Transcripts For WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170331

[ light laughter ] President Trump will meet with the president of china next week, and if that makes you nervous, wait til you hear him try to speak chinese. Bing bing, bong bong, bing bing bing. [ laughter and applause ] seth to be fair, we took that out of context. [ laughter ] that was not him trying to speak chinese. That was him speaking korean. [ laughter ] Vice President mike pence today cast a tiebreaking vote to eliminate a rule that blocks states from defunding planned parenthood. Because mike pence only approves of one type of birth control, his personality. [ laughter and applause ] as of this afternoon, over 300,000 people have signed a petition calling for First Lady Melania Trump to either pay for her own security costs at trump tower in new york, or move into the white house. Said melania, and who do i make the check out to . [ laughter and applause ] hawaiis tsa recently seized a socalled stun cane from a passenger that is capable of delivering a one million volt shock. To get an idea of what a one million volt shock feels like, just remember what it was like to wake up on november 9th. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] according to dermatologists, people shouldnt shower for longer than five minutes, though theyre willing to make some exceptions. [ laughter ] take a sixth minute. And finally, North Carolina yesterday reached an agreement to repeal its controversial antilgbtq bathroom law, and new york city is apparently keeping its policy of everyone can just pee wherever they want. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we got a good one. Shes starring in the good fight on cbs all access. Christine baranski is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] shes one of our favorites here on late night. From foxs the last man on earth, the hilarious Kristen Schaal joins us this evening. [ cheers and applause ] and we have music from a great brooklynbased rock band that i love. Big thief is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so excited to have them here. Before we get to all of that, after the failure of their healthcare bill, President Trump and Congressional Republicans are trying to move forward with the rest of their agenda. Meanwhile, the bizarre story of trumps false wiretapping claim only got weirder today. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth according to gallup, on tuesday, trumps Approval Rating hit a record low, 35 . And this is supposed to be the honeymoon period. And trump should be good at those. Hes had three of them. [ laughter ] to give you some perspective, 35 is worse than Richard Nixons Approval Rating during watergate and george w. Bushs Approval Rating after hurricane katrina. In fact, even bush seemed taken aback by the chaos of the trump era. New York Magazine reported yesterday that after trumps inaugural address, bush, who was in attendance, was overheard by multiple people saying, quote, that was some weird [ bleep ]. [ laughter and applause ] you know things are getting crazy when you can make george w. Bush sound like hes on shrooms. [ laughter ] you know whats a funny word . Nucler. [ laughter ] and it seems like even many of trumps own supporters may be getting tired of his antics, as cnn found when they interviewed five trump voters in pennsylvania on monday. Tonight, growing concern from President Trumps own supporters about his tweeting. Nearly everyone in this group wants the president to stop tweeting about things like tv ratings at his inauguration and Arnold Schwarzeneggers departure from the apprentice. He needs to tone it down and forget about snoop dogg, forget about arnold schwarzenegger. We dont really care about them, do we . I dont. If you want to be the apprentice, step down, let somebody else run the country. Do you trust the president . [ laughter ] in what vein . [ audience ohs ] seth any time you have to pause that long, the answer is not going to be good. Hey, before you operate, doctor, you went to medical school, right . Uh [ laughter ] i have been inside a medical school, yes. [ laughter ] now, of course, hanging over everything trump does is the ongoing russia investigation. In the house, the investigation is led by the republican chairman of the intelligence committee, devin nunes, who has basically done everything he can to delay or interfere with his own investigation, raising the question of whether hes investigating trump or working for trump. And today one of his fellow republicans answered the question. Are you concerned at all that he was viewing what he said was classified information at the white house, then reported it back to the white house . Youve got to keep in mind who he works for. He works for the president. He answers to the president. Does he . Or does he work for the constituents of his district . Well, you you do both. Seth no, you dont. [ laughter ] congress does not work for the president. If congress always