Marie go ahead, frank heh heh heh heh she is good for somethin. Mmm mmm. All right, dad. Why did you tell ally that you want some cake . No. Good. See this picture, dad . Its a picture of me in hell. My 7yearold daughter drew it because her grandpa told her thats where her fathers goin to hell what kind of a mind does that . mmm this cake almost makes marriage bearable. Hey why did you tell her that . I never told her you were going there. She asked me what happens to people who dont go to church. I said, they go to hell, sweetie. She must have put 2 and 2 together. Smart kid. Gogo over there right now and tell her that im not goin to hell you know, i would love to, but i dont make the rules. Oh, you know what . Whipped cream. Hey, you really think that im goin to hell . I try not to think about it. Look, hey, i dont care what you think, all right . I dont want you talkin to my kids about this stuff anymore you got that . since when do you give me orders . Since you crossed over the line. Hi, raymond. You hungry . Have some cake. I dont want any cake we have whipped cream. How about this, marie your son doesnt want me talkin to my own grandchildren. Oh . That isnt what i said. Ill talk to anyone i want anytime i want. Unfortunately, raymond, this is america. Mom, i dont want him tellin ally hey, hey what are you doin . Are you talkin to my wife . What . Dont talk to my wife. All right. All right, dad, dont be cute. Hey, hey, hey you wanna be like that, you dont talk to her only i talk to her hello, sweetheart. How are you . Oh, im fine, but, you know, i have a thing that oh, stop it, mom he doesnt care how you are hey youre talkin to her. Stop talkin to her. No. Its all right, frank. He can talk to me unless you want to talk to me some more. I liked it. I was just makin a point. Dad told ally that i am going to hell. Frank. He never goes to mass, marie its an openandshut case. You see . You see, ma . No. You should go to mass, raymond. I dont wanna go why do you hurt me . Look, i dont mean to hurt you, mom stop hurting your mother go to church no oh ooh. Oh. Look what youre doin to her . Go to church no, no i dont feel like it. I dont feel like it. Thats the problem with you kids today. Everything has to feel good. Do you think world war ii felt good . Do you think korea felt good . In my day, nothing felt good why dont you go back to your day and stop ruining mine . 12 years of Catholic School down the toilet. Go to church frank, you cant just scream at someone to go to church. Well, 40 years of your guilt hasnt worked. I need more time. Look, i all im sayin, is from now on, if ally asks you something about religious stuff or government or minorities, please refer her to me how do you think i feel . Its embarrassing. Im in church. People are saying, how come rays never here . Didnt you raise him right . They say that . Shut up. Yeah. Look, im not goin just to make you look good. Go to church no then thou are doomed to suffer the fires of eternal damnation see, now i would never scream at you like that, raymond. Because i know that your failures. Are my fault. Medicare part d plan did you know that if you enroll in a where walmart is a preferred pharmacy, you could save up to 80 on your copays over other pharmacies . This could lower your prescription copays to as low as a dollar so you can enjoy the things that really matter. And now that were a preferred pharmacy for Many National plans, its never been easier to ve. Choose any plan where walmart is a preferred pharmacy provider by logging on to walmart. Com rxplans now through december 7th. Save money. Live better. Walmart. Jolly rancher bold hand soft juicy chews. Untamed fruit flavor. Jolly rancher. This is the creamchicken corn chowder. I mean, look at it. So indulgent. Did i tell you i am on the. [ both ] Chicken Pot Pie diet me too [ male announcer ] so indulgent, youll never believe theyre light. 100calorie progresso light soups. [ female announcer ] at 100 calories, not all food choices add up. Some are giant. Some not so giant. When managing your weight, bigger is always better. Ho ho ho green giant 24 grams of fat. Ho yeah, but dont worry. Ill be burning it off. In hell. Ok, im goin up. Ok. You know, i kind of understand how your father feels. Ok, good night. No, ray. Ray, wait wait, wait oh eh. You still consider yourself catholic . What are you talkin about . Uh, yeah. Im catholic. You cant change that. Its like bein italian oror. Sexy. So why dont you go to mass . Come on. Look, its not like i never go, right . And you go all the time, and, according to this married thing, we are one. Ok. No, you know, im not trying to make a big thing. I was just thinkin about you and your father and why you got so angry about it. Because its none of his business. Why dont you go to church . I dont know. I itsits because of the kneeling, really. Its justyou know i have bad knees. You know, god can hear you right now. Let me finish. All right . Thats not the only reason. Thats thats one of em. All right, listen, when i go when i go there, i should be thinkin about god, right . But instead im thinkin about some column im workin on. Uh, whats up with this guys scalp . Oh, that lady sneezed. Im not shakin her hand. Im not focused. I feel like im just goin through the motions, and thats, uh. Thats not respectful, right . Yeah, youre right. I mean, you shouldnt go if youre just goin through the motions. What are you doin . What . Im agreeing with you. No. Youre trying to make me feel guilty. No, im not. Yechh. Youre just like my mother. Why do you have to insult me . Were talking. And, besides, youre the one that had to eat a whole pint of ice cream. If youre feeling guilty, its not because of me. Let me tell you something. I practice being a good person every day, ok . Im a decent fellow. Ii do good things. I always leave a big tip, if a squirrel runs in front of the car, do i not swerve . Im considerate of peoples feelings. Remember the plumber who came over with the big eye . I treated him like a completely normal person, ok . So why do i have to go to church every sunday to prove my goodness . Im living it. Well, you know, since you are so good during the week, maybe on sundays, we should have everybody come over here and sit around you. Ok, all right. Why do you go, miss holy. Moly . Why do i go . Yeah. I go, you know, to thank god for you and the kids and to pray for the strength to get through another week with you and the kids. Ok. Yeah. No. No, really. You know, i go to get reenergized, to be part of something thats bigger than me and my little problems. You know, it reminds me that im not the beall and endall. Theres something out there thats greater than me. Why do you have to have an answer for everything . And you know what else . I like the feeling of community, the tradition, and i think thats whats ggin your father. He wanted to pass his faith onto you. Its probably the only valble thing that he thinks he can give you, and youve rejected it. Ok, i need more ice cream. You know, a lot of people would have made fun of that plumber, ok . Big muppeteye guy. Hey, you workin the Church Carnival next weekend . Yeah. My wife signed me up for the dunking booth again. She loves seeing me wet. Hey, rays here ha ha ha and also with you. What are you doin here . Nothing. Going to church. How come . I. Just felt like it. Yeah. Well, we dont need you parttimers droppin by whenever you feel like it. It screws up the parking. Im thinkin of making this a regular thing. Yeah, right. No, im serious. You wanna come every sunday . Do they have it every sunday . Yeah. Every sunday. Yeah. Until your mothers guilt wears off. No, no. It wasnt her. Look, you wanna know the truth . It was you. I want to set an example for my kids, you know. Like you did. What are you, bein a wise guy . No. I mean it. Oh, yeah . Yeah. Look at you. Mmm us barones. We clean up pretty good, eh . Hey, its the offertory, people. Where are my ushers . Lets go lets go get the lead out. Come on come on go, go, go, go father hubley, good news. Raymond my son is coming back to the church. Really . Every sunday. Welcome back, raymond. Frank, you waitin for an engraved invitation . Go on. Well, well, well, the prodigal son returns. Of course, no one applauds a faithful son because the faithful son never leaves. The faithful son has nowhere to go. So whats your angle, raymond . Nothin. I was thinkin about dad and oh, youre comin back because of dad. Yeah. Every sunday. Thats right. And youre gonna sit in the pews and be with the family . Hey, if dad can do it, i can do it. [chuckling] what . Dad doesnt do it. What do you mean . I do it. Mom, debra, the kids do it, but dad . Hes an usher. So . So that means he spends most of his time out here, not in there. Back here, he doesnt have to listen to all that as he puts it mumbo jumbo. Thats right, ray. Oh, yeah, occasionally, hell go down the aisle with the collection basket and wink at the pretty ladies, and he hustles bacto coy and clocks out. Its a beautiful setup. Mom cant get on his case for not going to mass. Hes here every sunday serving the lord. Hes just doin it from the firstclass lounge. Oh, my god. Debra told me this was the best part of him. Well. I knew there was no best part of him. Oh, and i just promised in front of god and everybody all right, boys, count em up hey, frank, get a load of Roseanne Kelly today . Whooooh. Yeah. With the lowcut thing . I almost gave her a dollar. Ha ha ha praise the lord heh heh heh looks like im ahead here, boys. Ooh, look at this a 50 bill. Ooh someone did somethin to somebody. Heh heh heh hold it. Hold it. This is it . This is what you do every sunday . What . This. Thislaughin and and talkin about women and bettin on who collected the most money . Isnt this where jesus is supposed to come in and turn this table over . Since when did you start wearin sandals . Ha ha ha ehyeh. Youre so full of it, dad, you know . Actin all high and mighty, tellin me that im gonna burn in. You know where. This is it . This is what you wanted to pass onto me, your little Sportsmans Lodge . You know what . Forget it. Im not goin to church, ok . cause i dont need your hypocrisy. Hypocrisy. Ooh, hypocrisy. Ooh who are you to judge . Theres no hypocrisy. I made a commitment to the lord, and im here every sunday, helping. If you want to break your commitment to your family, to father hubley and to god, go right ahead. Dont worry. Its a dry heat. Fine. All right. Im not gonna break my commitment. I said im comin every week, and thats exactly what im gonna do. Not only that, i would like to volunteer to be an usher. What . I wanna be an usher. Come