A lot of people were. That is kind of the basis of christianity. And a female inmate keeps a grim secret from her two best friends. I just dont want them to stop talking to me, stop caring for me, i dont want them to think im that person. Im not that person. Youve got to show me where to go. Oh, youve never been to jail before . No, i havent. Oh, yeah, i believe that one. Every week 1,200 men and women are arrested and booked into the Orange County jail in Southern California. Some will be released within hours. Others could be here for years, until their charges are resolved in court. But they always begin their time at the Intake Center located at the central jail facility. Orange county jail system is considered a mega jail. We have the ability to house over 7,000 inmates at one time. And the challenges we face pretty much reflect, to a certain degree, the challenges the Community Faces with gang affiliations, with drug abuse, mental problems, issues that would be better served in hospitals but given the Current Situation they end up in jails. Since the new arrivals charges might range from minor infractions to murder, deputies must be vigilant to ensure safety. The uncuffing process is probably the most dangerous. Thats where if theyre going to do something to us, theyll do it then. Once theyre uncuffed they have an opportunity to attack us if they want to. Its a lot of judging on our behalf to see where theyre at, if theyre going to try anything or not. Brian james came through intake less than 24 hours ago. After a wild night on the streets. My charges are robbery, assaulting a Police Officer with a vehicle, resisting arrest, possibly Home Invasion for breaking into houses trying to get away. I left my 12yearold daughter out there again. I got a letter from her before i paroled my last term that said, if you blow it again, im never going to write you, im not going to take any of your calls. Youll be out of my life. With two prior felony convictions, james knew these latest charges could put him in prison for life under californias three strikes law. Its something to be able to palpably feel the moment in your life when youre [ bleep ] done. When you know it. When nothing you do after that point really makes much of a difference. With nothing less to lose, james turned intake into a crime scene. He did make a large splash when he landed here. He got information about another inmate who was in the cell that he was in and basically he attempted to murder the man. Ive been here probably 15 minutes. I went to the first spot where they take your name and ask you medical questions, and then im in a holding tank, spending my last few minutes looking at my street clothes, pair of green shorts and tshirt. And a pair of my converse shoes. I put black laces in them because i thought it looked better that way. Really, i just feel like crying. Thats all i want to do. But you know, i dont. Cant. I see the older guys actually doing that. Im trying to look out for them. Like, hey, you really shouldnt do that, because not everybody in here is really not everybody in here is that nice, and people are going to see that and consider you weak and take advantage of it. You know, do that when youre alone if you have to. I was asking, you know, it cant be that bad. How long you going to be in here . You got like a drunk driving . Hes like its pretty bad, i got sexual battery. I was like, what . Im like, wow. Like, you do, huh if thats cool. Im gonna just kick it here for a minute, gather my thoughts. Those thoughts quickly turned very dark. James decided to become the mans worst nightmare. That was the worst possible time he could have been sitting next to me. Ive done enough stuff for a [ bleep ] up reason, might as well do something for a good reason. So im thinking to myself, whats the quickest, most effective way i can keeping it real, whats the quickest, most effective way i can kill this guy, because hes a pervert, hes a creep, that could have been your daughter, could have been so the best thing i come up with is shoelaces. Took my shoelaces, doubled them up and tried to strangle him with it. That was a moment in time where i didnt i had nothing left to lose. James choked the man to the point of unconsciousness before deputies broke it up. The victim was rushed to a hospital. Afterwards, however, james thoughts were not with the victim. They were with his 12yearold daughter. I would like to say to my daughter, emily i love you, sweetie, and im sorry. Same to my family, too. I guess theyll never know how sorry i am. So anyhow, back to robbery and murder and mayhem. Coming up this is where the alleged attempted murder happened. Jail officials investigate the attempted murder in intake. Mr. James put the shoelaces around his neck and proceeds to try and strangle him with these shoelaces. And a father commits an unspeakable act. In fact, shed been dead for a while. Then after three days i put her in the ice chest and she stayed with me. Its funny what happens when people get together. Were there. So you can be too. Holiday inn. Holiday inn express. Cant see what it is yet. Re . What is that . Thats a blazer . Thats a chevy blazer . Aww, this is dope. This thing is beautiful. I love the lights. Oh man, its got a mean face on it. It looks like a piece of candy. Look at the interior. This is nice. This is my sexy mom car. I would feel like a cool dad. Its just really chic. I love this thing. Its gorgeous. I would pull up in this in a heartbeat. I want one of these. That is sharp. The allnew chevy blazer. Speaks for itself. I dont know who they got to design this but give them a cookie and a star. 