . Are you going to miss lena . I am. Because, you know, shes such a a great person. Shes so funny. So nice. Jimmy lena dunham. Yes. And shes so hard working. And shes just stayed incredibly nice and cool for the whole run. And you know, shes like someone that my kids look up to because they spent a lot of time with her. She is a great role model for women. Because like my daughter, shes 14. Shes on instagram. Jimmy oh, of course. And then theyll put up pictures on instagram that are kind of inappropriate. You know like, shell put up a a picture. Im like, you got to take that down. Shes like, why. [ laughter ] why . Im like, cause youre in a a bathing suit on the beach. Shes like, so . People see me on the beach in a a bathing suit, whats the big deal if they see it on instagram . [ laughter ] and then im like, well you got to take it down. You got to take it down. And shes like, youre butt shaming me. [ laughter ] jimmy what . This is a micro dress jimmy oh, my goodness. But now youre doing this show with pete holmes called hes a really great comedian, really funny guy, its called crashing. Yes. Jimmy and its about early days of standup. Thats right. It is about a guy who his wife and him, they break up and he has to make money and he wants to be a comedian. And hes not good so he cant make any money so he sleeps on different comedians couches. Jimmy yeah. So one week, you know, its someone like artie lang or sarah silverman. And its really, really good. Petes hilarious. Jimmy how fun is that . And is he going on tour with artie . I saw somewhere. Yeah, were gonna go on tour, me, pete, and artie lang. And were gonna do los angeles on the 18th at the regent theater and on the 22nd at the herbs theater in san francisco. And then all those shows are for charity. Jimmy do you like doing standup again . I do like it. Its so fun. Cause i used to do it when i was in my early 20s. Jimmy of course, yeah. I started when i was 17. You started when you were like 16, right . Jimmy or 17, Something Like that. And its fun now because i had stories but when i was a a kid, i had nothing. I was terrible. Jimmy oh, im still terrible at standup. No i have no stories. I was trying to write bits and cause you are so young. You really dont do you remember your first joke or anything . I remember i always bombed and my closing line was the same every time after a a terrible bomb. I would say, jerry lewis always said, you learn nothing from being funny. You only learn from not being funny. So thank you for giving me a a College Education tonight. [ laughter ] jimmy here is a picture of you when you first started. Yeah. [ applause ] jimmy thats what im talking about. I look the same, right . Jimmy yeah. You look exactly the same. And you know whats funny is that keanu reeves is like a a year older than me, and i look like his grandfather. [ laughter ] jimmy not true at all. And what did you look like . Jimmy unfortunately, we do have a picture. And this is i dont know what i was wearing. [ laughter ] am im wearing womans gloves . Im wearing a very fancy womans blouse. Clearly my shirt is tucked in and you can see through like its very big bang theory. [ laughter ] jimmy i dont know what i was doing. But that was like, yeah. You can its almost like a a curtain or something i was wearing. Anyway. Gosh. Thank god i dont have to do that. But thats jerry lewis that was a telethon. At least you were doing it for charity. Jimmy yeah, exactly. I never got paid for standup. [ light laughter ] i want to show a clip, it is very, very funny. Heres pete holmes and artie lang in the new comedy, crashing. Take a look at this. Then we went to christian college. Gorgeous. Everybody pairs off when you graduate. Really . Its just what you do. Ive literally never done anything without her. She found our apartment. She supports me. She supports you . You mean emotionally. No money. She supports you financially . Youre wife . Yeah. Thats the stupidest [ bleep ] thing i ever heard. No its like a wife supporting a guy in medical school. How is it like that . At the end of medical school youre a doctor. You start at about 900 grand a a year. At the end of this ill be a a comedian. [ laughter ] jimmy i love him so much. I love him. Judd apatow, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] crashing premiers february 19th at 10 30 p. M. On hbo. And the final season of girls, premiers february 12th at 10 00 p. M. On hbo. Well be right back with a a performance from the lumineers. Stick around everybody. [ cheers and applause ] hello, peco. So im calling to see if you can help me save on my energy bill. We can do that. Great. I live in a postwar, prewar, midcentury home and the heating system is a turbine, hvac, reverse hydrogen, boiler pipe unit. Well sir, i can see that you live in a twin and based on the size, your usage has been spiking. Thats exactly what i thought. If youre not an expert, peco can help. We have lots of ways to help you save energy and money. Peco. The future is on. With top prizes ofpounding than 50 thousand dollars . How about winning. On the spot. We won play cupids cash, the new game from the pennsylvania lottery. And you could win. On the spot. Keep on scratchin [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we love we love, love, love our next guests. They are playing two soldout shows this week at Madison Square garden. [ cheers and applause ] that is how you do it. In support of their number one album, cleopatra, performing angela, please welcome back the lumineers when you left this town with your windows down and the wilderness inside let the exits pass all the tar and glass til the road and sky align the strangers in this town they raise you up just to cut you down oh angela its a Long Time Coming and your volvo lights lit up green and white with the cities on the signs but you held your course to some distant war in the corners of your mind from the Second Time Around the only love i ever found oh angela its a Long Time Coming home at last were you safe and warm in your coat of arms with your fingers in a fist did you hear the notes all those static codes in the radio abyss the strangers in this town they raise you up just to cut you down oh angela its a Long Time Coming oh angela spent your whole life running away home at last home at last vacancy hotel room lost in me lost in you angela im on my knees i belong i believe home at last home at last home at last home at last home at last home at last mm mm jimmy thanks so much. Thank you, thank you. Thank you, the lumineers catch them on tour with u2 this spring. My thanks to keanu reeves, judd apatow. The lumineers once again fantastic and the roots right there, from philadelpha, pennsylvania stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching, have a a great night. I hope to you see you tomorrow. Thank you so much. Byebye. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight dakota johnson. The anchor of nbcs sunday today, willie geist. Music from paper route. Featuring the 8g band with kenny aronoff. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening, im seth meyers, this is late night, how is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] in that case, lets get to the news. President trump referred to cnn as fake news during a black History Month event, today. Said cnn, no, it really is black History Month. [ light laughter ]