on, dad. That would be great. You and me, we could usher together. You mean, you wanna be an usher like your old man . Ha ha ha heh heh heh what . Why . Whats so fuy . You know how long the waiting list is . It took me 20 years to become ansher oh. Oh, well, i coulbe a fillin guy, for when somebody gets sick. You dont look so good. Sorry, kid. I promised that to your brother. Oh, i hate that guy. Look, you already missed half the mass here. Come on. You better get back in there if you want this one to count. All right, butbut hey,ook, i gotta a lotta work to do here, son. Go and join your family. All right, im here. Anybody watch the knicks game last night . Yeah. It was great. Hidden valley will never be the same. With delicious deliveries like sandwich spreads, and the zesty bold flavors of italian and vinaigrette dressings. dootrick or treat mmm thank you mmm mmm into an easy dinner with crescent dogs. Just separate, add hot dogs, cheese, roll em up, and bake. Lookin hot, cdog. Pillsbury crescents. Make dinner pop. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me thats right. [ mom ] warm and flaky in 15, everyone loves pillsbury grands [ girl ] make dinner pop everwhat . N music plays]y grands nothing. This is nice. Raymond. Peace be with you. Captions made possible by talk productions ok. Have fun drivingou later. Your little scooters. Theyre not scooters, ok . Theyre professional gokarts. You know theyre gokarts. Hey, good news, raymond. They had the meat lovers pizza special today. You order one meatlovers, you get another free meatlovers. After breaking up with amy, i know you swore off women. But i dont think turning to meat is the answer. Very funny. Thats a good one. I got side salads and wings, too all for the big game. All right . So fire up the satellite, because the foods gonna be here any minute. Oh, man. Robert, i completely forgot about this. Me and andy, we. Gotta go to work. What, on. On a saturday . Yeah, saturday, tell me about it. We lost our columns in the computer. Apparently, some janitor, he spilled coffee on the. Motherboard. All right. Ok, well, maybe well do it next week, huh . Yeah. Definitely. Next week. Dont even try to get out of it. Were doing this next week. Ok. All right. You mind if i use your phone . No, no. Go ahead. Why cant robertgo with you . Yeah, right. Why dont ibrin . [knock on door] frank ray hey, ray you upstairs . Yeah, but were reading. Ray dad . Lets go. Your brothersin. What happened . What do you mean . Hes in the hospital. Queens hospital. But why . He was on duty,he got h. Thats all theywould te. Lets go. Oh, my god. Mrs. Scarpulas coming over. Ill meet you at the car. Oh, my god. What happened . Were you shot . No. Switchblade . No. Who did this . Tell me whodid this to you . What are yougon . Youd be surprised. All right, all right. Back it up. Lets back it upa little. Some guys wererunning a rodeo, and we got the callto shut em. Wait a minute. R . What is that, police talk fo . No. It wasa real rodeo, a rootintootin rodeo. In new york . In queens. It wasan ill. These guys set em upin, with animals,rides,. This citysgot everything. So we roll in,and every. We were runningafter th, and then we realizedsoms were heading downqueens. So i took offafter the horses. You alwayswanted a. About that. Ma. Ns what happenedto . Well, the horseswere too fast, so i gave up. And then i hear,baboom, baboo. And i look over. And there he. Who . A bull. A bull . Yeah. A big ol bull. But he broke loose. , and then he startedheading righ. Oh, my god. What happened . Well, i yelled,hey hey bull and, i dont know, i guess i distracted him,becaus. And then he turned. And then he startedcoming for m. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. It was likethat wall street ad. Or that malt liquor. So, hes comingtowards me, righ . Did you get away . Where are we, ma . Oh oh, my god. Im telling you,the ground, it. Why didnt you run . I did run, dad. Situation before,ouveever beens but the first thing thatcomes t so im runningand running, and hes gettingcloser and clos. And then his horngets me. [gasp] and my feet areoff the ground like. Like im flying. Incredibly painful flying. And then he tosses me asidelike. A couple of snortsement,and he e and lumbers up the rampand into. Unbelievable. You were gored. By a freakin bull. Holy crap. But where didhe get you . In my adductor magnus. Your what . Its my upper thigh. Area. Sounds like hegot you i. Im not. Im not laughing. Its horrible. Its horr. Im not laughing. Its upper thigh. Oh, i hate all thispolice b. I always knewid get this c. Really . By a bull call. S beengs its upper thigh. Youre jobis so dangero. They shouldveprepared. Yeah. They shouldvt as one of those clownsi. Enough already. This is a seriousin. For your partner. Oul hello. Check your iv. ,o what . What . What . Do you realize, in a group that includesyour fa, youre beingthe most insensitiv . Yeah. I dont knowwhat. He must be tired. Come on, hes ok. Laughters the bestmedi . Im keeping it loose. I. How aboutkeeping it shut . See, youre funny. You should getin th. Pretty lucky. If youre gonna sustain, area like the rump. Tualy [laughs] you know, i, uh. Im gettinga little tired. I really think thatsenough vis. You rest, sweetheart. Ok. See you tomorrow. All right there, son. Take it easy. Good job. [groan]