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All i did was sat there and looked at her for like two hours. Why didnt you call the police. Every time i call the police is i get arrested or hassled. All they would have done is i would have got arrested earlier. They werent going to believe she was like that when i walked in. Theyre not going to believe that. Butterfield has pled not guilty. It cant get much better than that, right . You can go around the world and not find anything close to this. I dont think theyre really looking very hard to find the onearmed man. You know the onearmed man, the movie the fugitive. I said youve been in homicide for 12 years and youve never seen the fugitive . I thought that was kind of lame. He doesnt understand the gravity of his charges. Hes not only accused of murdering his 21yearold daughter, rebecca, but of torturing her. Prosecutors say he shot her seven times in the leg, foot, knee and side of the head. Then hes alleged to have hogtied her and put her in a large ice chest where she suffocated to death. While butterfield denies committing the murder, he admits to concealing the body. I didnt really know what to do. Basically i didnt do anything. Then after three days i just put her in the ice chest and she just stayed with me. Butterfield made one other stunning revelation to authorities. He kept the ice chest containing his daughters corpse in his motor home which he drove and lived in for nearly two years. The body was discovered when the motor home had been impounded after butterfield was arrested on an unrelated minor charge. I probably cooked 1,000 gourmet meals two feet from a corpse. Thats why i left the motor home a little dirty. If you have a dirty motor home and it smells a little bit and they go, oh. If its immaculate and it smells, that looks funny. If its dirty and it smells, people go, nice motor home. They stick their head in and go, wow, what a pig. Butterfield claims he kept the body in hopes that a miracle would raise rebecca from the dead. The bible says, heal the sick, cast out demons, and raise the dead. Jesus did. Christianity is all about basically its all about believing that your daughter could be raised from the dead. Thats kind of the basis of christianity. Jesus was raised from the dead. A lot of people were. It is possible but you have to have faith. Back at Orange County central jail facility, its been less than 24 hours since brian james brutally attempted to strangle an alleged sex offender in the Orange County jails intake unit. Sheriffs deputies have completed their preliminary investigation. This is holding cell 7h7 in the booking loop. As related to inmate brian james, this is where the alleged attempted murder happened early on a sunday morning when he was booked into the Orange County jail. He thought that he was put in this position, in this cell, in his belief that he was to act upon this situation. Im thinking its almost like fate that we end up sitting right next to each other. Im thinking this [ bleep ] creep is probably going to get out before i will. And go fondle someones kids. Im going to get this guy. Im not just trying to punch him out. Like i want to kill this guy. Whats the quickest way i can do it . He looks down and all he sees are his shoes that he put brand new shoelaces in. He thinks to himself, i will strangle this inmate with these shoelaces. He proceeds to take the shoelaces out of his shoes, puts them around his neck and proceeds to try to strangle the victim with the shoelaces. As the victim was being choked, he lost consciousness. At that time, mr. James allegedly drags him over here behind the privacy wall. Hes scratching at me, yelling, gurgling. Im trying my best to kill him. Im like willing him to die. The deputies came rushing over here, they saw that they had a situation here and they werent sure exactly what they had. The deputies gave him numerous directives to get on the ground or he would be tased. I kind of hold off for a second. The guy went limp, his eyes rolled back, so i thought he was dead. Thats when they said youre going to get tasered, so i let go. If you had known that he was still alive, would you have let go . Oh, hell no. The victim was taken to the hospital. He survived the attack. Later, the victim was released on his charges. I wish i would have started a minute earlier. Why . Because i didnt kill him. Another minute would have probably done the trick. And that was my first day here. That was yesterday. Coming up i keep hoping id wake up and its just a nightmare. Terrible nightmare. A young mother deals with a dark secret. Car. Lets go. Limus right. Liberty mutual can save you money by customizing your Car Insurance, so you only pay for what you need. Oh. Yeah, ive been a customer for years. Huh. Only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. 