did what the president told him to do, this guy would not have left office looking like this. [ laughter ] thats not the look of a guy who had a bunch of help. [ applause ] now, as you may recall, nunes claimed to have seen evidence that Trump Officials were legally surveilled, then went to the white house to brief trump on that evidence. And today the story got weirder when the New York Times reported that the information nunes saw might have come from the white house in the first place. Writing that two white house officials helped give nunes the intelligence reports. That means nunes went to the white house to brief trump on information he got from the white house. Its like when you send yourself an email reminder and two minutes later go, oh, a new email [ laughter ] now today, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer was asked if trump directed his team to find information to back up his false wiretapping claim, and spicer tried to stammer his way through an answer. Did the president direct anyone in this white house or in his National Security team to try to find information or intelligence to back up his assertion about wiretapping . Umm i dont im not aware of anything directly. Id have to look into that in terms of again, theres two sides of this. One is the information side, and two is the policy. Um and the activities and the the legal piece of what what happened. And i dont theres those are big buckets, if you will. [ laughter ] seth i mean, ill bet sean spicer fantasizes about having an easier job. Like, bill cosbys publicist. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] um yeah, your question, uh yeah, uh [ light laughter ] theres couple of buckets. [ laughter ] now, aside from the wiretapping story, trumps Approval Rating has taken a major hit after he and the gop failed on their essential promise of the campaign to repeal and replace obamacare. The Trump Administration is trying to put the healthcare debacle behind them by moving forward aggressively on the rest of its agenda. So whats up next for republicans after failing on healthcare . Apparently, their next big priority is letting Internet Companies buy and sell your private information. Your personal internet browsing history up for grabs because of a brandnew rule that lets Companies Sell your private information. Congress just voted to repeal an fcc rule that requires Internet Service providers to get your permission before collecting and selling your data. That includes things like your web browsing history, yes, and apps you use. Should people expect that almost anything they put online is not private . I mean, thats sort of what it feels like to a lot of people now. I think thats a realistic expectation. They should expect that everything they do is being tracked, from their Location Information to all the videos they watch online, all of their internet traffic and browser history. Seth okay, but just because you watched a video called what to do if your son eats a lego, doesnt mean that happened while your wife was out. [ laughter ] and it was a false alarm. I ate the lego. [ laughter ] so apparently this is how republicans plan on bouncing back from their healthcare screwup by letting Companies Sell your private internet data. And if you find it hypocritical for socalled small Government Conservatives to support such a farreaching measure, youre not alone. Minnesota congressman Keith Ellison made that point on the house floor on tuesday. It is beyond my comprehension that a conservative libertarian would say, oh, yeah, give the individuals information over to the big commercial interests. You guys have the house, you have the senate, and you have the white house. The only restraint you have is yourselves. And i know theres got to be somebody in that body who believes that comcast, sprint, and all the rest should not have anybodys underwear size in this body. [ laughter ] seth well, wait. Why does sprint want your underwear size . [ laughter ] hello, im calling to offer you an exciting new phone plan that includes unlimited calls for that big old booty. [ laughter ] now, the white house says trump plans on signing this bill. Although i feel like theres a pretty good chance he doesnt even know whats in it, given that hes not exactly our most techsavvy president. In fact, according to friends, he doesnt even use email. Hes old school. He doesnt what does that mean . It means he doesnt use email, for example. For years ive heard him say, ive seen businesses destroyed, ive seen marriages wrecked over email. You can never email donald. And he will never email you. Seth i feel like even if you tried to teach trump how to send an email, he would still just write it in sharpie on the computer. [ laughter ] [ as trump ] send. [ laughter ] send. Now, if this bill sounds outrageous to you, youre not alone. But the question now is, will there be as much grassroots resistance to trumps agenda Going Forward as there was to his healthcare bill . And so far all signs point to yes. Take the issue of tax reform, for example. The next thing trump and republicans want to do is pass a major tax cut for corporations. But when South Carolina senator Lindsey Graham brought up the issue at a town hall over the weekend, he got an earful. Now that the failure to replace obamacare has died in the house [ cheers ] i think the next thing well do is taxes. Here is what i think is important, is to lower the corporate rate to it can be more competitive. [ booing ] [ yelling ] good, good. Come on, bring it on. Bring it on. Seth Lindsey Graham is like a wrestling heel who is also a southern gentleman. [ as graham ] bring it on bring it on but just know, if yall keep this up, lindsey wont be giving out his homemade sweet tea and biscuits. [ laughter ] so trump couldnt get his healthcare bill passed, his white house seems to be meddling with the investigation into his teams alleged russia ties, and he wants companies to be able to sell your browser history. All of which raises one simple question. Do you trust the president . [ laughter ] in what vein . [ laughter ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with Christine Baranski, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the lexus command performance sales event is here, where the thrill, power and precision will last. But the offers. Will not. Experience the exhilaration of our most tracktuned vehicles ever, including the is, gs and rc coupe during the lexus command performance sales event. But be fast. This event ends march 31st. Get up to 2,500 customer cash on select 2017 models for these terms. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. Liz assumed all dressingsrust were made equal. Assume nothing. Just like the leading brands, these kraft dressings are made with high quality ingredients, at a price you can feel good about. No wonder kraft is so good. New degree ultraclearnt saving black white. Othes. No yellow stains on white clothes. No white marks on black clothes. New degree ultraclear black white. It wont let you down. vo they say glory awaits but what about the start . The strength it takes to begin, and sometimes begin again. You just gave birth to another human. distant cheering and clapping talk about a comeback. distant cheering and clapping continues get your start with under armour, now at kohls. Boys are boys and girls are joys to you and me theyre more than toys gonna find one so i wont be lonely shell be mine forever only and when i do itll be alright wee hoo i tell ya now boys are boys and girls are joys listen, do you hear that . You always h. Have been. My best. Friend. Forever. To friendship. Music piano cover of guns n roses sweet child o mine [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band right over there. Also, its been so exciting and wonderful this week to have our friend fred armisen back with the band. How are you, fred . Fred great. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Thanks. Seth fred, i always like catching up with you. I always like to talk about the many interesting things in your life and things that maybe the audience doesnt know about you. One thing is you were saying backstage that you love april fools day, its coming up. Fred love it. Seth but you have you have a very unique april fools tradition. Fred i do. I paint my neck black. [ light laughter ] seth why . Fred because thats how i fool people. I walk around, so they think that my head is separated from my body. [ laughter ] so i just go on trains and stuff with my neck totally black. No one really says anything. But i can tell that theyre very, like, oh, something has happened. [ laughter ] because i kind of move my head a little bit. Seth oh, do you do that . Fred yeah, so it kind of looks like [ light laughter ] its silly but my dad did it and his dad did it so i wanted to. [ light laughter ] seth yeah, i guess wow. Im trying to think wouldnt it be easier just to wear like a turtleneck or something . Fred our family did it not for easiness or for ease. Its its more the work you put in this is a working family. [ laughter ] we work with our hands, we into the dirt, you know what i mean . Like with rocks. Seth i dont like how youre turning this into class warfare. [ light laughter ] what kind of paint do you use . Fred its like a tar. [ laughter ] seth so hard to get off . Fred oh, very hard to get off. Seth so if you put it on april 1st, by what part of the calendar is it off . Fred into july. [ laughter ] thats when its like, back to flesh colored. Seth thats great well, happy april fools day in advance to you, buddy. Fred thank you. Seth i cant wait to see that floating head of yours. Fred thank you. Seth our first guest is an Emmy Awardwinning actress who you know from her seven seasons as Diane Lockhart on the hit show, the good wife. You can see her as diane in the spinoff series, the good fight, on cbs all access. Please welcome back to the show our friend Christine Baranski. [ cheers and applause ] seth hi, christine. [ cheers