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Maybe thats why most of our clients come from other money managers. Fisher investments. Clearly better money management. Inside the theo lacy jail facility in Orange County, california, Clarence Butterfield has been busy writing. I have been writing poems since ive been in here. Ive written 320 anyway. This is poem number 300. I dedicated it to my daughter. Its called being an angel because she was an angel. Its not what people do, its the deeds they leave undone. That gives the soul remorse at the setting of the sun. A helpful word unspoken, a letter you did not write, now is when you said later are the ghosts that haunt at night. The burdens you might have lifted out of each others way, the little gift of wisdom you have no time to say. In a world of harsh and bitter, a soft and gentle tone can ease the broken hearted but you had troubles of your own. Butterfield might have thought his 21yearold daughter rebecca was an angel but hes accused of torturing and murdering her. He says hes innocent but admits to keeping his daughters corpse in his rv for two years after her death. He says he did so because he believed a miracle would raise her from the dead. For life is much too precious to leave another deed undone. When a tender act of mercy does bring glory to his dear son. I seen some different type miracles. Ive experienced a few miracles. I was healed in a tent meeting. I walked in with a fuzzy haired guy named tom, i guess. He says, god is healing you of ulcers. He pointed right at me and this cannonball shot down at my stomach and shot me back ten feet. That really happened. Miracles do really happen. Theyre odd, they dont happen very often. Sometimes you dont even ask. God does what he wants to do when he wants to do it. If he wants to do something, he just does it. Im not going to just get rid of my daughter. If theres a 1 in 10 million chance, one chance that a miracle could happen, you take it. Whos to say my daughter wasnt going to jump out of the box . But if shes in the ground its kind of a done deal. Not that many people jump out of a sixfoot deep grave. But in a little box next to you, anythings possible. Though butterfields beliefs might seem extreme, he was examined after his arrest and found to be mentally competent to stand trial and he soon will. On the surface, Mary Kay Concepcion, currently housed in Orange County womens facility wouldnt seem to have much in common with Clarence Butterfield. But she, too, is accused of murdering her child. It haunts me. Every night i wake up and its just like, is this really happening . I keep hoping id wake up and its just a nightmare. Terrible nightmare. Concepcion has pled not guilty and is awaiting trial. We rot away in here. We try to better ourselves with Bible Studies and looking at big words in the dictionary. Like scuttlebutt. Yep, scuttlebutt. Concepcion has two good friends in jail, julie and teresa. Its not common to actually have friends in here. Its very rare. But its actually really nice to have that in here. Its like your moral support. But concepcion has kept her charges a secret from her friends. They think she has three young children, two sons and a daughter. They have no idea she has been charged with the murder of her 2yearold son, fox. Look at that. Mama. Hes my baby. My asian baby. Look at his eyes. He reminds me of a precious moments doll right here. You know, the sad eyes kind of. I just dont want them to stop talking to me, stop caring for me, stop seeing me as that person they can relate to or somebody they can go to. I dont want to lose their respect. I know i should have told them the truth from the beginning. I dont want them to think im that person. Someone heinous, someone that brutal. Im not that person. Prosecutors say fox died from internal bleeding after blunt force to the abdomen. The night of his death, concepcion had gone out with girlfriends to celebrate her 25th birthday. She says she left fox with her 4yearold daughter in her boyfriends care. Everything was fine. I laid them out in our living room and i turned on the bee movie for them. That was the last thing that he did. And they were fine. They were sleeping when i left them. I got a phone call within 41 minutes. He pretty much just said, baby, come home, baby, come home. Fox is not breathing. Then i said, what are you doing . Call 911. So he hung up the phone and when i called them back, he didnt answer. So im guessing he was on the phone with the paramedics. Then when i tried calling him again, i didnt reach him until i made an exit by our house. And thats when he told me to follow the paramedics to the hospital. Fox died soon after concepcion arrived at the hospital. I didnt even get to say goodbye, really, because they pulled me to the side and they started asking me questions about what happened. I dont know what happened. I wish i knew. A few days later, concepcions boyfriend was arrested on murder charges to which he has pled not guilty. But because prosecutors believe shes withholding evidence, theyve also charged her with murder. If im found guilty, im facing life. 25 to life. Its a struggle every day. Its still a struggle being here. Im not used to it. Still not used to it, i guess. Coming up hes a giddy guy, happy to be here. He reads books. For me its like a big, long bible study. Paid for by the state of california. Kind of nice of them, actually. Clarence butterfield prepares for trial. Played basketball today outside. Got some sun. Working on my tan. Im going to court, a tan is very important, you know. Later, jail officials learn more about brian james. The safer you drive, the more you save. Dont worry, im not using my phone and talking to a camera while driving. Im being towed. By the way, im actually a safe driver. Im just pretending to be a not safe driver. 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American officials believe the group helped plan the attacks against two oil tankers. President ial candidate joe biden is defending his controversial comments about working with segregationist senators. Biden did not apologize and claimed the remarks lacked context. Now back to lockup. The Orange County jail in Southern California processes hundreds of new inmates per day, men and women who have been arrested not only by Orange County deputies but by officers with the 21 different city and University Police departments within the county. Sometimes these arrestees arrive fresh from a crime scene and deputies running the Intake Division might have little to no idea about their state of mind or propensity for violence. Intake is a very dangerous place. You dont know whos coming in the back door. You know what theyre being charged with when theyre being brought in the back door but you really dont know who these people are. Shortly after brian james arrived at intake, he tried to strangle another inmate, an alleged sex offender, to death. Im not really proud of it, but i wont lose sleep over it, either. Since the attack, the jails gang intelligence detail has been learning a lot about james. Hes a member of a notorious Orange County street gang called public enemy number one, also known as peni. He goes by the moniker blinky. Apparently he has a little bit of an eye issue, he blinks quite frequently, hence was given blinky. Peni blast on his stomach. And interesting on this dude, he had the death squad also underneath his biceps on each side. We definitely have our hands full with this guy. Normally we dont see the death squad on too many of them. Right, the death squads been kind of a dying thing. It usually is awarded to someone who is a loyal soldier, someone who has put in work for peni, somebody who has proven their right to be there. A lot of years in those tattoos, a lot of work, too. Many, many man hours. Many man hours. James first went to prison at age 18 on a robbery charge and then became initiated in the gang. I always wanted to do well and succeed to make my older home boys proud of me, because theyre like family. After being released from prison on the robbery charge, james was back in, a year and a half later, for assault with a deadly weapon. My thought patterns and my choices and my behaviors are not what normal people do. Theyre irrational. Most of the time i know what the smart thing is to do but i cant help myself from doing the other. James was six weeks out of his second prison term when he allegedly went on a rampage, leading to his most recent arrest. According to police reports, it was the night of multiple robberies, a highspeed chase in which he attempted to run over a Police Officer and more. James revealed that he had stabbed another individual before his car chase and his current crimes that hes in custody for now. He indicated to us that he had gone to a garage where somebody was preparing, selling illegal substances and he went there with the notion to kill that individual. Two days after his arrest, james appeared in court for his arraignment. He pled not guilty to nine different charges related to his arrest. And to a tenth charge, the attempted murder of the man in his cell. We met him again shortly after the arraignment and learned it would be our last meeting with him. I just went in for arraignment today and under advice of counsel i will have to discontinue any further interaction with you guys, msnbc or anything. Sorry about that. Ive got to do what i can do for my own case. Clarence butterfield is also accused of an ugly act of violence. The torture and murder of his 21yearold daughter, rebecca. But at the moment, his focus is on his ability or inability to purchase snacks and supplies from the jail commissary. First thing i ordered was coffee, freeze dried coffee, 3 ounce. Go down. Ordered one. Ordered one. Insufficient funds. Cocoa, five pack, insufficient funds. P funds. Pack, thats 50 cents, insufficient funds. Pretty bad when you dont have 50 cents. Soups are 60 cents. I ordered three of those. That was 1. 