and applause ] good to see you. Seth always so happy to have you here. Always happy. And you just got back from a trip, yes . I did. I was in ireland. I was i took a trip down the irish coast. I finished my shooting i think on march 18th and i thought, i just need to get away, not just from my job, i need to get away from the news. Seth okay. I dont know if you keep up with whats going on in the country. [ laughter ] its like pretty intense and weird. Seth there are days i wake up and think, i wish i was on the irish coast. Yes. [ light laughter ] well, i went. And you actually are on country roads where there is no gps. You just the guy comes on and says, i dont know where the hell you are, deary. [ laughter ] im sure theres a pub around somewhere, but youre lost just find your way. [ light laughter ] so yeah, its just enchanting. Seth thats great. Ireland is a beautiful country. I really got away. And i didnt look at my phone. I never put on, you know, cable news and watched what was unfolding. I got back and its still a mess. Seth so my question is how did you at least have, like was it a soft landing when you came back to the states or did the news kind of creep in by the time you got off the plane . I put on the i got in late. I put on msnbc. And who was on . Sean spicer. Seth yeah. And the thing about the russian salad dressing. I went, no, im back, im back [ laughter ] oh, no hello, can i get back to how soon can i get back to ireland . Seth but its nice. I will say you can stop paying attention for a week, and anything you miss is no longer news by the time you get back. cause theyve just moved on. That is true. Theyve moved on. Seth crazy things happen and you think, oh, people are going to be talking about it forever, and you cant remember a thing. But thats the problem, we cant process it. Were not processing all the crazy stuff going on. Seth were lucy at the Conveyor Belt with the chocolates. Its just theyre coming too fast. [ light laughter ] theyre just coming too fast. So congratulations on the show. This is a character you played on the good wife. And this was a supporting character. It was an iconic character on the show, but now you are the lead of the show. I know, i was number two for seven years. And that was great because i didnt work every day. You know, but, you know, she was welldressed, she had the biggest office, she had the biggest desk. Seth you were the boss of the firm. I was the boss, i would come in, and id be glamorous, you know. But i didnt, like, carry the show the way julianna did. So now im like number one, and now [ cheers and applause ] yeah. But heres the thing. As soon as i was number one, they wrote a plot line where i lost my money [ laughter ] i had to look for work, my office is smaller. I mean, way smaller. And whats more, i have to get up earlier and work longer. And my character suffers more. So be careful what you wish for. Seth they tricked you. [ laughter ] you got fully tricked. Were you hesitant at all of playing this character again . No, you now, the writing on the good wife is just so good. The characters just, you know, shes intelligent, shes accomplished, shes a lawyer. You get to, you know, play someone with a lot of depth and complexity. And you know, actresses really like that. Its better than the, you know, the grandma or the bimbo or whatever, the kind of nut case, you know. Shes the real deal. Shes a really intelligent character. And i thought, man, if they can continue this, and i can get picked up by the same guy who always drives me, bobby, my teamster, same crew, i get to work in new york. Seth once you get to know a crew and you like them, its pretty great. Isnt it great . You show up here and your family is here. Seth same people, its the best. As long as you like them, the same people are good. [ laughter ] seth yeah. I mean, there are two that i dont. [ laughter ] but its a very big crew and thats a very small percentage. Yeah, exactly. You can avoid them. Seth they know who they are. [ laughter ] and i have explained to them how to make it better and they have told me they do not want to. [ light laughter ] and then your costar, cush, who is a fantastic actress i know, isnt she wonderful . Seth and she was a huge fan of the show, of the good wife, before she got this part. She was. I saw cush jumbo fabulous name, fabulous lady at the Public Theater and she did a onewoman show about josephine baker. And i was knocked out by her. I thought who is this young woman . Shes so talented. I went backstage, and i said, youre just great. And at the time we needed to have another character come on, rather like cush. And she went on to me about the good wife, and what a fan she was. And i thought, oh, okay, shes just doing that thing of like, okay, appreciating the fact that im backstage. But she was a rabid fan. She got on the set and would literally weep that she was seeing, you know, the courtroom, or juliannas bedroom, or the kitchen, you know. I was like, okay, weve been seeing this