80. Insufficient funds. And one pepper pack, i was really hopeful on this one, insufficient funds. Thats really bad when you dont have 25 cents. Everybody should have 25 cents. Just to feel like an american, you know. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, the american way, apple pie, ice cream. Lance butterfield is an inmate that seems to do his time well. Hes an older guy in a jail full of younger inmates. He seems to get along with them. I try to convert some of the younger kids on how lame it is to sit in your cell for 22 hours and then come out here and sit for another two hours. No one listens to me. Its like being married. Hes a giddy guy. He seems to like to be here. On the outside you swim every day. Sometimes you swim. You walk around, do this. For me its a big long bible study paid for by the state of california. Kind of nice of them, actually. Other inmates may not know the level of charges that clarence has. If they did, they probably would stay away from him. At the same time, inmates here tend to not ask, dont tell. Butterfield might not have to answer to other inmates but with his trial only days away, he will have to answer to a judge and jury. So hes been getting ready and not only by trimming his beard. I played basketball today outside. I got some sun. Working on my tan. Im going to court. A tan is very important, you know . Butterfield says he never murdered his daughter but he does acknowledge having kept her corpse inside an ice chest inside his motor home for nearly two years, hoping a miracle would raise her from the dead. What happened to my daughter, i dont really know. All i know is i didnt do it. Ive been blamed for stuff since i was 10. Its just the way. If you have a track record of getting blamed for overpopulation, thats not my fault. Global warming, these are not my fault. Im not responsible for everything, you know . I was only 10 when kennedy got shot. I wasnt on the grassy knoll. I have never been to dallas. I wasnt responsible for a lot of these things. Mary kay concepcion, also has an important date approaching but it is not in court. Her 26th birthday is one week away. She is in no mood to celebrate but that hasnt stopped her two best friends, julie and teresa, from trying to talk her into it. What can we possibly do . I know. I know. What can we possibly do . What did we do for teresas birthday . Dude, we were like, whoo every single time somebody said the p word, you were doing vulgar things. It was fun. It was like an xrated jailhouse party. She came up with it. Why cant we come up with it . Do you have any ideas . I really dont want to. Knowing her friend wont celebrate her birthday, she thought the least she could do was purchase a card from the commissary. Shes sensitive about celebrating her birthday. I know how it feels, because ive spent three birthdays in here. The first time it wasnt fun. It still kind of warms your heart up that even though you didnt want to, someone still cared enough to get you just a little something. Concepcion is being held while awaiting trial for the murder of her 2yearold son, fox. He died one year earlier. The same night concepcion was celebrating her 25th birthday. Ramirez and shanholtzer have no idea what concepcion has been charged with. It says, sweet, dorky, precious, unique, no other person has been born or will there be one that will be just like you. Yes, god created you to be different from everyone else and that is why you are special. No one else has your point of view, your personality, character or passions. No one care for parents, siblings or friends like you can. No one else has your ideas, your talents, your abilities, your creativeness or unique point of view. There is truly nobody else like you. I love you mary kay and i truly consider you one of my best friends. You and your family are always in my prayers. Teresa. This has been a really difficult month, really difficult month. Im so used to celebrating my birthday, i call it my birthday month. Yeah. I would start with, you know, dinner dates with my girlfriends, taking the kids out for crepes and ice cream, just like last year, you know, this years different. For the rest of my life, i dont ever want to celebrate my birthday again. Ive told everyone that. Because they were planning on something but i said, no, i dont want to. Its not that important anymore to me. Its just getting older. Coming up becky didnt have that spirit. She didnt take care of numero uno mentality. She had never leave a fallen comrade, even if it cost you your life, which it did. 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No, i cant believe how easy it was to save hundreds of dollars on my Car Insurance with geico. I never wanna hear you say. No, kevin. No, kevin believe it geico could save you fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance. Back up, bring your hands down. After two years in the Orange County jail, Clarence Butterfield has seen a dramatic change in his daytoday life. Hes now in the second week of his murder trial. Pretty long days, though. Im kind of tired. Now its like, what time is it by the way, 8 00, 9 00 . My watch is broken. I have to get this thing fixed. Im sorry. Thats okay. I have to start being serious one of these days. But his day in court had a serious side. Butterfields other adult child, his son, jedidiah was in the courtroom to testify against him. Its great to see my son. To see his smile. Hes blessed since birth. Becky was always serious. I love that. She was so responsible but jedd was like a more like a corn ball, more like me, a goof, always smiling, always wanted to have fun. All he wanted to do was have fun. Becky was like my mom or something. More like my mom than my daughter. My mom if my mom was responsible. Becky was more responsible than my own mother. What am i going to say . What am i going to say about becky, she was great. Its weird to have a little girl thats so responsible. Its weird. Jedd wasnt. He did the smart thing, bail, worry about yourself, take care of number one. Becky didnt have that spirit. She didnt have a take care of numero uno mentality. She had a never leave a fallen comrade, even if it costs you your life, which it did. Which it did. Over in the womens wing of the jail, Mary Kay Concepcion has just had her 26th birthday but it also marks the death of her 2yearold son, fox. Concepcion and her boyfriend are both awaiting trial for his murder. Im waiting at home for that anniversary. For my son that passed away. For his death anniversary. Not too long ago you came to me, a miracle of many firsts, first smile, first set of teeth and first baby steps. But one night god took you away and left me your past. I will be thinking for a lifetime of your last. The last time i held you and kissed your soft baby lips. Sorry. Last time you run to me and scream, mommy last time you tugged on my shirt to carry you up. The last time you stole shrimp from your sisters plate, the last time i gave you a bath and dressed you up, the last time i tucked you in and said good night, i never said goodbye to yesterdays long past. I would have marked the moments if i had known they were your last. The last time i hold your hands, the last time i kissed you. The last time i hugged you and the last time i said goodbye. Concepcion has kept her charges a secret from her two best friends in jail. Both of whom were Young Mothers themselves. Just she recently heard the truth. I heard a newsreel off the internet. My mom played it for me. I was in shock. I think i still am. Because i didnt know anything, anything at all. I thought she was here for an old mans murder. I had no idea that it was her son that got murdered. I told my mom that she is a liar and she doesnt know, its the wrong person and i went up to mary kay while she was still on the phone and i looked at mary kay and i said, why are you here . She just looked at me and i just started crying and i said, i had no idea. Dont cry. She just had this look on her face. I was like, oh, no, no, no, i dont want to lose you as a friend. That was my thought. I didnt say that. But i think she kind of saw that. So she just hugged me. Mary kays told us that she gets visits with her son. We didnt know that he was passed away. I dont think shes even dealt with it. And im scared that when she finally does deal with it, shes just going to snap. When do you go to court again . I go back to family court on the 31st. Yeah but what are you supposed to do . You pray. I do. Its youre one of the more spiritual people i see in here, mary kay. We talked about it a little bit. You know, shes been really, really supportive ever since. Im not mad. I feel more like she needs to deal with it. Thats why we have friends. To help. But how do you do it in a respectful manner, i dont know how. Im not a counselor, so i really try not to even talk about it anymore. Everybody has skeletons in their closet, i think. Coming up, the butterfield trial comes to an end, as the jury renders its verdict. Plap blap plap blap which could lead to vision loss. So today i made a plan with my doctor, which includes preservision. Because its my vision, my morning walk, my