for seven years, i didnt think it was such a big deal. But, yes, she was a real groupie. And i told the i told the producers, youve got to go see this young woman, shes fantastic, shed be great on the show. They went that week. Shes on the good wife. And as soon as the spinoff happened with the good fight, she was the first one. I got her in my dressing room and said, i want you to come with me if we do this. And you know, shes just great. Seth thats great. We have rose leslie and delroy lindo on the show. Weve a great cast. And the other great thing about our show is we have so many of those great guest actors that were on the good wife. They come back. I call them, you know, recyclables. [ light laughter ] like richard kind, he was a we can recycle all the judges, all the people who were prosecutors or lawyers. And theyre just the creme de la creme of new york theater actors. Seth yeah. And new york shows are fantastic, their abilities to pull those off. Theyre fantastic. And these people come on and they knock it out of the park. And so its like a Repertory Company of great actors. So thats no downside to continuing this. Seth well, im so glad you are. Congratulations. Thank you, seth. Seth thank you so much for being here, always a pleasure. [ cheers and applause ] Christine Baranski, everybody. The good fight is available on cbs all access. Well be right back with Kristen Schaal. [ cheers and applause ] how do you become americas bestselling brand . Youre not going to make it. Do you think you can make it . Uhh. Make it. Every time. Nice going further to keep drivers moving freely. Thats ford. And thats how you become americas bestselling brand. I bet you a buck hek catches this salt shaker. U. Youre on. Hey chuck you owe me a buck. You cant always see whats coming. But when you choose unitedhealthcare, finding an innetwork doctor is easy. Unitedhealthcare. One of many pieces in my life. So when my asthma symptoms kept coming back on my longterm control medicine. I talked to my doctor and found a missing piece in my asthma treatment with breo. Oncedaily breo prevents asthma symptoms. Breo is for adults with asthma not well controlled on a longterm asthma control medicine, like an inhaled corticosteroid. Breo wont replace a rescue inhaler for sudden breathing problems. Breo is specifically designed to open up airways to improve breathing for a full 24 hours. Breo contains a type of medicine that increases the risk of death from asthma problems and may increase the risk of hospitalization in children and adolescents. Breo is not for people whose asthma is well controlled on a longterm asthma control medicine, like an inhaled corticosteroid. Once your asthma is well controlled, your doctor will decide if you can stop breo and prescribe a different asthma control medicine, like an inhaled corticosteroid. Do not take breo more than prescribed. See your doctor if your asthma does not improve or gets worse. Ask your doctor if 24hour breo could be a missing piece for you. Learn more about better breathing at mybreo. Com. Xfinill get my coat. Ek is back. Meaning you can catch up on all the moments you might have missed. You seriously cant tell the difference between a bird and a plane . Xfinity watchathon week starts april 3. The greatest collection of shows free with xfinity on demand. [ cheers and applause ] seth our next guest is a comedienne and actress who stars alongside will forte in the very funny fox series the last man on earth. New episodes air sunday nights. Lets take a look. Carol, why are you all up in my butt about this . Its a tale as old as time. Girl gets stuck in an elevator, nearly dies, comes out scared, emotional, raw. And then her exboyfriend swoops in with his shoulder touches and his sweet talk. Hey, babe, how you feeling . You feeling raw . Ill make it go away. Then you boink all night. Boink, boink, breather, boink. [ light laughter ] seth please welcome back to the show our friend Kristen Schaal, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth hi, friend. Hello, stud. [ cheers and applause ] seth so happy to have you here. Its good to be here. Seth i am such a fan of the show. We were talking about it earlier. I love it so much. And you have such a great cast, and you guys seem to be all friends and very all close. Yeah, were a family. Seth thats nice. Yeah. Seth and January Jones i mean, were a family that doesnt hang out on the holidays or weekends. Seth right. [ laughter ] so a family thats not particular close. [ light laughter ] you but January Jones is one of your family members. And she recommended something to you, very sisterly i would say, like hey, this is a beauty tip. Is that right . That is correct, seth. So we were talking before a scene and she mentioned that she had this mask that shines l. E. D. Lights on her face and it makes her age down, no acne, and she walks around and everyone says, january, youre glowing. Which, i think thats what theyre saying anyway. Seth yeah. And so shes like, and i can hook