sunday drive, my grandsons beautiful face. Only Preservision Areds 2 contains the exact nutrient formula recommended by the National Eye Institute to help reduce the risk of moderate to advanced amd progression. Because its my sunset, its how i see my life. Its my vision. Preservision mmm, exactly ug Liberty Mutual customizes your Car Insurance, so you only pay for what you need. Nice but uh, whats up with your partner . Oh we just spend all day telling everyone how we customize Car Insurance because no two people are alike, so. Limu gets a little confused when he sees another bird that looks exactly like him. Ya. Hell figure it out. Only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Clarence butterfields trial for the murder of his daughter lasted two weeks. The jury deliberated for two and a half hours, and now the verdict is in. We the jury in the aboveentitled action find the defendant, Clarence Butterfield, guilty of the crime of murder as charged in count one of the indictment. Furthermore, we the jury in the aboveentitled action find it to be true that the defendant, Clarence Butterfield, intentionally committed the firstdegree murder charged in count one of the indictment and that said murder involved the infliction of torture. Unless he appeals, the verdict will result in a sentence of life without parole for butterfield. And at least one juror felt justice was served. When they read the verdict and i looked over at mr. Butterfield, he was not very surprised. He kind of gave a little smile and a nod, and i looked right at him. I felt very good. Yeah. I can sleep at night now. We talked to butterfield only moments after he left the courtroom. And he told us what the verdict meant to him. So a free bible study for the rest of my life, free meals included. Thats what it is. Free bible study for the rest of my life, free meals included. How can you beat that . Its not a joke and im trying not to make light of it. Im trying not to go crazy in this place. It was just a horrible thing that he did to his daughter. And a parent is supposed to be the person that protects and loves you. And he was the boogie man that we try to save our children from. You guys only see her as dead. She is in the cell with me every day. I just wrote another song two days ago. I feel like she helped me with these songs. Ive written nine songs in jail, what, 314 poems. So i mean, in my opinion, shes not dead. I mean, shes i hear from her all the time. Go straight back to your cell. Straight back to your cell. Back in his cell, butterfield turns to one of his few remaining small luxuries. Actually, this is the last glass of lemonade. Thats pretty good. At least i saved i saved one glass for an emergency. That was pretty good. That was pretty smart. But soon afterwards, reality seemed to sink in for butterfield. This is a serious day. I just got convicted of its wow. Its not accused anymore. Its actually convicted of killing my daughter. Thats a serious thing. A lot of time things take two or three days two or three years, two or three decades to actually sink into my head. Since i didnt do it, it probably will never sink in. She was hogtied. Hogtied and naked but my brain doesnt see her that way. My brain sees her as clothed. So thats like, gee, you said she had clothes. I wasnt lying. In my brain i see her clothed. Then okay, so my question to you is, is there a possibility that your brain wont let you see that you killed your daughter . Do you think that theres a possibility i guess theres a possibility of that but then i was examined by all these professional psychiatrists, then why didnt i get guilt by reason of insanity. Supposedly, everybody says why didnt you just bury her . Well, i dug four holes but i couldnt. My conscience couldnt allow me to bury her, because i never saw her as evidence. She was always my daughter. If theres one thing i could do, its just like like i said, ive never been accused of being really, really smart. A smart person a professional killer, a maniac or someone who just really didnt like this monster the d. A. Is projecting, a monster would have not cared. He would have just got rid of her. The 12foot hole i dug in temecula with a backhoe, on the third day, i would have put her in it, buried the whole, put all her stuff in it and that would have been it. I mean, to you guys, beckys dead. For me, she didnt. When im really depressed and want to just end it, i feel like a little tug on my heart. Sometimes i hear a little voice like, hey, get up, you know . I havent left you. Whats the youngest person youve been sexually involved with . 14. A sex offender gives way to his urges. He was found with 18 pictures of children from magazines and newspapers. Just like that. Oh, okay. A nightmarish assault on staff changes the prison overnight. Ch, its probably the most horrifying scream ive ever heard in my life. I knew his intention to rape me and kill me. Ive and another inmate is