you up with one. And i was like, oh, my gosh, kristen, you are getting access into a club that youve never been a part of. [ light laughter ] like you are getting a beauty tool that you would never be allowed until this moment, like you cant pass on this. And it was very expensive, but i was like, sign me up she was like, yeah, im going to hook you up. But then there was this voice deep down inside of me that i didnt know i had, and i was just like, im going to be prettier than you. [ laughter ] i wanted it she accepted the challenge gracefully. Seth so you get the mask. And we have a photo of you wearing the mask. Yeah. Seth this is the mask shooting l. E. D. Lights onto your face. Yeah. Seth there you are with it. There it is. [ laughter ] thats it. Seth how long did you have to wear it . I had to wear it for 20 minutes. Seth okay. And my parents were in town and i hadnt tried it yet. Im like, look at this mask, they use it at nasa to like cure wounds and grow plants and its going to make me look like a model. And so i put it on, and it was fine. The time passed. And then i took it off. And i couldnt see for about half an hour. [ light laughter ] like my eyes are out of focus. And i was like, i cannot believe that i have blinded myself for beauty. You know . Seth now its a greek myth. Yeah. Seth you basically wrote your own greek myth. I flew too close to the sun of models, and vanity has cut out my eyes. Seth well, you took a you did take a before and after. I did. Seth so this is the before and after. Before. [ laughter ] and after. [ laughter ] i dont see a difference. [ cheers and applause ] seth theres maybe i think i pressed the mask to hard to my face, cause thats how bad i wanted it. [ laughter ] i had to return it. Seth oh, you did. Its just too intense for me. I should stick with my lane, you know . Ive just got to be this girl. Seth im so happy with the lane that youre in. But when you were younger, you had a different job you wanted to be before you decided that you wanted to be this fantastic comedienne you are today. Is it true you wanted to be an price is right model . Yes, it is, seth. [ laughter ] well, at first i wanted to be an epidemiologist, cause i was going to find a cure for a. I. D. S. Which i realized it was less about the people who had a. I. D. S. And more about me wanting to be the person who found the cure. [ light laughter ] seth right, yeah. Isnt that gross . Seth no, its a good thing to come to that conclusion. Yeah. And then i wasnt very good at math. So then i thought i could be a price is right model. Seth thats a real thats a real step in a different direction. [ laughter ] well, you know, thats how i survive. You know . Youve got to go with the bait and switch. Seth and what was it about a price is right model that appealed to you . Well, when you watch the show, seth, what theyre doing is theyre caressing the prizes in a way that just mesmerized me, with their hands. [ light laughter ] seth we actually brought out a couple of things to like see your price is right skills. Oh, no seth some peanut butter. Ooh, is this on brand . [ laughter ] okay. So yeah, so then i would this is hard cause its a smaller item. But i would be like, you know, i would be like oh, i would hold it to my face, you know, and then i would be like i dont know, wheres the camera . Wheres my camera . Seth go over to one. Go over there, yeah. I would be like this and be like, ooh. [ laughter ] right . I think thats what they do. I dont now if theyd open it. [ cheers and applause ] i dont think they would thats too much. They could open it and be like, oh, whoops oh, no, no seth no, no its jif its jif seth no, no, no no, no, no, no [ laughter and applause ] it is very clearly crunchy peanut butter. This is a non brand. This is crunchy peanut butter. You dont think jif would give us money for me showing it off . Jif is delicious. [ laughter ] seth never open a product. Sorry, daddy. Seth thank you so much for being here, its always such a pleasure to see you. Yeah, you too. [ cheers and applause ] seth kirsten schaal, everybody. The last man on earth airs sunday nights on fox. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause ] today, unlimited gets the network it deserves. Verizon. mic thuds uh, sorry. Its unlimited without compromising reliability, on the largest, most advanced 4g lte network in america. thud uh. Sorry, last thing. Its just 45 per line. Forty. Five. cheering and applause and that is all the microphones that i have. vo switch to unlimited on verizon now and get our best android smartphones for as low as 15 a month. Im not a customer, but im calling about that credit scorecard. Give it. Sure its free for everyone. Oh well thats nice and checking your score wont hurt your credit. Oh im so proud of you. Well thank you. Free at at discover. Com creditscorecard, even if youre not a customer. I dont think thats how theyre made. Klondike hooks up with tasty flavors. The best ice cream bars ever conceived. Hyeaht i wanna rock right n w im lil yachty and im down if youre down im not the most lyrical kid known but im known to keep the party go n yeah schick hydro ® vs a lube strip. With seven hydrating gel pools. That give you 40 less friction. Its designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. Schick hydro ® free your skin. ® introducing new depend real fit briefs. Now more breathable than ever. In situations like this, theres no time for distractions. Its not enough to think im ready. I need to know im ready. No matter what lies ahead. Get a free sample at depend. Com [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Now, im sure everyone here knows what a casserole is. A casserole is a meal where you throw a bunch of different kinds of food into a dish and cook it up and just what you get is what you get. The reason i bring it up was late night here at late night we come up with tons of different ideas all the time for the show. And many of them, it turns out, arent quite good enough to be full sketches, a full meal, if you will. But theres something fun to a small piece of it. So instead of just discarding all those ideas, we thought wed throw them together casserolestyle in segment we call late night casserole. [ cheers and applause ] seth all right. So first up, one of my writers had this idea to see what it would be like if george r. R. Martin, the author of the game of thrones books, tried his hand at standup comedy. So now i present george har har martin. [ light laughter ] please welcome to the stage george har har martin. [ applause ] thank you. Oh, thank you, everybody. You know, wow. So many Beautiful People here tonight, huh . Im harder than valyrian steel over here. [ light laughter ] zinger. Oh, lets see, what else, what else . Okay. Here we go. Ha ha ha. You guys all know littlefinger, right . Littlefinger, he ran a brothel. But how does littlefinger fire a prostitute . Ho door [ light laughter ] ho, you got to get the door. Its hodor. Its a character i created with my mind. [ light laughter ] i told my wife that winter was coming. And she said, well, at least somebody is. [ laughter ] you guys have been great. Follow me on twitter, im george har har martin. [ scattered applause ] seth give it up for george har har martin, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] im sure you have all heard of the movie Close Encounters of the third kind. And as you may also know, there is a famous character actor, one of our favorites, richard kind. Well, one of our writers wanted to see richard kind have a Close Encounter with one of our audience members, which brings us to a segment we call Close Encounters of the richard kind. [ cheers and applause ] how are you . Do you know who i am . May i . [ cheers and applause ] how are you . Good, how are you . Seriously. Wow, you look like a flight attendant. Thank you. With the very nice. This is very nice. Do you have any idea who i am . I do. Really . Yes. Whats your favorite thing ive ever done . This. I agree with you. [ laughter ] i agree with you. Im having a wonderful time. Please tell me your name. Andrea. Do i have coffee breath . A little bit. A little bit, i know. [ laughter ] and i tried altoids. In fact i have to urinate because i drank so much coffee for this segment. Because im so excited. Im gonna have energy. Where are you from . Im from california. Where . But i live here. Oh, you live here . Yes. Okay, where in california . Santa cruz. Thats up north. Yes. Great. Well thank god, not l. A. Yeah. You can say that again. Let me ask you, is this color too much . [ light laughter ] perhaps with the pink. Oh. Very good answer. [ laughter ] yes. Are you married . No. Oh, youll make a wonderful wife, because you can tell the truth to your husband, and gently. [ light laughter ] no, im very good at telling people what to do, but not gently. No . Okay. And you live here in new york, huh . Doing what . I work in an advertising. Well be right back. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth so one of our writers is a huge fan of the 1970 Television Show the rockford files. And he thought it would be interesting if instead of our normal closer look open, we replaced it with a cold open in the style of the rockford files starring james garner. So here is our normal closer look opening package. Seth and here it is in the style of the rockford files. [ telephone ringing ] seth this is seth meyers. At the tone, leave your name and message. Ill get back to you. [ beep ] hey, meyers. This is president donald j. Trump. I saw another one of your failing liberal rants last night. Sad. Pathetic. Fake news. Also i keyed your car. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth too short, right . Could be a little longer . [ cheers and applause ] for late night casserole, no idea is too strange. And that will become abundantly clear when you see our final piece. Here once again is Conner Omalley performing an interpretive dance to the theme music from the popular tv show frasier. [ laughter ] hey baby i hear the blues acallin tossed salad and mercy and maybe i seem a bit confused yeah maybe but i got you pegged ha ha ha ha but i dont know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs theyre callin again scrambled eggs all over my face what is a boy to do good night, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth thats late night casserole ic from big thief. [ cheers and applause ] classic hersheys outside. With a new creamy, crunchy inside. New hersheys cookie layer crunch. [laughs] you have a side that is retired playing tag and gettin tired. You have a side that saves for their tuition. But right now it looks like bedtime is the mission. A side that owns your own store. Looks like you need to expand some more. Thats why theres nationwide. They help protect and grow your many sides. Nationwide is on your side. Liz assumed all dressingsrust were made equal. Assume nothing. Just like the leading brands, these kraft dressings are made with high quality ingredients, at a price you can feel good about. No wonder kraft is so good. Its not easy to brew a beer this easy to drink. Bud light is tasted by brewmasters every step of the process. Its a tough job, its worth it. We dont just brew beer. We brew beer for friends. We dont just brew beer. Degree has redefined deodorant with motionsense technology. So that i can redefine. Power. Footwork. Range. And the more i move, giving me superior protection. On, and off, the court. Degree. It wont let you down. [ cheers and applause ] seth im really excited about this tonight. [ cheers and applause ] theyre an indie rock band from brooklyn. Here to perform the title track off their criticallyacclaimed debut album masterpiece, please welcome to the show big thief, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] years days makes no difference to me babe you look exactly the same to me aint no time crossing your legs inside the diner raising the coffee to your lips the steam you saw the masterpiece she looks a lot like you wrapping her left arm around your right ready to walk you through the night ss e y can you get me out of here this place smells like piss and beer can you get me out you were asking me how to get you free i only know the recipe to roam you saw the masterpiece she looks a lot like you wrapping her left arm around your right ready to walk you through the night old stars filling up my throat you gave them to me now theyre coming out laying there on the hospital bed your eyes were narrow blue and red you took a draw of breath and said to me you saw the masterpiecee los e wrapping my left arm ready to walk you through the night old friends old mothers dogs and brothers theres only so much letting go you can ask someone to do so ill keep you by my side i will not give you to the tide ill even walk you in my stride marie cause i saw the masterpiece she looks a lot like you wrapping your left arm around my right ready to walk me through [ cheers and applause ] seth big thief, everybody. The album masterpiece is out now. Look for their new record from them this summer. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] seth my thanks to Christine Baranski, Kristen Schaal, big thief, everybody [ cheers and applause ] richard kind, fred armisen, 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] seth hi, there. Im seth meyers. And tonight i played the character seth meyers on late night with seth meyers. And im gylnis ratcliffe. I played the role of Kristen Schaal on this very special episode of late night with seth meyers. Seth glynis and i wanted to talk to you guys about some very important things that came up on tonights episode. For one, we learned that Christine Baranski is currently starring in a spinoff of the good wife called the good fight. We certainly did, seth. And we also learned that fred armisen is starring in a spinoff of the good fight called the good fred. [ laughter ] seth but there were also some more serious issues addressed. Isnt that right, glynis . Oh, you bet your [ bleep ] ass, seth. [ laughter ] because we also learned that drugs are bad for you. Unless youre a guest on a talk show and then theyre the only way to make the experience even remotely tolerable. [ laughter ] seth this show also addressed bullying and taught me that bullying is wrong, especially when talk show guests call me ugly eddie redmayne. [ light laughter ] i guess the truth hurts, ugly eddie redmayne. [ light laughter ] seth but most important, we learned about gang violence. Dont join a gang. Unless you need friends, money, and protection. [ laughter ] seth but if you think about it, you can always use friends, money, and protection. [ light laughter ] so join a gang. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] join a gang or two. Thank you, and goodnight. [ cheers and applause ] carson hey, whats up . Its carson daly. Tonights last call coming to you from the penthouse suite at the time new york hotel, and coming up, actress gina torres is in out spotligh